We Owe It to Adopted Children to Ask Questions and Check on Their Status.

What I’m about to discuss will not sit well with many. My answer is tough, you’re absolutely not changing my mind. I’ve noticed adoption agency workers and adoption attorneys are sneaking onto adoptees’ facebooks accounts, so I did a little spring cleaning on my list. You also have those adoptees who consider them advocates because they helped get them noticed by a wide viewing of people. Well, you can learn to dance from the devil and get all the attention you want but your teacher is still the devil. Okay, I tried to make an analogy. I came across an adoption attorney who yes I called a bitch and didn’t flinch twice about calling her so. That’s pretty much the name calling I’ll resort to when I stated “too many adopted children are being abused and murdered and there needs to be accountability and adopted children should be checked on through unexpected dropins to ensure their safety.” Her response was, “then that won’t make adoptive parents real parents and adoptive parents end up killing their children because there’s a lack of support for adoptive parents.” Hilarious, and I say that completely sarcastically. No, there’s an utter lack of support for biological family members who want to raise a child or there is support but often it’s completely downgraded and adoption made out to be a perfect solution. Any first mother who joined an adoption thinking it’d be a fully open adoption and then watching it close knows precisely what I mean. This? This is the excuse from an adoption attorney? One who works in all sorts of adoption types including the very unethical and the very shady and by that I mean any adoption is unethical because they seal the original birth certificate from the adoptee and the government steals it and gives the adoptee a false one. By shady I mean the amount of lies and manipulation used in adoptions to obtain a baby, and the amount of human trafficking that is involved in international adoption such as the kidnapping of children put into orphanages who are later adopted. Plus, the simple fact that adoption is legalised human trafficking because it’s nearly always not necessary but also because a profit it being made off of children when they are sold from one family to another. I’m sure some will read this and report it back to her. Oh well, do whatever pleases you. The woman showed her true self, and made an excuse for adoptive parents who murder their children. Do you know why people murder their children? Because they’re horrible people. It doesn’t matter if they are biological, foster, step, or adoptive. And no, checking on adopted children doesn’t make the adoptive parents any less parents. In fact, in response to my idea was an adoptive dad who thought this is an absolutely necessary thing to do. Unfortunately, like another adoptive dad mentioned it’ll never happen because it invades the Fourth Amendment in pertaining to American citizens.

What about checking up on children who aren’t adopted? So many children are being abused who should be taken away from their biological households. First, it absolutely disgusts me what isn’t considered child abuse in the United States. Take, for example, Idaho where it’s completely legal to totally deny your child any medical care whatsoever even routine checkups and even basic medicine to the point your child dies. I suppose based on some screwed up idea of faith which is just used an excuse for diabolical severe child abuse. So yes, I strongly agree with a biological cousin of mine that all children should be checked upon.

However, there needs to be extremely strong regulations in place. No financial gain should be made by removing a child from the home otherwise the corruption, such as medical kidnapping, will never cease. What is and isn’t consider child abuse must be clearly explained in state or Federal guidelines and who is qualified to become a social worker must become much, much tougher with only those at the Masters levels checking on the children. Other people who check on the children could include: police officers if the family has a good report with the local police. For various, obvious reasons, some are not keen to have police involved. Police owe it to children to learn, prepare for and remain calm when cooperating with children who can show excessively violent behavior and receive training in psychology. The requirements to become a police officer must become more challenging to weed out the few bad weeds and part of those requirements should require understanding psychological well being and behavioral tics of those, especially children, with say severe bipolar, severe autism, or any other intense psychological ailment. Teachers, principals, paediatricians, paediatric nurses; these are others who can also check on children.

However, let’s be reasonable here. As good intentions as this is, there’s two reasons not every child can be checked on. One, there simply isn’t enough people. Two, it’ll never happen that people would do welfare checks for free and since so greed will always play a role and with greed in the front it leads to corruption.

The abuse of any child, the murder of any child is abyssmal. It doesn’t matter if the child was a newborn, infant, toddler, young child, or teenager. It doesn’t matter the child’s intellect, colour, gender, race, sexuality, religion, disabilities if any, mental illness if any, economic status, height, weight, behavior, location, culture, appearance or anything else I might be forgetting. When people say, “well, children are abused and murdered by their biological families too.” My reply is, “yes, they horrifically are and this is due to multiple failed systems be it in England or Canada or the States, etc. But the difference here is two things, not to make the murder of a child by his own biological family less of an issue, one adopted children are a lot more likely to be killed by a member of their adoptive family than a child is likely to be killed by his or her own biological family. How much more? I forget the statistic, but it is significantly higher. Two, the second difference is that when an adopted child is murdered by their adopters or abused by them it shows the state, county, or province and/or the adoption attorney and/or adoption agency utterly failed in finding that child a safe home.

Keep in mind the reselling of adopted children online, who are mostly Asian, then African, then Eastern European ELL children, should absolutely be considered child abuse and that’s including those not adopted by paedophiles. I’ve written before about second home adoptions. I will make it adamently clear that I am not saying good, loving adoptive parents who are the secondary adoptive parents to a child are bad. Not whatsoever! I am saying the agency committed, in my belief, abuse on the child for unnecessarily taking him or her from their original family or original home country when it was utterly unnecessary, which is almost always the case, and then for failing to find an adoptive couple or adoptive parent who can actually handle the trauma this child has endured prior to his adoption. It’s child abuse to remove a child from his or her culture and then demand they be happy about it, but alas that’s what’s expected of most adoptees.

Back to the point at hand. Holding adoption agencies and adoption attorneys accountable. Yet, as I’ve told many police officers, including the Amherst, NY police department where an adopted child in the 1990s was murdered by their adopter the agencies are not held accountable. Do you know how you can tell that adopted children are commodities? When the response is often, “well, these social workers are overwhelmed.” It doesn’t matter. I’ve started this before what a terrible excuse. Overwhelmed is one thing and that I do not argue with, but these workers and more importantly the CEOs and employers of these adoption agencies and state or provincial department of social services need to be held accountable for their abyssmal work in putting children into the most dangerous situations.

I’ve created, as have others, ideas to create safety regulations for the adoption empire to follow to ensure all adopted children are safe and treated much more equally from legally enforcing open adoptions to taking the money out of out of family infant adoptions to giving only certificates of adoption to adoptive parents but they do not want to do this only because it would mean, as I’ve explained before, losing at least $12 billion dollars annually.

We owe it to adopted children to check on their welfare status until the adoption industry improves themselves and put children before the almighty dollar. The industry will enjoy telling you that adoption is safe but the very fact that adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide than non adoptees in the United States, with elevated rates in other countries such as Sweden; a country with a lot more services than the US, and six times higher if an adoptee or color and higher also if a lgbt adoptee proves otherwise.

We also, owe it to adopted children to ask questions to adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents of why they want to adopt and why they adopted. We owe it to adopted children to ask what kind of adoption is it? This will come off as extremely controversial with some adoptees disagreeing with me. You’re entitled to your opinion, but you will not change my belief on this and the reason why is this

We wouldn’t be having to ask questions if so many abusive, lying, murderous people weren’t adopting children. Narcissistic personality disorder is rampant in adoptive mother. Of course, there are excellent, loving adoptive moms out there but I won’t deny a crisis that keeps being ignored. There are too many adopters and potential adopters doing some of the following and these are actual examples of things I’ve dealt with from adopters:

*Adopting a child from an African country and then deciding two months later parenting isn’t for them after taking this little boy away from people who look like him, his culture, his land, and possibly his language as I forget which African country and unaware what the boy’s first language is.

*Adopting a little White boy from here in the US and then deciding, “he gets in the way of our careers.”

*A creep in Ipswich, England adopting a little girl and then posting on Quora, “how do I get my adopted daughter to walk around naked for me?”

*Being a gay adoptive person who is incredibly condescending and dismissive of adoptee trauma, adoption corruption, and unethical practices by the adoption industry. I will mention their sexuality because LGBT people come from a discriminated group of people. They showed know better than to discriminate others yet here in New York I constantly see this discrimination towards adoptees from LGBT politicians. I am bisexual, but in all honesty I want every straight person to know they too can say something such as, “you’re LGBTQP. You come from a discriminated group. So why do you participate in the discrimination of others? or Why do you not want to learn about the discrimination of adoptees after you have adopted that you weren’t made aware of before so your adopted child is psychologically well?

I think the problem is because, regardless of sexuality, adoptive parents are told all you need is love. Which is completely the opposite of what they tell young, poor, vulnerable in some capacity parents who want to raise their child. Yes, in some manner albeit to a much lesser degree adoptive parents too can be victims of adoption industry lies. Look how many are told all you need is love when they are completely unequipped, even with the best intentions, to handle a child with significant traumas or as I’ve mentioned before in this blog, unprepared to handle emotionally their child wanting to search because they were told most don’t want to or if you parent well enough they won’t want to. It’s abuse on all.

My point is, if you come from a discriminated group of people, you should know better than to discriminate others but clearly that so often doesn’t happen across so many lines not just sexuality. In fact, a friend of mine from central New York is a therapist to transgender people who tells me quite often they are in therapy because of the bullying they’ve endured from gay men. My best friend is a gay male who informed me, much to my surprise, that there are gay men out there who loathe women and are completely sexist and misogynistic. That is not an attack on all gay men, because I know some will try to twist my words to say it is. It’s a simple fact that just because someone is discriminated doesn’t mean they won’t discriminate others. I’m sure some will take offense to this because I’m female, but truth is truth that there are people of every background imagineable, every sexuality adopting for either malicious and selfish reasons. Isn’t it also true people have become complacent with pointing out the wrongdoings of straight White people, as people should including other straight White people, but getting up in arms when people of another demographic are mentioned doing something wrong? If I hadn’t mentioned by bisexuality I can guarantee you I’d be considered a hater of the LGBT community. If I hadn’t mentioned my best friend is a gay male or that most gay men are good people, there would be people on here calling me homophobic when I mention why are discriminated people discriminating others and that I’ve learned that some gay men hate women. I’m sure some still will call me whatever they want. I simply don’t care.

*The adoptive parents who constantly say they will do an open adoption and then close it and not because of the child being unsafe. Nor is a closed adoption necessary for a child’s safety.

*The adoptive parents who call an adoptee ungrateful for searching for whatever reason they want to search.

*The adoptive parents or potential adoptive parents who want to adopt from the “quickest, cheapest country possible” without a care in the world to how ethical it is.

*The adoptive parents who strip a child of his culture for those who know the original culture.

*The tens of thousands who resell their kids online. The last one I read about directly from the despicable source was “we adopted a little girl because we wanted a little girl but now that she’s entered puberty we’re willing to pay up to $7,500 for anyone who wants her.” Oh yes, if a lawyer is involved this is legal.

Of course, again there are adoptive parents who also have been screwed over like an adoptive couple who were devastated to learn the children they adopted from Ethiopia came from a middle class family.

This, this is why I say. Be a bitch. Ask questions. You don’t even need to be an adoptee. You can be even a fellow adoptive parent in fact I strongly encourage adoptive parents to get involved so that malicious people aren’t adopting. So that people understand when they adopt an infant to their liking they are simply shopping and participating in legalised human trafficking not trying to find a home for a child who truly needs it like a wonderful, loving and caring biological cousin of mine who wants to adopt a sibling set who cannot live with their biological family due to abuse and to keep them the children together. You don’t even need to be affliated to adoption in any capacity. They may not answer and they aren’t legally obligated to answer but you do have a right to ask and you should ask. Why should you ask?

  1. There are many reasons to adopt but for the most part people are adopting for infertility reasons. You know why we have such high infertility? Because of how people abuse the environment and that includes myself and I know I need to clean up my act and for that I apologize. Because, and this will make me a big bitch, because of the obesity epidemic but nobody wants to mention that. What the adoption industry doesn’t want to say, and will vehemently deny, is that adoption does not erase the pain of infertility. It does such a disservice. An infant is taken from a mom causing trauma that society refuses to acknowledge. A child is often required to be the imaginary biological child they could never have, this was certainly not the case for me but it is for many and yes I was adopted as an infant. A mom who wanted to raise her child is told she isn’t good enough and then suffers psychological issues. Of course, there are exceptions and in another article I’ll mention how I get very annoyed with people thinking all biological mothers are good people and all adoptive parents are bad.

2. Because too many are adopting without understanding the psychological complications or caring.

3. Because too many are using every manipulative tactic in the book online to get a woman or adolescent girl to give up her baby by pretending to be her best friend.

*Child in photo was a Russian boy adopted by American parents who was abused and murdered by them resulting in Putin abolishing intercountry adoptions with the U.S. and rightfully so. No, I do not like Putin but that’s a story for another day and not on here.

The Tragedy of Kidnapped Children for International Adoptions and Women’s Rights Abuses: A Look at China.

Guatemala, Uganda, Ethiopia, China, South Korea, the United States, Vietnam, Samoa, India, Romania, Peru, Brazil, Colombia, Honduras, Sri Lanka, US territory The Marshall Islands are just some of the locations where children have been kidnapped from their biological families and sold via illegal adoptions to mostly wealthy White people in countries such as the United States and Canada; first placed in orphanages. Human trafficking within adoption within the United States is national not international.

Yet, what has the multibillion dollar, uncredentialed adoption industry done about resolving this issue? Nothing. They have been made aware of it for decades but refuse to do anything about it because, as I have mentioned previously in this blog, would lose billions. They also refuse to push for reform by having governments enact laws because they are complicit in such human trafficking violations.

In this article, I’ll discuss the human trafficking of children from China. China is the most populated country. The dominant group are the Han Chinese. Currently, the Han Chinese are allowed to have up to two children eradicting the decades old one child policy. People from minority groups can now have up to three children.

I’ve mentioned in articles passed about the huzou and how tens of millions of children in China aren’t able to obtain one due to discrimination. I’ve mentioned how many of these children are not abandoned nor neglected by their families, such as the myth that every single baby girl who ends up in an orphanage was found freezing to death on a mountain side because she’s female, so I’m not repeating myself here. I will focus on the Uighur children but do keep in mind when a mom is forced to give her child away because the government says she has too many children and the adoption industry profits on that pain and turmoil that is still human trafficking albeit legal because it is still about taking people’s children through force and then selling those children.

The Chinese Communist Party is a Han ruled Han enforced government. The Chinese government tries to act with secrecy, hiding numerous severe human rights abuses and human rights violations from their treatment of minorities to their treatment of miners. Many Chinese people come to the United States to protest human rights violations in China because they cannot in China due to it being a communistic country where their lives would become abyssmal or possibly even non-existent.

In the western province of Xinjiang are where Uighur and other Turkic people live, not to be confused with Turkish people of Turkey. The Uighur people are a minority group in China of twelve million with their own language, food, dress, art, dance, and religion. The Uighur or Uyghur people are Muslim. The problem is that the Chinese government is communist and communistic governments believe in atheism and demand total devotion to the government. Whether it was Christians and Jews under the former USSR or religious people living today in China, those who practice a belief system in a communist country are persecuted.

The Chinese government has been practicing and still practices cultural genocide. As adoptees we personally know cultural genocide as those of us from closed adoptions were forced by the adoption industry and by our governments to be eradicated from our original cultures for decades until the creation of ancestral DNA testing. The Chinese government claims they are leaving Uighur families intact and allowing Uighur adults to voluntarily take training classes to be able to get a good job. This is completely false as over 160 human rights groups, including New York based Human Rights Watch, from all over the world have documentary evidence that the Chinese government is committing cultural and actual genocide on the Uighur people through the following methods:

  1. Forced sterilization. Uighur women, just like Native American women in the past in the United States up until the 1970s, are being forcely sterilized. Women in China since 1977, regardless of background have been forced abortions as well including in the third trimester. The government’s goal here is to eradicate the Uighur people unless they give up their Islamic beliefs and distinct culture.
  2. The adults are not at voluntary job training facilities but instead are being arrested and detained in internment camps. These camps are abusive camps where adults are brainwashed to eradicate every aspect of their culture.
  3. Uighur children are being kidnapped and placed into communist led orphanages in the Xinjiang province, and possibly other provinces, where they are taught not to embrace anything from their culture, not practice their religion, and not speak their own language also called Uighur or Uyghur. The children are taught only in Mandarin, given clothing and food cumpolsory to the government and other components and actions that teach them that their parents and their culture is inferior.
  4. Uighur children are put on the international adoption market and adopted by those outside of China as well as Han Chinese. The goal is never to reunify but to engage in the multibillion dollar market of legalized and illegal child selling, with the legal component alone making multibillions annually.

My best friend who is very new to learning about the ills of the adoption industry and adoptee discrimination said the other day, “but the adoptee grows up in the culture they’re raised in and becomes part of that culture.” Yes, they do grow up in that culture and yes they do become part of that culture, although sometimes they are never fully accepted due to their race. Yet, as I gently mentioned to my friend, adoption should never mean cultural genocide when it so often it does. All adoptees deserve to know their cultural background if they so choose to explore it. The problem here with Uighur children is that adoption is being used to purposely commit cultural genocide.

International adoption needs to be eradicated until the International Criminal Court does a serious and thorough investigation on governments committing human trafficking in adoption as well as a serious and thorough investigation on corporate adoption agencies where biological families are insisting their children were taken. Orphanages need to be investigated for their possible role in taking in children who have been trafficked, but this does not mean that all orphanages are profitting off of kidnapped children nor does this mean all orphanages have kidnapped children. Eradicating international adoption as investigations are made by the ICC will not hinder the well being of children but actually improve it just so long as the United Nations sets up a program where medically fragile children are still able to get the care they need.

What can we do? With over 160 human rights organizations proving genocide and child kidnapping is occurring in Xinjiang we can boycott Chinese goods from China, we can plan not to visit China after the pandemic, we can stop promoting and oohing and aahing over children adopted from China and understand there are serious problems within the adoption industry that need to be fixed. If you have adopted from China I hold no judgment as I don’t personally know you. I do ask though that you thoroughly investigate what group your child came from and allow him or her to explore their native culture and do all you can to find the biological family to maintain a connection if at all possible as there is a possibility your child was taken or your child’s original family wants to keep in contact.

Thank You For Serving, Now McConnell Says F*ck Off!

At least twenty six thousand adopted adults living in the United States were adopted from overseas, primarily from South Korea, yet their adoptive parents did not naturalize them upon their adoption. If you haven’t read my article about Korean adoptees adopted after the Korean War I recommend that read after this one. You can search for it by typing “Korean adoptees” in the search bar in this blog.

There were two reasons why these internationally born adoptees were not naturalized. Either because the adoption agency, such as Holt International Agency; an agency that is rife with child kidnapping, human trafficking and corruption, didn’t inform the adoptive parents that they need to naturalize their child nor did the state they live in such as New York, Michigan, or Wyoming or wherever they happen to live or the adopters chose not to on purpose in order to use their child as a slave. I refer to good adoptive parents as adoptive parents and bad adoptive parents as adopters. Many of these children were not noticed either because they lived in a time when child abuse was ignored or because they were or currently are homeschooled.

As adults they cannot naturalize themselves. This means once they are eighteen years old, there are some estimates say forty thousand internationally born adult adoptees who cannot: legally leave the country, obtain a passport which also effects some domestically born adoptees, marry, vote, work, rent, apply for benefits, obtain health insurance, apply for many things at a bank, and more.

I spent countlesss hours calling Pelosi’s office and the offices of my state senators here in New York, emailing other state senators, and spreading the word. I’m glad that over seven hundred people joined me in trying to give these adoptees equality but still they were discriminatorily not allowed to vote in America’s most important election in modern history.

My best friend and I were inquiring about taking a holiday to Guam prior to learning the ticket prices are outrageously expensive and it’s cheaper to just visit Japan, our country of choice. I had the pleasure of speaking with a man who has served in the US Armed Forces for thirty five years, so basically for my entire life. He informed me that there have been internationally born adoptees that have served alongside him, including in combat, but were still not granted basic rights simply because they were not naturalized.

In the military is where some of these adoptees learned they were not American citizens. They lived here since they were babies or young children, believing they were just as American as anybody else, but then when serving in our military they were not granted access to certain information or location simply because their backgrounds didn’t check out.

These adoptees, including those who served in our nation’s military branches have been deported and all still here are currently fighting against being deported. Whether you are Republican or Democrat, they have been deported under both parties. As much as people want to believe every person of color and every immigrant was treated with amazing dignity under the Obama administration, the truth is plenty of unnaturalized adoptees were deported when Obama was president. One woman, written about in the New York Times, was born in South Korea, voted at or about age eighteen in an election, but when her state government learned she was an unnaturalized adoptee the immigration department had her deported. She has no idea when she voted that her adoptive parents never took care of the necessary paperwork. She is not allowed back into the United States.

I am mostly liberal, but I do not adher to one party. I like people based on their policies. Here in New York I know Republican politicians who are for adoptee rights and Democratic politicians, who all happen to be LGBT, who are against adoptee rights. There is no one party that has all the good people and no one party that has all the bad people. I’ll write an article soon about the clashes between the adoptee community and the LGBT community and being a member of both communities why the fighting, and the homophobia, needs to stop.

The US Adoptee Citizenship Act is an act that was created by a Republican. Yet, who is signing this bill wanting it to become a law? Democratic senators. The list of Democrats is long, whilst the Republicans is very short. The Adoptee Rights Citizenship Act will given all adoptees born before the year 2000 and adopted before the year 2000, those born on or after 2000 are already taken care of, the ability to be naturalized. This will then allow them to: work, travel, attend college, vote, marry, rent, obtain health insurance and so much more.

According to the National Education Association, the adoptees themselves who are being punished and trying to survive through this ordeal, the adoptive parents who are furious at not being informed, and members of the U.S. military Mitch McConnell is holding this hostage. Why? Why is a good question. Both Republican and Democrats know there is no valid reason to be letting this citizenship act sit idle. The very fact people have served in our armed forces and McConnell still denies them rights and wants them deported because of a botch in their adoption speaks volumes of his lack of character. If anyone wanted a poster boy for what a psychopath looks like, McConnell is it.

This isn’t a fight only for adoptees. This is a fight for anyone and everyone to be involved in. As humans we need to look out for each other. We can start by not praising adoption and understanding so much needs to be fixed. This is how we truly help children and adoptees of any age. We need to take it upon ourselves to expose McConnell and anyone else who refuses to sign for their discrimination towards adoptees and their racism towards Asian people as nearly all affected are Asian be it Indian, Korean, etc. We need to put pressure on Pelosi’s office and call or email our state senators and demand the US Adoptee Citizenship Act is passed. We need to listen to affected adoptees and listen to those adoptees who are survivors of illegal adoptions aka human trafficking by adoption agencies such as Holt International and Bethany Christian Services. We need to imprison the adoptive lawyers, adoption agency workers, and the abusive adopters themselves who adopted children from abroad in order to use them as slaves and those agencies absolutely need to be shut down without the money being deposited into another adoption agency.

Not All Adoptee Voices Matter and Here’s Why.

November is National Adoption Month. The month I and literally thousands, or is it millions?, of adoptees ramble on about achieving adoptee rights and necessary adoption reform because yet again not enough politicians want to listen and next to no change has been made in societies to make adoption less corrupt, less dangerous, and less manipulative. For me, at least, December is in some capacity an almost welcome break. Any adoptee knows, any activist knows, it’s tiresome work, but November is a month we simply cannot shut up. December is a month for me to think about the month I was born in, to two greedy, narcissistic, likely psychopathic twatwaffle without a conscience nor a soul, but how much I’ve gained how good triumphs over evil if you will and the fact with all the problems, discrimination and corruption in adoption it did save me from having to live with batshit, crazy, evil people and how I fortunately found some beautiful extended cousins, a close cousin; daughter of my aunt, and two lovely paternal aunts who, mind you, are definitely not batshit crazy and evil. This does not mean though that I condone how adoption is done, but I’ve spoken about necessary changes many, many times.

So, after waffling on as I usually do, because I do talk too much, I want to say what needs to be said. It’s another elephant in the room and I feel like other adoptees notice it but don’t have the audacity to say it aloud. Not all adoptee voices matter!

No, they don’t and you can argue all you want to be politically correct or not want to create anymore drama and infighting in the adoptee community or adoption triad, whatever you want to call it, but deep inside you know it to be true.

Why is this? Or you might be even saying that’s your opinion Megan, I don’t agree, every adoptee voice matters. This is because you have an assumption that fellow adoptees believe, act, think, and respond close to the parameters of how you think, act, feel, do, believe, etc. That some things you might not agree upon, but that overall most things you do. The problem here is you haven’t met the adoptees so casted into the dark. It’s like physically they are here but emotionally and mentally they are aimlessly floating in the dark with no attachment to their physical body. They act like robots to please their adopters a lot, lot more than the typical trauma associated with adoptees even neonatal trauma which societies prefer to ignore. The sad part is these adoptees, adoptees whose voices don’t matter, are so damn deeply embedded in the fog they don’t even realize their experiencing trauma or they are trying to supress it because it feels more comfortable for themselves to be in the fog because they can’t see what lies beyond the fog. I’ll explain what I mean by that after my three examples.

  1. Adoptee type 1 whose voice doesn’t matter. The adoptee who has zero acceptance of their identity and chooses to completely take on the identity given of them by his or her adopters to an extreme point. So, are you saying every adoptee who chooses to keep their adoptive name, which is like 99.9% of adoptees, shouldn’t speak? No. I’m talking about the adoptees who want to pretend they’re an entirely different race. Yes, this does happen. There are adoptees who are victims of cultural and racial genocide because being people of colour, raised in White homes, and in White communities they have had their ethnic and racial heritages completely destroyed. Ethnic heritage destroyed of White adoptees happens too but adoptees denying their actual racial background is a whole ‘nother level. There are adoptees, and I’ve read their comments online, who have stated “I was born in Korea to biological Korean parents, but because I was adopted by my White parents I am now German and Irish just like them.” This is why it needs to be imperative that racial and cultural preservation is preserved amongst adoptees regardless of our age. People can endure a trauma they don’t even know their experiencing and that ignorance will spread like a wildfire. Imagine this Korean born woman doing a mentoring workshop with little Korean adoptee children and telling them not only not to embrace their Koreanness but to convince them that they now are only the ethnicities and races of their adoptive parents. Yikes! There is nothing wrong with embracing the cultures of your adoptive family. I encourage people to learn different languages, cuisines, customs, and traditions of different cultures but never at the expense of losing one’s own.

2. Adoptee type 2 whose voice doesn’t matter. The condescending, sorry you feel that way, I don’t see adoption like that type of adoptee. Us in the adoptee community know what I mean by this. The type of adoptee that when you tell your story, your own personal story they respond with “I’m sorry you feel that way” and you have to look at them like, bitch, pardon me? I just told you my adopter father nearly murdered me and went to prison for 20 years for it or excuse me I found out I was adopted when I was 18, was lied to and told my mom was 14 and poor when she was actually a married Jewish woman who was drugged and her baby, me, stolen and yet these adoptees respond with the most outrageous comments such as, “sorry, but not all adoptions are like that. Mine was perfect.” If people are that flippant over someone else’s trauma then they are not helping the cause at all. It astonishes me these types of adoptees even exist and even after being educated on how freaking bad things are they still promote adoption as being an absolutely perfect entity and a completely flawed system that “saves every baby from abortion.” As mentioned in an article from years ago, adoption does nothing to prevent abortion. The truth with these adoptees is that they are too frightened to look at their own stories. The “adoption saved me from abortion, my birthmom made an amazing choice of love, I’m hapy and so should you be” is a facade (accent mark unde the c) because deep down we educated adoptees know these adoptees just can’t handle the truth. They don’t want to search because they are afraid their adoptive parents will abandon them like their biological parents did, they are afraid of displeasing their adoptive parents, their afraid of being rejected, their afraid to learn they were kidnapped or given away after so much exploitation, pressure, and deceit, they don’t feel comfortable being amongst people of their own heritage, they don’t even want to know their true heritage or associate with their race, if another race, because it reminds them that they have a position of “other”.

3. Adoptee type 3 whose voice doesn’t matter. The adoptee who denies they’re adopted. It’s an adoptee’s perogative to tell to whom they want that they are adopted. This can’t be done when the adoptee doesn’t look like their adoptive family, but in those cases it’s the adoptee perogative to decide whether or not they want to answer someone’s question or statement of, “oh you’re adopted. How lovely. My __________ fill in the blank is also adopted from ____________ fill in the blank country.” There’s nothing wrong with people trying to be nice, but this doesn’t give them a free invite to play 20 questions. Sadly, there are adoptees who deny to everyone, perhaps even to themselves that they are adopted. When someone mentions they are adopted they become angry.

I came across a woman a couple nights ago online who was unbelievably damaging to changing societies behaviour to adoptees and reforming adoption that it almost made me wonder if she were an actual adoptee or a troll. She is from Russia, but this doesn’t matter at all because we see problems with adoption and with adoptees the world over. She discovered a few years at the age of 32 that she’s adopted. She said she pretends she doesn’t know she’s adopted in order to make her adopter feel comfortable. To deny someone’s story and truth just so you feel more comfortable is cruel, bad parenting, damaging, and selfish. She acted like because she doesn’t have any genetic disorders it’s no big deal that other adoptees don’t have biological medical information. She was condescending and flippant to adoptees who have or are dealing with trauma for whatever reason that is connected to adoption, and that whatever reason is their own damn business. No, this wasn’t me misterpreting or taking it out of context. I’ll copy and paste it here.

“Biological parenting does not matter. It’s not a big effort to have sex, get pregnant and pop a human into the world. But it is all about raising a good human being, giving love and care, good life and hope. Real true parents are those who rased you, not those who produced.

-Most of biological parents were uncapable to be parents: drugs, poverty, mental illness, “too many children already but we will make more, who cares if be barely can provide for ourselves”.

-Only reason to be told about adoption-medical condition and total racial difference. It will save parents from wondering if you going to betrade them for biological parents in the future, regardless to the time and love they dedicated to you, will not affect your own curious mind and develope split personality.

-I’m a late term adoptee. I’m 32 and found out by accident decade ago. No. I’m not angry. Not all my life was fake. Vagina, that produced me is the only one point in my history that was untold, the rest of life was happy and very true. I still pretend to my family I do not know I’m adopted not to make my mom upset.

-Your biological parents rejected you. Move on. You have a real family now. You don’t need to dig info on your biological parents, send them greetings or stay in touch. 9 month in the womb is not a big dedication. Pay more attention to the family that is really yours.

-I do wonder if I have some genetic problems. So far so good.

-I don’t want to look for my birth parents. I’m not curious, I don’t feel abandoned (never had), never thought about it.

-I’m curious about my possible siblings thou. Would like to find out if I have any.

-Person who told me I were adopted also told me my birth name. And I like it better than my lifetime name, but I moved to the USA, and it would sound like Allah (non-muslim name in Russia). So I’m glad my mom changed it.”

So what’s wrong with this? Lying to your own child about them being adopted, pretending you don’t know, the lies that most biological parents have something seriously wrong with them like drug addiction is not true whatsoever whether it’s Russia or Canada or China or Japan or Italy or Greece or Australia or the US or, etc. Telling people what they should know about their own adoptions. Each adoptee should decide for themselves what and how much they want to know. That isn’t up for anyone else to decide as much as the governments like to think so. Too much has been taken from us adoptees without our permission. Knowledge stolen from us, birth certificates stolen from us, medical knowledge stolen from us, safe, biological family members stolen from us, in some cases our true race stolen from us. Many come to learn that are part Native American, part Jewish, or part Black but passed as White and were only told about their White race or lied to and told they are completely White. Claiming that your first mother and biological dad are not your real parents because they weren’t there is not true for those who wanted to be. The ignorance of this woman is not only astounding it is frankly extremely damaging. Nearly all want to raise their babies, keep their children, but don’t because they are told they aren’t good enough and adoption is the only true option for their child, which Saving Our Sisters will tell you is next to never the answer, and in those very rare times it is nearly always extended family is willing and able to pitch in and if not, then legal guardianship or kinship care can be sought. There are other things wrong with this, but you get the gist.

We needn’t agree on everything so long as we can agree on recognizing and helping adoptees with trauma, spreading the truth that it’s perfectly alright to be happy to be adopted but know others are not for whatever reason and that’s alright too, and that reformation in the multibillion dollar, racist, corrupt, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry especially with a focus on ending the high suicide rate amongst adoptees even higher amongst LGBT adoptees and adoptees of colour and ending human trafficking in adoption are necessary musts.

Answering Your Questions Part 2

  1. Am not adopted, why should I care about adoption reform?

The adoption industry is connected to child kidnapping, corruption, lying to obtain babies, lying to keep families apart, and putting children in homes of abusers and murderers and not being held accountable for it. Adoption reform will fix that.

2. If the adoption industry is so vile and corrupt then why isn’t anyone fighting it?

Many people actually are, but their hard work often goes unnoticed. It’s also a struggle fighting against a multibillion dollar industry that annually spends millions on propaganda.

3. My __________ is adopted. I don’t feel the same way you do about adoption, what do you say about that? Just because you know someone who is adopted or _____________ fill in the blank with any description be it adopted, Black, Asian, blind, wheelchair bound, autistic, gay, genderfluid, etc. doesn’t mean you personally know what it is to be that and to live with that. For example, I know what it is to be adopted. I do not know what it is to be a gay man. It is your choice to live in a bubble believing all adoptions or most adoptions are happy ending stories. Yes, there is no doubt that some are, but turning a blind eye to the corruption, unethical behavior, and discrimination and saying “I think adoption is great” after you’ve been taught doesn’t look favourably upon you and sends a clear message you dislike equality.

I’m stopping here not because there aren’t more questions. There are tons more, but because I feel things are better answered in blogs and my mind is solely on helping adoptees now, not on helping those unaffected by adoption know more.

Answering Your Questions Part I.

I hear a lot of misconceptions about adoption and adoptees. A lot of rumours, myths, mostly defensive questions, and then just genuine questions. I figured I would do some articles on answering questions, and yes I know I have other articles that still need a part two. I will give short answers and just a few examples in the questions below but some answers literally could be an entire book length in reply.

  1. Why do you feel you’re capable of answering questions?
    I am an adoptee in the most discriminated form; closed adoption. I’ve been an advocate and researcher on adoptee rights and adoption reform for twenty years.

2. Can you answer all questions?

No, I don’t know everything. I would say this is my field of expertise, but of course there is always more to learn. Some questions simply can’t be answered by anyone because there hasn’t been enough research done.

3. Why do you feel it’s necessary to make this article?

Because there are so many rumours and misconceptions out there. Those would be the biggest reasons.

4. What is the adoption industry?

The adoption industry is the system that is involved in international and domestic adoptions using private attorneys or an adoption agency. It’s not children adopted from the foster system.

5. Isn’t the adoption industry good? After all, it rescues babies and children.

Actually, no it is not. The adoption industry in the US alone is a multibillion dollar industry making a minumum of $12 billion annually. Whilst you may think that money is due to finding children the safest homes it most definitely is not. In 2015, 102 or 105 adopted children in the US were murdered by their adopters. Tens of thousands of adopted children are resold online sometimes to pedophiles. There are countless cases of child abuse, and whilst I haven’t seen the sources myself I’ve been told 20% of adopted children in America are raised in abusive households. The industry is not credentialed at all. In Canada and the States the real estate industries have more regulations than the adoption of children. The CEOs of adoption agencies are making seven times the amount of employees on the lowest rung. It is a very loosely regulated industry.

6. What is the orphan myth?

According to UNICEF 80% of children in orphanages are not orphans. They have a parent and most of the other 20% have extended family.

7. Why are children in orphanages?

They have special needs, they are female, they were born past the allowed number of children, their parents live in extreme poverty and use the orphanage for education, food, and safety, or they were kidnapped and sold to the orphanage are just some of the reasons why children are in orphanages.

8. Doesn’t international adoption help children?

Yes, and no. Yes, because it can give a child a loving home and many great opportunities but no because that isn’t a guarantee, and it often results in cultural genocide. Children are split up from their families, cultures, and original land. According to Reuters many of these children are resold.

9. How can you help children in orphanages?

I’m not going to knock anyone who has done international adoption because they truly, truly wanted to help a child and they keep the child involved in his or her culture, and even better if they return every so often to visit the child’s country of origin. You can help by supporting women led businesses. You can help by supporting education for special needs children and girls. You can work with anti human trafficking groups to see why some of these children have been kidnapped and put in orphanages and who they would be safe to return to in their family if at all. You can demand more regulations, a lot more regulations in fact.

10. I adopted, are you telling me I’m a bad person?

No. If you adopted and did not use manipulation, lies, or anything else malicious then no I do not think you are a bad person. I often get this defensiveness from adoptive parents and their supporters who think I’m disrespecting adoptive parents. Some definitely deserve to be disrespected such as those who are racist to the child they adopted, yes that happens, but others definitely do not and I think good adoptive parents would agree with me. In fact, I’ve seen too many adoptees in the adoptee rights movement hate on all adoptive parents and that isn’t right and it isn’t fair.

11. What is an open adoption?

An open adoption is when a child grows up knowing both their adoptive family and their biological family. They live with their adoptive family but visit their biological family. They have knowledge of their original family name, heritage, biological medical information, and why they were adopted.

12. Are open adoptions good?

They are good so long as the adults act like adults and the court system isn’t flawed meaning that they keep unsafe people away from the adoptee and don’t give information on where the child is, what their new name is, and who they are living with. Open adoptions when the child’s safety is first and paramount are definitely better because psychological problems due to the adoption rarely develop, life saving and any other biological medical information is always available, cultural genocide doesn’t occur, and there are simply more people to love the adoptee.

13. Are open adoptions legally enforced?

No. They are not legally enforced in Canada and the States. 75% of open adoptions close by the time the child is in kindergarten.

14. What is a semi open adoption?

The child has no contact with their biological family but letters and pictures are sent. Again, this is not legally enforced.

15. What is a closed adoption?

This is the one people often misconstrue. A closed adoption means basically no knowledge of anything. Maybe a small scattering of tidbit information but nothing of importance and often are lies told by the adoption agency, or even corrupt doctor, including sometimes date of birth and no contact whatsoever. Closed adoption often results in trauma, suicide attempts, anxiety, depression, stunted emotional and mental growth of a child, and can literally be deadly.

16. Why are closed adoptions done?

If you mean from the beginning there are various reasons. Forced upon the first mother, as a form of legal abandonment, they were the only option back in the day when keeping, abortion, kinship care, legal guardianship and open although not regulated were all not options. Sometimes a first mother is falsely told if she does a closed adoption she will forget she was ever pregnant, which is a blatant lie.

17. What is the Baby Scoop Era?

It really hasn’t ended but an era in the mid twentieth century when thousands and thousands of babies were stolen after heavily drugging women with hospital drugs in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, Greece, Spain, Australia and other countries.

18. If an adoptee searches does that mean they love their adoptive family less?

No, unless they were abusive.

19. Then why do adoptees search?

Adoption:making family strangers and strangers family. Reflect on that for a few days. Here are some reasons albeit not all. Medical info, cultural knowledge, finding out the adoption was forced, lies from the agency that the bio family was wonderful, wanting to know their own complete story, to make sure they don’t have sex with a cousin or sibling, it’s happened, to make a connection. Many want to make a connection but often don’t say it aloud because people reply with not so nice comments. Everyone we first meet is a stranger.

20. What is an adoption record and why is it kept hidden from adoptees in nearly all states?

It explains the reason for adoption. It is sealed because adoption agencies enjoy mind fucking with people, including adoptive parents, and inventing new reasons instead of letting you see the facts on paper, if even those are true.

A Letter to Adoptees Who Advocate for Adoption.

Some of the greatest people I know are adoptees who advocate for adoption. Some of these adoptees are my best friends or are related to me in some capacity. While I will give tough love here, I also write this with a lot of love and respect. I expect others to show adoptees who advocate for adoption kindness in the comment sections of wherever I decide to post this because some of these are my friends and family that are good to me, and yes I am very cutthroat to anyone starts smack with a best friend of mine.

Now, it’s one thing to be unaware. There are plenty of things I’m ignorant on and will forever remain ignorant on because it’s impossible to learn everything in one lifetime. I always say it’s okay to be ignorant until you’re educated. If someone is educated on something and chooses to remain ignorant then we have a problem.

This letter to adoptees who advocate for adoption will extremely likely anger some of you and make you deal with emotions you’ve ignored or didn’t even know were there.

Dear Adoptees Who Advocate for Adoption,

there are so many reasons why you advocate for adoption. I get it, I truly, honestly do, your adoptions have worked out so well for you. I don’t deny this truth, but I’m also aware that some of you, not all of you, but some of you are completely faking it. I know this because I have a friend who was so into denying his or her trauma in adoption that they even denied their actual race to blend in superficially with their adoptive parents. If your adoption worked out better for you and literally rescued you from a most terrible situation then this is an excellent outcome for you. However….

your story isn’t everyone’s story. While you might say, exactly bad stories aren’t my story. There are good, happy ending adoptions out there like my own so I will advocate for them here is where it becomes problematic. American, Canadian, Australian, etc culture is based on westernized values of individualism versus cultures and societies who look at the collective whole such as Japanese culture. Adoption must be viewed as a collective whole. When one thread is frayed it ruins the entire adoptee community. Allow me to explain with a few examples:

*You may advocate for adoption because it put you in a better home yet as a collective whole adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide and even more so if gay, trans, or a person of color.

*You may advocate for adoptions yet not understand that adoption did not save you from an abortion. Very, very few first mothers consider abortion. According to the Guttmacher Institute the US we need a very conservative estimate of a 5,400% increase in out of family adoptions in order to eliminate abortions. The two are not linked. Nor is adoption necessary to save the life of an unborn baby.

*You may advocate for adoption because it literally saved your life, and I can argue so could have legal guardianship unless you were adopted from the foster care system, or kinship care, but up to 20% of out of family adoptions put children with adopters who abuse, or worse murder them. Over 90% of out of family infant adoptions are not needed and are financially based. One must ask themselves why the prospective adopters aren’t giving safe biological families money so they can keep the child. 

* You might be adopted but not an out of family adoptee. Stepparent adoptions and infamily adoptions are nowhere near the same. You don’t lose your biological family except those abusive unless there were secrecy and lies, you don’t lose your original name, you don’t lose your heritage, you aren’t denied a passport like some adoptees, you know who you resemble, and you don’t, for the most part, lose your biological family medical information. It is 98% not the same thing. 

*You may advocate for adoption but understand adoption isn’t needed to keep you or any child safe. 

Some adoptees truly mean well, such as my best friend who is adopted like me. Her goal is to keep children safe. I love her for that! I hope educating here helps adoptees who advocate for adoption to see why not to do it. I gave a few examples. I could give a lot more but I don’t want this to be too long. There are other adoptees who advocate who unfortunately are playing devil’s advocate. Not only do they advocate but they are extremely dismissive when presented with facts about adoptee discrimination, horrific adoption cases, and that those in positions of power refuse to acknowledge and do anything to change these barbaric practices that have yes, literally killed people including murdering children. These are the adoptees who inside are scared. They are scared to stand up for themselves, they are scared to be rejected by their biological families, they are scared to be denounced by their adoptive parents, they are scared to face the fact they have lost their culture; whatever the case may be. They will say things such as, “well sorry your adoption didn’t work out well but most do” without being the least bit sorry. While it may be a stretch for some, but certainly isn’t for myself and others, adoptees who learn and continue to be dismissive are enemies to the cause and are discriminatory and racist to their own kind; traitors, because the adoption industry is based on discrimination and racism that I have been presenting for years.

So what can adoptees who advocate for adoption say instead?

1. Tell the truth. If you truly have any problems with adoption speak up. Let me say it one more time SPEAK UP!!!!! You need to stop trying to make everyone happy, make your adoptive parents happy, etc. You can be happy in your adoption, you can have great adoptive parents but say something such as, “but I wish I didn’t have to fight so hard to know my heritage or know what state I was born in.” 

2. Educate yourself by reading this blog, other blogs, and books. I recommend first scrolling through the titles on here. I have a recommended reading list. 

3. Get in touch and learn from Saving Our Sisters.

4. Say you’re happy in your adoption but acknowledge that others do not have such lucky results. 

Celebrities Who Have Adopted and Adopted Celebrities: We Need Your Help.

Many in the entertainment industry and music industry have adopted including, but not limited to: Madonna, Lionel Ritchie, Sandra Bullock, Sheryl Crow, Viola Davis, Hoda Kotb, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Julie Andrews, and Diane Keaton. Yet none, to my knowledge, have ever spoken up for adoptee rights. There are various reasons for this, some of them nefarious, but I believe most adoptive parents, be they famous or not, don’t speak up for adoptee rights because they simply are unaware of them. The adoption industry is a multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, discriminatory, racist, and completely uncredentialed industry that has painted a picture of perfection or near perfection. They have tried to convince societies that most adoptees don’t care about their biological roots and/or don’t want their adoption records to name a couple of the lies that they perpetuate. Are there selfish people who adopt, who know about the discrimination and harm adoption can cause a person and simply don’t care? Yes, absolutely, and too many are like that. It’s terrible and perhaps one day they will change, although I doubt it. Those simply are not the type of adoptive parents I am trying to reach nor should they be parents to begin with.

Every adoptive parent who fights for adoptee equality is a worthy voice. Too often I have seen members of the adoptee rights movement, primarily other adoptees, bad mouth all adoptive parents. That simply isn’t fair. Yes, there definitely needs to be more adoptive parents fighting alongside with us, and more who need to learn to listen. Too often an adoptee’s story is told by the adoptive parent when it is our stories to tell. I myself have humbly had to learn that I cannot tell other adoptees’ stories. We all can and should learn.

Celebrity adoptive parents, along with celebrities who are adopted themselves such as Ray Liotta, Kristin Chenoweth, and Faith Hill, can do a great service in standing up for adoption reform and adoptee equality because of the millions of followers they have on social media sites such as Instagram. I have seen them, such as Faith Hill, state they are happy and blessed to be adopted, and I do not deny their feelings or that their adoptions worked out well for them. However, they need to go one step further and acknowledge not every adoptee has a happy home, and that whether or not an adoptee grows up in a happy home there are practices done by world governments, state governments, and provincial governments that make adoptees second class citizens.

Adopted celebrities and celebrity adoptive parents we need your voices! Please, speak up about the importance of cultural preservation of adoptees, maintaining a transracial adopted child’s first language, unsealing adoption records unamended, advocating for a certificate of adoption for the future, unsealing original birth certificates unamended, taking the money out of the adoption industry and putting it into low income and working class communities, and so much more. In fact, a celebrity can advocate for us even if he or she has no personal connection to adoption. I want to take a moment to thank rapper Flawless Real Talk of Providence, RI who is a friend of Chance the Rapper, Cardi B, and other for posting on his Instagram to his tens of thousands of followers about the severe discrimination and racism towards Asian born adoptees in the US. 

You have the power and the capability to work alongside with us to raise awareness, dispel myths, demand equality for all and rise millions of others to the occasion. You have the power and the capability to help me and so many others lower the enormously high depression, anxiety, and suicide rates of adoptees especially adoptees of colour and LGBT adoptees. Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than non-adoptees, but six times more if Native American.

Madonna has been my favourite singer since I was four years old when my grandpa introduced me to her back in 1988. I remember him distinctly telling me she is going to be the greatest female singer. I had her albums growing up and she has played a distinct role in my life. I wouldn’t have my best friend if it weren’t for Madonna. Our interest in her music and who she is as a person and activist is a big reason why we are best friends and close friends. As a girl, I knew I was different than other girls but couldn’t put my finger on it and I enjoyed how Madonna wasn’t the mainstream either. She pushed the envelope in so many ways, and continue to.

Adoptive parents owe it to their children to advocate for them in any way necessary and if something doesn’t effect them personally to advocate for those who are within their demographic just like any parent needs to advocate for their children until they are old enough to advocate for themselves.

So, what do we need from you? What messages can you send to your followers? Most importantly, what messages will you give your children that you are standing up and fighting alongside with them?

*Taking the money out of the multibillion dollar adoption industry. It has nothing to do with finding safe homes for children. If we took the money out of adoption at least 90% of out of family adoptions would not occur in the United States because over 90% are based on manipulation and lies. It’s about running a business not about family preservation and that must change.

*Unsealing original birth certificates and unsealing adoption records both unamended. Adoptees have the right to know their original names, their parentage, and other identifying information. Unsealing both also will help expose criminals that churches, state governments, social workers, agency owners and others tried to hide and can and will help solve some cold case homicides. 

*Have only legal guardianship or kinship care in the future or keep adoption in the future but no longer seal the original birth certificate but give adoptive parents a certificate adoption instead but only if money is taken out of the system.

*Understanding you are learning too and you were tricked too. Call these adoption agencies out such as Holt International, Bethany Christian Services, and Catholic Charities to name a few for: human trafficking, violating teenage girls, forcing girls to sign relinquishment papers when heavily on hospital drugs they didn’t request, lying to biological families that their children will return and help their village, lying about open adoptions that aren’t even legally enforceable and so much more. It’s time to call them out on their shit and not be intimidated by them. 

*Advocate for over 26,000 internationally born, mostly Korean, adult adoptees in the US to be granted US citizenship. Currently, they have none and cannot naturalize themselves. Some of these people I personally know and they cannot legally: apply for many things at a bank, rent, vote, marry, leave the country, work and more. 

*Address the high suicide rate among adoptees according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

*Demand the adoption attorneys and adoption agencies that put children into homes where they were abused or worse, murdered are held accountable and are dismantled and that the money does not pour into another adoption agency. 

*A connection to biological family if safe.

*Advocating for your child’s cultural preservation.

*Help us dispel the myth of birthparent privacy. It does not exist because the original birth certificate isn’t sealed until the adoption is finalized so if a baby is put in foster care and never adopted he or she keeps their original birth certificate making privacy null and void. Children adopted when older, even as adolescents, have their original birth certificates even though clearly they know who their biological parents are. Biological mothers and biological fathers do not deserve privacy nor is it psychologically normal for a biological mother or biological father to deny their children and want nothing to do with them and this has been enforced by sociology and psychology professors I interviewed when doing my research for my Ted Talk audition. 

In family adoption and stepparent adoption relate in some way but are very different and nowhere near as problematic especially compared to closed adoptions. Thank you for listening.




A Letter to Gay Men Who Want to Parent Part 1.

*Note: I have no idea if the men in this photo are parents. I randomly chose the photo.

Dear Gay Men Who Want to Parent,

please don’t feel as you read this letter that you are being singled out for being gay and male. If you’re new here I recommend taking a look through my other articles. I have advice for all, and then advice specifically for adoptive parents, adoptees, pregnant women, and people looking to adopt which sometimes has to be broken down into smaller subgroups such as, in this case, gay men.

I’m sure some of you are saying, “well, I didn’t ask for your advice.” So, allow me to introduce myself. I’m an adoptee from a barbaric closed adoption who has been an activist for adoptee equality and adoption reform for twenty years. America’s multibillion dollar industry is racist, discriminatory, uncredentialed, and loosely regulated. Canada is not much better. So, when I give advice it’s because I’ve been at this for years learning from great minds such as Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy.

So, I’ll go through the various scenarios in which you can become a parent and the ethical issues with them if any. Phrases such as “well, I am adopted and it doesn’t bother me” or “my husband is adopted and it doesn’t bother him” or “my parents adopted my sister from China and it doesn’t bother her” are inappropriate because they silence those who are effected, ignore the corruption and discrimination in the agency, and are often said by those who are either ignorant or were rescued from bad biological households. Some of these will be important for any type of person looking to become a parent, not just gay men, but some explanations below are tailored to gay men. My sincerity here is in you becoming parents, but doing so in a manner that is ethical. I had the pleasure of being interviewed early last year by a gay man, who with his husband, created a very ethical set up in becoming parents. I can’t give details or his name as it’ll be part of his book as I was interviewed about this very topic I am writing about right now, and the extreme problems with the adoption industry, that yes has killed numerous children.

1. International adoption.

I could take you on an hours long explanation but I will keep it short and simple. International adoption is connected to human trafficking. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Arun Dohle, Roelie Post, and others have exposed them on the BBC News. Agencies that claim they are reputable use unethical, but still legal, tactics such as telling poor parents their child will return some day to their home country with lots of money to help their village. We often don’t know where these children in orphanages come from, with some of them having been kidnapped and put in the orphanages. According to UNICEF 80% of children in orphanages have a parent. Spending $40,000 to adopt an international child to support an uncredentialed industry is not a wise investment. Spending $40,000 to a local grassroots charity in say, western China, is a way to help hundreds of children. Adoption agencies and the multibillion dollar adoption industry have done nothing when it comes to the fact that over 26,000 internationally born adult adoptees, primarily Asian, were never naturalized when adopted into the US and cannot naturalize themselves. As adults now they are people without a country with an enormously high suicide rate who cannot legally: leave the country, vote, work, marry, rent, obtain SNAP benefits, and more. Even more revolting, many ESL children adopted from Asia, Africa, and lastly Eastern Europe are resold sometimes online to paedophiles. What has been done about it? Not a damn fucking thing. There is a serious Asia to Canada pipeline of children to paedophiles. It’s absolutely hideous. When you adopt from overseas you are inadvertly supporting this. This, however, does not mean I attack any parent who has adopted overseas as adoptive parents are not taught these things. They too are duped in order to keep a business going. If you’d like to know how illegal and unethical an agency can be, such as Holt International, I recommend reading Cries of the Soul by Khara Nine a story of an illegal adoption of yet another Korean adoptee raised in a racist and abusive adoptive home. Even if you would never be such a terrible parent, and I have no doubt you won’t be, you don’t want to fund such a business. If you want to know how to support children in orphanages find Arun Dohle on Facebook and ask him.

2. Surrogacy.

2020 has definitely been the year of apocalype bingo. Virus? Check. Murder hornets? Check. Karens? Check. Duststorm in the USA? Check. Chernobyl on fire? Check. Not being able to pick up your baby? Check. Wait, what?! You heard it. People, of all sexualities, had surrogates from overseas and because they are overseas they cannot go and get their children. So, 2020 has showed a problem with surrogacy, especially international surrogacy but the problem goes way, way further than Covid19. In some countries, such as Australia, paedophiles can circumvent the laws in order to use a woman as a surrogate for a child. Australian laws and laws of other nations need to change now! Women in some countries who are surrogates are used as brood mares. They are paid to give birth after birth after birth after birth for rich couples damaging their bodies. If people truly think this is a choice think twice.

Well, what about having a surrogate within your own country? Well, let’s say you are a nice, gay couple well established and ready for a child living in Toronto. Ah, Toronto I completely miss being there. I’m about two hours away and I know where I’m going when the border opens again. The problem with using any surrogate is the child is denied half of himself or herself. Is it better to grow up with one safe and loving biological parent than none? Well, of course, but it doesn’t make it ethical to purposely do it to a child. Some may think the surrogate is also the biological mother but this isn’t the case. The biological mother is the woman who donates her eggs. The surrogate is the woman who carries the baby, and then you and your husband or partner become the parent. The sperm being donated by you or your partner. So what is wrong with this? A few things. In order to operate the surrogacy industry, just like the adoption industry, must use propaganda, ignorant language that dehumanizes women, which is something they’ve been good at for decades; dehumanizing women and pretending men and adult adoptees don’t exist. I have an article from a couple years ago on here about how Dr. Jessica Schneider, MD explains the dangers of egg donation when done multiple times. First, psychologically do these women understand that they are not giving away their eggs they are giving away their actual children. No, I don’t think they understand because some are completely swept away in the belief of needing to be extreme in order to show they are open minded and they are young. Psychiatrists will tell you the brain does not stop developing to a point of maturity until age twenty-five or twenty-six, and Facebook posts prove millions never reach that point. Young women, according to Dr. Jessica Schneider MD who lost her own daughter to this, have donated their eggs upwards of ten times and it has caused them cancer when they have no family history of cancer, and are inflicted with colon and breast cancer when they had no prior signs before donation. As of 2017 there was no list of names of  anonymous donors male or female which creates serious ethical, mental health and medical problems for people created from anonymity.

So what can you do that is ethical and doing surrogacy? Have a close female friend be the mom of your child. She wouldn’t be a surrogate even though technically under law she’d be called one. She would be the child’s biological mom in which you would share partial custody. The parents would be her, you and your husband with the child living between two houses. If there is plenty of stability, love, and open communication this three way parenting can and does work as I know gay men and their women friends doing this. This is why birth certificates would do well to allow three parents on them. This way a child has his dads and his mom. Of course, you needn’t be married something the adoption industry used to claim as they forcibly took babies from unmarried women and girls if you are a gay man ready for a child you can have a baby with a close female friend. Such as the case of one friendship in New York City. For the privacy of their child I won’t say his name. He’s a ten or eleven year old little boy who loves karate. Unable to find partners when they both reached forty they decided to become parents….together. A gay guy, and a straight woman. Interesting to say the least but they have made it work. No, they do not live together but they are always together for their child’s big events, they spend the weekends together with their son out at parks, etc., they are both committed to his education, nutrition, safety, and happiness and are all around good parents. That may seem strange to some, but you must ask yourself how badly do you want a child, how long can you wait, and do you want to do it ethically? You would need it in writing and for it to be legally enforced, using your own lawyer, that your child shared would be in custody of all three of you or the two of you if having a female friend as the mom with custody being split down the middle where the child lives half the time with you and half the time with his mom. Serious discussions on nutrition, discipline, the type of school or homeschooling such as Montessori homeschooling, vaccinating, travelling, and more would have to be discussed before impregnation.

What if I have a female friend or a woman wants to do this but doesn’t want to be involved in my child’s life? She has psychiatric issues. There’s a difference between a woman’s choice and a woman who has psychiatric issues. Normal women do not produce their own children and then decide to abandon them, and while this is by no means leaving a baby in a dumpster abandonment it is still abandonment and has profound impact on the infant’s brain which has been proven by university research. My own biological mother is such and is described by other first mothers and even mums who conceived their children in rape as  vile and disgusting. The difference with egg donors is that because of the propaganda used these young women don’t really step back and think wait a moment these are my children. They only see them as their eggs unless it’s a woman who donates her eggs and is a biological mother in an open adoption or whatever open case but I don’t see that and never heard of that happening, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen or doesn’t happen. Even with the greatest amount of love you would give your child there is still a strong possibility your child will rightfully harbor a lot of hatred, shown or unshown, to their mother that chose not to be involved in their life. Trying to surpress that fact with “she blessed us with you” is discriminatory to the adoptee or other created person because it dictates what they can and can’t say, how they can feel and not feel, and praises someone who afterall did abandon their child. Legal abandonment, abandonment, it’s all still abandonment.

So are you saying the mother should be forced in the child’s life? No, because if she is she will be abusive. This is precisely why I blocked most of my biological family because they either have narcissistic personality disorder or are flying monkeys. I am blessed, however, with a biological paternal aunt who is younger than me who has told me horrific stories of the abuse she endured. This is one reason why closed adoptions are barbaric, had my records been unsealed or never sealed we would’ve known about her and she too would’ve been rescued. Although adoption is not a guarantee of a safe and loving home.

Thing is just like they tell straight men, be careful who you get pregnant.

What if I don’t want the mom involved? Tough. It’s not about you, it’s about the child and unless the mother is unsafe for the child, which can totally happen, then it’s in your child’s best interest to have his or her mom involved in their life. Studies claiming children of two gay dads or one gay dad or a lesbian woman or two lesbian women or a single mom or a single dad are well adjusted are bias. They are either focusing on children who were rescued from dangerous females or are studying very young children who don’t truly understand what a mom is because of their environment or choose to ignore important aspects such as how babies know the smell and voice of their own mums. In the case of single parents they are focusing on children who have been either spoonfed lies because we all prefer comfortable lies than uncomfortable truths or they are children who know they are much better off not having the other parent in their life for safety reasons or sadly the other parent is deceased. Adoptees are very good at hiding emotions, I can imagine surrogacy created people are just as good.

Bottom line is so long as it’s safe for the child, they should have those in their life who made them and those in their life who love them.

I’ll discuss domestic adoptions in part two.

Bethany Christian Services Needs to be Dismantled, Brought to Justice, and Imprisoned for Child Kidnapping and Child Murder, and so do the Rest.

I added Dedja to my Instagram yesterday before even knowing who she is. Dedja is the real mom of Katera. I refuse to call her the birthmother as that discriminates her, and Dedja was tricked into adoption by the lies told by Bethany Christian Services. One year old Katera, yet another adopted child out of hundreds and hundreds in the United States, has been murdered by her adopters. However, before I get into that horrific story let’s backtrack. I think it’s best to write this article in a question and answer format to keep people focused.

1. What is Bethany Christian Services?

Bethany Christian Services is America’s biggest money making adoption corporation. They make multimillions annually in tax returns.

2. Who is involved in Bethany Christian Services?

One of the top people involved in Bethany Christian Services is Betsy DeVos and relatives. Yes, that DeVos who admires the racist, misogynistic, homophobic Trump who is ruining public education in this country. Of course, there are discriminatory teachers and Democratic politicians involved in education, such as New York’s education, who discriminate adoptees but that’s a story for another day. As well, there are Democratic politicians that I certainly don’t like who are also foul and corrupt, like Hilary Clinton as the Clintons have been involved in financing the adoption industry and CPS industry and have ignored significant child welfare problems and the psychological abuse on families of both.

3. Why does Bethany Christian Services need to be dismantled and other adoption agencies?

If you want an extensive look into the corruption and scandals Bethany Christian Services has been involved in I recommend reading the Instagram account of underagebirthmother who is living now in Hawai’i. Her son was stolen through an illegal adoption in California. The kidnappers? Bethany Christian Services. Bethany Christian Services in her case, along with countless others, did not comply with the law.

However, even when adoption agencies do comply with the law they use unethical procedures to obtain babies. I’m not talking here about in family adoption or international adoption, and of course international adoption certainly has its problems. Nor is this an appropriate time to be asking or even thinking, “well, what about all the adoptions that saved children from bad homes?” If there is a pool filled with kids, is the lifeguard going to ignore the one little boy drowning because the rest are swimming just fine? No, he is not. Yet, this is what society expects to be done in adoption. Jesus went after the one lost sheep, and let the other ninety-nine do whatever. Bethany Christian Services and others have told numerous lies that I’ve mentioned on here previously, such as the lie that open adoptions stay open and that you will see your child or that adoption is best for your baby because you can’t give him or her all the materialistic goods they deserve and that all potential adoptive families are loving, rich, and good. Newflash! Being raised with a lot of money does not equivalate to a better childhood, and no child deserves to lose a safe and loving biological family just for items.

4. So why do they and others deserve to be dismantled if they’re behaving within the law?

Well, they are not always behaving within the law. That is first and foremost the reason. They have not complied with laws. Obviously, when Bethany Christian Services, Catholic Charities, and any others do behave within the law they cannot be dismantled and cannot be brought to a court of law but what we can do as a society is two things that we all need to do. One, recognize that just because something is legal doesn’t make it right such as when women couldn’t vote and it was okay for their husbands to beat them or when it was okay to deny intelligent Latino students entrance into honour roll high school classes in California prior to the 1960s. Two, work to have the laws changed to drastically alter how adoption is done in this country such as a certificate of adoption instead of a sealed original birth certificate, and only allowing legally enforced open adoptions. I’ll discuss in another article why a closed adoption is never necessary. The other reason why Bethany Christian Services, and others as well, needs to be dismantled is because they have put children in homes where they have been murdered and/or abused. This is not the first case, and unless we strike down these adoption agencies from Bethany Christian Services to Catholic Charities to so many more, the child kidnapping, child abuse, and most tragic of all child homicides will just continue.

5. What happened in the case of Katera?

Dedja was told what so many other pregnant women and teenage girls are told by adoption agency workers, all of whom make a profit when they finally convince someone to give them their baby. No baby, no profit, remember that. She was told she wasn’t good enough, that what she had wouldn’t be good enough. That adoption would allow her baby to have a bright and amazing future. Adoption is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. If she had known about Saving Our Sisters, a grassroots organization helping women and girls like Dedja her child would’ve remained with her and would be alive today, or would’ve at least remained within her natural family.  Dedja’s social worker through Bethany Christian Services convinced her she wasn’t a good enough parent even though there was nothing indicating that Dedja truly was such a bad person or a bad mother. Dedja had a gut feeling that the potential male adopter was not good around children, but because this social worker was so set on making money she kept insisting to Dedja to brush off her inkling feeling about this guy being bad. We would come to learn so bad in fact that he’s a murderous creep. Who also knows what was done to her baby prior to the death, and also makes me personally wonder if the wife had a hand in Dedja’s baby’s death or if she was being abused as well. Who knows.

6. How did baby Katera die?

A hot car death. She was left alone in the hot car for 10 hours.  This torturous and grisly crime occurred in 2018. As I’ve mentioned to numerous police departments none of these deaths are accidents. People do not forget their dogs, their cats, or especially their children or even if they’re babysitting other people’s children. I was sleepy, I was busy, I was rushing, the baby was sleeping, none of these are viable excuses. Each and every one of these hot car deaths is a homicide and needs to be treated as such because the moment they are treated as such with people getting what they deserve, life imprisonment will be the time when hot car deaths cease or nearly cease to exist. Dedja never liked the guy who adopted her daughter. Her first impression was, this guy isn’t safe. 

7. Was it racially motivated?

It is a possibility as the murderous adopter is White and baby Katera was Black. I see a petition to finally try to bring Katera and Dedja justice, along with other biological family members. I’m not a fan of the wording of the petition, but that’s okay I’m letting it slide because the person’s heart is totally in the right place and they have done an amazing job with getting signatures. However, since I don’t know all the facts about the case I cannot say for certain it was racially motivated.

8. How do you know this wasn’t an accident?

The male adopter was aloof with the baby since the get go. This is why people may think racism was involved. Would he have cared about a White child or especially White male child more? Who knows. There have been White children killed by their White adopters, such as Cathy Terkanian’s daughter, an acquaintance of mine, whose killer is only being served justice now even though the murder took place in 1989. People simply do not forget their dogs in the car, let alone their children or like in this case, other people’s children.

9. Why should social workers and employers of Bethany Christian Services serve prison time for Katera’s death?

Simple, because they failed to do their jobs in finding a safe home for a child, and furthermore they unnecessarily removed a child from a biological family that already was safe. Adoption is a multibillion dollar corporation wreaked with discrimination and corruption. We must no longer hear the words, well social workers are overworked. It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t freaking matter! You had a responsibility to find a child a safe home. It’s disgusting enough when you as a social worker keep children in abusive biological family homes such as Gabriel Fernandez who was murdered when it was clear he should’ve been sent to another family, and equally despicable when you put children in abusive and murderous adoptive houses. It’s your responsibility to do your job well, and when children are hurt or much worse, killed, then everyone from the social worker at the bottom to the employer at the top to the CEO of the company need to all be held accountable, all lose their license, all be fired, and all serve prison time. This isn’t a radical or drastic idea, but rather the simple acknowledgment that people need to be held responsible; loads of people.

10. Won’t dismantling adoption agencies do more harm than good?

Quite the opposite. They will do far more good than harm. Manipulation and deceit to try and procure babies will disappear. Legal guardianship and kinship care will be talked about a lot more and done a lot more. Families will help each other out more, although this isn’t a guarantee. Children, like Gabriel Fernandez who was indirectly murdered by Los Angeles’s joke of a DCF, can find new and safe homes through kinship care and legal guardianship where billions of dollars aren’t made although I still would strongly recommend multiple unexpected visits to make sure the child is safe.

11. What happens if Bethany Christian Services and Catholic Charities who also put children in abusive homes are dismantled?

Unfortunately, the billions from these two adoption agencies, the two biggest corporations of all in the industry, would have their money sent to other adoption agencies making them turn from small fish to big fish. We cannot let this happen. When the agencies are dismantled and people put in prison, even if they are elderly now and no longer work for the agencies, the money from these agencies must be given to charities that have nothing to do with removing children from families. Take their money they made from their decades of lies and corrupt practices and use it to help with the tens of thousands of people trying to get back their children who were falsely accused or give the billions to help research cures for kids with incurable diseases.

12. What can we do and who is we?

We are anyone who is living in the United States. Not only those directly effected by adoption. I strongly feel it’s a responsibility of all of us to make sure children are kept safe and that we end human trafficking through adoption. Here are some things you can do:

  1. Sign petitions asking for children’s killers to be brought to justice and yes I care about murdered non-adopted children just as much.
  2. Sign or create petitions asking for adoption agencies and those who work for them to be held accountable and be imprisoned for putting children with child abusers and murderers.
  3. Contact the District Attorney in your state and demand he or she bring the necessary people to justice.
  4. Write each member of the House of Representatives in your state and demand necessary changes are made to how the adoption industry functions so we can end corruption and children being killed. Those steps are:

A. Take the money out of adoption and make it an entirely voluntary job to find a baby or child a new home.

B. Teach that birthparent privacy does not exist. It is not on any law book, nor does any biological mother or biological father deserve privacy. People often ask me what about rape survivors? Having spoken to two women that conceived their children in rape, and did keep them, thinking that someone deserves privacy from their child because they were conceived in rape is equivalent to blaming the child for the rape and is abhorrent and that is them, Heather and Jen, saying that.  

C. Demand an end to closed adoptions which are unnecessary to keep a child safe and have been used as a form of legalized abandonment. 

D. Legalize all open adoptions and move all adoptions to open status. I will discuss in another article closed vs. open and how to keep all children safe.

E. Stop the sealing of adoption records. Unseal all open records unamended.

F. Unseal all original birth certificates, and for future adoptions have only a certificate of adoption. 

Whether it was last year or sixty years ago it’s time to bring to justice all involved in coverups, forcing women to sign relinquishment papers when purposely drugged through no choice of their own, lying and closing open adoptions, and putting children in dangerous houses  and make them a punishable crime.

Last but not least I forgot to mention any time I have written truths on Bethany Christian Services Instagram page against their outright lies they have always erased my comments and they erase the comments of every single first mother who speaks the truth and explains how they were lied to and swindled.