My friend Jennifer Christie, my hilarious, lovely, brave, incredibly brave, as brave as a NYPD or Chicago SWAT team member, has a story. She has quite a story, so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it. Trust me, it’s been shared plenty before with police departments because of the death threats sent to her and her four year old. Yes, four year old.
In January 2013 my friend went on a business trip to North Carolina as an ASL interpretator. On the last day, they got out early because of snow. A man followed her in the parking lot, but with her scarf around her she didn’t notice. Back to her hotel room he stood in her doorway. She asked him if he needed something and he punched her in the head.
She tried to fight back against a brutal rape and attempted murder, but learnt that if she continued to fight back he was more intent on murdering her. Thinking he did murder her, the serial killer dumped her nearly naked body in the snow. She suffered multiple broken ribs, severe head injury, trauma to the reproductive area, and more. He was a serial killer and was later murdered by the brother of a thirteen year old victim. Personally, I think that brother should be given a medal and a million tax free dollars.
Atheists mock her and say, where was your God? As Jennifer has explained in a video when she was interviewed, God was there when a housekeeper found her before it was too late. God was there when the serial killer thought she was already dead. God was there because it has snowed and the cold snow prevented her swelling brain from swelling to the point of death.
Jennifer was then sent to intensive care where a team of doctors worked on her. Because of the severe trauma she started to get seizures. She has tonic-clonic seizures to this day, each one potentially deadly.
Months later, her and her husband decided she would return to work to try and have some sense of normalcy in her life. She got sick when being an ASL translator overseas and had to make a stopover in Colombia. There, she discovered she was pregnant. She knew it could not be her husband’s because he had had a vasectomy. They already were the proud parents of a four other children, two of whom have now entered adulthood.
Then, her husband said the most important thing, “we love babies. This is something beautiful coming from something so terrible.”
Even before her husband said that Jen knew the moment she saw the sonogram in that Colombian hospital that this was her baby, and that she couldn’t protect herself but she could protect her baby. Her baby. Not the rapist’s baby, but her baby.
Society, family, medical professionals are pressured her into having an abortion. The last thing she needed was the intrusive instruments in her personal region after surviving such a horrible, horrible rape and attempted murder. Sadly, her father passed away refusing to ever talk to her again and get to know his grandson created from the rape. Medical professionals and others told her if she has an abortion she would forget all about it.
As Jennifer Christie has explained to people all over the internet and speaking to crowds, abortion only adds more trauma. It does not erase what happened. It’s only building trauma upon trauma.
Today, Jennifer is the momma to a beautiful four year old with the most magnificent blue eyes. On a weekly basis, she has to deal with people sending her and her son death threats. Those who are pro-choice, and those who are prolife except in the cases of rape making them actually not prolife. Yes, there are quite a number of schmucks out there who believe in being prochoice if it’s only their choice, which yes I realise makes them no different than those who are pro-life, but prolife people don’t email a momma and tell her, “you should have aborted that evil spawn of satan.” I honestly can’t think of any prolifers who email a woman and say, “shame on you for having an abortion.” I’m sure it happens, and it’s unnecessary commentary, but it cannot be compared to telling a mother that you wish her child was dead simply because of who his biological father is.
The truth is people write nasty comments, and violent comments, without doing any research. There is no such thing as a rape gene. I’m willing to bet these people have children of their own who are a lot, lot, lot less well-behaved than her youngest son. This is a little boy who is raised in a loving home with his momma, his sister, his three brothers, and his dad; her husband and the only real dad he has in his life. His siblings are extremely concerned about his welfare and love him immensely. They are there, along with her devoted and wonderful husband, every day. They see Jennifer have seizures. They have prayed for Jennifer during her six surgeries since the brutality. Not once have they ever blamed the baby.
Others often comment, what if she was raped? She wouldn’t want such a reminder around. The truth is Jennifer, nor any mother who conceived her child in rape who kept, has ever blamed their son or daughter for the horrific intrusion. My friend looks at her son and she only sees a little angel God sent into her arms. She looks at her son and sees only her little boy she loves so, so, so, so, so much. So much!
The truth is 100% of women and girls who conceive in rape in the United States are bullied and lied to into abortion, and if they don’t do that then into adoption because it’s a commonly held lie that the person created through the rape is only a bad reminder. An abortion and adoption put the blame of the rape on the baby or at least partially on them. The truth is 75% of mothers who conceive in rape keep their children.
This isn’t to say that those who lost their babies to adoption did so because they thought of their rape conceived babies as bad reminders. I say lost because if you look at the circumstances nobody actually chooses adoption, but a lack of resources choses them (obviously not discussing true orphans here). Only those who abuse their children or choose drugs over their children do so by their actions, but that is not who I am talking about her. I’m saying some of them were lied to, often by those who had their best interests in mind but were misinformed, and were told adoption would be better for them and their baby. Others did so because they live or lived in states where the convicted rapists would get visitation rights. Jennifer Christie has fought hard to eliminate convicted rapists from having access to children which is still legal in six states. Others, and I think this is the biggest reason why, did adoption because they didn’t have any family and financial support because, like Jen’s father, they blamed the baby but this doesn’t mean the mother herself blamed the baby. Jennifer has yet to meet anyone like her who has blamed their child.
To Jennifer and those like her, they do not consider their children to be bad reminders. This is why the question or belief or statement of “a rape conceived adoptee will only be a bad reminder to his biological mother when he makes contact” is false.
I got into a conversation with Jenn Christie about biological mothers who refuse contact and those who, even more sadly, ask other biological family members to refuse contact or refuse contact until they have passed away.
Told the two most important things in these situations that everyone needs to hear that my friend told me,
my son is not a bad reminder. Anyone who refuses contact when found by their child who was given up for adoption or asks others is doing only something hurtful to themselves and to their loved ones including the adoptee. No, it is not correct to deny contact just because of how someone was created.
I don’t believe that the biological mothers who refuse contact are doing so because they initially considered their rape conceived babies to be bad reminders, but because over the decades they were told, inundated really, with this falsehood that their child was a part of the problem. This doesn’t equivalate to them as seeing their own children as bad reminders, but as women, mothers, who have been so severely emotionally harmed by others who are in need of therapy assistance. Who more so feel sadness and low self-esteem for their incapability to have found the resources and/or support.
That leads me to the last thing my wonderful friend has said over and over which is just as important as the other comment I bolded
Do not use me, and my son, and my story as an excuse for you justifying abortion. Stop saying, “what about the women and girls who are raped?” Stop saying “I wouldn’t want a demon baby squirming in me.” He is my son, my son, my son!
My friend and I do differ on adoption. I’m trying to teach my lovely, lovely friend to advocate for legal guardianship until we stop sealing original birth certificates, end the no contact behaviour, give all adoptees bio family medical information, and take the money out of the multibillion dollar adoption industry. I hope my friend, and everyone else knows, that I think most adoptive parents, like my own and my friends, are great and loving parents and I will be writing soon about a very kind friend of mine who is an adoptive momma. I’d rather have children be alive and adopted than orphaned or dead, especially dead, but I cannot advocate a multibillion dollar industry that discriminates others. So until they do so I will promote legal guardianship, but at the same time appreciating the good and loving adoptive parents out there.
I chose the picture of love because she, like mommas like her, love their children.