LGBT Adoption Agencies are not LGBT Friendly

It’s 2023, I wrote an article similar to this in I believe 2021, and nothing has changed. I’m not naming names, although I could of a certain self proclaiming LGBT adoption agency located in western New York. I have written this adoption agency numerous times on social media platforms and on their website. On Facebook, I was immediately blocked by a manager and my message to him was professional. I took video evidence of me messaging them in their inbox fill out form on their website, a website full of lies and propaganda like all other adoption agency websites, dating it to late April of this year. They have never bothered to reply because they are choosing to not reply. I am more than happy to have investigative journalists at local news stations, such as WKBW, and The Buffalo News comb through my personal email account and even delve into my deleted emails to prove they never answered. I have nothing to hide and nothing in my emails that is that private it would embarrass me if shown. I wrote this to WKBW, WIVB, WGRZ I believe them too I cannot remember, and The Buffalo News and have yet to hear back from them.

So, you may ask what did I write to this false LGBT friendly adoption agency of Western New York? I asked them to show proof that they care about adopted people, especially adopted LGBTQ+ people:

1. Show me proof that you are telling people that open adoption is not legally enforceable
2. Show me proof that you are telling people the dangers of closed adoption and how it’s very discriminatory
3. Show me proof that you have advocated for unsealing original birth certificates prior to 2020 when they finally became unsealed in NYS
4. Show me proof that you are currently advocating for the unsealing of adoption records
5. Show me proof that you are telling people the birthparent privacy lie is just that, a lie, created by child serial killer Georgia Tann
6. Show me proof that you are addressing the fact that White, cisgender, heterosexual adopted people are 4 times more likely to die by suicide than the non adopted American population, and adopted people of color are 6 times more and LGBTQ+ adopted people are more likely to as well, with adopted LGBTQ+ people of color having it the worst
7. Show me proof that you are addressing the fact that there have been hundreds of adopted children murdered by their adopters and what are you doing as part of the adoption industry to make adoption safer and more ethical, and what are you doing to make sure those other adoption agencies and adoption attorneys who abysmally failed children are being brought to justice?
8. Show me proof that you are telling people on your website and on your social media that many LGBTQ+ adopted people are being rejected from their false forever loving households for being who they are, and show me proof what you as a so-called LGBTQ+ adoption agency are doing for LGBTQ + adopted people who have now lost two families, their biological family, for one reason or another, and their adoptive family for being LGBTQ+

The truth is they are ignoring me because they haven’t done any of this. They haven’t helped to make adoption ethical. They haven’t helped adopted people not be discriminated. They haven’t tried to make open adoptions legally enforceable. They haven’t mentioned the problems with adoption. They haven’t advocated for murdered adopted children, or adopted children resold on the internet, or the extraordinarily high rates of suicide among adopted people of color and LGBTQ+ adopted people, they haven’t mentioned birthparent privacy is a lie created by child serial killer Georgia Tann, they haven’t advocated for unsealing original birth certificates or adoption records, and they certainly haven’t helped LGBTQ+ adopted people rejected from their false forever loving adoptive households for being who they are.

No, this WNY adoption agency only cares about LGBTQ+ who want to adopt and who have adopted.

The only credit I will give them is that they have get togethers between adoptive parents, the children, and biological parents because they do encourage open adoptions to actually stay open. This is a lot, lot better than the numerous atrocities created by Catholic Charities, still it’s futile if they are not advocating legally for the abolishment of closed adoptions which are always unnecessary and dangerous, and the legal enforcement of open adoptions

When they were allowed to march in The Buffalo Pride parade it sent a strong message that only certain LGBTQ+ members in the Western New York area are valued and deserve equality

I would need to check the messages, but I may have also asked them what are they doing to help pass the US Adoptee Citizenship Act, to which that was also ignored because once again, the answer to that is; nothing

*I used the tags anti LGBT and anti LGBTQ to prove that this organization is actually anti LGBTQ because they are not helping all adopted people, like myself

Adoption Agencies Don’t Just Prey on the Young

We have this belief that adoption agencies only prey upon young, unmarried teenage girls. I use the word prey because this is exactly what they do, tell them they are selfish if they keep their child or children, lie about open adoptions, tell them a closed adoption will make them forget their child or children, lie to them and say they are brave and selfless for giving their child away, refusing to tell them they’re a multibillion dollar industry that if they gave their money to families in need there would be barely any adoptions, and more.

Yet the fact of the matter is many women who lose their children to adoption are not young. Yes, some women choose adoption as a form of legal abandonment because they are psychopaths. There are definitely women in their thirties and forties, and late twenties, who lose their children to adoption. Sometimes, they are even married.

But why is this?

Because adoption agencies prey upon vulnerable women. Age does not matter to them.

Pregnant women who are having difficulty in their marriage.

Pregnant women who are temporarily homeless.

Pregnant women who are grieving from the loss of their spouse or partner.

Pregnant women escaping domestic violence.

Pregnant women who are single and feel they don’t make enough money.

Pregnant women who are single moms and don’t believe they can raise another child.

Women who recently had a baby and suffer from post partum psychosis.

Women who recently had a baby and suffer from post partum depression.

Women with mental health issues such as bipolar disorder.

Women with drug issues that could have their child temporarily cared for my legal guardianship or the foster care system, preferably by somebody in family as biological family should be sought first.

Adoption agencies will always, always, always make themselves to be the best choice. Behind the “you make the best decision for you and your baby” is the truth. They don’t want you to make any choice but them or they will not make a profit.

Some may say well aren’t some of those legitimate reasons to choose adoption? No.

There is no valid reason to give any child to a multibillion dollar, uncredentialed, corrupt, discriminatory, racist organization that has murdered hundreds of children and put tens of thousands of children with adopters who abused them and or resold them on the internet. There’s no reason to put a child with an agency, which would be all of them, that has committed cultural genocide, the theft of adoption records and original birth certificates, lied about birthdates and other key components to certain adopted people and their adoptive parents, hid criminals and criminal activites, and more.

All of those situations above can be remedied without adoption. Family preservation can be established within all of those scenarios. Adoption, as much as adoption agencies and adoption attorneys, want to lie about does not guarantee a safe and loving home for a child. Even if it did, and some children, do get loving families, it still does not matter. The discrimination and the corruption is still there.

Does The Pride Center of Buffalo, NY Care about All LGBTQ2S+ People and Do Other LGBTQ+ People? My Guess is No.

So I’m from Western New York. I used to live just by Forest Lawn Cemetary and a two minute walk from the beautiful Delaware Park. I now live rurally again. As a LGBTQ person I’m well aware of the services of The Pride Center. There’s a lot I could say about the Pride Center, both pros and cons. I do think they are an important service to have in the community and I’m very pleased to learn they are expanding their services such as welcoming a stunningly excellent program for transgender teenagers.

Still, as a LGBTQ person strong criticism of The Pride Center and affliations is necessary, along with other LGBTQ people in Buffalo. Why? Well, allow me to explain.

June is National Pride Month. An important month to celebrate and raise awareness. I prefer to call it National LGBTQ Awareness and Acceptance Month. Every year, minus the two years thanks to the pandemic, cities across the world host a pride parade. Buffalo definitely hosts an excellent pride parade too.

Here is my problem. Here is the problem not just for me, but for a lot of people. The Pride Center and their affliates let an adoption agency, Adoption Star, march in the pride parade. Yet Adoption Star lies about adoption, lies to expectant parent, is part of the uncredentialed, corrupt, unethical, racist, discriminatory multibillion dollar adoption industry responsible for putting hundreds of children with adopters who murdered thm and tens of thousands of adopted children, mostly children of color, who are resold on the internet, sometimes to paedophiles. I informed them of the problems with allowing in any adoption agency into the march, leaving emails and voicemails and as usual my concern, voice, and expressed extreme disatisfaction as an adopted person was ignored. I am not the least bit surprised by this because us adopted people are commodities and nobody cares about us, except a select few, including the LGBTQ+ community.

Everyone connected to the pride parade of Buffalo was left detailed messages and emails as to why Adoption Star, nor anyone involved in adoptions, should ever be allowed in a pride march. This included but was not limited to:

1. Adoption Star has never done anything to help LGBTQ adopted people.
2. Adoption Star only helps LGBTQ people who want to adopt, which is the legalized purchase of a child, theft of their own paperwork, lying to the expectant parent about open adoptions, and more.
3. Adoption Star completely ignores and does nothing to help LGBTQ adopted people, including children, who have been removed and rejected from their adoptive families because of their sexuality or gender.
4. Adoption Star completely ignores and does nothing to help LGBTQ adopted people who are six times more likely to die by suicide than the national average. Also, six times more likely to die by suicide if they are an adopted person of color. An adopted LGBTQ+ adopted person of color’s suicide rate is exponentially high.

This is because adopted people are commodities including to other marginalized communities. Before I delve into another group here in Buffalo let us look at some of the lies and disgusting tactics Adoption Star tells. The only acceptable, non discriminatory adoption that they market is Kinship Adoption which I strongly prefer to refer to as Kinship Care since it absolutely does not have the discriminatory and devastating affects that regular adoption has had on hundreds of millions of people.

1. The false belief that every family is extremely safe. No agency, adoption lawyer, or social worker etc can give surefire evidence that a child will remain in a safe and loving home.
2. A false belief that every waiting person to adopt lives an absolutely fantastic life.
3. Consistent subtle brainwashing to get pregnant people to give their babies away. No babies, no money. Adoption Star and other agencies, as mentioned before, make a fortune on tax returns.
4. Pushing people into adoption with their instant adoption “counselor” and adoption creation plans instead of resources to sites promoting family preservation and the horrors that adopted people and first parents have endured, which can be read on sites like firstmotherforum.com and here.
5. Luring people in with paying their medical bills.
6. Support groups of only other brainwashed people. If you are anti adoption like me because you have seen and learned of the extreme discrimination and danger adoption is, and how it has literally impeded some cold case homicides, you are most certainly not welcomed, and yes I have informed literally hundreds of police departments how adoption agencies, discriminatory state laws, and the adoption industry impedes the work of homicide detectives.
7. Allowing potential adopters into the birthing room so there is guilt if the pregnant parents wants to parent their own child.
8. Brainwashing the actual parents to believe over and over that they really aren’t the parents but carrying “the” child; the is used as a form of cognitive dissociation, to be delivered to their “real” parents.
9. Lying about open adoptions and not informing the pregnant mom and expectant dad that they are not legally enforceable and that 75% of them close by the time the child is in kindergarten.

The only thing I like on their website is the fact they list that an open adoption is much, much better for all involved. This is extremely true. The severe problem is they still allow closed adoptions which are severely abusive. Closed adoptions completely erase the identity of a person and all whom they are connected to. Only purely evil people choose closed adoptions, people who were forced into it, and people who are told that it’ll make them forget their pregnancy, which it won’t. Another problem is that they purposely do not inform the expectant parents, who come to Adoption Star, or any agency, that open adoption isn’t legally enforceable.

They, like all agencies, are taking advantage of people in a crisis situation. Remember, no babies, no money. They can say all they want about claiming to be a “no pressure” agency but when you’ve done this work and this investigation for literally decades, like I have, and even done undercover work like I have among various adoption agencies both within and out of New York State you know what they post on their websites and what they actually say to you online is vastly different.

We could also get into the money Adoption Star makes, in particular the CEO, because that’s an interesting plot but I’ll save that story for Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy. She can tell you that story.

So let’s look at more reasons why Adoption Star is luring people into legally selling their children so they can make a profit. After all, it is a multibillion dollar industry.

Their excuse. Parenting one or more children already. My solution – increase taxes of the rich to support programs to help single parents and low to working class income families.

Their excuse. Unstable housing/homeless. My solution. Don’t create two crises. First mothers post adoption have the highest rate of secondary infertility regardless of their background due entirely to the extreme loss of their child. Find housing for both mother and child. The idea that this is acceptable comes from an 1800s viewpoint that a baby is a blank slate, which they are not. You would never sell off a seven year old child to an adoption agency because you are homeless, well the chances would be extraordinarily rare, don’t find it acceptable to do to an infant either.

Their excuse. Want my child to have a stable family. My solution. Google “adopted children sold by their adopters” or “the reselling of adopted children” or “adopted children murdered by their adopters”. Adoption is certainly not a guarantee of a stable and loving family regardless of what the bullshit adoption home study plan says.

Their excuse. Want my child to have two parents. My solution. Adoptive families also deal with an adoptive parent dying when their adopted child is young. They also deal with divorce just as much. Again, it’s a ploy.

Their excuse. Religious beliefs. My solution. If your religion requires you to legally sell your child to a corrupt multibillion dollar industry you need a new religion. Get over yourself that I said this.

Their excuse. Problems in my marriage. My solution. So they’re literally promoting “throw the baby out with the bath water.” Nothing speaks fixing your marriage like getting rid of your kids? Your children will always be more important than your marriage. If you can’t understand this, you shouldn’t be in a marriage of convenience.

These are just some of the examples I can give as to why they’re completely full of shit.

So ask yourself again why did the Pride Center allow them to march?

And finally to finish what I was saying before, I was a member of the biggest LGBTQ+ group in the western NY area. I was kicked out, and the creator debated my sexuality, bisexual, because I stated on there that nobody should be adopting including LGBTQ people because adopted people are discriminated, especially those from closed adoptions.

Minority Led Businesses and Where Adoptees Fit In.

When we think of minority led businesses we think of people of color, and we should. During these trying times for Asian people, for example, we absolutely should be not only shouting Stop Asian Hate! but also promoting and frequenting Asian businesses. Last year, my friend -who is Puerto Rican- and I correlated and led Buffalo, NY’s Stop Asian Hate march but aside from that we also frequented various Asian and Asian American businesses, and still do, among the diverse and beautiful Asian cultures.

However, a minority led business isn’t only a business led by people of color.

First of all, what is a minority owned business? It is a business owned and operated by people from a marginalized community. A group of people who are discriminated by the more powerful members of society and/or by the government, and usually by other very big and powerful organizations like how Black women are treated terribly by the medical industry and pharmaceutical industry. A minority owned business is a business owned by people still struggling for their basic rights:

*Veteran owned

*Disabled owned, this includes people with a mental illness.

*Women owned

*LGBT owned

*Owned by a person of color.

*Owned by someone from a non dominant minority religion that typically still faces oppression. By the way, for those who are Christian living in the United States, you are far from oppressed because of your religion so don’t even try that here. This isn’t Communist China, or Iran or Egypt or the many other nations where you can be imprisoned or worse tortured and killed for being Christian.

These are examples of minority owned businesses that you will see across the United States.

TurboPup is a veteran owned woman owned business. It helps keep dogs healthy and gives back to dogs in animal shelters and to veterans.

Combat Flip Flops is a male veteran owned business selling flip flops in war zones. It helps to put Afghani girls through school.

Barre Centric is a woman owned fitness business in East Aurora, NY.

Covell Chiropractic is a woman owned chiropractic business specializing in pregnant women and women with newborns in the city of Buffalo, NY.

Allentown Cafe in the city of Buffalo, NY is a Black owned business.

Big Basha Beauty in the city of Buffalo, NY is a Black owned business.

Tiny Thai is an Asian owned woman owned business in the Buffalo, NY area.

Tokyo II is an Asian owned business on Delaware Ave in the city of Buffalo and hands down the best Japanese restaurant in my opinion in the Buffalo area.

The Rolling Explorer is a woman owned disabled owned business.

Candidly Kind is a woman owned disabled owned business by a woman who has Down Syndrome.

Of course, a business can be disabled owned and not run, operated or owned by a woman.

Ginew is a Native American owned business.

Sacred Circle Gifts and Arts is a Native American owned business giving a platform to other Indigenous artists.

Latina Boulevard Foods LLC is a Latinx/Hispanic owned business in Cheektowaga, NY a suburb of Buffalo.

El Canelo is a Mexican American owned business located in Hamburg, NY across from the McKinley Mall. Three towns emerge there so I may have the address wrong. I personally find it to be the best Mexican restaurant in the Buffalo area.

Aura Salt Save in East Amherst, NY is a LGBT owned business.

His and His Studio is a LGBT owned business in the city of Buffalo.

As you can see I promoted primarily businesses in my neck of the woods.

Now, personally speaking, I do understand how White people, such as myself are privileged and I do understand how White males who are heterosexual and identify as the sex they were born are privileged. There is no arguing that.

However, I will say that men, including White men who do not classify as disabled, LGBT or veteran can definitely be discriminated, and who are also not adopted. Look how many men as infants endure sexual torture and painful mutilation through the completely unnecessary practice of circumcision. I don’t care what your doctor or son’s pediatrician said, it’s complete and utter poppycock and completely unnecessary. If the entire nation of Finland’s men are uncircumcised you needn’t be too. Men of any race are also discriminated severely by the adoption industry, especially in the states of South Carolina and Utah, where their rights to parent are completely obliterated, even if they can parent. Men, including White straight men, are also more likely to be ignored or not believed when they call for domestic violence charges against an attacking female partner.

Finally, there are no domestic violence shelters for men yet make up 50% of the survivors and victims in domestic violence.

As you can see, I didn’t promote any adoptee owned businesses. Why? Is it because there aren’t any? Of course, there are. Is it because adoptees aren’t minorities? No, we most definitely are and we are a severely marginalized community.

It is because society, regardless of the country it is in, doesn’t recognize adoptees as being marginalized and as being minorities because of the lies, corruption, and deceit by the propagandist multibillion dollar completely uncredentialed adoption industry.

In fact, due to the sheer ignorance caused by the industry, and by people knowing the truth and wanting to stick their heads in the sand, adoptees are believed to be lucky. Toxic positivity and sheer ignorant comments are often said to adoptees such as:

*You’re lucky to be alive.

*I wish I were adopted into a loving family.

*You’re so lucky, your adoptive parents sacrificed so much for you. or You’re so lucky, your biological parents sacrificed so much for you.

*You must be so lucky, cherished, and loved.

And while these statements can be true they are never said in a way to actually mean kindness and this is guaranteed by what the ignorant person continues to say, including a brainwashed adoptee.

*You’re lucky to be alive is followed by, and not aborted. When adoption isn’t the answer to abortion and non adoptees are actually more likely to have risked being been aborted than adoptees. (Guttmacher Institute)

*You’re so lucky your parents sacrificed so much for you. Is followed up with only adoptees needing to be thankful that their parents provided them the basics that every child deserves. Society expects adoptees to be grateful that their adoptive parents put a roof over their head and gave them an education, etc. This is basic care of a child and no child or adult needs to be thankful for what should be done for every child on this planet.

*I wish I were adopted into a loving family is often said by people who endured child abuse. I too wish they had been raised in a family that loved them, accepted them and cherished them but it is a completely false belief that all or even most adoptive households are just that. Yes, many are and many people who do adopt actually do rescue children from abusive households, I won’t deny that, but adoption is not a guarantee of a better and safe and loving home, especially for children of color adopted by White people. As I always state, adoption is never necessary because sealing one’s birth certificate, changing their roots, name, and genealogy, sealing their adoption records and making them second class citizens and financially supporting a multibillion dollar uncredentialed institution responsible for the suicides of many and murders of hundreds of adopted children is abuse.

*You must be so lucky, cherished, and loved can be true. This depends on each individual adoptee, but it’s said with the intention of meaning you needn’t search, you needn’t your adoption records, why do you want to XYZ? It’s said in a rude manner. Adoptees have their owned, varied personal reasons as to why they want their original birth certificate and records and to know their heritage. Often because we have been lied to by adoption agencies, many by their adoptive parents, to reconnect with their ancestors and culture. Many elderly and middle aged adoptees are discovering they are Native American or Jewish as adoption was used throughout the twentieth century in Canada and America to wipe out these people, so when I say adoption is cultural genocide I literally mean it is cultural genocide, and genocide at that.

Of course, LGBTQ adoptees and adoptees of color are the most discriminated adoptees. Did you know LGBTQ adoptees and adoptees of color are six times more likely to die by suicide than the national average? Yet White non LGBT adoptees are also undermined, ignored, and harshly discriminated.

*Some adoptees cannot obtain a passport and cannot leave the United States simply for being adopted.

*Tens of millions of adoptees cannot have their original birth certificate purely due to corruption, lies, and human trafficking done by a murderous, child killing psychopath named Georgia Tann.

*Tens of millions of adoptees can’t have their adoption records due to corruption and adoption agencies wanting to hide a lot of corruption and deceitful lies.

*Adoptees nearly often cannot get biological family medical information including lifesaving medical information.

*Open adoptions are not legally enforceable and 75% of them in the US and Canada close. Many with narcissistic personality disorder are now adopting, give false pretenses that they will keep it open and then immediately closing the adoption or soon after closing the adoption for pure selfish reasons.

*Hundreds of millions of adoptees grow up or grew up having no idea what any of their biological family members look like. It is child abuse to look into the mirror and not know who you look like.

*Twins have been and continue to be separated for profit.

*Adoptees are denied basic rights of knowing who they are and where they come from and this has resulted in adoptees unknowingly having sexual encounters with biological family members they didn’t know were family members.

*White adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide than the national average.

*Adoptees have the highest rate of mental illness than any other demographic of people due to adoption trauma.

*Adoptees outside of in family adoptions and foster care adoptions are legally purchased people. Adoption is legalized human trafficking. Adoption done by an adoption attorney and adoption agencies is always, I repeat always, done through coercion and lies. This statement comes from decades of research. I have even gone undercover so I am immediate knowledge of the immense amount of deceit these agencies spew, especially in the state of New York. My “favorite” statement ever has to be from posing as a pregnant mom in December of 2018 and receiving a brochure from a NYS agency who told me it’s better to give up a child to them then for one’s husband to leave you.

*Adult adoptees deal with the constant mental abuse of being discriminated, being ignored, being told we’re crazy, and being treated like children.

*Many adoptees often have to carry a stigma, such as that their biological mom was a drug addict which most likely isn’t true and if it is, so what? Many adoptees have to play pretend; being their adoptive parents’ miscarried or never conceived biological child because the adoptive parents are still grieving the loss or the loss of infertility. Adoption agencies harmfully effect many adoptive parents too by never letting them properly heal and get proper therapy for infertility.

*For internationally born adoptees who came to the United States before the year 2000 who were never naturalized now as adults they cannot naturalize themselves. They are not considered US citizens or any citizens. They were brought over here as children, through no choice of their own, primarily from South Korea yet they cannot: marry, vote, rent, work, obtain health insurance, attend college, and so much more. Their suicide rates are six times the national average. *Fortunately, this has changed and after a decades long fight on February 4, 2022 equality was passed.

There is no question and no contest that adoptees are discriminated. That isn’t an opinion but rooted in fact because non adopted people have basic rights given to them that adopted people are denied simply for being adopted.

Yet adoptees are not seen as minorities or marginalized people. This needs to change.

How we can make this change is by getting people who are adopted, no matter what kind of adoptee they are, who own or operate a business to acknowledge their business as an adoptee owned business.

Convince local newspapers to print adoptee owned businesses.

Start websites for adoptee owned businesses.

Advertise that you are an adoptee owned business.

I am the owner and operator of Relax and Refocus with Megan. In fact here on wordpress you can click to my other website that will take you to all of my services and pricing, and what’s coming soon. Relax and Refocus with Megan is my holistic business. As a member of the CTAA and a certified holistic practitioner I offer services in: feng shui, pendulum dowsing, aura reading, tarot with color therapy, crystal healing, sex addiction awareness and solutions, vegan and vegetarian nutrition consultation, and food intolerance consultation, none of which can take the place of your medical provider. I will eventually also be offering services in: feng shui for weight loss, CBT certification, law of attraction, reiki, animal communication, hypnosis, Indian head massage, and acupressure. I’m also a certification psychic and I also do soul paintings.

Relax and Refocus with Megan can be found on Facebook, Instagram at relaxandrefocuswithmegan, Pinterest, and Youtube. It’s best to follow me on Instagram and get the pricing on Facebook. I am happy to work with anybody but specialize in working with children with a parent present, men, LGBT, and adoptees.

relaxandrefocuswithmegan is an adoptee owned, woman owned, LGBT owned, disabled owned business.

If you are an adoptee owned business no matter what you do and no matter how small of a job you have please leave a comment below and promote your business as well.

Adoptee owned business needs to start becoming a trend that is also recognized by state, territorial, and provincial governments through the UK, England, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the United States and other nations.

There’s Jesus, and Then There are Christians. Christian Organization Raises Money For Child Murderer then Blocks Me.

I often see too many times people disliking Christianity, the religion created by Jesus Christ because of the actions of Christians. I truly get that and I truly get why. A big reason why is because many who call themselves Christians do not act Christian at all. There are many Christians, and Catholics, who are against rights for adoptees. Who believe adoptees are just commodities who should always be grateful they were adopted and be grateful they are alive. Nevermind the corrupt, unethical behaviour, racism, and discrimination that occurs to every single adoptee, that doesn’t matter to a bulk of these Christians and Catholics. Many are also transphobic and homophobic. There are other forms of discrimination as well. Some aren’t like that at all, but actually don’t even truly understand Christianity or Catholicism, and that can include priests and pastors.

Both Hands, a so-called Christian organization based in Tennesee raises money for adoptions. What’s wrong with that? Well,

*They perpetuate the orphan myth. 80% of orphans are not actually orphans and have a living parent. The other 20% nearly always have extended adult family members. Children are put into orphanages because of discrimination within their society, like if they are handicap, or because the families are so poor it’s a way to house them, feed them and educate them. International adoption is legalized child trafficking because they lie to the parents and tell them their child will return post-adoption to make them and their country or village richer. It’s completely false. Lying to people is legal in adoption and what keeps the industry running.

*They give a false narrative of the forever loving family myth. For those who know my research for years, you’ll know that tens of thousands of adopted children every year, mostly children of color, are resold on the internet sometimes to paedophiles and even when an adoption lawyer is involved people are profiting off of a child. A child already ripped from his culture and language and land is now being ripped again from everything he has become accustomed to. This psychological, mental, and emotional child abuse is allowed. This reselling is allowed on Facebook groups, which also love to press that block button. Some actual examples I have seen, always of White adopters reselling children are. “We wanted to raise a little girl. Now, that she, a White, female child is 14 and well into puberty we don’t want her anymore.” “After 8 weeks, and removing a child from his culture and everyone and everything he knows in an African country, we decided parenting isn’t for us.” Am I suggesting keeping children with these horrible, inept, narcissistic people? No, but what I am saying is how extremely dangerous the multi-billion dollar adoption industry is to be so callous to remove children who never needed to be given to new families in the first place and then lie in order to feed their extremely inflated egos and self-entitlement by lying about the loving forever family myth.

Murder of adopted children is not rare. Many adoptees are also murdered through suicide after years of unresolved and untreated mental illness associated with their adoption and racism and other tragedies they endure as adoptees.

A couple of weeks ago a six week old adopted baby was murdered by his male adopter. His poor, little legs were snapped among other forms of physical abuse. Both Hands funded this murderer by raising money for him and his wife, who previously legally purchased a female child who I’m sure they’ve been abusing as well, by asking people to donate money for them to legally purchase this child.

Is society that blind to realize how unethical and creepy it is that we are raising money for people, people we barely know or don’t know at all, to legally purchase young people who get no decision in the biggest and permanent changes in their life? Yet, we as a society gaffaw when the biological mom wants to raise the baby and doesn’t have the financial means to do so, we tell her, “well, shouldn’t have gotten pregnant when you were poor.”

So ask yourself, why are we so keen to raise money for strangers to take a baby but not raise money for the child’s own mom to keep her baby? Or the child’s dad incase the mom is deceased or a low life deadbeat if the dad loves his child and wants to raise him or her.

I’m not condoning having a child when you have no money, but what I am saying is you see nothing wrong with people being financially inept from adopting a child and want to help them but don’t want to help the biological family members keep their own child.

So, what happened with Both Hands? Nowhere on their Instagram did Both Hands issue a realistic apology. They did give, I suppose to the news, so quick and empty apology. They then, on their social media of Facebook and Instagram, continued to raise money for people to legally purchase babies. They promoted the propaganda of an Asian female child with Down Syndrome finding her “so-called forever family” without permission from this child to blast her face on social media for their supposedly do-gooder false activism. Which on a subconscious level promotes the ableist belief that children and people with extra needs, a double whammy for this child, can’t make decisions for themselves.

Any actual Christian would say to themselves, “wait a minute. We raised money for a man who murdered a child. Maybe we should stop what we are doing”. But no, they continue to raise money for others to take children, continuing to do so in the same manner they were doing before, continuing to very potentially physically endanger other children.

And when confronted with these facts. The facts of the forever family myth. The fact that they raised money for a murderer and could be doing so for another one their answer was to block me as quickly as they could on Instagram

and then Facebook.

So you tell me how Christian organizations are actually Christian? How so many Christians are so close to Christ when they are actually not?

And yet the answer I get from people is, “well, we shouldn’t stop adoptions just because few children are murdered”, because yet again as I’ve explained before non-adopted people see us as commodities.

Just remember, it usually takes Both Hands to murder someone

Crystal Healing: Rose Quartz The Adoptee’s Crystal.

I am a holistic healer and I’m certified in masters level tarot readings and pendulum dowsing and I was just certified in masters crystal healing therapy. Later this year I will be certified in: EFT tapping, acupressure, feng shui, and Indian head massage. By next year I will, hopefully, be certified in CBT therapy as well. I will work with anyone who gravitates towards me but primarily I want to work with: adoptees, men, the LGBTQ community, and children.

Of course, due to covid I won’t be able to actually do some of these practices on people. However, some practices I can offer online and already do. If any of this sounds like an interest to you you can request to join my private group on Facebook Relax and Refocus with Megan DePerro or follow me on IG at relaxandrefocuswith Megan.

For now, during this pandemic, when it comes to crystal healing therapy I’m available for online assistance in helping you know what crystals are what you currently need and what crystals you should pair together for yourself. Why can’t I just go online and look? Because a lot of these people posting crystals and crystal pairings online do not have proper certification. They are pairing or making crystal sets that absolutely do not go together and will only cause problems. They don’t inform you what crystals are actually toxic such as black tourmaline and malachite if they touch water. They are putting crystals in gem water, a popular method these days, without knowing those crystals cannot touch water.

I’ve heard some controversy saying because I’m a Christian I can’t work with tarot or I can’t work with crystals. Any tool can be used for good or bad. It depends on how you use it. I don’t want to delve into tarot here, because this is an article about crystals and rose quartz, but I will say that tarot, crystals, all of them do not contact any evildoers. Tarot also does not, as much as the popular myth is told, predict the future. It is simply your subconscious mind coming to the surface saying this is what will be happening soon.

A common misconception with crystals is that people worship them and that Jews and Christians should not be using crystals because they’re worshipping them instead of Gd. Others say there is no scientific background in crystal healing. Neither is true.

All things in and on and above the planets was created by Gd. Crystals, which are immensely pressurized rocks, are created by God. God put many messages in things such as: sound, colours, crystals, animals, smells, flowers, mathematics and so much more. It is not only the spoken and written word that communicates.

I like all to keep an open mind. When you go into a crystal shop, being fully vaccinated and fully masked of course with a N95 mask, wash or sanitize your hands. Take some deep slow breaths breathing in through your nose and out of your belly. Be sure to not have any other crystals on you, so if you do put them in your pocket or lay them to the side for a moment.

Pick up a crystal without looking at the description. You should feel a certain way that nearly everybody else feels. I remember the first time I picked up howlite. I instantly had an intense feeling of calmness, and after I looked at the description sure enough it was the crystal of calmness.

Give it a chance with rose quartz. Rose quartz, a beautiful pink crystal is a crystal that emits unconditional love. It is a crystal for increasing self-love. Not being full of yourself love, but a self love for all people hurt and damaged in some manner. All adoptees, whether they want to admit it or not, have endured a trauma.

Many adoptees are hurting. Many adoptees are in the closet hurting. I am not saying that a rose quartz will eliminate your problems, but I am saying it’ll help. Every adoptee should have a rose quartz. A tumbled or rough piece of rose quartz, a rose quartz necklace or a rose quartz bracelet or rose quartz earrings. All crystals have energy so it needn’t be touching your skin but it is more powerful if it does. Wear it for a long time day and night, and within a few weeks you should start to see a difference.

God gave us these crystals to help us. God is sending a message in these crystals.

Give it a try, try some rose quartz.

Does NYSUT Really Care about Equality? I Doubt It.

There have been national teacher organizations that have advocated for internationally born adult adoptees in the US without citizenship to be able to obtain it. However, NYSUT, which is short for New York State Union of Teachers, strongly doesn’t seem to support necessary adoption reform and equality for adoptees. Even a leading, lesbian, female senator in NY who is an active member in education, doesn’t support equality for adoptees.

In fact, I see this too often with NYS senators being members of the LGBTQ community and still discriminating adoptees. You would think being from a marginalized group you would want to not marginalize others. I guess not. I am bisexual, I am a member of the LGBTQ community, and at this point I’m over and done being sick and tired of the discrimination to adoptees committed by LGBTQ members, especially those in a position of power. Especially when many LGBTQ adoptees are kicked out of their what was supposed to be permanent, loving households for being LGBTQ and NYSUT and NYSUT supporters are leaving these kids in the dust all because they’re most likely too afraid to handle multibillion dollar lobbyists and adoption agency CEOs who need to be defunded, and don’t want to upset parents who adopted.

NYSUT cares about other forms of social injustice, such as racial inequality, and other serious issues such as breast cancer, and these issues are also equally important.

Yet, when NYSUT was informed by me, and possibly others, through emails and phone calls, with ample evidence given of the problems that need our attention it was completely ignored. I cannot come to believe that school staffing shortages or being completely overburdened are the reasons to completely ignore the inequalities, disparages, misogyny, racism, and discrimination of adoptees and how the adoption industry operates if you have time to fight for other justifiable causes.

If NYSUT wants to claim they are for all children then they need to be for all children. If NYSUT wants to claim they are for social justice then they need to be for all social justice.

Everyone should stop funding NYSUT until they acknowledge and work with knowledgeable organizations and people, such as Adam Pertman, Lorraine Dusky, Unsealed Initiative, Senator David Weprin, and Concerned United Birthparents to name a few to:

*Advocate that Black and Brown children are not priced lower for adoptions.

*Have someone check on adopted children because child abuse rates are much higher among adopted children than biological children raised in their biological homes.

*Address the fact that White adoptees are 4 xs more likely to die by suicide and LGBT and adoptees of color are 6 xs more likely to die by suicide.

*Address the extremely high mental health rate of adoptees, primarily ADHD, depression and anxiety.

*Stop caring about the feelings of adoptive parents being defensive and saying comments like “well my child is well adjusted” and “well my child is better off.” This isn’t about you.

*Advocate for every public, charter, and magnet school to have an after school group in middle school and high school for adopted children where adopted children are not forced to feel “special” or “grateful” for being adopted, but are able to freely express their emotions and questions about adoption and being adopted with well- researched answers being given to the children, not comforting lies.

*Advocate to be activist looking into the corrupt practices of CPS and adoption agencies including the lie of open adoptions which are not even legally enforceable, and most close by the time the child enters kindergarten.

*Advocate for adoption records to be unsealed because often they were sealed to hide criminal activities.

*Advocate for all internationally born adoptees to automatically be given US citizenship. There are over 26,000 internationally born adult adoptees in the US, mostly from Korea, who have no citizenship and cannot currently obtain it themselves, and they have no basic rights such as the right to vote, the right to rent, the right to work, and the right to marry.

These are only some of the things NYSUT can be, and should be, doing for adopted students or students with adopted parents. The fact we often hear “this student is adopted and they seem fine” or the lie Catholic Family Center of Rochester, NY tells “that adopted children do better in school” is due to the fact adopted children who fall under the cracks are ignored, and adopted children are forced to be grateful when adoption is a complex multitude of emotions.

I urge others in NYS to write into NYSUT and call their NYSUT chapter and say it is time you advocate for adoptees. If the National Education Association can advocate, at least, for internationally born adult adoptees to all have US citizenship then so can NYSUT, and so much more.

Adoptees, Money and the Root Chakra.

The Indian chakra system has been in existence for thousands and thousands of years, first appearing in the Vedas. Of course, experts in the chakra system can tell you even more, but I have been studying and working with chakras for years now.

I’m only focusing for this article on the root chakra. The root chakra called the Muladhara is located at the base of the spine. Its colour is red.

Chakras need to be balanced. At times due to various causes, including and especially pre-verbal trauma such as circumcision, a traumatic birth, those who have survived a failed abortion, separation of biological mom and baby because of adoption, other forms of child abandonment in verbal years, baby shaken syndrome, and school yard bullying with parents saying “deal with it, toughen up”, and the schools as usually doing nothing about it, chakras can become unbalanced. An unbalanced chakra will be in excess or will be depleted. This can be assessed through a variety of means from intuition, to colour therapy, to sound therapy, to pendulum dowsing, and checking your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Adoptees, and some may not want to admit this, have serious root chakra problems. I include myself in this. It isn’t our fault. It is because of the pre-verbal trauma. No matter what family you were raised in, and I realize things are exacerbated for those adoptees raised in horrible homes, of which there are many cases especially for adoptees of colour, the trauma of the initial separation is still there even if your biological mother was a vicious, violent psychopath.

Some women are terrible, vicious mothers who shouldn’t be allowed to have children but even in those cases of removing an infant for her or his safety a baby simply does not understand as he or she spent nine months in the womb of his mother and knows no difference. In fact, for the newborn it is the fourth trimester, and he sees himself as still part of his mom. Removing him now causes identity problems later. Of course, the vast majority of first mothers are not bad people at all. The majority of them had no choice, but were forced to do adoption or wanted an open adoption and didn’t know that most close. Still, no matter the reasoning for the adoption the root chakra is still damaged.

This is why it’s so imperative to teach people that babies are not blank slates.

The root chakra is about survival. A balanced root chakra is about feeling grounded, secure, having the optimal weight, and have a good gastrointestinal and elimination process. A balanced root chakra makes you feel like you have a purpose and a right to be here.

All adoptees grew in the uteruses of women and girls who were under extreme stress during the time of their pregnancies. This developmentally changes the growing preborn baby on the cellular level. This shows up later in a multitude of miserable coping mechanism methods in adoptees such as their disdain for money and trouble keeping money, weight control problems and overeating, higher rates of drug use, and anxiety problems. I’ve been dealing with all three, although the first two I am getting under control and the last I am using holistic means to do so. I am fortunate to never have had a drug problem, but don’t judge who do. As someone smartly mentioned, weed is not the gateway drug trauma is.

The truth is any adoptee who says “that’s you that’s not me” is lying. Why? Because when speaking of infant adoption it’s a pre-verbal trauma and therefore it is stored deep, deep, deep into the subconscious level of the brain. Therefore, the adoptee throughout life, will live life in survival mechanism. Even for a child adopted when older it’s still a traumatic event which is something society refuses to see. Allow me to explain.

A child is removed from an abusive biological household and placed somewhere else into, what hopefully is, a loving family. Let’s assume for simplicity’s sake that the child is raised in a loving adoptive home. Even then, he or she at the root chakra level has the trauma of the separation from the original household and original family members they were with. He or she still has the abandonment, neglect the original family caused that has now created a severe and irrevocable damage to the root chakra.

This can make many good and loving adoptive parents feel very guilty. Why is my child always sad? Why does my adult child have such bad anxiety? Why can’t they access their heritage was asked before the ancestral DNA sites became in existence. Remember, while today many adopters are jealous, immature, narcissistic brats in the past many adopting had no idea what really occurred, and thought they were doing everyone a favour, and adoption agencies lied to these parents and told them their child would rarely get curious about their adoption, maybe just on their birthday.

A unbalanced root chakra is seen with: rage, anxiety, depression, fear, insecurity, weak physical health, apathy, laziness, lack of motivation, anemia, low self esteem, constipation, overweight, underweight, insecure and unstable.

We see adoptees are often unstable with money and there is a survival mechanism around money, careers and adoptees. What is my scientific basis for this? Well, does there always need to be scientific basis? It is quite often seen in simply interacting with other adoptees. It is something that other adoptees have noticed as well, and brought to my attention.

With every adoptee trying to literally find themselves there becomes a disconnect with money in one of two ways.

Type A not enough: this is the adoptee who struggles financially, they go from job, to job to job to job not knowing exactly what they want to do. Part of this reason is because of a disconnect with their biological family to know their natural talents and have those finely tuned since childhood. They often can’t stay in one job because their minds are so preoccupied with finding themselves and finding answers they need that were wrongfully taken from them. Perhaps this adoptee also likely comes from a Christian home that taught them “money is the root of all evil” when in fact the proper sentencing is “love of money is the root of all evil”. The damaged root chakra causes a lack of security in the self and this therefore causes a lack of security involving money. You often see this with adoptees saying comments such as “I’m on disability” realizing or not realizing their physical, mental and emotional ailments are caused by adoptee trauma, “I don’t have the money”, “I’m broke” and so on and so forth.

These type of adoptees also believe everyone should do stuff for free. “We were all traumatized so we should all be helping each other for free”. You hear this comment time and time again. Whether it’s being a search angel or whatever it may be. Yet, a physical therapist who has also been injured himself isn’t going to go up to someone and say “yeah, I damaged my leg too so I guess you don’t have to pay me.” People absolutely should be paid for their services or a barter or trade should be done. I’ve had many people get mad that I now say you must pay me for my services if you want me to look for someone. I also am the only person who will require you to do necessary reading before I search for you. Many paid searchers won’t even look without a name and are demanding thousands. That’s not me. I’m certified at the masters level in tarot and have had adoptees tell me I should be offering my services for free or on a sliding scale. I was doing this myself too, selling myself short, giving information out for free and doing things for free until I learned it stemmed from a damaged root chakra which stems from the complexities of adoptee trauma.

And it needs to be said, no you’re not getting free service just because you’ve been traumatized and don’t assume you’re getting free service just because you’ve been traumatized. Offer payment, trade, or to do something in return. Maybe a free service once or twice in agreement that you will pay for other services later on.

Adoptees we must start being paid for our services, including what we teach others and yes I absolutely should have been and should be paid for this blog which is a wealth of factual information.

Why is it wrong to help someone? There is nothing wrong with helping someone, but it becomes a problem with several hours of a service are being taken advantage of or when people automatically assume it should be done for free. When you provide a service that is done too cheaply then it makes yourself look cheap and as if you’re not very good. I price my tarot readings at $45 to $55, which is very reasonable and shows that I do a good job. My readings are very detailed lasting an hour to 90 minutes long and include looking at the herbology, numerology, and colour of a card and how it relates to the person coming to a reading with me. Yet I had someone say they should be only $20, they should be on a sliding scale. Trust me, if I had said they are $20 I can guarantee fellow adoptees would still say I can’t afford that or it’s too much money. If you can’t afford something that only costs $20 you’ve got a problem, and that includes myself at times. If you simply don’t want to pay for something because you have no interest in it that’s different. And I don’t mean problems like your bank account being constantly hacked.

Then you have the other adoptees, and these are of a smaller minority. The overachiever, highly economically successful adoptees yet they too have a damaged root chakra. These are the adoptees with a plastered smile on their face, who will praise adoption and claim because of adoption they are who they are this day, when that is simply not true. These are the adoptees who become highly successful in their jobs. So what is the problem here? It is because that high level of achievement stems from feeling underrated and under appreciated as a child. It sometimes can stem from a damaging self belief in the Asian minority model myth. It can stem from not having a connection to roots, to the biological family, and feeling like they must really prove themselves in order to be accepted by their adoptive families, or by society. “I have to become the best of the best in order to prove and thank my adoptive parents that they love me so much and they did a good job”. Of course, there’s nothing wrong in being successful. I applaud it and encourage it, but there’s a severe problem with a minority myth model is upheld, when microaggressions towards adoptees are upheld, and when racial microaggressions are upheld by the adoptee because they feel they won’t fit or will be rejected.

It is time for adoptees, and anyone severely traumatized in childhood, verbal or pre-verbal, to speak up. Drown out the voices of those who claim “it was so long ago” or “get over it”. Make adoptees who don’t want to learn the truth that adoption has nothing to do with making a person successful uncomfortable. The truth will make people uncomfortable but that’s how people grow. Do what needs to be done for your root chakra to be balanced and healthy, and what that is will entirely depend on each person’s needs and desires. I’m not being paid for it, so it’s up to each and everyone of you to look up how to balance your root chakra and then go about doing it how you see best for your own self.

Dear Adoptees, You’re Not Obligated to Answer. Non Adoptees, How to Ask Questions About Adoption with Tact.

This is a problem for adoptees. It can even be a problem for siblings of adoptees or children of adoptees. What problem you ask? Feeling like you’re forced to answer questions even if it’s from well meaning people. Let me provide you with a few examples.

Oh, you’re adopted. Have you searched for your real parents? I use the term real parents because it’s often said like this but who the real parents are is entirely up to the adoptee. Some feel it’s both the biological and the adoptive, some feel it’s only the adoptive, some feel it’s only the biological and others are more complex say they see their stepfather and their biological dad as their real parents but their adoptive mom and biological mom have been horrible in their life. It’s based on how much an adoptee knows about the corruption, discrimination, racism, and misogyny involved in the adoption industry meshed with their own personal experiences.

However, I’ll just focus on the examples without the nitty gritty of incorrect word usage because I’ve already focused on that before.

Oh, you’re adopted. Have you searched for your real parents?

So where were you born?

Do you like being adopted?

Is your brother your real brother, you know what I mean sorry, is he adopted like you too?

Did someone in your family adopt you?

Why did your parents adopt your sister from Korea?

Were you in an orphanage?

Do you want to search?

Why are you searching, did your adoptive parents do a bad job? Did they not love you?

Do you want to adopt your own children some day?

Do you speak any insert language of original country?

Did you watch the new Disney movie about the orphan girl who gets adopted?

I guess it’s safe to say that all of us adoptees have felt like we have been obligated to answer these questions, or others. So, perhaps let me break this down into parts to talk to different groups.

PART I- Adoptees

1. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Even if you’re a child or a teenager, you don’t have to answer if you want to.
2. People need to understand it’s mentally tiring to answer these questions.
3. Use your gut instinct and know if this person is asking because you feel they might want to tell you their own story, because they care to know the answer, or because like most they want to lecture you on how they know more of a lived experience they do not have. We call this travesty adopteesplaining.
4. Even if you answered questions yesterday, last month, last year, or answered questions for ten years the moment you wake up and decide you’re not answering questions for whatever time, for whatever reason needs to be respected.
5. You can choose who you answer questions to and who you talk about adoption with. Aunt Bobbie Jo doesn’t get a pass just because she’s your aunt.
6. You don’t even have to answer questions about your adoption to other adoptees.
7. You can answer questions to anyone. You can tell anyone you want about adoption, even if it’s your local bus driver you take your morning and night routes home with Monday through Thursday before and after work. Just make sure, please, please make sure the facts you give are indeed factual. Don’t ever let anyone but yourself shut you up, but if you are giving information that is wrong and harmful then please hush.
8. Depending on the situation and the person how you say no will depend. Here are some examples:

A. Sorry, I’m not in the mood to talk about that now.

B. I’m just not in the mood to talk about adoption.

C. This is a topic I choose to discuss only with other adoptees.

D. Your question is too complex to answer simply. This is a common problem. People ask questions, through no fault of their own, without knowing the answer can literally take hours and hours to answer.

E. I know you’re pro adoption and won’t listen to adoptees so why are you bothering asking me?

F. Here’s some books and blogs I can refer you to.

PART II – Adoptive Parents

It’s not your place to tell your adopted child’s story to the public. Stop telling it to the public, stop posting it on Instagram, stop making blogs about it. Stop trying to get yourselves on the news. We get it, you see yourself as the savior of orphans, but there is only one true Saviour of orphans and He knows the corruption involved and He, our Jesus Christ, knows most orphans aren’t truly orphans. Stop stealing your child’s story, stop stealing their thunder. A lot, a lot of adoptive parents are going to regret this when their children are older and are pissed the f—– off for blabbing about very personal details about them the world over. What you see as a celebration, like a video of being handed your baby that went viral on your local news can be a painful reminder to your child that everyone celebrated. A reminder that they love you and are happy to live with you, but a painful reminder that their biological parents died in a fiery train wreck or were on drugs or were simply too young and too poor to care for them, or were even married and already had nine kids living in Appalachian poverty but instead of helping them out you’d rather selfishly spend the money on taking one of their kids. This isn’t the 1970s or the 1980s, for example, when people adopting didn’t know any better. This is the 21st century. The time of the internet, you have no excuse.

You needn’t tell your adopted child’s story to everyone you know personally. If you tell, you don’t even need to tell all of the details.

If you have told your child’s entire story online then now is a good time to delete it. Apologize if you want to, I don’t see an apology being necessary because most adoptive parents have no idea it’s not okay to be telling their child’s entire life story online.

Yes, you can say we adopted our child online, but the nitty gritty details are for her or him to discuss. When you do talk about adoption, you need to be an ally and mention things such as
“at the time of Rheanna’s adoption we didn’t know the adoption industry isn’t credentialed, resulting in thousands of kids being adopted into unhappy homes”

or

“when we adopted Bryce we didn’t know the importance of sibling bonding. We adopted him from Venezuela and are now devasted to not have a clue where Bryce’s two brothers and sister are. Please never make the same mistake we did.”

or
“We adopted our son, and love him dearly, name withheld, but after reading the blogs and voices of adoptees my husband and I can’t be any less than frustrated. We are behooved to change a very corrupt system and demand Holt International is taken to court.”

There are many adoptees who hate all adoptive parents. I don’t think this is fair. There are many first mothers who also hate all adoptive parents. Again, this isn’t fair. If there’s going to be any hatred, and there should be, it should be to those working in the adoption industry because they are well aware of the deceit, lies, discrimination, corruption, and most importantly, child endangerment, that they’re doing. Adoptive parents can be allies too. One way you can be an ally is by not blabbing all about your child.

PART III- Everybody Asking

We understand, as in we adoptees understand, that you might come with great sincerity in wanting to know the answers so you might be alarmed when we don’t respond nicely. This is because most people who ask questions to adoptees are insensitive and not asking to truly listen, but to lecture.

1. Understand the narrative that each adoption is unique is completely false. There are some things that are layover from millions of adoptions like the governments stealing the real birth certificates of adopted people and giving them fake ones. This has nothing to do with birthparent privacy because this even happens to say an eight year old child who is adopted who already knows his biological parents. Birthparent privacy was a rumor started by the human trafficker and child kidnapper Georgia Tann.
2. Please try understand that sometimes your questions can be very draining and degrading. Again, this isn’t your fault it’s because society, such as news and movies, doesn’t ask us adoptees directly how to politely word things.
3. Your questions such as “what’s wrong with adoption?” or “if you love your parents, why do you want to search?” are questions that literally can take hours if not days to answer. Heck, what’s wrong with adoption would take an entire year’s college course lecture to answer.
4. It is okay to ask questions, it is not okay to assume an adopted person has to answer you.

So, how can you phrase your questions? First, if you get a very nasty reaction from one adoptee don’t assume we’re all like that. Somebody who starts off answering your question with “you have no business asking” probably has some unresolved hurt.

So try these examples as tips:

A. Don’t assume, ask.

B. Is it okay if I ask you some questions about adoption? or about your adoption?

C. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about adoption? or about your adoption?

D. I’m a bit confused, can you help me understand why I get different answers to the same question from adoptees?

So let’s piece it together.

Is it okay if I ask you some questions about adoption? Ok great. Why is there such an outrage lately about international adoption?

Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your adoption? Oh, thanks. Why didn’t the state government let you know your heritages at first? Can you get your original birth certificate in your state? Have you applied for yours yet?

Pride Month Doesn’t Mean Acting Like the LGBT Community is Perfect.

First, before I begin I know I will get crap from people stating what I’m about to state is homophobic or transphobic or anti LGBT but it’s not. It’s not because I am a member of the LGBT community. I am bisexual, and furthermore even if someone who was straight and cisgender not trans, intersex, non binary, genderqueer, what have you wrote, this I would still totally support them if they were to say what I’m about to say.

Pride Month is this month. It’s a month to represent the LGBT community, a month to applaud and shed happy tears over our achievements, achievements that started in large part thanks to transgender people of colour, and it is a month to keep striving for equality like ending HIV discrimination and housing discrimination that still occurs in some US states, and much worse the fact that LGBTQ+ people in some countries primarily across Africa, the Middle East, and southeast Asia can be imprisoned or much worse, executed, for being LGBT.

However, this does not mean that pride month we act like every member of the LGBT community is perfect. Nor does this equate to ignoring the problems in the LGBT community or acting like nobody can ever be a bully or perpetuate discrimination who is a member of the LGBT community.

Twice this month here in Buffalo I’ve angered people in the LGBT community, two lesbians to be precise, and angered an Asian gay man from California and a White gay man from Florida earlier this year. My answer,

oh well.

How did I discriminate them according to them, but actually did not? By telling the truth. People don’t like to hear the truth when it goes against their little agenda.

Have you ever heard the phrase “make it make sense people?” Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping my readers say at the end of this article.

So, the Asian gay man is also an adoptee and got mad at me because I said so you were removed from your culture and original family for whatever reason, yet you find yourself a pregnant mother conveniently on the other side of the country, take her daughter as your own all the way to the other side of the country and yet you and your husband, who is White, are raising a Black child that you have conveniently and purposely taken her entire Black family out of the picture, a family you even claim isn’t dangerous to the child. Did you not get the memo on cultural genocide? No, I’m not buying the love is colorblind antics. I wouldn’t be so hasty to have made a comment if they were living near the biological family or if the biological family were a danger to the child, and even then legal guardianship can be used which doesn’t discriminate unlike adoption and provides a safe home for a child; usually. Finding a baby to adopt who lives on the other side of the country is something adopters, of any race, of any gender, and of any sexuality do when they want to play make believe and think the child is entirely theirs. The fact an adoptee is doing it to another adoptee is a big deal, and when adoptees do careless things to other adoptees words will be spoken. I have seen this trend, people adopting from out of state because it’s much better in keeping that “pesky birthmother” away. I knew a woman, White cisgender heterosexual woman from Los Angeles who tried legal guardianship. The child was returned to the biological parents and then killed by them, but we all know the corruption involved in LA’s CP$ industry and that of many other cities. It was truly heartbreaking and just a horrendous event for all, especially the little girl. So, she was trying to adopt. I did tell her all of the problems with adoption. Unlike nearly every vulture of today, she was different and I don’t refer to her as a vulture. She wanted to adopt but publicly stated that closed adoptions are abuse, that open adoptions are not legally enforceable but by choosing her you knew the truth and that she wouldn’t close, that she would only adopt a child, infant to age 2 or 3, in LA so that the child would be forever connected to their biological family and their adoptive family. Trust me, meeting potential adoptive parents and adoptive parents like that are hard to come by regardless of race, gender, or sexuality maybe even less so, I’ve been told, by heterosexual White women and lesbian White women from a credible source. It’s better, yes, but as I’ve mentioned before out of family adoption needs to be abolished, and legal guardianship only used, until the corruption and greed is eradicated.

Oh, the White gay guy in Florida who got so incredibly annoyed with me and threw a tantrum because I told him the benefits of kinship care and legal guardianship and how they’d allow him to be a dad. Of course, his response like people of all backgrounds was shut up, you know nothing, stop discriminating me because I’m gay. Basically waa waaa waaa when I even said my comments are said to people of all backgrounds, of all sexualities. I didn’t even tell him don’t become a dad I said use a method that isn’t supporting a multibillion dollar business that discriminates people, and even worse has murdered people! I even started off with as a fellow member of the LGBT community I know we don’t like discrimination….

but apparently we do. Apparently, in the LGBT community we only give a shit about LGBT issues and sometimes only White LGBT issues at that, and I was talking to a life long best friend of mine last night who is also LGBT who says it often seems to be White gay men at the forefront and a lot of sexism towards lesbian women for example, but that’s a topic for another day for another blog, and definitely not one written by me as I’m not smart enough to.

If someone, of any background, is going to have a hissy fit over the fact I say don’t adopt then they simply aren’t ready to be parents, but when you’re in a group of people already discriminated you should know better, but alas no.

Like an acquaintance of mine said,

“hurt people hurt people” and nothing could be more true. We see this time and time again of oppressed people turning around and oppressing others due to unhealed trauma. I pray to God that when adoptees and the like finally get our equality that we don’t oppress others because if we do it’ll be extremely disastrous as our trauma is probably the worst trauma out there as society expects us to be happy and society expects us to ignore our trauma.

Then let’s get to the final thing I need to discuss. It takes me a while with my autism to make a new friend. Sometimes I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me but with neurotypicals lol. And what is typical anyway? But I disgress.

So I made friends with a White, born female, lesbian. This was a strictly platonic friendship as that’s how I’m asking all of my new friendships to be, plus she was set to marry and even if not completely not my type in that regard. I was proud of her work in rescuing abused children. She has definitely saved lives. She discussed the importance of the children she works with in keeping ties with their families. She discussed the importance of doing all that is possible with the children she works with in keeping them with their families or returning them to their families by providing parenting classes. She strongly emphasized this. She mentioned how she felt it was important that criminal background checks are done on those wanting to foster and those wanting to adopt. Of course, we know corruption is involved in both industries and sometimes people get to fly under the radar and never get checked, or they’ve simply never been prosecuted before.

So here comes the make it make sense people part.

Then, then she turns to me and says, “but X and me want to have a baby one day but we don’t want the man involved. If I adopted I wouldn’t want the biological parents involved.”

Oh you mean if they’re horrible people? I ask. Oh no, just in general so the child can feel like our own entirely.

I mentioned on my facebook wall that those looking to use a surrogate don’t have to use a criminal background check. This has resulted in very wealthy paedophiles using surrogates to disgustingly obtain children, and maybe another day, when I’m a lot more educated on surrogacy, we can discuss the problems of another loosely regulated industry demanding people pay $100,000 to have a baby. So, ghastly according to her, I am anti lesbian, and anti gay too, for stating that all people of any sexuality be criminal background checked if using a surrogate to ensure the safety and well being of a child to the best possibility.

So let’s review this together

It’s important to keep the child’s natural family in the picture if safe. – I don’t want my future child having a connection so I can selfishly feel like it’s all my own.

It’s great we demand criminal background checks for those wanting to be parents to ensure child safety, but oh no let’s keep endangering the lives of children made through surrogacy.

When I look at the politicians here in NY who fought against a big step forward in adoptee equality all of the ones who were gay and lesbian opposed it, except one who changed his mind at the end after years of extreme pleading. Yet they didn’t even know what they were fighting against or opposing, because constantly with adoption people put their minds onto a falsehood and run with it instead of learning from adoptees, and less important but still of importance, first mothers.

I’ll just say it one more time, make it make sense people.