Crystal Healing: Rose Quartz The Adoptee’s Crystal.

I am a holistic healer and I’m certified in masters level tarot readings and pendulum dowsing and I was just certified in masters crystal healing therapy. Later this year I will be certified in: EFT tapping, acupressure, feng shui, and Indian head massage. By next year I will, hopefully, be certified in CBT therapy as well. I will work with anyone who gravitates towards me but primarily I want to work with: adoptees, men, the LGBTQ community, and children.

Of course, due to covid I won’t be able to actually do some of these practices on people. However, some practices I can offer online and already do. If any of this sounds like an interest to you you can request to join my private group on Facebook Relax and Refocus with Megan DePerro or follow me on IG at relaxandrefocuswith Megan.

For now, during this pandemic, when it comes to crystal healing therapy I’m available for online assistance in helping you know what crystals are what you currently need and what crystals you should pair together for yourself. Why can’t I just go online and look? Because a lot of these people posting crystals and crystal pairings online do not have proper certification. They are pairing or making crystal sets that absolutely do not go together and will only cause problems. They don’t inform you what crystals are actually toxic such as black tourmaline and malachite if they touch water. They are putting crystals in gem water, a popular method these days, without knowing those crystals cannot touch water.

I’ve heard some controversy saying because I’m a Christian I can’t work with tarot or I can’t work with crystals. Any tool can be used for good or bad. It depends on how you use it. I don’t want to delve into tarot here, because this is an article about crystals and rose quartz, but I will say that tarot, crystals, all of them do not contact any evildoers. Tarot also does not, as much as the popular myth is told, predict the future. It is simply your subconscious mind coming to the surface saying this is what will be happening soon.

A common misconception with crystals is that people worship them and that Jews and Christians should not be using crystals because they’re worshipping them instead of Gd. Others say there is no scientific background in crystal healing. Neither is true.

All things in and on and above the planets was created by Gd. Crystals, which are immensely pressurized rocks, are created by God. God put many messages in things such as: sound, colours, crystals, animals, smells, flowers, mathematics and so much more. It is not only the spoken and written word that communicates.

I like all to keep an open mind. When you go into a crystal shop, being fully vaccinated and fully masked of course with a N95 mask, wash or sanitize your hands. Take some deep slow breaths breathing in through your nose and out of your belly. Be sure to not have any other crystals on you, so if you do put them in your pocket or lay them to the side for a moment.

Pick up a crystal without looking at the description. You should feel a certain way that nearly everybody else feels. I remember the first time I picked up howlite. I instantly had an intense feeling of calmness, and after I looked at the description sure enough it was the crystal of calmness.

Give it a chance with rose quartz. Rose quartz, a beautiful pink crystal is a crystal that emits unconditional love. It is a crystal for increasing self-love. Not being full of yourself love, but a self love for all people hurt and damaged in some manner. All adoptees, whether they want to admit it or not, have endured a trauma.

Many adoptees are hurting. Many adoptees are in the closet hurting. I am not saying that a rose quartz will eliminate your problems, but I am saying it’ll help. Every adoptee should have a rose quartz. A tumbled or rough piece of rose quartz, a rose quartz necklace or a rose quartz bracelet or rose quartz earrings. All crystals have energy so it needn’t be touching your skin but it is more powerful if it does. Wear it for a long time day and night, and within a few weeks you should start to see a difference.

God gave us these crystals to help us. God is sending a message in these crystals.

Give it a try, try some rose quartz.

Does NYSUT Really Care about Equality? I Doubt It.

There have been national teacher organizations that have advocated for internationally born adult adoptees in the US without citizenship to be able to obtain it. However, NYSUT, which is short for New York State Union of Teachers, strongly doesn’t seem to support necessary adoption reform and equality for adoptees. Even a leading, lesbian, female senator in NY who is an active member in education, doesn’t support equality for adoptees.

In fact, I see this too often with NYS senators being members of the LGBTQ community and still discriminating adoptees. You would think being from a marginalized group you would want to not marginalize others. I guess not. I am bisexual, I am a member of the LGBTQ community, and at this point I’m over and done being sick and tired of the discrimination to adoptees committed by LGBTQ members, especially those in a position of power. Especially when many LGBTQ adoptees are kicked out of their what was supposed to be permanent, loving households for being LGBTQ and NYSUT and NYSUT supporters are leaving these kids in the dust all because they’re most likely too afraid to handle multibillion dollar lobbyists and adoption agency CEOs who need to be defunded, and don’t want to upset parents who adopted.

NYSUT cares about other forms of social injustice, such as racial inequality, and other serious issues such as breast cancer, and these issues are also equally important.

Yet, when NYSUT was informed by me, and possibly others, through emails and phone calls, with ample evidence given of the problems that need our attention it was completely ignored. I cannot come to believe that school staffing shortages or being completely overburdened are the reasons to completely ignore the inequalities, disparages, misogyny, racism, and discrimination of adoptees and how the adoption industry operates if you have time to fight for other justifiable causes.

If NYSUT wants to claim they are for all children then they need to be for all children. If NYSUT wants to claim they are for social justice then they need to be for all social justice.

Everyone should stop funding NYSUT until they acknowledge and work with knowledgeable organizations and people, such as Adam Pertman, Lorraine Dusky, Unsealed Initiative, Senator David Weprin, and Concerned United Birthparents to name a few to:

*Advocate that Black and Brown children are not priced lower for adoptions.

*Have someone check on adopted children because child abuse rates are much higher among adopted children than biological children raised in their biological homes.

*Address the fact that White adoptees are 4 xs more likely to die by suicide and LGBT and adoptees of color are 6 xs more likely to die by suicide.

*Address the extremely high mental health rate of adoptees, primarily ADHD, depression and anxiety.

*Stop caring about the feelings of adoptive parents being defensive and saying comments like “well my child is well adjusted” and “well my child is better off.” This isn’t about you.

*Advocate for every public, charter, and magnet school to have an after school group in middle school and high school for adopted children where adopted children are not forced to feel “special” or “grateful” for being adopted, but are able to freely express their emotions and questions about adoption and being adopted with well- researched answers being given to the children, not comforting lies.

*Advocate to be activist looking into the corrupt practices of CPS and adoption agencies including the lie of open adoptions which are not even legally enforceable, and most close by the time the child enters kindergarten.

*Advocate for adoption records to be unsealed because often they were sealed to hide criminal activities.

*Advocate for all internationally born adoptees to automatically be given US citizenship. There are over 26,000 internationally born adult adoptees in the US, mostly from Korea, who have no citizenship and cannot currently obtain it themselves, and they have no basic rights such as the right to vote, the right to rent, the right to work, and the right to marry.

These are only some of the things NYSUT can be, and should be, doing for adopted students or students with adopted parents. The fact we often hear “this student is adopted and they seem fine” or the lie Catholic Family Center of Rochester, NY tells “that adopted children do better in school” is due to the fact adopted children who fall under the cracks are ignored, and adopted children are forced to be grateful when adoption is a complex multitude of emotions.

I urge others in NYS to write into NYSUT and call their NYSUT chapter and say it is time you advocate for adoptees. If the National Education Association can advocate, at least, for internationally born adult adoptees to all have US citizenship then so can NYSUT, and so much more.

Adoptees, Money and the Root Chakra.

The Indian chakra system has been in existence for thousands and thousands of years, first appearing in the Vedas. Of course, experts in the chakra system can tell you even more, but I have been studying and working with chakras for years now.

I’m only focusing for this article on the root chakra. The root chakra called the Muladhara is located at the base of the spine. Its colour is red.

Chakras need to be balanced. At times due to various causes, including and especially pre-verbal trauma such as circumcision, a traumatic birth, those who have survived a failed abortion, separation of biological mom and baby because of adoption, other forms of child abandonment in verbal years, baby shaken syndrome, and school yard bullying with parents saying “deal with it, toughen up”, and the schools as usually doing nothing about it, chakras can become unbalanced. An unbalanced chakra will be in excess or will be depleted. This can be assessed through a variety of means from intuition, to colour therapy, to sound therapy, to pendulum dowsing, and checking your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Adoptees, and some may not want to admit this, have serious root chakra problems. I include myself in this. It isn’t our fault. It is because of the pre-verbal trauma. No matter what family you were raised in, and I realize things are exacerbated for those adoptees raised in horrible homes, of which there are many cases especially for adoptees of colour, the trauma of the initial separation is still there even if your biological mother was a vicious, violent psychopath.

Some women are terrible, vicious mothers who shouldn’t be allowed to have children but even in those cases of removing an infant for her or his safety a baby simply does not understand as he or she spent nine months in the womb of his mother and knows no difference. In fact, for the newborn it is the fourth trimester, and he sees himself as still part of his mom. Removing him now causes identity problems later. Of course, the vast majority of first mothers are not bad people at all. The majority of them had no choice, but were forced to do adoption or wanted an open adoption and didn’t know that most close. Still, no matter the reasoning for the adoption the root chakra is still damaged.

This is why it’s so imperative to teach people that babies are not blank slates.

The root chakra is about survival. A balanced root chakra is about feeling grounded, secure, having the optimal weight, and have a good gastrointestinal and elimination process. A balanced root chakra makes you feel like you have a purpose and a right to be here.

All adoptees grew in the uteruses of women and girls who were under extreme stress during the time of their pregnancies. This developmentally changes the growing preborn baby on the cellular level. This shows up later in a multitude of miserable coping mechanism methods in adoptees such as their disdain for money and trouble keeping money, weight control problems and overeating, higher rates of drug use, and anxiety problems. I’ve been dealing with all three, although the first two I am getting under control and the last I am using holistic means to do so. I am fortunate to never have had a drug problem, but don’t judge who do. As someone smartly mentioned, weed is not the gateway drug trauma is.

The truth is any adoptee who says “that’s you that’s not me” is lying. Why? Because when speaking of infant adoption it’s a pre-verbal trauma and therefore it is stored deep, deep, deep into the subconscious level of the brain. Therefore, the adoptee throughout life, will live life in survival mechanism. Even for a child adopted when older it’s still a traumatic event which is something society refuses to see. Allow me to explain.

A child is removed from an abusive biological household and placed somewhere else into, what hopefully is, a loving family. Let’s assume for simplicity’s sake that the child is raised in a loving adoptive home. Even then, he or she at the root chakra level has the trauma of the separation from the original household and original family members they were with. He or she still has the abandonment, neglect the original family caused that has now created a severe and irrevocable damage to the root chakra.

This can make many good and loving adoptive parents feel very guilty. Why is my child always sad? Why does my adult child have such bad anxiety? Why can’t they access their heritage was asked before the ancestral DNA sites became in existence. Remember, while today many adopters are jealous, immature, narcissistic brats in the past many adopting had no idea what really occurred, and thought they were doing everyone a favour, and adoption agencies lied to these parents and told them their child would rarely get curious about their adoption, maybe just on their birthday.

A unbalanced root chakra is seen with: rage, anxiety, depression, fear, insecurity, weak physical health, apathy, laziness, lack of motivation, anemia, low self esteem, constipation, overweight, underweight, insecure and unstable.

We see adoptees are often unstable with money and there is a survival mechanism around money, careers and adoptees. What is my scientific basis for this? Well, does there always need to be scientific basis? It is quite often seen in simply interacting with other adoptees. It is something that other adoptees have noticed as well, and brought to my attention.

With every adoptee trying to literally find themselves there becomes a disconnect with money in one of two ways.

Type A not enough: this is the adoptee who struggles financially, they go from job, to job to job to job not knowing exactly what they want to do. Part of this reason is because of a disconnect with their biological family to know their natural talents and have those finely tuned since childhood. They often can’t stay in one job because their minds are so preoccupied with finding themselves and finding answers they need that were wrongfully taken from them. Perhaps this adoptee also likely comes from a Christian home that taught them “money is the root of all evil” when in fact the proper sentencing is “love of money is the root of all evil”. The damaged root chakra causes a lack of security in the self and this therefore causes a lack of security involving money. You often see this with adoptees saying comments such as “I’m on disability” realizing or not realizing their physical, mental and emotional ailments are caused by adoptee trauma, “I don’t have the money”, “I’m broke” and so on and so forth.

These type of adoptees also believe everyone should do stuff for free. “We were all traumatized so we should all be helping each other for free”. You hear this comment time and time again. Whether it’s being a search angel or whatever it may be. Yet, a physical therapist who has also been injured himself isn’t going to go up to someone and say “yeah, I damaged my leg too so I guess you don’t have to pay me.” People absolutely should be paid for their services or a barter or trade should be done. I’ve had many people get mad that I now say you must pay me for my services if you want me to look for someone. I also am the only person who will require you to do necessary reading before I search for you. Many paid searchers won’t even look without a name and are demanding thousands. That’s not me. I’m certified at the masters level in tarot and have had adoptees tell me I should be offering my services for free or on a sliding scale. I was doing this myself too, selling myself short, giving information out for free and doing things for free until I learned it stemmed from a damaged root chakra which stems from the complexities of adoptee trauma.

And it needs to be said, no you’re not getting free service just because you’ve been traumatized and don’t assume you’re getting free service just because you’ve been traumatized. Offer payment, trade, or to do something in return. Maybe a free service once or twice in agreement that you will pay for other services later on.

Adoptees we must start being paid for our services, including what we teach others and yes I absolutely should have been and should be paid for this blog which is a wealth of factual information.

Why is it wrong to help someone? There is nothing wrong with helping someone, but it becomes a problem with several hours of a service are being taken advantage of or when people automatically assume it should be done for free. When you provide a service that is done too cheaply then it makes yourself look cheap and as if you’re not very good. I price my tarot readings at $45 to $55, which is very reasonable and shows that I do a good job. My readings are very detailed lasting an hour to 90 minutes long and include looking at the herbology, numerology, and colour of a card and how it relates to the person coming to a reading with me. Yet I had someone say they should be only $20, they should be on a sliding scale. Trust me, if I had said they are $20 I can guarantee fellow adoptees would still say I can’t afford that or it’s too much money. If you can’t afford something that only costs $20 you’ve got a problem, and that includes myself at times. If you simply don’t want to pay for something because you have no interest in it that’s different. And I don’t mean problems like your bank account being constantly hacked.

Then you have the other adoptees, and these are of a smaller minority. The overachiever, highly economically successful adoptees yet they too have a damaged root chakra. These are the adoptees with a plastered smile on their face, who will praise adoption and claim because of adoption they are who they are this day, when that is simply not true. These are the adoptees who become highly successful in their jobs. So what is the problem here? It is because that high level of achievement stems from feeling underrated and under appreciated as a child. It sometimes can stem from a damaging self belief in the Asian minority model myth. It can stem from not having a connection to roots, to the biological family, and feeling like they must really prove themselves in order to be accepted by their adoptive families, or by society. “I have to become the best of the best in order to prove and thank my adoptive parents that they love me so much and they did a good job”. Of course, there’s nothing wrong in being successful. I applaud it and encourage it, but there’s a severe problem with a minority myth model is upheld, when microaggressions towards adoptees are upheld, and when racial microaggressions are upheld by the adoptee because they feel they won’t fit or will be rejected.

It is time for adoptees, and anyone severely traumatized in childhood, verbal or pre-verbal, to speak up. Drown out the voices of those who claim “it was so long ago” or “get over it”. Make adoptees who don’t want to learn the truth that adoption has nothing to do with making a person successful uncomfortable. The truth will make people uncomfortable but that’s how people grow. Do what needs to be done for your root chakra to be balanced and healthy, and what that is will entirely depend on each person’s needs and desires. I’m not being paid for it, so it’s up to each and everyone of you to look up how to balance your root chakra and then go about doing it how you see best for your own self.

Dear Adoptees, You’re Not Obligated to Answer. Non Adoptees, How to Ask Questions About Adoption with Tact.

This is a problem for adoptees. It can even be a problem for siblings of adoptees or children of adoptees. What problem you ask? Feeling like you’re forced to answer questions even if it’s from well meaning people. Let me provide you with a few examples.

Oh, you’re adopted. Have you searched for your real parents? I use the term real parents because it’s often said like this but who the real parents are is entirely up to the adoptee. Some feel it’s both the biological and the adoptive, some feel it’s only the adoptive, some feel it’s only the biological and others are more complex say they see their stepfather and their biological dad as their real parents but their adoptive mom and biological mom have been horrible in their life. It’s based on how much an adoptee knows about the corruption, discrimination, racism, and misogyny involved in the adoption industry meshed with their own personal experiences.

However, I’ll just focus on the examples without the nitty gritty of incorrect word usage because I’ve already focused on that before.

Oh, you’re adopted. Have you searched for your real parents?

So where were you born?

Do you like being adopted?

Is your brother your real brother, you know what I mean sorry, is he adopted like you too?

Did someone in your family adopt you?

Why did your parents adopt your sister from Korea?

Were you in an orphanage?

Do you want to search?

Why are you searching, did your adoptive parents do a bad job? Did they not love you?

Do you want to adopt your own children some day?

Do you speak any insert language of original country?

Did you watch the new Disney movie about the orphan girl who gets adopted?

I guess it’s safe to say that all of us adoptees have felt like we have been obligated to answer these questions, or others. So, perhaps let me break this down into parts to talk to different groups.

PART I- Adoptees

  1. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Even if you’re a child or a teenager, you don’t have to answer if you want to.
  2. People need to understand it’s mentally tiring to answer these questions.
  3. Use your gut instinct and know if this person is asking because you feel they might want to tell you their own story, because they care to know the answer, or because like most they want to lecture you on how they know more of a lived experience they do not have. We call this travesty adopteesplaining.
  4. Even if you answered questions yesterday, last month, last year, or answered questions for ten years the moment you wake up and decide you’re not answering questions for whatever time, for whatever reason needs to be respected.
  5. You can choose who you answer questions to and who you talk about adoption with. Aunt Bobbie Jo doesn’t get a pass just because she’s your aunt.
  6. You don’t even have to answer questions about your adoption to other adoptees.
  7. You can answer questions to anyone. You can tell anyone you want about adoption, even if it’s your local bus driver you take your morning and night routes home with Monday through Thursday before and after work. Just make sure, please, please make sure the facts you give are indeed factual. Don’t ever let anyone but yourself shut you up, but if you are giving information that is wrong and harmful then please hush.
  8. Depending on the situation and the person how you say no will depend. Here are some examples:

A. Sorry, I’m not in the mood to talk about that now.

B. I’m just not in the mood to talk about adoption.

C. This is a topic I choose to discuss only with other adoptees.

D. Your question is too complex to answer simply. This is a common problem. People ask questions, through no fault of their own, without knowing the answer can literally take hours and hours to answer.

E. I know you’re pro adoption and won’t listen to adoptees so why are you bothering asking me?

F. Here’s some books and blogs I can refer you to.

PART II – Adoptive Parents

It’s not your place to tell your adopted child’s story to the public. Stop telling it to the public, stop posting it on Instagram, stop making blogs about it. Stop trying to get yourselves on the news. We get it, you see yourself as the savior of orphans, but there is only one true Saviour of orphans and He knows the corruption involved and He, our Jesus Christ, knows most orphans aren’t truly orphans. Stop stealing your child’s story, stop stealing their thunder. A lot, a lot of adoptive parents are going to regret this when their children are older and are pissed the f—– off for blabbing about very personal details about them the world over. What you see as a celebration, like a video of being handed your baby that went viral on your local news can be a painful reminder to your child that everyone celebrated. A reminder that they love you and are happy to live with you, but a painful reminder that their biological parents died in a fiery train wreck or were on drugs or were simply too young and too poor to care for them, or were even married and already had nine kids living in Appalachian poverty but instead of helping them out you’d rather selfishly spend the money on taking one of their kids. This isn’t the 1970s or the 1980s, for example, when people adopting didn’t know any better. This is the 21st century. The time of the internet, you have no excuse.

You needn’t tell your adopted child’s story to everyone you know personally. If you tell, you don’t even need to tell all of the details.

If you have told your child’s entire story online then now is a good time to delete it. Apologize if you want to, I don’t see an apology being necessary because most adoptive parents have no idea it’s not okay to be telling their child’s entire life story online.

Yes, you can say we adopted our child online, but the nitty gritty details are for her or him to discuss. When you do talk about adoption, you need to be an ally and mention things such as
“at the time of Rheanna’s adoption we didn’t know the adoption industry isn’t credentialed, resulting in thousands of kids being adopted into unhappy homes”


“when we adopted Bryce we didn’t know the importance of sibling bonding. We adopted him from Venezuela and are now devasted to not have a clue where Bryce’s two brothers and sister are. Please never make the same mistake we did.”

“We adopted our son, and love him dearly, name withheld, but after reading the blogs and voices of adoptees my husband and I can’t be any less than frustrated. We are behooved to change a very corrupt system and demand Holt International is taken to court.”

There are many adoptees who hate all adoptive parents. I don’t think this is fair. There are many first mothers who also hate all adoptive parents. Again, this isn’t fair. If there’s going to be any hatred, and there should be, it should be to those working in the adoption industry because they are well aware of the deceit, lies, discrimination, corruption, and most importantly, child endangerment, that they’re doing. Adoptive parents can be allies too. One way you can be an ally is by not blabbing all about your child.

PART III- Everybody Asking

We understand, as in we adoptees understand, that you might come with great sincerity in wanting to know the answers so you might be alarmed when we don’t respond nicely. This is because most people who ask questions to adoptees are insensitive and not asking to truly listen, but to lecture.

  1. Understand the narrative that each adoption is unique is completely false. There are some things that are layover from millions of adoptions like the governments stealing the real birth certificates of adopted people and giving them fake ones. This has nothing to do with birthparent privacy because this even happens to say an eight year old child who is adopted who already knows his biological parents. Birthparent privacy was a rumor started by the human trafficker and child kidnapper Georgia Tann.
  2. Please try understand that sometimes your questions can be very draining and degrading. Again, this isn’t your fault it’s because society, such as news and movies, doesn’t ask us adoptees directly how to politely word things.
  3. Your questions such as “what’s wrong with adoption?” or “if you love your parents, why do you want to search?” are questions that literally can take hours if not days to answer. Heck, what’s wrong with adoption would take an entire year’s college course lecture to answer.
  4. It is okay to ask questions, it is not okay to assume an adopted person has to answer you.

So, how can you phrase your questions? First, if you get a very nasty reaction from one adoptee don’t assume we’re all like that. Somebody who starts off answering your question with “you have no business asking” probably has some unresolved hurt.

So try these examples as tips:

A. Don’t assume, ask.

B. Is it okay if I ask you some questions about adoption? or about your adoption?

C. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about adoption? or about your adoption?

D. I’m a bit confused, can you help me understand why I get different answers to the same question from adoptees?

So let’s piece it together.

Is it okay if I ask you some questions about adoption? Ok great. Why is there such an outrage lately about international adoption?

Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your adoption? Oh, thanks. Why didn’t the state government let you know your heritages at first? Can you get your original birth certificate in your state? Have you applied for yours yet?

Pride Month Doesn’t Mean Acting Like the LGBT Community is Perfect.

First, before I begin I know I will get crap from people stating what I’m about to state is homophobic or transphobic or anti LGBT but it’s not. It’s not because I am a member of the LGBT community. I am bisexual, and furthermore even if someone who was straight and cisgender not trans, intersex, non binary, genderqueer, what have you wrote, this I would still totally support them if they were to say what I’m about to say.

Pride Month is this month. It’s a month to represent the LGBT community, a month to applaud and shed happy tears over our achievements, achievements that started in large part thanks to transgender people of colour, and it is a month to keep striving for equality like ending HIV discrimination and housing discrimination that still occurs in some US states, and much worse the fact that LGBTQ+ people in some countries primarily across Africa, the Middle East, and southeast Asia can be imprisoned or much worse, executed, for being LGBT.

However, this does not mean that pride month we act like every member of the LGBT community is perfect. Nor does this equate to ignoring the problems in the LGBT community or acting like nobody can ever be a bully or perpetuate discrimination who is a member of the LGBT community.

Twice this month here in Buffalo I’ve angered people in the LGBT community, two lesbians to be precise, and angered an Asian gay man from California and a White gay man from Florida earlier this year. My answer,

oh well.

How did I discriminate them according to them, but actually did not? By telling the truth. People don’t like to hear the truth when it goes against their little agenda.

Have you ever heard the phrase “make it make sense people?” Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping my readers say at the end of this article.

So, the Asian gay man is also an adoptee and got mad at me because I said so you were removed from your culture and original family for whatever reason, yet you find yourself a pregnant mother conveniently on the other side of the country, take her daughter as your own all the way to the other side of the country and yet you and your husband, who is White, are raising a Black child that you have conveniently and purposely taken her entire Black family out of the picture, a family you even claim isn’t dangerous to the child. Did you not get the memo on cultural genocide? No, I’m not buying the love is colorblind antics. I wouldn’t be so hasty to have made a comment if they were living near the biological family or if the biological family were a danger to the child, and even then legal guardianship can be used which doesn’t discriminate unlike adoption and provides a safe home for a child; usually. Finding a baby to adopt who lives on the other side of the country is something adopters, of any race, of any gender, and of any sexuality do when they want to play make believe and think the child is entirely theirs. The fact an adoptee is doing it to another adoptee is a big deal, and when adoptees do careless things to other adoptees words will be spoken. I have seen this trend, people adopting from out of state because it’s much better in keeping that “pesky birthmother” away. I knew a woman, White cisgender heterosexual woman from Los Angeles who tried legal guardianship. The child was returned to the biological parents and then killed by them, but we all know the corruption involved in LA’s CP$ industry and that of many other cities. It was truly heartbreaking and just a horrendous event for all, especially the little girl. So, she was trying to adopt. I did tell her all of the problems with adoption. Unlike nearly every vulture of today, she was different and I don’t refer to her as a vulture. She wanted to adopt but publicly stated that closed adoptions are abuse, that open adoptions are not legally enforceable but by choosing her you knew the truth and that she wouldn’t close, that she would only adopt a child, infant to age 2 or 3, in LA so that the child would be forever connected to their biological family and their adoptive family. Trust me, meeting potential adoptive parents and adoptive parents like that are hard to come by regardless of race, gender, or sexuality maybe even less so, I’ve been told, by heterosexual White women and lesbian White women from a credible source. It’s better, yes, but as I’ve mentioned before out of family adoption needs to be abolished, and legal guardianship only used, until the corruption and greed is eradicated.

Oh, the White gay guy in Florida who got so incredibly annoyed with me and threw a tantrum because I told him the benefits of kinship care and legal guardianship and how they’d allow him to be a dad. Of course, his response like people of all backgrounds was shut up, you know nothing, stop discriminating me because I’m gay. Basically waa waaa waaa when I even said my comments are said to people of all backgrounds, of all sexualities. I didn’t even tell him don’t become a dad I said use a method that isn’t supporting a multibillion dollar business that discriminates people, and even worse has murdered people! I even started off with as a fellow member of the LGBT community I know we don’t like discrimination….

but apparently we do. Apparently, in the LGBT community we only give a shit about LGBT issues and sometimes only White LGBT issues at that, and I was talking to a life long best friend of mine last night who is also LGBT who says it often seems to be White gay men at the forefront and a lot of sexism towards lesbian women for example, but that’s a topic for another day for another blog, and definitely not one written by me as I’m not smart enough to.

If someone, of any background, is going to have a hissy fit over the fact I say don’t adopt then they simply aren’t ready to be parents, but when you’re in a group of people already discriminated you should know better, but alas no.

Like an acquaintance of mine said,

“hurt people hurt people” and nothing could be more true. We see this time and time again of oppressed people turning around and oppressing others due to unhealed trauma. I pray to God that when adoptees and the like finally get our equality that we don’t oppress others because if we do it’ll be extremely disastrous as our trauma is probably the worst trauma out there as society expects us to be happy and society expects us to ignore our trauma.

Then let’s get to the final thing I need to discuss. It takes me a while with my autism to make a new friend. Sometimes I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me but with neurotypicals lol. And what is typical anyway? But I disgress.

So I made friends with a White, born female, lesbian. This was a strictly platonic friendship as that’s how I’m asking all of my new friendships to be, plus she was set to marry and even if not completely not my type in that regard. I was proud of her work in rescuing abused children. She has definitely saved lives. She discussed the importance of the children she works with in keeping ties with their families. She discussed the importance of doing all that is possible with the children she works with in keeping them with their families or returning them to their families by providing parenting classes. She strongly emphasized this. She mentioned how she felt it was important that criminal background checks are done on those wanting to foster and those wanting to adopt. Of course, we know corruption is involved in both industries and sometimes people get to fly under the radar and never get checked, or they’ve simply never been prosecuted before.

So here comes the make it make sense people part.

Then, then she turns to me and says, “but X and me want to have a baby one day but we don’t want the man involved. If I adopted I wouldn’t want the biological parents involved.”

Oh you mean if they’re horrible people? I ask. Oh no, just in general so the child can feel like our own entirely.

I mentioned on my facebook wall that those looking to use a surrogate don’t have to use a criminal background check. This has resulted in very wealthy paedophiles using surrogates to disgustingly obtain children, and maybe another day, when I’m a lot more educated on surrogacy, we can discuss the problems of another loosely regulated industry demanding people pay $100,000 to have a baby. So, ghastly according to her, I am anti lesbian, and anti gay too, for stating that all people of any sexuality be criminal background checked if using a surrogate to ensure the safety and well being of a child to the best possibility.

So let’s review this together

It’s important to keep the child’s natural family in the picture if safe. – I don’t want my future child having a connection so I can selfishly feel like it’s all my own.

It’s great we demand criminal background checks for those wanting to be parents to ensure child safety, but oh no let’s keep endangering the lives of children made through surrogacy.

When I look at the politicians here in NY who fought against a big step forward in adoptee equality all of the ones who were gay and lesbian opposed it, except one who changed his mind at the end after years of extreme pleading. Yet they didn’t even know what they were fighting against or opposing, because constantly with adoption people put their minds onto a falsehood and run with it instead of learning from adoptees, and less important but still of importance, first mothers.

I’ll just say it one more time, make it make sense people.

Hashtags Belong to Us Adoptees

It’s time to stop ignoring the problem. It’s time to stop being polite. I know that this bothers other adoptees. Potential adoptive couples, potential adopters, adoptive parents and adopters using our hashtags. Now, I make a distinction as you can see between adoptive couples, adoptive mom, adoptive dad, adoptive parent and adopters. Adoptive I refer to as people who try to educate themselves on the damages caused by the adoption industry, who also try to make sure their adopted child’s culture is never erased. Adopters are those: who do things such as cultural genocide on purpose, don’t tell their child they were adopted, treat their adopted child less than, actually resell their adopted child, abuse their adopted child, murder their adopted child, tell them they’re ungrateful if they search and make it all about them, and lie and close an open adoption just because they’re selfish to name a few things. So, of course, without a doubt, it’s a lot more aggravating when adopters steal our hashtags.

Some adoptees probably haven’t even thought about this. What are our hashtags? #adopteevoices This has to be the most blatant form of selfishness I have ever seen. Adopters posting pictures of their adopted babies and young children and then hashtagging it with #adopteevoices. Bitch, you’re not adopted and no you don’t speak on behalf of your adopted child, ever.

These hashtags belong to adoptees and adoptees only to be used. #adopteevoices #lovemakesafamily #adoptionnotabortion #adoptionislove #adoptdontabort #lovegavemeafamily #gotchaday #foreverfamily

Of course, any educated adoptee will never use any of these hashtags except #adopteevoices because we know the rest of them are made up.

None of these hashtags must ever be used by non adopted people because it promotes adoption propaganda, lies, coercion, and invades adoptee spaces. All of them promote adoption while purposely excluding the voices of the adopted.

Oh but what about the adopted who like these hashtags? Being complacent is being part of the issue. If an adoptee likes these hashtags it’s because she or he hasn’t looked over their own nose to see the devastating problems adoption has caused in the lives of literally millions of other adoptees such as but not limited to: racism, murder, abuse, being othered, suicide and mental illness and likely a combination of these things.

It is not for adopters or even loving adoptive parents to ever use hashtags such as #lovemakesafamily and #adoptionisanoption because both of these ignore the detrimental effect adoption has had on the majority, yes majority of adoptees, and the discrimination, misogyny, corruption, and racism that exists in the loosely regulated, uncredentialed multibillion dollar adoption industry.

These hashtags also promote false information about adoption and abortion. Adoption should never come up in topic when abortion is being discussed, ever. Adoption hasn’t done anything to stop abortion. Don’t believe me you can ask the Guttmacher Institute because I’m sick of posting up the statistics and facts about that. These hashtags promote misogyny and hatred towards women and girls who have had an abortion. Some might find that ironic for me to post being a prolife spiritual Catholic. I am prolife because I believe in raising taxes, especially of the rich, in order to support more poor and working class people to be able to afford to keep their children. I am prolife because I know that at least 60% of the time women and girls are truly not making their own choice when it comes to abortion and are being pressured into it. The percentage is much higher for adoption. I am prolife because I believe when a women or even a girl gets pregnant it’s God telling them they can do this. They do have the power and strength and ability to be a mom, and if they truly, truly can’t which yes at times can happen then there must be a better practice done than adoption such as kinship care and legal guardianship. Abortion will just bring trauma on top of trauma. I know some say that most women don’t regret their abortion. I don’t believe that whatsoever and think many if they say they have no regrets just repress that memory. We need to be supporting women and supporting poor and working class families so they can keep their children and not have to resort to abortion and adoption. Abortion is very strongly financially based. Of course, there will always be some abortions that are needed, medical abortions, but my point is the majority of them are pressure based financially based and that isn’t pro-woman that is anti-woman,anti-dad, and anti-family. These hashtags promote hating women and girls who have had an abortion. They are literally saying “look at them, don’t be like them. They’re not good, you’re better” when no you’re not better. They’re judging an entire group of women and girls without knowing their full story of why they had an abortion, and even if one knows a woman’s full story of why she had an abortion and even if it was for horrific reasons she came upon doing that because of a lack of knowledge and support of the truth. And maybe just maybe we should be judging our countries instead on why they don’t give all men and teenage boys vasectomies that are easily reversible so that girls and women can’t get pregnant instead of putting several women at medical risk and resulting in tens of millions of unborn babies killed around this world.

I didn’t actually expect to get on a little spiel about abortion, so I’ll get off of it now. It is not for adopters or adoptive parents to decide that #lovemakesafamily or #adoptionisablessing or any of these types of hashtags. You are not adopted. You do not get to decide what adoption is or how adoption is.

Well, what if another adoptee disagrees with you Megan? What if they love these hashtags? Again, I’ll refer to the fact they cannot see over their nose. They can speak for themselves, and they should, that their own adoptions were lifesaving, a blessing, fantastic, couldn’t be better and yes these adoptions do happen but use these hashtags only for yourself. Do not speak on behalf of other adoptees without knowing their full experience.

So, when you see these hashtags being used by adoptive and adopters, potential or already have a child or children tell them these hashtags do not belong to you. These hashtags promote ignoring the numerous problems such as racism and corruption in the adoption industry. Tell them to take down these hashtags, which they probably won’t, because they are offensive to the adoptee community. The more and more us adoptees pressure them to not use these hashtags the more and more eventually they will take them down and they will stop using them, but we can’t leave it up to just one or two people. It needs to be thousands of us doing it, and in another article I’ll write about how many of you adoptees are just damn lazy.

The Toxic Positivity of Mother’s Day

What is toxic positivity? Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach to life.

This is a common thing and it’s not healthy. It’s become a trend for people to feel like they need to apologize for having feelings of sadness or anger especially among men. Toxic positivity and toxic masculinity are both being forced upon men from many different cultures and many different lands. This is why as I work towards becoming a holistic therapist, using various modalities of therapy I want one of my primary demographics that I work with to be men. I’m also pursuing a degree in media, television and film in order to be a documentary filmmaker and then some as well. Of course, me not being male I won’t be able to ever understand what it is to be a man but I do see toxic masculinity as being a life and death problem for millions of men and want to be trained in how to help.

Toxic positivity effects everyone male, female, genderqueer, non binary, genderfluid, whatever you ascribe as. I would say it effects males more because of its link with toxic masculinity, but then again there are definitely examples of toxic positivity effecting everyone and anyone.

A great example of this is Mother’s Day. Yes, I think Mother’s Day should be a celebrated day to those who want to celebrate but Mother’s Day should never be forced upon someone. People should not assume everyone is happy about this holiday, and that’s the problem.

You have people who come up to you and say, “Happy Mother’s Day!” because you’re a woman old enough to be a mom yet you don’t have any children and it’s just very awkward. You have people come up to you, with genuine kindness of course, who say, “did you wish your mom a Happy Mother’s Day?” to which, and it’s even worse if they’re children, the reply is, “I live with my aunt my mother’s abusive” or “My mom died of breast cancer” making the atmosphere tense.

We see this toxic positivity in places of worship that say “we thank all mothers”. First, it’s a slap in the face to the fact that many churches engaged in forced adoption of children or manipulated women into believing they weren’t good enough to be moms. They thank all mothers while giving no apology and no reparations, in most churches not all, to women of the past whose children they stole. The toxic positivity of saying “we thank all mothers” is that it ignores the many mothers, biological, step, and adopter, who abuse their children.

I want you to look at the difference between the comments of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Mother’s Day “all moms are special” “we thank all moms” “all moms are sacrificing heroes” and yes some moms, in fact majority of moms are those things and should be thanked.

Father’s Day “As their mom I’m wishing myself a happy father’s day cos I’m both mom and dad” “Happy Father’s Day to the men who stick around” “my kids don’t have a father”.

While those phrases are true of Father’s Day, although I argue no you’re not their mom and their dad, you’ll never see comparable phrases said about Mother’s Day. Tell me, have you ever heard a single dad say “Happy Mother’s Day to me, I’m both mom and dad?” No, I seriously doubt you have but you constantly hear the reverse.

On Mother’s Day we need to remember those who do not celebrate Mother’s Day both who are mothers and those who are children. We need to remember those who grieve over Mother’s Day. There needs to be memes for these people, cards for these people, messages to them of thinking of you, prayers, etc. whatever is appropriate and comfortable for them. Yes, we see this with those whose moms are deceased and that’s a good thing but that’s only one small demographic of people who don’t celebrate Mother’s Day. So here’s a list of some of the people who don’t celebrate Mother’s Day in a jovial sense and perhaps we can honor them too:

*women who have had multiple miscarriages

*women who had a stillbirth

*women whose children are murderers

*women who lost their children to a corrupt CPS system

*women who lost their children to adoption

*women whose children died of disease

*women whose children died of abuse such as domestic violence

*women whose children died in a shooting

*women whose children died in an accident

*women whose children are nasty human beings

*children whose mothers are nasty human beings

*children whose mother has died

*children whose mother really wasn’t there for them emotionally or mentally due to whatever reason

So, yes celebrate great moms, but remember those who are not so fortunate on this day.

Adoptees Stop Saying You’re Grateful.

I wrote a blog on this, deleted it, and now for the past week this has been repeatedly on my mind so I’ve caved in and I’m writing it. I’m frustrated right now even though I said today would be a day for pure relaxation, which mostly has been, but I’m frustrated and I’m frustrated at my fellow adoptees.


Because you guys need to stop saying “I’m grateful for being adopted” “I’m grateful for my birthmom finding me a loving family”.

Well, I can say what I want. Well, I can say what I think. Well, what’s wrong with saying that? Ugh, Megan you’re crazy!

No, just listen why. Adoptees are the only demographic in the world that are pressured to be grateful and ignore any traumas linked to adoption. Adoptees are the only people that are pressured, severely pressured to be continuously thankful for being adopted over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again our entire lives and honestly I’ve had just about enough.

Imagine if I were to give you a gift for Christmas and you thanked me, but then each time we saw each other, texted, etc I asked, “uh why didn’t you thank me for the Christmas gift?” and I asked this time after time and year after year you would think I’m

a) crazy

b) rude

c) need a mental health check for dementia and feel really bad for me

d) annoying and not want to be my friend anymore

e) all of the above

When any adoptee says “I’m grateful” no matter how you word it you’re giving in to those who believe that adopted people need to constantly be thanking those who adopted them because a lot of people who adopt, especially those adopting nowadays, have a gigantic ego.

Ok, Megan but what if I am truly grateful for being adopted? What if I know my biological family or original members of the biological family I was living with were not safe? Then keep it private. Give a card that says something like Thank You for Adopting Me if you want, but please stop posting it publicly online or even semi publicly because you’re giving ammo to those who think adoptees need to constantly be expressing how they’re grateful, even if they aren’t.

Also, next thing please stop wording your phrases like “I’m grateful for my loving family, but”. This is the same thing. You’re giving power to those who are making demands on you. Your power belongs to you. Instead of “I’m grateful for my loving family” or “I see adoption can sometimes be a good thing” try these examples:

*The adoption industry needs to become credentialed

*They need to give adoptive parents a certificate of adoption instead of sealing the original birth certificate

*They owe women reparations whose babies were stolen from them such as the Metis and Native American women of Canada

*Bethany Christian Services and Holt International need to be held accountable for human trafficking violations

*Adoption agencies need to be paying the bill for all adoptees who want any information regarding their adoption, OBC, adoption record, and ancestral testing.

There is more than enough, too many comments of positivity around adoption. Let people be uncomfortable and deal with the uncomfortable truths of adoption such as high suicide rates, racism, misogyny, high mental illness rates, child abduction, and child murder to name a few.

Next, for the love of God’s green earth please stop saying “I’m grateful my birthmom found me a loving family.” No, she didn’t.

But Megan my adoptive family is the best!

Doesn’t mean she found them. It’s pure dumb luck. Read it again and again and again and again until your mind, body, and soul accept that as fact. Unless she personally met the family you live with now, actually spent several hours with them day after day and really got to know them, then no, you were raised in a good family because of sheer dumb luck. And if they did get to know your birthmom very well why didn’t they invest in family preservation on your maternal or paternal sides?

How Much Longer Will the Media and Society Ignore The Adoptee Mental Health Crisis and the Existence of LGBT Adoptees?

Late December 2020, Asian adoptee Christian Hall went to a bridge with a gun to end his life. Tragically, he died not by his own hand but by that of a police officer. There’s a lot to be addressed with that, but what also needs to be addressed is why is the media ignoring the mental health crises of adoptees?

Yes, a huge chunk of why Christian Hall was on that bridge was because he was adopted. This comment I’ve stated before has pissed off some Asian people who don’t understand adoptee trauma or about adoption. Numerous Korean adoptee acquaintances have informed me that when it comes to at least Korean society, just like American society, how adoptees are viewed and how adoption is viewed often disregards the mental, emotional and physical well being of the adoptee.

Without a doubt, mentioning the fact mental health is an epidemic in the adoptee population pisses off pro adoption White people I know who need some lube cos they are so butt hurt over facts I present. Yet, we cannot stand idly by and continue to ignore the mental health crises of adoptees. We need to speak up and hold adoption agencies accountable for telling blatant lies such as “kids adopted by gay couples do better than kids raised in biological or adoptive heterosexual homes”. There are so many factors that come into play this statement is grossly negligent and was pushed as a pro adoption agenda and not in detailed scenarios that would make complete sense such as LGBT children being adopted after rejection from biological family or LGBT children being adopted and saved from abuse, although adoption isn’t a guarantee of a safe and loving home either. Another lie adoption agencies that is “adopted children do better in school”. Again, this fact isn’t a fact and there is no research on it. If you know an adopted child who is doing well in school it’s because that particular school fits their learning style well and they are unaware of the discrimination adoptees face, or have an infamily fully open adoption that is absolutely nothing like a semi closed or especially a closed adoption. Don’t try to make it seem similar because it’s not. Many adoptees live with their head in the clouds completely unaware of the damage of adoption until they reach adulthood. They see the benefits it might, and I emphasize might, have brought them but not the numerous issues I’ve mentioned before too many times to count.

When it comes to the media they want to share the feel good stories. The “I loved my parents so much I waited until after they died to search” and the “I’m so happy we found each other” reunion stories. Those stories sell unlike the fact that many times finding can mean finding a bunch of horrific, abusive nimrods or more so often things seeming well at first and then dissipating quite quickly.

But let’s be honest with each other. If the media were to share the truth, the horrific truths that children adopted by murderers is not uncommon, that adopted children especially Asian children are constantly being resold online and that adoption has turned into another foster system, that there’s a whole history of stealing Native American, First Nations, and Metis babies from the United States and Canada and forcibly raising them White as a purposeful means of cultural genocide by the American and Canadian governments, that adoptee suicide rate is four times higher for White adoptees than non adopted people you know, without a single damn doubt, the adoption industry would be sending their $14 billion dollar lobbyists and bigshot, completely unempathetic, attorneys to the media moguls to attack them. The lawsuits would be nothing but a headache. No, no CBS, no no CTV, no no ABC, no, no Fox you can’t tell the truth! Adoption is rainbows, rainbows shining through happy children on a merrygoround munching on fairy floss.

Yet what does this image of adoption do? The why can’t you just be happy? I wish I had good parents like you, why can’t you just be happy? I’m adopted and my life was nothing but a string of luck, why can’t you be happy? Have you sought counselling? What does this image and these constant barrage of questions asked to enlightened adoptees do? It’s a mental strain. Adoption is the only trauma in the world where the people are expected to only be grateful said one African American man extremely well trained in adoptee trauma.

That last line and the adoptee suicide rate is what we need, not should, what we need to focus on here. Not us adoptees who are knowledgeable, I don’t write on a soapbox for people already aware of this shit, but I write for those unaware. Enough of using your non adoptee privilege to decide not to be an advocate for change. Adopted people are dying at epic proportions. No more of this luxury of turning a privileged blind eye by saying nothing.

“White adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide than non adoptees” proven by the American Academy of Pediatrics. This doesn’t only relate to adoptees adopted after several years of horrific trauma in some faraway orphanage or being pummeled by their original parents. High suicide rates exist even among those adopted as infants into loving families. Part of this trauma is because, according to a psychology professor at Perdue whose name I’m purposely excluding, “humans are animals. Like all animals you cannot take away a young from his or her mother at birth as it results in trauma and lifelong behavioral complications. This is why one must wait a certain number of weeks for cats, dogs, pigs, whatever to be weaned from its mother. Humans are no different.” The adoption industry pushes the false blank slate narrative. Of course, some mothers are literally dangerous to the very life of their baby and the baby must be taken at birth, but no matter how much you try to explain that to someone who comprehends it when they are older the trauma is still biologically and organically rooted in the brain because reasoning ceases to be there. Infants and young children are biologically programmed to want to be with their parents, especially their mothers, even when they are abusive. The younger the child the more they want to be cuddled with their biological mom or the surrogate who was pregnant with them, who may or may not also be their biological mom. Part of the reason the suicide rates are high is because there was no weaning period. Other factors for a high suicide rate among adoptees include:

*lack of knowledge of one’s roots

*being othered and excluded by adoptive family

*cultural and/or racial genocide

*lack of one’s origin story

*child abuse including racism by adopters or adoptive family

*a history of mental illness within the biological family.

*horrific upbringing in a biological family, foster home, or orphanage prior to adoption.

*Deep rejection after being lied to that their biological family was loving and nice.

*Being kicked out of their biological family as an adult and made to payback their adoption fee.

I mentioned White adoptees and I purposely put us White adoptees in our own bracket. Adoptees of color, Black, Asian, Native American and I’m not sure about Latino or Latina are six times more likely to commit suicide than non adoptees, twice the rate of White adoptees. I will let adoptees of color speak on why. My only guess would be prevelant racism within the adoption industry and adoptive families as many are not fortunate to be raised in loving homes that honor their culture, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that.

LGBT adoptees also have higher suicide rates than non adoptees even LGBT people who aren’t adopted and higher than White adoptees who are heterosexual and cisgender. LGBT adoptees of color have the highest suicide rates in the country yet this is completely and quite purposely ignored. Do a quick Google search and type in “LGBT adoptees”. Ok, now try Bing. Did you get results on adoptees, adopted people who are of the LGBT community? No, you did not all you got was a barrage of adoption agencies informing that they accept LGBT people who are considering adopting. All you got was questions answered like which countries allow gay people to adopt? Try something more precise such as “adopted people who are gay”. I know, I know there’s a lot lot more to LGBT than just gay but I’m proving a point here. Again, only about LGBT people who want to adopt. You want to know why LGBT adoptees are killing themselves at epic rates with them being adopted being more of an issue than them not being straight or them being trans? Because to society, to media they don’t even fucking exist! Everything is centered around those wanting to adopt. When I type in LGBT adoptees Google, Bing, whatever you use should pop up suggestions like
“Coming out as lesbian after my adoption”

“Connect with other LGBT adoptees in your area”

Okay you get my point.

We have to stop saying, oh but non adoptees commit suicide tooooooooo. It’s dismissive just grow up. We need to start getting uncomfortable with truths and start addressing contributing factors to the high adoptee suicide rate and non-adoptees need to understand how their privilege has played a part in those suicides directly or indirectly and adoptees who wish to never rock the boat and act like adoption is rainbows farting out of the butts of unicorns contribute to those suicides as well.

Hey, I have an idea! What about a psychologist? What about better access to mental health care? That is actually a great idea and awhile back I wrote an article about how getting adoptees psychological care is more important than unsealing birth certificates, but the problem with that is majority of psychologists, therapists, and counselors are incompetent in adoptee trauma and completely untrained. In fact, a lot of counselors and therapists out there are basically untrained because the therapist who agrees with you on everything, and doesn’t push you past your comfort zone and call you out on your shit isn’t doing their job. You can get As in school doesn’t mean you’ll be good at your job whether it’s therapy or teaching or what have you. I can’t even say any form of therapy will help. I know adoptees who have gone to therapists who have been dismissive who say comments such as “well, what’s the problem you were adopted at birth” and “I think you’re blowing this way out of proportion. Not knowing what day you were actually born isn’t a big deal, just what you do in life is” or some similar who fucking gave you your freaking license comment. You also have some adoptees who have gone to therapists who do care tremendously about adoptees and are good and loving people but have this ill provoked thought that every child should’ve stayed with their biological mom and every biological mom never wanted to part with their child and that is quite frankly untrue.

I guess this time I’ll let you discuss among yourselves solutions for tackling the high adoptee suicide rate and lack of appropriate representation of adoptees.

Protect Adopted Bodies.

It’s a been a while since I’ve been on here. I did plan to take a break for a whole year and well that didn’t last, not just on here but other social media like Instagram because well I’ve been an activist for exactly twenty three years come to think of it. Although I haven’t posted anything on Instagram in about a month. Yet, today I feel both compelled not to write about adoption and to write about adoption.

This article coinsides with my last article from December about the need to be checking in on adopted children. Adopted children are more likely to be abused and/or murdered by their adopters than biological children by their biological parents. To know more, please read my December article.

I was compelled to write this after reading about protecting Black and Brown bodies, which I strongly agree with as well. In fact protect Black and Brown bodies often coinsides with protect adopted bodies.

Photos of marginalized groups of people, such as Native Americans, “orphans”, children in India’s slums, etc. are often taken without a focus on culture appropriateness, context, asking permission, or done in an exchange for help. They can often portray a community as having nothing positive to give back or nothing happy in their lives; that materialistic wealth is the only means of happiness. Having grown up in an affluent area I can assure you the most miserable people I have met have been rich people.

So how does all of this pertain to protecting adopted bodies and where do people of color come in? Well, this has to be broken down in chunks.

  1. It comes from first the most important the physical body. Protecting adopted people, especially adopted children, from abuse, neglect, racism, secondary rejection, medical neglect, and suicide. Medical neglect is committed by uncredentialed, loosely regulated multibillion dollar corrupt adoption industry, the corrupt lobbyists who promote adoption for $14 billion a year, and to a lesser extent it is committed by medical groups who know tens of millions of adoptees and all of their children and grandchildren don’t have access to biological family medical information even in life or death situations, even when individual doctors are begging for it to try and save the life of their patient. The American Academy of Pediatrics has mentioned the extremely high suicide rates among adoptees, and even higher among LGBT adoptees and adoptees of color, but the other medical organizations have done nothing and I know this because I wrote them. If you know family history is so important, I ask them, then why aren’t you writing to state senators asking them to put bills on the table to change the law? This isn’t about HIPAA because it’s the adoption agencies that can choose not to pass the information along and HIPAA does not protect agencies. I’ve spoken about this numerous times. Basically part 1 is everything I’ve talked about before in this blog for years so let’s discuss things I’ve never discussed before.

2. Being othered. This happens in my own adoptive family with some of my adopted family members. I’m purposely not in the loop. I know it’s not because of a difference in politics, as we are all pretty liberal although I’m extremely likely the only one to stand up for the NRA although I don’t agree on everything with the NRA, nor is it because of distance.

will finish later