Tonight, I Ask the Questions.

I have a lot of questions related to adoption and I’m hoping a fellow expert or experts can answer some of them for me.

  1. I know Jewish babies in the 20th century were stolen, and sold through illegal adoptions to Christian couples in the United States, but what percentage of Jewish babies were stolen?
  2. What percentage, if any, of Jewish babies were stolen in the 20th century in Canada? Other countries?
  3. I read that some who stole babies through illegal adoptions were Jewish. What percentage of non Jewish babies were stolen in the United States and sold through illegal adoptions to Jewish people? What percentage came from Canada into the US?
  4. The media portrays reunions as all happy and everyone is hugging and crying and so glad to see each other, but we know the truth some adoptees are horrible to their biological mothers and some biological mothers, and other family members, are horrible to the adoptee. When we look at reunions of family members, especially mother and adult child, that were devastatingly torn apart because of slavery what percentage of parents, mother or father, rejected their child when they were finally reunited? Whether that was because they both ended up being sold to the same enslaver later on or because of the joyous occassion of the abolition of slavery.
  5. Where did Walt Disney adopt his daughter from?
  6. What adoption agency or private adoption attorney did Walt Disney use to adopt his daughter?
  7. Did Walt Disney’s daughter, was it Sharon or Diane, find her biological family?
  8. Can someone give me a list of countries that have had forced adoptions? Just tonight I learnt Cyprus is another one. I know there’s a ton of manipulation and lies and subtle coercion, other forms of subtle coercion, used in adoption such as lying and saying a mother will move on if she chooses a closed adoption or that she isn’t truly the mother or that an open adoption will remain open and is legally enforceable when it’s not, but when I ask for countries that did forced adoptions I mean the brutally forced adoptions the ones where they handcuffed mothers to the beds and refused to let them see their children, where they severely drugged mothers and made them sign relinquishment papers, and yes I’m aware this still goes on in the 21st century in the United States although not the handcuffing after birth anymore. Kimberly Rossler’s son is a good example to look up. This is the list I have, and I’m looking for evidence of brutally forced adoptions occurring from the 1800s through now in the 21st century: the United States, Canada, Australia, Israel, what about Germany?, Greece, Cyprus, Ireland, England, Scotland, Spain, China, South Korea, Ethiopia, Ghana, and Guatemala. Surely there has to be a lot more countries. What about other European countries? What about South America? What about Japan? What about other African countries like Kenya or South Africa?
  9. I know the practices of Utah and South Carolina are extremely unethical but legal in keeping babies away from their dads so they can be adopted to strangers and so a profit can be made, but can someone very nicely go step by step with me about the lack of daddy rights in the other 48 states? What about in the Canadian provinces?
  10. How many late discovery adoptees do you think are out there? How many families in Australia, the US, Canada, Ireland, and the list goes on possibly have a relative that was given away to adoption but they have no idea about it? How many families in the world, and in each country where adoption is a big thing like in the United States, South Korea, and Canada possibly have a family member that is adopted and they don’t know they were adopted?
  11. Do adoptees who are adopted into homes with another sibling that was also adopted do better, worse, or the same as adoptees who are adopted into homes where their other sibling or siblings are the biological children of their parents/adoptive parents?
  12. Interracial adoptees only: If you were raised in a home with siblings that were also adopted and they were the same race as you do you think that helped being raised by adoptive parents that are a different race than you or did it make no difference to you and if you had been raised an only child it would’ve made no difference at all to you?  I know this will be an individualised answer.
  13. Interracial adoptees only: If you were raised in a home where you were the only person of that race did your immediate and/or extended adoptive family treat you any differently? I know these answers will differ from person to person.
  14. How do we get people who say I was loved by my adoptive parents I think adoption is great to see there’s so much more to it than that and to see there’s a lot of inequality towards adoptees? How do we get them to see that separating families is abnormal except in cases of child abuse, and most adoptions are unnecessary? How do we get to them to see that not every adoptee had a loving home like they did or like they do?
  15. Why aren’t the psychological issues in adoptive parents caused by the adoption industry not addressed? Too often we look at the negative adopters, the really bad ones like the narcissists, and psychopaths, and child abusers, and racists in the adoption community who vouch for change and that’s important too, but let’s be honest most adoptive parents are kind and loving people. These kind and loving adoptive parents were lied to as well. They are made to feel, because they’ve been told so, that love is all you need so when their adult adopted child wants to search it can make them feel like they didn’t parent well enough when they certainly did. This is just one of the issues adoptive parents can have. Why aren’t we being more empathetic to them?
  16. Why do we keep considering unsealing adoption records and unsealing original birth certificates as the most important thing in achieving adoptee equality? Don’t get me wrong, it’s extremely important, but as I wrote in a previous article it is not the most important. The most important is for there to be more openness in psychology to look at the aftermath of adoption and to give counselling to those affected by adoption. This counselling isn’t just for adoptees and first mothers, but aunts who lose a niece or nephew to adoption, siblings who watched a younger sibling be given away or lost to adoption, cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles, biological fathers, and second cousins and what have you who discover they have a relative given away to adoption, and yes, adoptive parents who wake up and learn the truth.
  17. What percentage of first mothers are actually drug addicts within the past ten years having done drugs during or within two years before their pregnancy? I know there is the “birthmother crackwhore myth” but with the opioid problem how many are or were opioid addicts?
  18. How do we take back God and Christianity from the adoption industry that stole them?
  19. What percentage, and please give me within the state, county, province, territory, or country, of biological fathers and first mothers end up getting married after losing their baby to adoption?
  20. What percentage of priests worldwide are expected to have fathered a child and how much of a reason is this for why the Catholic Church around the world, such as in Ireland and New Jersey, perpetrated the birthparent privacy myth? What other churches have been involved? I know the Mormon Church has and the Lutheran Church.
  21. How much of a role have synagogues played in the adoption industry, the birthparent privacy myth, and anything to do with the adoption industry?
  22. I’ve heard so many stories about lies told by adoption agency workers, adoption attorneys, and prospective then adopters, and corruption so why isn’t anybody going to the Hague about this or getting their own attorney? I know some have, but it’s extremely few and far between, and I can only think of one honestly.
  23. How exactly do we change such an unethical system?
  24. How many family court judges have been removed for corrupt acts?
  25. How many family court judges should be removed for corrupt acts?
  26. Does adoption help children who are ostracised in their society, such as albino children in Burundi or special needs children in Bulgaria?
  27. Why are people so brainwashed by the word adoption? They hear the word adoption and think “how great” and after they are presented with facts such as how adoption agencies have split apart twins and triplets to gain a profit, lied about open adoptions, convince girls as young as thirteen to give away their babies without a trusted adult in their lives knowing, and have gaslighted adoptees to name a few. Yet much of society continues to say “how great”.
  28. Would it help if we gave each version of adoption used a different word? I’m going to write a blog about the problem with the word adoption in and of itself. “I’m an adoptive parent” can range from someone who adopted their niece and nephew from their sister who is a drug addict, an adoption that makes perfect sense and one in which the adoptive aunt would certainly have the children’s biological family names and biological medical information handy and the children would remain with their family, to an adoptive parent who was lied to and told their adopted daughter or son was an orphan only to learn they have not only extended family but extended middle class family. It ranges, I mean it just really ranges.
  29. I’ve been hearing that orphanages are bad. I’m well aware there is a link or was a link between human trafficking and orphanages, and then orphanages to international adoption, and probably domestic adoptions within those countries such as Guatemala and Ethiopia, but what about street children? I spent time in Brazil where children as young as five beg selling candy wearing urine smelling old clothes going up and down the highway. Sure, these children have families but all too often these children’s family members are completely inept to raise a child. I know the answer is to fix the family, but in the mean time are orphanages such a bad thing if the goal can be to reunite the child or children with their family members and in the meantime the child is clothe, fed, and educated?
  30. We know that the suicide rate of adoptees in the US is four times higher than non-adopted people, and also higher in Sweden, but can we break this down? I’m aware that the suicide rate of Black American and African American (born in an African country) adoptees is even more because of the fact that non-adopted Black Americans commit suicide at a rate of double that of White Americans. What is the suicide rate of Asian American adoptees? Of LGBT adoptees? Of female adoptees? Of male adoptees? Of adoptees adopted out of foster care? Of adoptees who are born in the 40s through the 60s? the 70s and 80s? The 90s to teenagers of today? And any other demographic you can think of.
  31. What happened to saloon women in the wild west times who became pregnant? What became of their babies?
  32. What happened to babies born from unwed mothers during the Victorian era?
  33. At what rate do adoptive parents divorce? Which country are you speaking of?
  34. What happened to women who were prostitutes in the 1800s who became pregnant? What happened to their babies?
  35. I once read that Dr. Maria Montessori lost a son to adoption and that’s what drove her to create the Montessori method. Is this true?
  36. Are adoptees who have no desire to search more likely to change their minds and want to search once they have children?
  37. Why in the adoptee activist community are adoptive mothers always or almost always painted as bad and the first mothers shown as helpless victims when some of them are terrible people?
  38. There has been an adoptee who started a blog that some other adoptees are claiming is a great writing that bashes all first mothers. Why are adoptees thinking this is a great blog? All this woman has done is create a great schism and now I’m reading complete malarky of things like first mothers are not experts on adoption. Lorraine Dusky, Sandy Musser, Mirah Riben, Linda Gale to name some, are experts on adoption.
  39. Why are adopted children a lot more likely to have ADHD?
  40. Why are adopted children a lot more likely to have learning disabilities?
  41. How do we get more people to listen? How do we get people to see that adoption is not only something that affects the adoptee, but to a lesser extent effects all members of a society?
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A Look at Black and Asian Children in Non Biological White and Jewish Homes.

Before I begin it’s important for my readers to read the disclaimer. I was hesitant at first to write this because I am 100% White. I do not want to Whitewash a very important topic. If any of my friends, or anyone who is not my friend, is Asian, Biracial, or Black and disagrees with me writing this or disagrees with anything written in this then automatically they are correct in what they say. What I am saying is I do not want to sound like I am speaking for Black people and Asian people at all. What I am trying to do is speak for adoptees. Next, I’m going to bring up an actual example of a Jewish family who raised Black sons. In no way is giving this actual example anti Semitic. I see cultural genocide of adopted children in the homes where the adoptive parents are a wide range of ethnicities, not just necessarily Jewish. Finally, there is a difference between Judaism and Jewish. I interviewed Bennett Greenspan; CEO of Family Tree DNA, who is Jewish who was the first to create ancestral DNA testing and did so for adoptees unlike ancestry.com who openly claimed in a video to support the birthparent privacy myth. When you test if you are Jewish it comes up as its own ethnicity, separate from European ethnicities. Anyone can practice Judaism, regardless of race, but Jewish is its own ethnicity and is not European. For example, the Jewish people explained in the book of Exodus hailed from modern day Ethiopia. Still, nearly all Jewish people adopting Black children today do not have their roots in the continent of Africa. We often hear the arguement that race is socially constructed and there is no difference in races. Yes, I have seen differences in how race is socially constructed between here in the United States and Brazil, but there are differences according to forensic anthropologists. The important thing here, which I will emphasise in this blog, is to celebrate and preserve these differences for the benefit of cultural preservation.

I enjoy writing. It’s what I really want to do as a full time job, and I am working towards it. I know you do see mistakes here and there on my blog, but I don’t take the grammatics as seriously as I would when I’m working on my novel, for example. In fact, as I read through this on February 16, 2019 I am trying to fix the spelling and grammar mistakes on these articles of mine, although I will not get to them all tonight. I enjoy writing about all sorts of things, not just about the topic of adoption.

I wanted to write for a local magazine here in western New York. I wrote the editor in chief and she said sure send me some copies. The topic of this local magazine is about health. Often there are articles about knowing ones family medical history. I wrote two articles, possibly three to her, and the reply I got was one of a brat. Why are you bothering me when I’m on vacation? No, I’m not interested in you writing for us.  Such is the reply of an adopter who is an editor in chief for a magazine talking about the importance of knowing one’s family health history, but doesn’t want to hear how closed adoptees are denied that access or how the adoptive parents of closed adoptees before the adoptee is an adult don’t have access to that information creating grief as well for adoptive parents who become woke to the problems and abuse, yes abuse, of adoption. She told me to send my articles to her. She did not mention she was on vacation.

More than a year, or I think more than a year goes by, and I see an article in the local magazine. It’s about a Jewish family, who mistakingly keeps mentioning they are a White family, who raised two Black sons. The article goes onto say that aside from teaching their two now adult sons about racism in America, they never felt comfortable to have them embrace, understand, and study African American, Black American cultures. I say cultures because there is a diversity within a race of people. The two boys were raised deep in the Jewish culture, attending as well a Jewish school, living in a very Jewish community, going to Hebrew school, having a bar mitzvah. Now, it’s wonderful to teach your children about different cultures, races, ethnicities even to the point of having them participate. However, the problem with closed adoption is the cultural genocide it creates, which I discussed before in His Name is Jorge. I experienced my own cultural genocide. I was raised with a lot of Polish culture. I did come to discover I am 4% Polish, and proud of it, and it’s great to embrace all things Polish but nobody, like myself, should have to wait until their mid twenties to know their ethnicities or some adoptees who are already in their seventies. These two Black men experienced cultural genocide. There is nothing wrong with embracing their adoptive parents Jewish culture and Judaism, but not at the expense of losing their Black culture which they did. Instead of interviewing them, which would have been appropriate, the magazine article interviews their adopter who acts like an expert on adoption. I’m sure she’s a nice lady, and I have no doubt loves her sons, but there was blatant evidence that her and her husband did not want to raise their sons to be Black and did not want them know African American, Black American history. I, as a 100% White person, have a big problem with people adopting a child of a different ethnicity and especially of a different race and then trying to stick a a square peg in a round hole. Yet this was completely celebrated in the magazine with article stating, love makes a family, all that matters is love. Our sons are well adjusted.  One who is cut off from his people and the history of his ancestors is not well adjusted. Again, had the adopters in this story been Italian American or Hungarian American or Irish American my words would be exactly the same. Furthermore, this family could be partially European American. Very, very few people are 100% one race.

Interracial adoption is popular now. It is a part of the societal fabric of many predominately White nations such as Canada, Ireland, Sweden, and the United States. I do wonder what overall White people would say if most interracial adoptions were reverse and that the adoptees were White children and the adoptive parents and adopters (I make a distinct difference between the two) were Black or Asian. Honestly, I don’t think it would be as positive as it is now with how things are now, especially if the adoptive parents were Black.

There are White adoptive parents who do have their adopted children who are Asian, biracial, or Black embrace their cultural roots and make sure they have same race mentors and friends. Unfortunately, there are many who whitewash their children. This isn’t only with children of colour. Online I read the comments of an adopter father, White, who adopted a boy from Russia, and then didn’t want him having anything to do with Russia. As I explained in His Name is Jorge, adopted children are multicultural, and some should be bilingual because they were born in countries such as Russia and South Korea. Why wouldn’t you want your adopted child to preserve their original language? The more languages you know, the better.

I remember many years ago working in a daycare. A brother and sister were adopted from a Central American country. They were definitely old enough to know they had brown skin and their adoptive parents had white skin. Yet the adoptive parents were adament in telling us that they did not want their children to know they were adopted. Why not? Clearly the adoption wasn’t about benefitting the children. Why are you hesitant to tell your own adopted children that they are adopted? Several years later I would come to learn that Guatemalan adoptions have a strong affliation to kidnappings. I will write an article on how the adoptive parents of children who were adopted from countries with kidnapping ties such as Guatemala, Cambodia, and Ethiopia should not take the blame at all for something they were never informed about. It is not their fault, and they were lied to as well.

Several years ago, in fact in the same year as the daycare incident, I was visting my adoptive paternal grandma at a nursing home who had severe dementia. There were two adopted children outside who were adopted from Colombia. They were about seven, eight years old. Their White grandmother told me they were from Colombia and so I started speaking Spanish to them. The grandmother became furious and explained that one should lose their native tongue and “speak English” in America and only English. Of course, it was that woman’s generation who taught her that. Look at my own adoptive mum. The elders in the family spoke Polish, but they never taught it to my mum and my uncle because they wanted them to be “all American”. I started learning Polish from my dzadza (granddad) until he passed away because I’ve always had a knack and enjoy languages. Today, I am a polyglot.

Family friends of my adoptive family from the Syracuse area have next door neighbours whose children have just become adults. Their daughter is biologically theirs, and their son is adopted from somewhere in Asia although I can’t remember where; I want to say Vietnam. They expressed openly deep disappointment in their Asian son being diagnosed with lower functioning autism to their neighbour, my friend who trust me having biological biracial children herself reemed them. They were disappointed thinking they were going to adopt one of those “smart Asians”, which yes, is deeply racist.

When you adopt a child of a different race there’s a lot of questions to go over, but not only to go over but to actually use in your daily life.

1. Is this adoption necessary? Can this child be raised in their own country or will they be killed or heavily discriminated if not taken out of the country? 

2. How will you talk to fellow family members who are racist to your adopted child?

3. Will you make sure your child goes to a school or a homeschooling group that has at least some children of the same race and/or ethnicity?

4. Will you make sure your child has mentors of the same race and/or ethnicity?

5. Will you learn the language of your child if you’re adopting from a country such as South Korea?

6. How much Asian, Asian American, African, African American history do you know? Going well beyond that of the Japanese American internment camps, the Chinese Exclusion Act, trans Atlantic slavery, and Jim Crow. Can you name ten famous Asian American people? Can you name famous African American people besides that of Harriet Tubman, Booker T Washington, Martin Luther King, and the other very popular names? 

7. How will you prepare your Black children for violent racism toward them? How will you prepare your Black son for the fact they could be killed by the police even when they are literally doing nothing wrong like the 6 ft 4″ Black man who was wearing a shirt that said security and was murdered by the police that he was working for for eight years who claimed “they didn’t recognise him.” I do acknowledge the fact that White people as well, including a White teenager in August 2017 or 2016, have been unnecessarily killed by police but there are a lot, lot more Black victims. 

8. Will you be prepared for people who stare at your family? Not necessarily because they are racist but because you are a White couple with an Asian child, and no matter how much you don’t want to stick out, you do stick out. 

9. Will you be fine with the possibility your adopted child of colour could tell you one day they would have preferred to have lived with their biological family so they that people didn’t know they were adopted everywhere they went? Or that they would have preferred to have been adopted by people of the same race? It’s not always thought of or much less spoken by adoptees of colour, but believe you me it is said and more so though. 

10. Will you try to speak for your adopted child or adopted children’s experience and control their destiny? 

11. Will you practice African American hair care of girls? Can you make twists, can you make cornrolls, box braids? 

12. Do you acknowledge the fact that the multibillion dollar adoption industry takes advantage of racist households to obtain babies? I know a White couple from the Rochester, NY area whose son, who lives in Georgia, adopted biracial children. One of the children was lost to adoption because the biological White grandparents of the biracial adoptee were furious that their White daughter was pregnant with a biracial child. So, therefore the child is punished by being removed from their families, both the White and Black sides, and denied their original birth certificate, connection to other biological family members, his or her White mother denied her own child punished as if this is 1962 when this child was born in the 21st century. The biological grandparents should have been told to get over it instead of allowing them to create this trauma of separating mother and child. I have no idea what involvement the biological father had and the biological paternal grandparents, and I will not make any assumptions. Regardless of your beliefs you don’t punish a child. 

13. Is there someone willing to adopt the child you want to adopt who is of the same race or ethnicity and are you willing to let them adopt instead? Even if it means you will never parent a child? 

14. Will you stock your household with books by authours with the same ethnicity or race as your child, with characters in the books that are similar to your child? 

15. Will you be prepared for a barrage of comments and nasty stares from racist White people who make comments at your adopted child? How will you teach your child to deal with this? Will you ask Black and Asian adults how to? 

16. Have you taken courses on Asian American and African American history?

17. Do you know Native American and First Nations children have to be adopted by people of their own race? 

18. Do you make negative assumptions about impoverished Black inner city people’s intelligence or generosity or kindness based on their appeal, accent, and/or income level? 

19. What stereotypes of Asians and Asian Americans do you make? 

20. What will your comfortability level be of having the biological parents and other biological family members, especially adults, involved in your adopted child’s life when they are not the same race as you? Because this might sound like a ridiculous question but too often when White people are the minority in the room they don’t like it. I myself? It doesn’t bother me.

21. If your child comes from a race or ethnicity that is strongly rooted in its faith will you teach that faith to them?

22. Will you allow for opennness for your child to explore their own culture, home country if applicable, and history or will you create this idea that their originality is erased upon adoption which is exactly what the abusive practice of closed adoption has done and has attempted to do. I came across online a White grandmother who wanted her two adopted grandsons to embrace all things Irish. Nothing wrong with having them learn about all things Irish, and having them involved. As I explained, the more we know; the better, but this grandmother didn’t want her Black adopted grandsons to embrace anything about being Black. I gently explained to her she needs to acknowledge they are bicultural; raised in an Irish American home and forever simutaneously African American, Black American.

23. Will you raise funds to return to the home state or home country of your adopted child so that they are not cut off from their roots? Unlike an immigrant, they did not choose to leave their homeland or home state. 

24. Will you teach your Black teenager that doing rowdy things or even simply being in a large, well behaved congregation with other Black teenagers is going to get them in trouble with close minded, racist White law enforcement at much more frequency than White teenagers? This isn’t to say that all White law enforcement officers are racist people. There are many who are not racist at all and Officer Darren Derby comes straight to mind. 

25. Do you have friends that are of the same ethnicity, race, and religious background as your adopted child?

26. Are you adopting for a White saviour mentality?

27. Are you adopting a child of colour simply because it’s cheaper and faster than adopting a White child?

28. Do you make the assumption that the first mother of the child is a prostitute or drug addict or poor? 

29. Will you have the money to afford an extremely good lawyer so that perhaps for once a police officer who kills or attempts to kill your Black son who is doing nothing more than being a typical child playing ball in the street in an affluent White or Jewish neighbourhood will be imprisoned? Someone who shouldn’t have been an officer to begin with.

30. Will you address the fact that African Americans, Black Americans commit suicide two times more often than White Americans, European Americans and that adoptees commit suicide four times more often than non adoptees? Making your adopted Black child outrageously at risk for suicide, let alone a White adoptee but especially an adoptee who is Black or Native American? Have you studied various mental health problems and the signs for them and what to do? 

31. Do you embrace your own cultural identities? Are you adopting because you feel some sort of White guilt for past aggressions done by White people who weren’t you? Have you been made to take the blame for something you never personally involved yourself in because you are of that race? How will you handle your child, especially your Black child, being categorised into a negative behaviour they have never participated in because they are of that race? 

32. Will you confront teachers who are not putting your child into a gifted program when you know as their parent they are gifted? I volunteered and worked at a predominately African American school that was extremely diverse having children that were from African countries, Jamaica, and Black American children along with one Asian child, one Palestinian child, and a small handful of White children (one of those children who was beat up for being White). This was many years ago, and there was an extremely gifted child in that school. I had no doubt he should have skipped two grades. Yet many of the White teachers said that he wasn’t as smart as I thought. He did well, he had a rich vocabulary, he did science and math problems two years ahead of his level, he was very mature and well behaved for his age. 

33. Will you treat your adopted children less than your biological children? Will you treat your adopted Asian, Biracial, or Black child differently than your White adopted child? 

I could go on, and I know I will not have thought of everything because I am not Black or Asian. Again, I speak as an adoptee and not an authority on races and ethnicities that I am not.

What Not to Say to Adoptees.

I said I wasn’t going to discuss the topic of adoption unless it was the month of November, National Adoption Month; the month when the multibillion dollar adoption industry pours out propaganda like Niagara Falls, but I feel this needs to be written. People need to read this, and more importantly they need to absorb this and reflect upon it, and that includes other adoptees at times.

Here is a list of things not to say to adoptees. I’ve also added some things that should never be said to adoptive parents. You’ll know the difference. I explain in bold why they should not be said.

  1. Adoption is the loving option- this is said by people who are supposedly prolife, but supporting adoption, which equivalates to a lifetime of discrimination, is not prolife but probirth. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know this. Adoption is not the answer to abortion as I explained on here a long time ago (see article with the photo of Chuck Norris). Telling an adoptee that a loving option was being given away and the loss of their original family, original birth certificate, and more is not loving. Adoption is not a loving option. Adoption is caused because: a new mother is pushed into it subtly, a new mother is pushed into it forcefully, she has nobody helping her financially and emotionally which leads one to wonder why they are spending tens of thousands to adopt a baby instead of giving that money to the mother. Do not feel bad if you’re an adoptive parent who never thought of doing this because the idea had never been presented to you. Adoption is not the loving option when we look at some biological fathers who abandoned their babies for whatever reason. Adoption is legalised abandonment for those who want a legal way to not parent their children. When it comes to adoption we almost never discuss the biological fathers. Yes, some did want to be parents. Yes, many are screwed over by the adoption industry (same as the abortion industry). However, some biological fathers wanted to hide what they did and claim no responsibility like a real man would by abandoning mother and child. 

2. Gotcha Day- it’s creepy and sounds like a surprised kidnapping. 

3. I can’t even tell you’re adopted- this is especially stupid to say to an adoptee that looks absolutely nothing like their adoptive parents. It completely ignores their story, their loss, the discrimination they endure as an adoptee, and is disrespectful to them as a person and to their ethnicities or race(s). 

4. I know many happy adoptees- do you now? Amazing! Guess what I and other educated adoptees know? Adoptees who were threatened from day one of adoption to be grateful and swear their loyalty by never searching for biological family or making mention of any chances needed in adoption such as access to original birth certificates and the need to address the high suicide rate amongst adoptees. Even if you know a happy adoptee, or are a happy adoptee, you should not use this to silence any adoptee who shares their story and/or shares facts about the problems with adoption.

5. Why would you even want to search? This is not even a genuine question. It really means “you ungrateful brat, bow down to your saviors; the adoptive parents.” It completely disregards science; the fact that the adoptee has other family members out there they are biologically connected to, and yes biology means something. It also makes the assumption that the adoptive parents were good people. This is also said because the adoption industry has painted this picture that adoptive parents have failed if their child wants to search. Some agencies are no longer saying or believing this, but they simultaneously do all they can by not supporting search and reunions by the fact none have ever advocated for the unsealing of original birth certificates and the need for true psychological care for mothers of adoption loss, and fathers, so that a reunion can happen for all; first mother, adoptee, and others biological family members. 

6. I’m adopted. I never thought of adoption like that. Just because you as an adoptee who want to ignore the fact that adoption is discrimination and adoption is starting of with loss does not mean others want to hear you’re blatant ignorance. 

7. Why would you want to bother your birthmother? Why are you blaming the adoptee? This is the problem with abortion and with out of family infant adoption. It blames the baby, the child, the adult adoptee or the dead baby for something they never did. The adoptee upon reunion, as in when making contact not necessarily a cheery reunion, is not the one causing the problems. Being found, for anyone, can cause a volcano of emotions to erupt that have been buried for years. Albeit painful, this eruption of emotions is healthy and leads to healing along with prayer. Asking this question equivalates to putting blame on a person for something they were not a willing participant of. 

8. What if she was raped? It is a myth that rape conceived babies are bad reminders. For more information see the story of my friend Jennifer Christie. Again, this question puts blame on the adoptee and assumes they need to hide or disappear for something they never did. It retards the progress of healing for both first mother and adoptee, and all else effected. 

9. You could’ve ended up in a toilet. Really now? You felt the need to say this why? Does this one even need an explanation. Most women who lose their babies to adoption, or find a legalised way to abandon them through adoption, did not choose abortion or were not persuaded or pushed into abortion. You too, non adoptee, could’ve ended up in a toilet too. 

10. You were specially chosen. No, not really. Adoptees are not specially chosen. Potential adoptive parents get a list of babies or children to look through and pick through a generalised group of what they want. Adoption agencies pass out babies to whoever is home. 

11. Maybe your biological mother has gone on with her life. Unless she is a psychopath a mother never does. To any claiming they have they are bluffing. 

12. Respect her right to privacy. First mothers are never granted privacy or confidentiality. Nobody is. Only those in the Witness Protection Program are and those with a restraining order. A first mother does not need nor deserve privacy. Same concept for any other biological family member. Stop blaming the adoptee for consequences that happened that were not their fault. Thank you God bless. 

13. You’re so lucky to be adopted- even if you yourself were raised in an abusive, biological family. An adoptee does not have to feel lucky. All adoptions start with loss, even if that loss means the loss of living with biological family because they are dangerous people. All adoptions mean discrimination; closed adoptions being the worst. Some adoptees were raised by really terrible adoptive parents, and some today are not here because they were murdered or committed suicide because of those terrible adoptive parents. 

14. You got a pretty one- sounds like you are congratulating someone on their shopping for a baby. As if they went to Babies R Us and looked for a pretty baby. However, yes some adoptive parents in decades past have been revolting enough to do this. 

15. Where are your real parents? To adoptees who they consider to be their real parents is entirely up to them. Yes, if we talk about science then their biological parents are still their parents through science. However, I mean real parents both in a realistic sense and in a colloquial sense. Someone, for example, who is adopted by their stepfather after their biological father tried to murder their mother is probably going to be deeply offended when you say, “where is your real father?” Likely, to a person like that, their only real father is their adoptive stepdad. 

16. Sorry you had a bad experience, but…. But what? That but just means but I don’t really care to truly listen to your story and listen to the problems with adoption you have presented. However, it is acceptable to say something such as, “sorry you had a bad experience. As an adoptive mom I have been advocating to make sure no adopted child is placed in a bad home, and that adoption agencies are held accountable for giving children to murderers.” or “sorry you had a bad experience. It’s wrong for adoptees to be rejected under any circumstances.” or “sorry you had a bad experience. I didn’t know adoptees, especially closed adoptees, deal with all of that.”

17. Every single adoption is different- Actually, no. The reasoning as to why most mothers lose their babies to adoption is overwhelmingly the same. 95 to 97% do so because of a lack of financial resources. Hence again, I pose the same question I posed in question #1. 

18. We all have our crosses to bear. After having volunteered in a shelter with extremely abused teens even still this is an inappropriate comment to give to adoptees. If you woke up tomorrow not knowing where your family is, not having your biological family medical information, possibly being denied a passport and forbidden to leave the country, not having your real, authentic birth certificate, and more maybe, just maybe you’d begin to know what it is exactly like to be a closed adoptee. 

19. Your birthmother loved you so much. Unless you have actually met her do not make this assumption. She could be an evil, horrible person. More likely she is a good, but damaged person (no matter how cheery a first mother acts adoption damages all mothers except psychopaths) who was bamboozled in some manner into adoption. Telling an adoptee their birthmother loved them so much that they gave them away. Would you want to be told that?

20. Placed for adoption. Adoptees are not placed for adoption. Adoptees are given away to adoption or adoptees are forcibly taken by the state or province for genuine or corrupt reasons. 

21. Why were you given up? Unless the adoptee is a very close friend of yours and they have started the conversation first about their own adoption, probably not a good idea to ask. That would be like one of us adoptees asking you, why are you a hundred pounds heavier than when I saw you a few years ago? Likely a personal reason you wouldn’t want to explain.

22. We couldn’t have children of our own. Well, unless you are acknowledging the fact you literally are raising someone else’s child, and even better it’s a fully open adoption, this is completely rude to say if it’s meant in a demeaning way of our own biological son would’ve been more important to us.

23. I want to adopt from a country that is fast and cheap. Well, thank you for exposing the fact that adoption is a multibillion dollar industry that is baby shopping, no offense to the millions of loving adoptive parents who were unaware of this, but the fact you want a child “fast and cheap” sounds like you have no regard for the fact that sounds a lot like human trafficking. Although if you look at the research of Roelie Post and Arun Dohle internation adoption is currently rife with human trafficking. 

24. I could never take on someone else’s problem. Children are not a problem.

25. Using You’re Adopted as a joke.

26. You don’t speak for all adoptees. Actually yes I do. I speak for all adoptees when I say we all deserve our obcs. I speak for all adoptees when I say we all deserve our biological family medical information. I speak for all adoptees when I say we should be allowed connections to biological family. I speak for all adoptees when I say it’s time to abolish closed adoptions. I speak for all adoptees when I say it’s time to legally enforce open adoptions. I speak for all adoptees when I say adoptees are more likely to be incarcerated. I speak facts for adoptees. 

27. We’re all entitled to our opinions. Unless adoption directly affects you no you do not get an opinion, your opinion is moot even when it agrees with the vast majority of adoptees. No, your brother who was adopted does not count as adoption directly affecting you. Frankly, as adoptees we don’t want to hear your opinions because often people who are completely uneducated on adoption try to spew their opinions like they’re facts. You are however allowed to say facts and we love our fact giving supporters. For example: Open adoptions are shams and most close or another fact suicide rates of adoptees are higher than non adoptees. I’d very much like people not directly affected to have opinions, many of us adoptees would, but we’ve come to be nothing but frustrated for decades now as people spew completely uneducated opinions and then arrogantly try to pass them off as facts and then when us adoptees tell the truth all we get in return are people with their fingers in their ears. 

28. I wish I had been adopted. Of course I wish some people out in the world were raised in loving homes. I have a British friend who literally has no family. Her mother has narcissistic personality disorder, is a vile woman, and has denied her contact to her younger siblings. This gets tricky because yes I would prefer that abused children and abused adults with abusive parents, because it’s not like the abuse is any less painful just because you’re an adult, were adopted into loving homes. However, the problem is adoption equivalates to discrimination for various reasons I’ve explained on this blog plenty of time, it does not guarantee a safe and loving home, and the entire adoption industry needs an incredible revamp. Needless to say, claiming “I wish I had been adopted” completely disregards the story an adoptee is trying to share with you. It completely brushes off the fact every adoptee loses their first family, original birth certificate, and more. Perhaps say, “I wish I had been adopted so I didn’t grow up with a terrible mother, but I do strongly believe in equal rights for adoptees and I hope they achieve them.” PS. My British friend has not once said she wished she had been adopted. 

29. Superman was adopted. Superman is a fictional character. If you mean this so that adopted children have someone to look up to again, Superman is a fictional character. Have them look up to actual adoptees, and preferably those who buck the system.

30. Love makes a family, biology doesn’t mean anything. This is well meaning but the fact of the matter is that biology means something. Plenty of scientific evidence out there to show that biology does mean something. When you lose someone or someone is a jerk to you it’s one thing if say it’s a fellow employee, but trying to compare that to one’s own mother like what my British friend endures just simply is not comparable. I should not my friend is not adopted but her life is extremely similar to an adoptee’s. She has no contact with family and her original birth certificate is actually falsified and she can’t get a corrected one. The problem is is that when the phrase love makes a family is used it’s really geared towards adoption industry propaganda in the sense of trying to completely eradicate the biological family and make the assumption that all adoptive parents are loving. Mine are, not all are. 

31. Where did you learn English from? Most adoptees from overseas came here as babies or toddlers.

32. You were specially chosen. No, no adoptee is specially chosen. 

33. You should be grateful someone took you in. Why? Do you make the assumption every adoptee was found wandering on the sidewalk? I only know of one. Even if an adoptee was found in a horrendous place no they do not need to be grateful to their adoptive parents any more than you need to be grateful to your parents. 

34. You need to move on. Do not presume to tell an adoptee what they need to do and not do. An adoptee will move on when they are ready, if they are ever ready. This is often said maliciously, and it’s because the adoption industry has formed this belief that adoptee and biological family, especially first mother have no significance to each other once the adoption has gone through when discussing closed adoptions. When said with the kindest of intentions it mentally forces an adoptee to futily attempt to move on from something he or she just cannot do regardless of how much they try and what they do. This is no different than if someone said to you, you need to forgive them when you are simply not ready to forgive someone. 

35. Stop posting yourself as an expert on adoption because you adopted a child. Most of you are not experts.

36. Birthmothers make loving decisions instead of evil abortions. One, adoption is not the answer to abortion. I’ve already explained it on here. Two, stop shaming women  and girls who have had an abortion. I say this being prolife. Three, stop assuming all are these sacrificing saints; some are quite horrible people. 

37. Why are you so annoyed with adoption? The reason we don’t like this question is because nobody asks it genuinely. Maybe some day someone will genuinely ask and then it’ll be fine to ask. 

38. But adoption gave you a better life. Adoption gave us a different life. The vast majority of adoptions did not save children in dire places, wasting away in some Nairobian orphanage with malaria and a bloated belly or found a baby screaming in the cold of Wisconsin found just in time before he would’ve frozen to death. The vast majority of adoptees came from original families where someone could’ve raised them. Most first mothers are from the middle class suburbs. Even when adoption did give someone a better life, and they know it for sure, this phrase can sometimes be used in conjucture to when an adoptee tries to explain what exactly adoptee equality is all about and the need to reconnect. 

39. How do your parents feel about you searching? This isn’t about them. What they feel does not matter at all.

40. Ray Liotta is a successful adoptee. Why can’t you use the benefits of adoption and be successful yourself? Being a successful person has little to do with ones adoption. Ray Liotta, Steve Jobs, etc. these people would’ve been successful even if they hadn’t been adopted. You know why? Because it’s ingrained in someone. Someone who wants it that badly will do whatever it takes to turn their dreams into realities. Louis Armstrong is a great example of this. 

41. Your parents are amazing for travelling all the way to XYZ country to get you. No, just no. I’m going to assume these adoptive parents adopted from overseas with the best of intentions. I have a friend who adopted a son from China. She isn’t some amazing person because she adopted from China. She’s just a nice, polite, down to Earth woman who believed that a child should not have to grow up in an orphanage and grow up in China without a huzou which would have denied him an entire childhood of education and health care. We both agree that it would be better for China to fix their child policy rule, their huzou rule, and other factors so that fewer children would be adopted and would be raised within their Chinese families in their own country. 

42. Well, your birthmother had a chance to change her mind and keep you so clearly you were unwanted. First, you’re a horrible for saying that. Second, you’re ignorant because all too often adoption agencies don’t return the calls, letters, and emails when a first mother wants her baby within the legal time frame. Third, the legal time frame in most states is outrageously short. Fourth, people are involved in deep mental abuse in convincing her she is unworthy of being a mother for XYZ reason. 

43. At least you got your answers. This one is said by other adoptees. Please, please stop saying this. When an adoptee searches for 47 years and finds out that their first parents are both deceased and their only close relative is their half brother and he’s like, “yeah whatever I don’t know you so no” because he simply doesn’t know how to be nice, and this is after the half brother has had plenty of time, say two years, three years to process the information, the phrase at least you got your answers is insensitive. Completely insensitive. 

44. If you hadn’t been adopted you wouldn’t know the people you know today. Correct, and if you hadn’t moved to Indianapolis you wouldn’t know the people you know today. What does that have anything to do with the fact adoptees lose their biological families and are denied basic rights that non adoptees are granted? 

45. As the mother, as the father of an adopted child If you’re going to speak about your adopted child’s experience with adoption don’t. Wait until he or she is old enough to speak about it himself. I take a lot of issue with people creating these gotcha videos online and our adoption story videos online. I can’t fully blame them because the adoption industry tells them to do it, and they don’t know any better. Not all adoptees want their adoption broadcasted to the world. 

46. The Bible says we’re all adopted. Alright, I am going to put my Christian views on here. Yes, we are all adopted by God. Being adopted by God does not make you an adoptee. I am 100% convinced that God is furious with the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry and the discrimination towards adoptees, the manipulation done to first mothers and first fathers, and the lies told to adoptive parents. 

47. There is no correct or incorrect manner in how to treat an adoptee upon reunion. Actually there is. It’s called with respect. Adoptees are not the fault of whatever bad circumstances happened. Please do not use my friend and my friend’s story who survived a rape and attempted murder by a serial killer and is raising a son from that ordeal, who yes is a completely normal boy, for your unkind and incorrect reasoning to ignore or belittle an adoptee. 75 to 85% of mothers who conceive in rape do not abort, and no they do not see their children as bad reminders. You are not respecting anyone by ignoring an adopted away relative who has found their family. You are being controlled. You are not respecting God. If you aren’t religious, then you are not respecting yourself. Believing that adoptees can be dealt with in any matter means you consider them mere objects, and well we know from past history what that has meant for other discriminated groups. 

 

Judy Blume, Exceptional Writing, Periods, and Adopted Girls.

Most of the blog entries I put on here are not personal or have only a very light personal touch to them. This one is going to be personal.

Judy Blume is an exceptional author who happened to have been in Niagara on the Lake when I lived there (yes, I’m American although I came to find out thanks to ancestry.com that I do have biological Canadian relatives) signing books. Prior to Are You There God It’s Me Margaret? there had been no books for girls about preparing for their periods and getting their periods. Sure there were videos. In fact, Disney had his staff make a video about getting your period because he had two daughters; one of whom was adopted. Although the video is laughable as it states things like “don’t complain. Nobody likes a complainer. Take some pain reliever and do some stretches.” Which, for most girls and women work, but some women have periods so bad it can put them on disability. The instructional documentary type videos were out there, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there had yet to be a character in a book that preteen and teen girls could relate to.

I remember my adoptive mum bought me Judy’s book when I was ten. I read it and thought “this is really weird”. I was the least bit excited ever to get my period and grow boobs. I used to sleep on my stomach thinking that the weight between my chest and the bed would prevent anything from growing, and yes I am laughing. It didn’t work. Trust me it didn’t work at all. If the milk ever runs dry in say Idaho, I think I’d be able to feed every Idahoan baby. Is that what they’re called Idahoan?

My one friend, who I am still friends with, got her period when she was ten. It was fifth grade and I remember the fifth grade wing of my middle school was upstairs. (Off topic fifth grade was hands down the best grade of my K-12th grade experience, and I can still remember making this gigantic map of Canada, and I went to school in central New York). We watched a video, just us girls, on puberty for girls.

Soon after I was at my friend’s house. I remember being upstairs in her bedroom, it was still daytime and it was a sunny day, and her mum came in and there was a conversation my friend started about “the period video”. I asked my friend’s mum, “when do you get your period?” or maybe she had just said it without me asking,

girls, although not always, typically get their periods when their mothers do.

I knew this meant biological mothers. Since I am a discriminated closed adoptee, “thanks” to the evil bitches of Catholic Family Center and the propaganda crap they told, I did not have my biological family medical history. Nor can closed adoptees get updated bio family medical history unless they find their original families.

So for the next few years I had terrible angst that interferred with being in the now, whether I was at Girl Scouts, basketball (one of the few sports I enjoyed playing), or Disney World. This went on through all of middle school along with the bullying.

It’s something those who aren’t adopted don’t have to think about. My friend Samantha, for example, a different friend, is not adopted. She knew the age to expect her first period, and even if it didn’t come say at that age she had more of a likelihood of it doing so, and at least had an age to focus on.

I would very much like to get insight from other women and teenage girls who are adoptees without biological family medical information to ask them if they were as worried as I was about when their periods would come. It was a huge wake up call to me not having my biological family medical information. I was worried not constantly, but still too often that I would be walking around and not know I was bleeding and it was all over the back of my pants. Sure, that would happen to any girl or women, adopted or not, and it does happen, but I just wish I had been given an age of when to probably expect it. I think there needs to be a novel about that too. It would have relieved an immense amount of anxiety off of my little middle school shoulders. I remember being thirteen at Disney World. I had a good time, although I was partially grumpy during that vacation/holiday (I remember Goofy annoying me, but then I lightened up) and part of it was because I was fearful that my trip was going to be ruined by getting my period.

It came when I was 14 and a half exactly, and I remember my adoptive mum yelling at me. The second month we were back at Disney World and I got it and ended up bleeding on Splash Mountain which made a mum unexpectedly give her young daughters a lesson in the human body of girls and what they can expect, and she was very easy going about it. So then we bought some pads and enjoyed the rest of the day at the happiest place in the world,

or at least as happy as you can make it being a teenager whose bleeding with slight cramps.

A Two Parent Adoptive Family is Not a Guarantee.

Adoptive parents divorce at the same rate as parents who birth/father their children and raise them. That in the US and Canada is a little over 50%. Yet, adoption agencies such as the scumbags who work at the agency I was adopted from out of Rochester, NY spew the line “your baby will have a stable two parent family” and “your baby deserves a two parent family.” Look, I have no doubt that so long as there’s love in the house a two parent household is better, but adoption is not a guarantee of a two parent household remaining a two parent household. I also strongly, strongly, feel or rather know, that a baby born to a single parent deserves to stay with their parent unless that parent is a danger to them. I wish those babies, like myself, had been born to two married parents who were in love but that is not the case for a huge chunk of babies in America, and the single parent (be they the mom or the dad, usually the mom but I do know some single dads) and the baby should not be punished with the discrimination and cruelty of closed adoption, which again is not the fault of adoptive parents who often were kept in the dark about the truth.

I wrote an article back in 2016 about single parenthood. This article is on divorce.

Adoption can’t be used as a means of a permanent two parent family, yet this is what adoption agencies like Catholic Family Center, Catholic Charities, and other “religious” agencies trick scared pregnant moms into.

I see a problem when I look at potential adoptive parent profiles. Some of them have been married for such a short time I can’t help but think they could end in divorce. A first mother is told to choose a two parent family for stability only to see the adoptive couple divorce and her own self soon marry her boyfriend or find a new man to marry.

 

My Friend Katharine.

My friend Katharine and I grew up together. We attended school together from late elementary school through high school. You might be surprised to learn, with everything I post, that Katherine is my friend and is an adoptive mom. The truth is I find many adoptive parents to be great and loving people. It’s the system that is the problem, not most of the adoptive parents.

I feel this article is necessary to write because I see within adoptee only groups on Facebook a lot of hatred for all adoptive parents, every single one. This simply cannot be justified nor is it acceptable.

Yes, there are horrible, terrible, simply monstrous adopters out there.  I use the term adoptive parents for those I think of positively, and adopters for those I view negatively. I have friends who are first mothers through being victimised. Their children being raised by emotional abusers and they can’t do anything about it. There are nasty adopters out there who resell their adopted child because “he has MS” or “he gets in the way of our careers”, and even those who adopt children with severe behavioural problems still are not justified in reselling these adopted children because you wouldn’t give away your own biological child if they were severely disturbed. You would have them see a child psychiatrist, even if that means having them be in-patient. There are adopters out there who lie about keeping an adoption open, and then close it soon after.

So, why consider my friend Katharine to be the same? I hope adoptees can listen to my story about my friend Katharine and become more open-minded to not thinking of all adoptive parents badly. Yes, I would love for there to be adoptions that don’t seal the original birth certificates, for all adoptions to preserve and teach the cultural traditions of the child being adopted, and for the adoptive parents and adoptee to get all biological family medical information and updated information. I would love for twins to never be separated for profit like we have seen with many American (many Jewish) and Asian born adoptees. Yes, I want things to be different, to be better, but you know what? So do some adoptive parents.

Okay, so without further ado, Katharine’s story she’s been so nice to let me write. Katharine and her husband have two beautiful little girls. To me, it still feels like it was only last year when their second daughter was born. Katharine and her husband became pregnant with their two daughters. They are a devout Christian family. My friend felt she needed to adopt an orphan child who didn’t have a family or had been rejected from their family. You see, while most orphans are not actually orphans, the truth of the matter is some children in this world are abandoned because of: alcoholism in the family, addiction in the family, being albino, having special needs, being mentally ill, being conceived in rape, or being a girl. Yes, I definitely would like to see countries change their behaviours towards these innocent children who have done nothing wrong. I would much prefer to see grassroot efforts done to change how these children are perceived than to do international adoptions. However, in the here and now, these children are going to need homes, which means they are going to need loving adoptive parents, like my friend.

Setting off to China to adopt, Katharine brought home her beloved boy. I have no doubt that my friend would love to see all children in China have a huzou, so that all children get access to an education and health care. If every Chinese child got a huzou adoption rates would drastically decrease. You see, though, I, Katharine, and many others are aware that whilst implementing the huzou in China would be best, there are children who need to be adopted now from China. There are children now who need to be adopted now from Bulgaria, and other countries, because they are left abandoned because they have special needs. We cannot allow these children to linger in orphanages as we wait for their societies to become progressive like Finland and Germany.

Yes, you can spend $40,000 towards helping an entire village in an impoverished country  such as installing sanitation, and yes it’s going to help thousands of children instead of adopting one child at that cost, but at the same time, the children in the orphanage will remain in the orphanage. The thing is, Katharine prayed about it. She knew both options. You need to decide what God calls you to do between the two choices. My friend Katharine didn’t put herself first. This wasn’t about her praying to prey on some teenage pregnant girl, tell her she’ll do an open adoption and then close it. This is simply a love story between a mum and her boy from China who Katharine and her husband felt they needed to bring him into their family and make him their son instead of having to grow up in an orphanage without a family for whatever reason their son was put in that orphanage to begin with.

Does this make me pro adoption? No, this makes me pro finding families for children who absolutely need new families. I’ll become pro adoption when we start unsealing original birth certificates, abolishing closed adoptions, legally enforcing open adoptions, giving certificates of adoption instead of sealing original birth certificates, and more. However, until that wonderful, wonderful day comes I am still going to view the adoptive parents, like my friend, who do adopt orphans, abused children, and babies and children born to drug addicted families as loving people because they adopted out of love. I hope I have made the difference understandable because it’s hard for me to explain. I also view favourably upon some adoptive parents who adopted through an infant closed adoption if and only if they were, like my own adoptive parents, completely unaware of the discrimination their child would endure and were told lies such as “the birthmother will get over it.”

I sincerely hope now more adoptees can start to not view all adoptive parents as some loathesome creatures. I hope now more adoptive parents can start to advocate for improved adoption systems such as no longer sealing the original birth certificate and advocate for countries, including here in the US, to change how some children are looked upon. I hope more adoptees and first mothers understand there are adoptive parents out there advocating for improvement and those who, like Katharine, adopted not out of selfishness but out of love.

Photo of the Manlius Swan Pond.

Don’t Use My Friend’s Life Story, Her, or Her Son as an Excuse to Justify Your Reasoning for Abortion and Denial of Contact of Adoptees to Biological Family Members.

My friend Jennifer Christie, my hilarious, lovely, brave, incredibly brave as brave as a NYPD or Chicago SWAT team member, has a story. She has quite a story, so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it. Trust me, it’s been shared plenty before with police departments because of the death threats sent to her and her four year old. Yes, four year old. As well as being shared online by Jennifer and when she does public speaking.

In January 2013 my friend went on a business trip to North Carolina as an ASL interpreter. On the last day they got out early because of snow. A man followed her in the parking lot, but with her scarf around her she didn’t notice. Back at her hotel room he stood in her doorway. She asked him if he needed something and he punched her in the head.

She tried to fight back against a brutal rape and attempted murder, but learnt that if she continued to fight back he was more intent on murdering her. Thinking he did murder her, the serial killer dumped her nearly naked body in the snow. She suffered multiple broken ribs, a severe head injury, trauma to the reproductive area, and more. He was a serial killer and was later murdered by the brother of a thirteen year old victim. Personally, I think that brother should be given a medal and a million tax free dollars.

Atheists mock her and say, where was your God? As Jennifer has explained in a video when she was interviewed, God was there when a housekeeper found her before it was too late. God was there when the serial killer thought she was already dead. God was there because it had snowed and the cold snow prevented her swelling brain from swelling to the point of death.

Jennifer was then sent to intensive care where a team of doctors worked on her. Due to the severe trauma she started to get seizures. She has tonic-clonic seizures to this day, each one potentially deadly.

Months later, her and her husband decided she would return to work to try and have some sense of normalcy in her life. She got sick when being an ASL translator overseas and had to make a stopover in Colombia. There, she discovered she was pregnant. She knew it could not be her husband’s because he had had a vasectomy. They already were the proud parents of a four other children, two of whom who have now entered adulthood.

Then, her husband said the most important thing, “we love babies. This is something beautiful coming from something so terrible.”

Even before her husband said that Jen knew the moment she saw the sonogram in that Colombian hospital that this was her baby. She couldn’t protect herself but she could protect her baby. Her baby. Not the rapist’s baby, but her baby.

Society, family, medical professionals all pressured her into having an abortion. The last thing she needed was the intrusive instruments in her personal region after surviving such a horrible, horrible rape and attempted murder. Sadly, her father passed away refusing to ever talk to her again and get to know his grandson created from the rape. Medical professionals and others told her if she has an abortion she would forget all about it.

As Jennifer Christie has explained to people all over the internet and speaking to crowds, abortion only adds more trauma. It does not erase what happened. It’s only building trauma upon trauma.

Today, Jennifer is the momma to a beautiful four year old with the most magnificent blue eyes. On a weekly basis, she has to deal with people sending her and her son death threats by those who are pro-choice, and those who are prolife except in the cases of rape making them actually not prolife.

Yes, there are quite a number of schmucks out there who believe in being prochoice if it’s only their choice, which, yes, I realise makes them no different than those who are pro-life, but prolife people don’t email a momma and tell her, “you should have aborted that evil spawn of satan.” I honestly can’t think of any prolifers who email a woman and say, “shame on you for having an abortion.” I’m sure it happens, and it’s unnecessary commentary, but it cannot be compared to telling a mother that you wish her child was dead simply because of who his biological father is.

The truth is people write nasty and violent comments without doing any research. There is no such thing as a rape gene. I’m willing to bet these people have children of their own who are a lot, lot, lot less well-behaved than her youngest son. This is a little boy who is raised in a loving home with his momma, his sister, his three brothers, and his dad; her husband and the only real dad he has in his life. His siblings are extremely concerned about his welfare and love him immensely. They are there, along with her devoted and wonderful husband, every day. They see Jennifer have seizures. They have prayed for Jennifer during her six surgeries since the brutality. Not once have they ever blamed the baby.

Others often comment when it comes to mothers of adoption loss, “what if she was raped? She wouldn’t want such a reminder around.”  The truth is Jennifer, nor any mother who conceived her child in rape who kept, has ever blamed their son or daughter for the horrific intrusion. In fact, those who lost their babies to adoption who did rape conceive them have also said they didn’t see them as bad reminders, but simply didn’t have the support system that those like Jennifer have.  My friend looks at her son and she only sees a little angel God sent into her arms. She looks at her son and sees only her little boy she loves so, so, so, so, so much. So much!

The truth is 100% of women and girls who conceive in rape in the United States are bullied and lied to into abortion, and if they don’t do that then into adoption because it’s a commonly held lie that the person created through the rape is only a bad reminder. An abortion and an adoption put the blame of the rape on the baby or at least partially on them. The truth is 75% to 85% of mothers who conceive in rape do not abort, and most of them keep their babies.

This isn’t to say that those who lost their babies to adoption did so because they thought of their rape conceived babies as bad reminders. I say lost because if you look at the circumstances nobody actually chooses adoption, but a lack of resources chooses them (obviously not discussing true orphans here). Only those who abuse their children or choose drugs over their children do so by their actions, but that is not who I am talking about her. I’m saying some of them were lied to, often by those who had their best interests in mind but were misinformed, and were told adoption would be better for them and their baby. Others did so because they live or lived in states where the convicted rapists would get visitation rights. Jennifer Christie has fought hard to eliminate convicted rapists from having access to children which is still legal in six states. Others, and I think this is the biggest reason why, did adoption because they didn’t have any family and financial support because, like Jen’s father, they blamed the baby but this doesn’t mean the mother herself blamed the baby. Jennifer has yet to meet anyone like her who has blamed their child.

To Jennifer and those like her, they do not consider their children to be bad reminders. This is why the question or belief or statement of “a rape conceived adoptee will only be a bad reminder to his biological mother when he makes contact” is false.

I got into a conversation with Jenn Christie about biological mothers who refuse contact and those who, even more sadly, ask other biological family members to refuse contact or refuse contact until they have passed away.

Told the two most important things in these situations that everyone needs to hear that my friend told me,

my son is not a bad reminder. Anyone who refuses contact when found by their child who was given up for adoption or asks others is doing only something hurtful to themselves and to their loved ones including the adoptee. No, it is not correct to deny contact just because of how someone was created. 

I don’t believe that the biological mothers who refuse contact are doing so because they initially considered their rape conceived babies to be bad reminders, but because over the decades they were inundated with this falsehood that their child was a part of the problem. This doesn’t equivalate to them as seeing their own children as bad reminders, but as women, mothers, who have been so severely emotionally harmed by others who are in need of therapy assistance. Who more so feel sadness and low self-esteem for their incapability to have found the resources and/or support.

That leads me to the last thing my wonderful friend has said over and over which is just as important as the other comment I bolded

Do not use me, and my son, and my story as an excuse for you justifying abortion. Stop saying, “what about the women and girls who are raped?” Stop saying “I wouldn’t want a demon baby squirming in me.” He is my son, my son, my son! 

My friend and I do differ on adoption. I’m trying to teach my lovely, lovely friend to advocate for legal guardianship until we stop sealing original birth certificates, end the no contact behaviour, give all adoptees bio family medical information, and take the money out of the multibillion dollar adoption industry. I hope my friend, and everyone else knows, that I think most adoptive parents, like my own and my friends, are great and loving parents and I will be writing soon about a very kind friend of mine who is an adoptive momma. I cannot advocate a multibillion dollar industry that discriminates others. So until they do so I will promote legal guardianship, but at the same time appreciating the good and loving adoptive parents out there. My friend is currently for adoption but she believes everyone should be reunited. I’m trying to teach her when she is well that we need to support legal guardianship because adoptees are discriminated through various means.

I chose the picture of love because she, like mommas like her, love their children.

 

 

 

 

If You are Pro Out of Family Adoption then You are Pro Discrimination: Don’t Worry, You’re Probably a Well-Meaning Person Who is Totally Unaware.

It’s automatic. Of course, there are varying degrees. I’m sure the first thing people are thinking as they read this is, “what if the child was abused by his biological family?” or “what if he was an orphan?” Wouldn’t adoption be the least discriminatory thing in both of those drastic scenes? Well, of course I and any other normal person has nothing wrong with a child being put into a new family after their first is abusive or they have been orphaned. However, adoption is not a guarantee for either of those children of a safe life and all adoptions in the United States and Canada are discrimination to varying degrees.

I’ve discussed before on here children who are abused and even murdered by their adopters. I wrote an article to my local newspaper that circulated to four hundred thousand people about children murdered by their adopters, how it’s more common than you think, and how we can fix this terrible problem, but the adoption industry won’t because they’d lose billions. The response I got, “how dare you. Adoption is love. My friends adopted.”

I wrote another article on how most orphans are not orphans, and recommended the documentary Ethiopian Adoptions by Journeyman Pictures. Of course, there are other documentaries out there about the shams behind orphanages in third world countries around the world.

However, yes, there definitely are actual orphans in this world who do need a new family to love them and care for them. There absolutely are abused children, from infancy through their teenage years, who need new and loving families. I think those who have taken in such children, adopted them, and love and care for them are great people. No doubt in my mind they are great people. I also think those who adopted orphans who didn’t know their children still had family members or a parent who could care for them are also great people. They too were lied to. I think adoptive parents who adopt a baby who were bamboozled into thinking this was the best thing for the infant and their biological mother are also great people. Why? Because they too were told lies.

Yet, even these adoptive parents are pro-discrimination. Of course, they are the least pro-discrimination because and only because they didn’t know better. The thing is many people, even great and loving people, are pro-discrimination because they don’t know any better or didn’t know any better because the multibillion dollar adoption industry has made adoption to seem like the most heroic and altruistic thing you can do, and completely leaves out the important part about discrimination.

All adoptions within the United States and Canada, and several other countries, are pro discrimination because they seal the original birth certificate and the adoption records.

There’s a lot more to the discrimination of adopted people. There are many things believed and said about and to adoptees that nobody dare would say to someone who is not. The United States and Canada have made profound changes over the centuries on how: Native Americans, First Nations, Asian Americans, African Americans, Mexican Americans, LGBT, the mentally disabled, the physically disabled, Catholics, Germans, Irish, Polish, Italians, Jews, and women are treated. Yet in the past things said to and believed about these specific groups of people were atrocious. Today, it’s adopted people who are told nasty things.

Not by me you say? Well, take a look at this list and see if you agree with any of the discrimination on here. Yes, it is all discrimination because if an adoptee says it is then it is. You as a non-adopted person have no say in what is discrimination or not discrimination to a demographic that you are not involved in. Just like how I am not First Nations, I have no say in what is discrimination and not discrimination to people who are First Nations.

You discriminate adopted people if you believe any of the following making you no different than those who have discriminated other groups in the past such as women fighting for the right to vote, own their own property and divorce abusive husbands, and Asian Americans who were denied entry into the United States and those who could come before and after the Chinese Exclusion Act were allowed onto certain jobs that were sometimes incredibly dangerous.

1. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family if their adoptive parents don’t want them to.

2. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family. You tell adoptees that their only true family is their adoptive family. Unless this is said in a friendly term for adoptees from abusive biological families, don’t say it. 

3. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family until their adoptive parents are deceased.’

4. You believe that there is nothing wrong with sealing an original birth certificate and giving an adoptee an amended birth certificate. Upon learning about this practice you do nothing to advocate for unsealing original birth certificates for all adoptees and stopping the practice of sealing original birth certificates for future adoptions. 

5. You believe adoptees should not have access to their adoption records and do not advocate for unsealing adoption records.

6. You have been made aware that birthparent privacy is a lie, as explained many times in this blog, and that adoption records and original birth certificates only started being sealed because Senator Lehman of New York State bought two kidnapped children from Georgia Tann and wanted to hide what he did as Tann created the birthparent privacy lie, yet you continue to believe that adoptees do not deserve their adoption records, original birth certificates, and that their biological parents deserve privacy from them. 

7. You believe that a biological parent should be allowed to deny contact. Even in the cases of rape and incest this is discrimination. Asking questions like “what if she was raped?” or saying “the circumstances of her pregnancy with you were horrible” puts the blame of the conception and circumstances on the adopted person. Having a friend who conceived her son in a brutal rape and attempted murder she explains that rape conceived children are not bad reminders. Her little boy is not a bad reminder. Every mother who conceived a child in rape she knows admits the same truth. The truth is most who deny contact did not conceive in rape, but the more important truth is that it doesn’t matter. Being fine with denying contact is being fine with putting the blame on the adoptee, someone who doesn’t deserve it. The blame belongs on those who did not support the first mother during her pregnancy so she could keep her baby or the first father who was told he must give away his child to adoption because he’s a widower or whatever other lies. You continue to compare denial of contact between biological family and an adoptee as nothing more than “two strangers where one doesn’t want to get to know the other”. Even decades a part, this stranger analogy is not an accurate comparison because of the bond formed between mother and unborn infant during pregnancy nor can one compare denial of contact between family as no different than not wanting to be friends with someone from your class. 

8. You believe a biological parent should be allowed to tell other biological family members to deny contact with their adoptee relative. I don’t mean a relative who was adopted into the family, but a relative that searched and found them, or a biological family member found them. You believe it’s fine for a biological parent to deny other biological family members contact until they (biological parent) is deceased. You believe it’s fine for the governments to deny adoptees contact with biological family members under the age of 18. Currently, in the United States adoptees can serve lengthy prison sentences for contacting biological family members under 18 without permission from the biological family member parent. Yet people who commit violent offenses serve less prison time. 

9. You refuse to listen to adoptees who tell you the truth, basically, such as this blog. 

10. You unintentionally discriminate adoptees by not being aware of sealed adoption records.

11. You unintentially discriminate adoptees by not being aware of sealed original birth certificates.

12. You are aware adoptees are denied their biological family medical information or updated information and that adoption agencies can deny them this information, and to adoptive parents of adoptees who are children, yet you continue to promote adoption.

13. You unintentionally discriminate adoptees by not being aware of the discrimination explained in number 12. 

14. You promote adoption after you have been told it’s not the answer to abortion.

15. You refuse to listen to adoptees.

16. You make mocking comments after adoptees explain to you the problems involved in adoption.

17. You tell adoptees who speak about reforming or abolishing the industry, who speak about the discrimination, and especially speak about the adopted children and adults abused, murdered, or driven to suicide by their adopters as ungrateful. 

18. You gaslight adoptees who speak up about the problems and need for change as crazy. When an adoptee talks about the vast majority of unnecessary out of family infant adoptions, meaning all adoptions that were the not done because the biological family was abusive to the baby, you answer with, “well, what about abused children? What about those who tried to have an abortion but it failed? What about adopting older kids? What about orphans?” Replying with a question that has nothing to do with the type of adoption the adoptee was talking about is discrimination. Even in the cases of a child needing to be be removed from their biological family, sealing the original birth certificate and adoption record, denying medical information and denying contact with safe biological family is still discrimination and still unnecessary. 

19. You reply with comments such as ” adoptions are best for baby” and “adoptions are brave choices.” 

 

Discrimination is discrimination. Decide for yourself what level of discrimination you are, and then figure out how to go about improving your belief system and how you treat  those who are adopted.

The Civil Rights Movement is not over. It is time to incorporate into all social studies high school curriculums the need to discuss these discriminatory practices and the need for them to change. What if it offends adoptive parents of students? Too bad. Honestly, too dang bad. This is not about what one likes or doesn’t like to hear. This is not about their feelings. This is about putting adoptees first for once, adoptees who have no voice and no choice in their own adoption. Whether they are glad to be adopted or not is irrelevant. This is about discussing how a demographic of people, especially closed adoptees, are  discriminated. This is about exposing truths, exposing adoption, and the outrageously intertwined correlation it has to PTSD, anxiety, and suicide.

Ask yourself, what side of history do you want to be on?

I chose the picture I did to show the Suffragette Movement wasn’t just in the US or UK, but all over the world. The adoptee rights movement and need to reform or abolish the adoption industry is also a global concept with some countries, like Finland, being a lot more progressive than other countries, like the United States.

Resources:

A Hole In My Heart by Lorraine Dusky

To Prison With Love by Sandy Musser

The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond

The Traffick in Babies by Dr. Karen Balcomb

The Child Catchers by Kathryn Joyce

 

Adoptees and Those Created by Anonymous Donors: Don’t be Afraid to Search.

 

 

Millions of people are adopted in the US. Tens of thousands more don’t even know it, which is why everyone should test with all three companies Family Tree DNA, ancesry.com, and 23andme not only because you, personally, might discover you are adopted but because you might not find that out, but might find a relative such as a first cousin or great aunt or even a brother.

This article though is really going to be for those who are already aware they are adopted or created through anonymous donors.

I don’t have the percentage on how many adoptees search and how many don’t search. I can tell you don’t believe anything an adoption agency says. They’ll give you an outrageosly low amount on purpose or will try to tell you something like “only 30% of adoptees want their adoption record to be unsealed.” This is not an equivalent to an adoptee searching. Finding out how many search is something I will have to learn. However, I doubt that percentage whether it’s within a state, province, county, territory, or country can ever be found as some never mention they are searching, some sadly pass away during their search, and some are found whilst they are searching.

So, this article is for those who haven’t searched. I’m not forcing you to search. I am not saying you’re some bad person for not searching lol, but I am bringing to you truths I have come across in my seventeen years of research. This isn’t about searching to just get biological family medical information or your heritage. This is about actually making connections with original family members.

  1. Understand that 1 in 25 Americans are sociopaths and many work in the adoption industry.  This might sound crazy, but these are people using false information and propaganda to get you to give away your baby and who, in turn, make money on their tax returns. For some agencies, that’s multimillions and millions a year. Talk to first mothers like Sandy Musser, Linda Gale, Shyanne Klupp, Joyce Bahr, Mirah Riben,  Denise Glasner, and Lorraine Dusky and they will provide you examples. Adoption agency workers and workers who work for adoption agencies but not directly with adoption will often gaslight you. This personally happened to me. Gaslighting is only one example.
  2. Understand adoption agencies have said things like “you’re not the real mother” “you’re just the vessel” “if you tell anyone you’ll burn in hell” “don’t search for your child and disturb their life” “don’t search for your birthmother and disturb her life” “birthparent privacy” (it’s false, it does not exist) “you’ll have your real children when you marry” “you’re not good adoptive parents if your child searches”  “you’re just a bad reminder” “your child is just a bad reminder” “if you love and care for your adopted child enough he or she will never want to search” “searching means you don’t love your adoptive parents” (some agencies support searching, but remember these false heros and heroines caused the separation) and I’m sure more. These lies are told to keep people apart so that the adoptee, adoptive parents, and the biological family members do not understand they were lied to, and do not register the full extent of the discrimination endured and decades lost.
  3. Knowing the truth now allows you to accept these truths. This is something important I need to teach everyone. Don’t listen to people who say “you need to prepare for rejection”. The line needs to be changed to “prepare to be found” whether you are an adoptee, a first mother, a biological father, a biological aunt, a biological sibling, etc. you need to be prepared to be found. I’ll get to rejection. I strongly, strongly, strongly recommend to do the search in this precise order. A. Heritage. B. Reading. C. Family Search.

A. Heritage- Learn more about yourself before you search for family. It’s important to remember that the adoption workers took away a lot from you, not just your original family. I know, I know you might be thinking “I’m Polish like my adoptive parents” or “I’m Canadian/I’m American and that’s all that matters.” If you are truly Polish like your adoptive parents or Greek like your adoptive parents then great your heritage was not stolen from you. However, do you have other heritages? If you aren’t actually ethnically Polish or Greek or whatever like your adoptive parents it’s great to know those cultures. Personally, I am only 4% Polish, and my adoptive mum has a huge chunk of Polish heritage. I love the Polish culture and traditions. Poland is the best country I’ve ever been to, but at the same time we as adoptees have a heritage or heritages of our own. Thanks to Bennett Greenspan, who I interviewed in January 2017, we adoptees have the capability to know our heritages. Mr. Greenspan created the first ancestral heritage site, Family Tree DNA. I personally like it the most and wish everyone used it. Currently, it’s not extremely popular like ancestry.com and 23andme so if you are not ready to search for close biological family members then I recommend using Family Tree DNA to know your heritages. Now, please stay with me here. Even if you’re not on board yet, please just stay with me here and read to the end before making your decision. Yes, you are Canadian, yes you are American but different ethnic groups brought great changes to the countries they immigrated to. PBS has an excellent, excellent three part documentary on Italians and Italian Americans and the incredible contribution Italian immigrants and Italian American immigrants made to the States. Learning your heritage and how your ethnic group of people contributed to where you live now is only beneficial for you to learn because it increases your knowledge of the country you are so patriotic to be from, but also let’s you know the contributions your people personally made, along with any hardships and discrimination your people endured such as the Native American groups, various Asian American groups in the Chinese Exclusion Act, Italian Americans, Irish Americans, and the German Americans during WWI.

B. Reading- Knowledge is power. There’s a lot of information out there. You don’t need to read it all, but I would recommend to do one year of reading before you start to search for biological family. How much? Whatever is a comfortable amount for you to read in a year. Canadian adoptees will likely want to read things more Canadian based, international/transracial adoptees will likely want to read things geared more towards them. The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond is an absolute must. A Hole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky discusses the medical discrimination of closed adoptees, the lies told by a Rochester, NY agency and how what is explained in the book is still appalently allowed. The Child Catchers. To Prison With Love by Sandy Musser. Blogs like mine, firstmotherforum.com, http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com, Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, Stork Market by Mirah Riben is a great book but you have to personally email her for a copy, The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler, A Man and His Mother by Tim Green (who is from Cuse where I lived for 19 years), Second Choice by Dr. Robert Andersen, The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild, The Butterbox Babies (Canadian), You Don’t Look Adopted by Anne Heffron, Lethal Secrets by Annette Baran (for those conceived through anonymous donors), Split at the Root by Catana Tully (for transracial adoptees), and The Cries of the Soul by Khara Nine (for adoptees who are transracial and/or endured child abuse and/or racism by their adoptive family). If you are not a book person that’s okay. Here are some movies I recommend for you to watch over the next twelve months. Not all will directly be something directly related to your adoption, but I still strongly recommend you give them a try  because one day it’s possible there might be something from one of these movies that directly is related to your adoption nobody ever told you about.

Philomena. The Magdalene Sisters. News interviews of twins separated by adoption. This is still ongoing and done in both Asian countries (especially China) and in the United States, twins separated so the agency makes more profit, so yes there’s always a slim possibility you have a twin or triplet you’re not even aware of nor your adoptive parents. Do you see why I despise adoption agency workers? More movies and documentaries, Ethiopian Adoptions by Journeyman Pictures on Youtube, Twinsters, A Girl Like Her, Loggerheads, Spain’s Stolen Babies (documentary), The Baby Sellers, Whose Child is This? The War for Baby Jessica, Other Mother True Story, Three Identical Strangers, and a lot more documentaries out there. There definitely is a lack of American movies, not documentaries, but movies that expose the problems and discrimination in adoption.

C. Searching- Remember we must change the adage from “expect to be rejected” to “expect to be found”. You can be found at any time. It’s important to know the time and money your family member spent trying to find you and that they searched for you because they love you. For many, especially because DNA technology for searching is pretty new, that has been decades anywhere from two decades to an outrageous seven decades. As you go through your search I cannot emphasis this enough. Ready? Please listen. Do not search just for your first mother. Search for your entire biological family. You have every legal right and every moral right to have a relationship with any biological family member that is eighteen years old or older, and they have every right to have a relationship with you without anyone interfering with that through lies, manipulation (ex: don’t get to know them until the biological mother has died), and force to keep you apart. People who know me, including my biological paternal aunt, ask, “are you content that you searched for your original family even though some are terrible to you?” My answer is yes, absolutely yes. Through searching I found two sides. I found people I am related to who still need to learn to stand up for themselves and learn better morals, I found people I am related to who need to release the comforting and uncomfortable lies adoption agency workers and elder family members told them, I found people I am related to that are just not kind (this is not just minor disagreements but to the point police have been appalled), but I also found fantastic people I am related to that are completely down to Earth, generous, loving, and kind including my biological paternal aunts and many extended cousins. I have no doubt that if I ever have a child in the future I will want his or her middle name to include the surname Schichler which is the surname of many of my cousins both here in the United States and in Germany. I know I will want another of their middle names to be Lawson after my biological paternal aunt, my biological paternal cousins who are closely related, and my beloved late great uncle who I only got a year to know along with Schichler being after my cousin Ben who I only got to know for a year. For those adoptees not wanting to search, the choice is entirely up to you but I say you potentially miss out on amazing opportunities. Understand the psychological damage done. We can pray for them, we can try to get them to change, if we want, if we want to spend the time, but if you don’t want to you can enjoy the great family members you do get to know, and regardless, enjoy the great family members you do get to know. Be as excited to meet a third cousin as you are to meet a half brother. You might learn you have a personality a lot more similar to your third cousin or more in common such as finding out you both went to the same high school because crazy things like that do definitely happen lol.

Searching does not mean you disrespect or don’t love your adoptive parents, provided they were great parents (like mine). In fact, searching can bring you closer to your adoptive parents. Some states treat adult adoptees as children and demand they get written permission from their adoptive parents to search. This is ridiculous. Honestly, if you go the DNA route that I explained at the beginning of this article, your adoptive parents nor the state can do anything about you talking to adult biological family members. I mean what are the police going to say if you reach out to say a great uncle, great aunt, and second cousin who are so excited to get to know you? If you live in a state where you need written permission do you really think the police are going to say “well, all of you have to stop talking to each other cos the adoptee is property of the adopters and they don’t want to let their adult son or daughter know their original family?” I mean get real. It becomes not only discrimination on you, but discrimination on your biological family members. Just remember, this behaviour of your adoptive parents is not necessarily meaning they are bad people they too were told things like “love is all you need” (whilst the pregnant mother was told “love isn’t enough”) and “if you love and care for your child, he won’t ever want to search.” Reassure them, regardless of whether or not your state has this stupid law, that searching has nothing to do with their excellent parenting.

Anti Choice Is Pro Woman.

This article, without a doubt, will be the most controversial article I ever write pissing off pro-lifers, pro-lifers who are really pro-birthers, pro-infant adopters, and anti-adopters and the reason why will be because too many people don’t listen. That’s the problem with a lot of people. They just think of how to reply. They don’t actually read. They don’t actually listen. They read something that is new to them, different to their own ideas and as they read it they say, “yeah, but, yeah but….” You could say by claiming this fact I am pushing people away. No, I’m just making the obvious obvious.

So, for anyone who does care to really read and reflect on this you’ll see in this article what I am really getting out. It’s a very think outside the box type of article.

When we think of pro-choice we think of adoption, keeping, or abortion. The unborn has no choice in abortion, and the born has no choice in adoption. One kills, the other discriminates especially in the case of closed adoption. Keeping is the least often given option because there is a false rumour that an unexpected pregnancy, especially in the horrible scenario of rape, is an unwanted pregnancy. I wrote a previous article on the dangers of saying “unwanted pregnancy.”

95% to 97% of women and teenage girls don’t keep their babies because they don’t have the finances. This is proven when Australia decided to take the money out of infant adoption. So, why don’t we just have the billion dollar abortion industry and the multibillion dollar adoption industry give all of their money to women and girls in a crisis pregnancy? There, 95% to 97% of women and adolescent girls will now be able to keep their children, along with any upstanding men and teenage boys (fathers) so long as they are safe for baby to be around.

Why are we promoting the death of a living being by abortion? I won’t get into the controversial evidence. Pro-lifers (some called pro birthers) say psychological evidence proves most of these mothers who kill their unborn through abortion suffer greatly, the pro-choice says differently. Too many of the pro-lifers are pro-birthers because they are ignorant to the trauma caused upon a mother and child (adoptee) of adoption loss or refuse to believe it, and also believe in the death penalty and/or euthanasia. Yes, I say this being pro-life.

Both the abortion industry and the adoption industry tell lies to further their agenda. I previously wrote articles on lies told by the adoption industry. I will write an article on lies told by the abortion industry. The thing is we need to ask ourselves, why are these industries making so much money?

However, let’s really think outside of the box here. How can we save lives? How can we give every person a non-discriminatory life?

First, we can stop the abortion industry’s false ideals they pass around that having an abortion is nothing but a relief to a woman having an unexpected pregnancy or the false claims of comments like “any normal woman would want to abort the demon spawn put in her by a rapist.” We can stop claiming the word abortion when it was not an abortion but a loss of an unborn baby due to medical complications.

Second, we can continue to change how adoption is done in the United States, Canada, Ireland, South Korea, China, Vietnam, and elsewhere in the world. We can keep telling people the facts about discrimination, recommending them books like The Baby Thief, and emphasising the importance of adoptees, first mothers, and other biological family members getting therapy because of the adoption. This can also include adoptive parents who learn the truth as well. We can continue in places like the United States and Canada to demand to abolish all closed adoptions, legally enforce open adoptions and stop sealing original birth certificates.

But one and two are not going to stop the abortions and adoptions of today. The thing is there are more options, as I speak, that are available to a pregnant mother. If she truly, truly cannot keep her infant, and that truly can’t is exceptionally small as in if she did she would pose a danger to her child, the nondiscriminatory options are:

Kinship care and legal guardianship. In family adoption is alright so long as there is open and honest communication, and whilst the original birth certificate will be sealed which is unacceptable, the child will very likely keep or know their original surname for life. An in family adoption does not take a person away from their culture, language, original family, heritage, and bio family medical information; it will take away from some if there is any dishonesty but it’s no comparison to out of family adoption.

Kinship care and legal guardianship both allow a person to live and not be discriminated. Adoption discriminates by making the adoptee the source of their bio mother’s problem, sealing their original birth certificate, denying them their heritage, denying them connections to biological siblings, and more in many cases and even one is one too many.

Anyone who promotes out of family infant adoption is promoting discrimination knowingly or unknowingly because of sealed adoption records, sealed original birth certificates, denial of heritage, denial of original family contact in most adoptions, and denial of a lack of or no bio family medical information. Discrimination is discrimination, no different than those who have discriminated women from voting in the past or owning their own property or divorcing abusive husbands. It’s one thing if you weren’t aware of this, if you weren’t then it’s time to support only keeping, kinship care, or legal guardianship or in family adoption if honest, it’s quite another if you continue to support out of family infant adoption after knowing the facts.

Finally, I need to make this very clear to three different demographics.

  1. Mothers who lost babies to abortion- in no way is this article trying to bully you. I believe many women do suffer in silence who had an abortion, and I hope you know there are support groups out there like Project Rachel. To those who had an abortion and feel no suffering, please ask yourself if you are being honest with yourself and if you are, again, this article is not trying to bully you. This article is simply about giving everyone life, including those who may have terrible fathers (I often hear that women and teenage girls who conceive in rape should abort, but interestingly never hear women who are married to a rapist should abort or women married to a husband who beats them should abort or women married to another type of violent felon should abort) and giving them a life that doesn’t include discrimination.
  2. Adoptive parents- Yes, there are some terrible adoptive parents out there such as those who abuse their adopted children and the more common those who lie and say they’ll do an open adoption and then close it. However, speaking to adoptive parents who adopted infants not from your family or older children who actually never needed to be taken from their biological family (foster care, cash for kids) again, you did not know. You didn’t know the extend to which these agencies lie, you didn’t know that mental health counsellors in adoption agencies tell first mothers and adoptees they are crazy, weird, bad if they want equality, a connection, and grieve for their loss, you didn’t know that adoption wasn’t going to take away the pain of your infertility, you too didn’t know.
  3. First mothers, most biological fathers, and other biological family members- you too were duped and, like all of us, continue to be duped by the loosely regulated, uncredentialed, multibillion dollar adoption industry’s propaganda. For more information check out previous articles on here.

 

So, please whilst this will cause controversy pass this around. Share with everyone. If someone is having an unexpected pregnancy tell them.

  1. Keeping- you can rescue pregnant mothers and mothers of newborns considering adoption by telling them about Saving Our Sisters (for Americans only).
  2. You can share this blog with them http://www.exposingadoption.wordpress.com
  3. You can tell them about kinship care.
  4. You can tell them about legal guardianship.
  5. You can tell them about in family adoption with any safe, well trusted family member if for some reason legal guardianship will not work or your child won’t lose his or her original surname, family connection, heritage, and medical info.

These are the real prochoice answers.