You Don’t Need to be a First Parent or Adoptee to Join the Adoptee Rights Movement: Why You Should Join.

Hi, ūüôā

you may know me or not know me. Aside from being an adoptee rights activist, I also care about animals, the environment, all children, the elderly, and more. I’m down to earth, can be hilarious, and I love painting, sculpters, theatre acting, and being by water to name a few. I know you’re busy and won’t take up too much of your time. Maybe you’re thinking you’re already devoted to the cause of finding a cure for cancer, a very noble cause, or are just too busy being a caretaker, but becoming an activist for adopted people (and for first parents too, a more polite term for biological parents and never say birthparent) only needs to take a few minutes per month of your time if that’s all you can ¬†give.

If you do want to have a long read (perhaps you’re stuck indoors on a stormy night and the Netflix stopped working) be all means feel free to read my articles below. Otherwise I am going to do this question and answer style. This will take up approximately 20 minutes of your time. If you need links to proof of any of this, just ask.

  1. How severe is adoptee discrimination? Adopted people and their children have died in cases because of adoptee discrimination. One death is one death too many especially of a child when it could have been prevented.
  2. Is open adoption better than closed adoption? Absolutely. However, open adoption is not legally enforceable and approximately 75% of open adoptions close by kindergarten age.
  3. Is first parent privacy real? No! It does not exist. It is a lie. It is a myth. The original birth certificate is not sealed until the adoption is finalized. So, if a baby is given away for adoption or taken and ends up growing up in foster care he or she keeps his or her original birth certificate making privacy null and void. If it were about privacy, and it’s not, the original birth certificate would not be made in the first place. Another example to give you. When I volunteered at a shelter, a pair of 15 year old twins were going to be adopted. This means that even though they knew their abusive parentd for 15 years, they too would have their original birth certificate sealed. Once it’s sealed, you aren’t allowed access to it if you’re a closed adoptee. In NY, original birth certificates were not sealed until Senator Lehman bought 2 children from the human trafficker Georgia Tann which can be read about in The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond.
  4. What does it mean to be a closed adoptee? It means no biological family medical information including in life or death situations (although some have a little bit), it means no updated biological family medical information – and an adoption agency can refuse to send it to you, your doctor, or your adoptive parents even if you’re dealing with something extremely serious like epilepsy, even if your first parents ask them to. It means growing up with people who look nothing like you, which for some they don’t care and for others they feel very weird about it. It means not having your original birth certificate simply because you’re adopted, but knowing non-adopted serial killers and other evil folk are allowed theirs. It means not being allowed to know your original name. It means not being allowed to have a passport depending on when and how old you were at the time of your adoption. It means not being allowed to know your heritage (ex: French American, Irish Canadian) although this part has changed thanks to Bennett Greenspan creating Family Tree DNA who I interviewed in January. In some states, by the way, adoptees are not allowed to do genetic testing even if pregnant to see if their baby has any hereditary diseases such as cystic fibrosis.
  5. Why should I get involved in the adoptee rights movement? Empathy. Everyone deserves to know who they are. Everyone deserves their original birth certificate. Everyone deserves to know their roots. Everyone deserves their family medical history not only for themselves but for the children and grandchildren of adoptees. Also, because of late discovery adoption. This year alone I have come across 4 adults who didn’t learn until their 50s or 60s that they were adopted. Imagine reading this and then suddenly learning one or, worse yet, both of your parents are not your biological parents. You suddenly learn you have a whole family out there. You also suddenly realize all of the family medical history you gave your doctor, and your child’s pediatrician, is wrong.
  6. What if a first parent doesn’t want to be found?¬†Too bad. That isn’t said meanly, but with empathy and conviction of knowing precisely what society needs to change and how. Nowhere in the course of psychology or sociology is it appropriate to make one person the dirty secret of another person. Nowhere in psychology nor sociology is it healthy to hide from your past. This is precisely why the rate of depression, post-adoption drug addiction, and PTSD is outrageously high for first mothers. What if they were raped you asked? My answer, why are you blaming the adoptee for their own conception?
  7. What can I do to help?¬†You can write your local politicians asking them to unseal original birth certificates. You can get yourself tested with sites like Family Tree DNA and ancestry.com to make sure you yourself are not a closed adoptee. You can educate yourself with books such as A Hole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky, The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler, Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, videos like those by Joe Soll on youtube, and well researched blogs such as this one, firstmotherforum.com and the extremely, extremely well researched blog adoptionbirthmothers.com just to name a few. You can advocate to politicians to unseal adoption records. You can get activated over making sure all adoptees have their original family medical history. You can stand up and say all humans deserve equality, and that includes not being someone’s dirty secret or being a commodity. Advocate that minors can’t meet with an adoption agency without having a trusted known adult present. Currently, in the US, girls as young as 13 are meeting with adoption agencies without a trusted adult (parent, grandparent, favourite teacher) knowing about it. Yet these same children need a hall pass to the bathroom at middle school.
  8. What do you mean a commodity?¬†Ever heard about finding a child “a forever home.” Unfortunately, according to a Reuters investigation from 2013, around 25,000 adopted children in the US every year, mostly from Asia and Africa, (who cannot speak English and do not know American culture) are resold sometimes to paedophiles. It’s really, really disgusting and horrible.
  9. Isn’t the adoption industry well regulated? I mean people looking to adopt have to go through so much.¬†You would think so with how hard it is to adopt babies, but in fact the adoption industry is uncredentialed, has no oversight, and is less regulated than America’s and Canada’s real estate industries. If you really want to delve into the economics of the adoption industry, that makes $12 billion annually, read everything by Mirah Riben at mirahriben.blogspot.com. Mirah is someone you want to talk to directly. She is an economical genius about the adoption industry, and was aired multiple times on national TV about a child murdered by their adoptive parents.
  10. Wait did you just say murdered? Aren’t adopted kids going to loving homes?¬†Mostly. This is a huge, huge, huge reason I speak up because kids adopted out of foster care are being abused at a higher rate in their adoptive homes than their biological homes (*please note this has to be checked, I heard this and have not done the research on it yet). In 2015, 102 to 105 adopted children in the US were ghastly raped and murdered or murdered by their adoptive parents. One child is one child too many. The adoption industry failed those children by not doing decent enough backgrounds. Countless other adopted children grew up or currently grow up in their adopted household surviving abuse, racism, and/or servitude. Bringing this up does not mean I do not recognize the good and loving adoptive parents out there.
  11. Well, first parents choose adoption because they were too poor/too young and they are happy and adoptees are happy because they are in loving homes.¬†Up until the late 1970s or early 1980s (depending on the state or province) a girl if unmarried was forced to give away her baby. Prior to abortion, women and girl were not only forced but were even stabbed in the privates after birth as punishment and/or handcuffed to the bed, called whores, and other extreme forms of abuse. Extreme abuse of unmarried women and girls, including rape survivors, took place in the US, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Spain, Australia, France, Israel, and other nations. From the early 1980s to today the adoption industry has used subtle coercive language tactics to take babies from mothers. They also still engage in coercion (*see Kimberly Rossler case of Alabama). Quite often the pregnant mother is shamed by her grandparents and kicked out of her house (my adoptive mom states that’s what happened in the case of my first mother) and the adoption agency doesn’t look for extended family that can help because they wouldn’t make a profit. If they do, they are one of the few ethical ones out there or if they do they say the child would be a burdened. They often tell the pregnant mother her options but always paint the others negatively and adoption in the positive. The vast majority of first parents, now and in the past, come from middle to upper middle class suburbs, and not from poverty. My own story is a perfect example of an unnecessary adoption. There is a severe lack of rights for first fathers. Girls and women can be shipped out to Utah where the baby’s father loses all custody rights of the child even if he is a law abiding man or teenage boy who signed the baby’s birth certificate. In some states it’s legal for the boyfriend to abandon the pregnant mother so she becomes more likely to go the adoption route. This is only scratching the surface of the iceberg.
  12. How can I stand up for first parents?¬†Tell them they are parents of adoption loss. Agencies liked to objectify these mothers. For example, mine was told she was only a vessel. Not a mother, not a human, but a mere object. This is psychological and emotional abuse that wreaks devastation on generations. Become educated about the high PTSD and depression rate (and suicide rates of adoptees are four times higher than that of the general population). Advocate for certified therapists and psychologists to be able to reach first parents and first parents to know they deserve to reach out to them, as many have been told if they tell anyone of their baby they’ll go to hell, or that only weak people cry over their lost child.
  13. Are you anti adoption? Do you hate adoptive parents? Well, I certainly hate the ones that abused, murdered, resold, etc. I think the vast majority of adoptive parents are very loving. I have loving adoptive parents and I have friends who are adoptive parents. Am I anti adoption? Yes and no. Yes, I am simply because adoption needs to stop the practice of discriminating adoptees such as sealing their original birth certificate. We need to change this practice from sealing original birth certificates to giving the adoptive parents a certificate of adoption instead. Closed adoption must be abolished as it is abuse in the hearts and minds of many, and if you had to endure what I had to endure daily from it (being a dirty secret, being kept from my sisters, not knowing my own family medical history growing up, not knowing where my talents come from, not knowing my heritage before testing you’d know why suicide rates are so damn high amongst closed adoptees). Yes, there are some babies and children who need to be adopted- children whose family members are all on drugs and children whose family members are all abusive. Children whose parents are in prison or are deceased and in these cases in family adoption should always be sought first. If we were to take the money out of adoption, like Australia did, 97 to 98% of infant adoptions wouldn’t happen because that was the results of Australia. My own adoptive parents are activists for change.

This easily could have 100 more statements to it. Easily. However, I rest my case here and I hope you decide to become an adoptee rights activist.

Please note you need to have a thick skin. You will receive a lot of nasty replies from people who don’t want you to dare say anything bad about adoption.

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Someone Keeps Anonymously Sending Me Mail to My House Part 1. Police Have Been Updated.

I do not believe this anonymous person, who isn’t brave enough to put his or her name on the mail they are sending to my house is a biological cousin or biological sibling of mine. This is the second ridiculous piece of mail I have gotten out of Rochester, NY from this person. Going on the last ridiculous piece of mail I received this person I am guessing is:

A Korean adoptee

Possibly a friend of my biological family seeing as it’s coming out of Rochester, NY but my guess is they are not.

Any mail or email that is sent to you comes under your property.

Does anyone else find it creepy this person took the time to figure out where I live and has even google mapped my home? Actually, it’s not my home it’s my adoptive parents home which makes it even creepier. I am now going to share with my readers the letters this person has sent to my home, but not brave enough to put his or her name down, in a part 1 and part 2. I will have my own comments in between the asterixes. They also sent me paperwork on Aushwitz saying I should be thankful I am adopted because I could have been a Holocaust victim. Having been to Poland, and having a friend from Oswiecim, I’m very much aware of the Holocaust. I don’t see why they felt the need to compare adoption to the Holocaust, but let us continue.

You should be thankful everyday for not being in an orphanage and never adopted. Also read the article because think of what these people went through many years ago.

*Nope, I’m tossing out the article on the Holocaust, thank you. I’m well aware of the atrocities through starvation, murder, and disease that certain ethnic groups in Europe went through. Fighting for equality for adoptees has no comparison to the Holocaust. This is like saying Black people in the 1950s and 1960s should not have fought for intregation and desegregation because at least they’re alive and not in a gas chamber. Absolutely absurd, drivel, nonsense. An adoptee doesn’t need to be anymore grateful for not being in an orphanage than a person who was raised by their biological family. Furthermore, this just proves this person doesn’t actually read my articles because I have stated previously that according to UNICEF and Lumos, the majority of orphans in this world are not actually orphans. For example, in the continent of Africa some parents are so destitute they use orphanages simply as means to clothe, feed, and educate their children but do not want them adopted out.*

You are definitely selfish and put only your “wants” first. I just saw your home and you live very nicely so why do you keep posting everything and constantly complaining…..do you care about anybody but yourself. Maybe your life with your adopted family has always been you first and you are just spoiled. You also say you are a genius in everything you write about yourself and if your resume is accurate then you are a genius and must have a fantastic and high paying job. You have more qualification than most people have with a bachelor’s degree… your resume say you can do everything.

*Where did this person get my resume? How old is this person writing me? I feel like English is not their first language. If this is the same person who previously sent mail to my house than this would be a Korean born adoptee living in Rochester, NY in their mid to late thirties. Why is this person obsessed with looking up my resume? Are they looking up my actual work resume? No, I do not have a high paying job. I struggle financially due to severe anxiety disorder. So, because I demand equality for adoptees-and that includes refusing to be someone’s dirty secret- I’m spoilt. Excuse me? What nonsense and drivel yet again. No, I am not a genius in everything. I am a genius in languages and linguistics, more proof this person doesn’t actually read anything I write. No, I do not have more qualifications than most people with a bachelor’s degree. This person asked if I care about anyone but myself. Well, let’s see. Things and people I care about:

*Getting psychological help for first parents aka parents of adoption loss because hiding in one’s closet of shame for losing their baby to adoption or giving their baby away to adoption isn’t going to help themselves. This anonymous person is yet another person -who creepily sends mail to my house instead of commenting on this blog because you can leave comments- who falsely believes staying hidden in one’s closet about their own child is healthy. It’s already been stated by a sociologist, with a phd, from a college in Brooklyn that the secrecy and hiding that occurs in the adoption world makes absolutely no sense to good psychological care. According to this sociologist, hiding from your adopted out child and asking others to, is one of the most damaging things you can do. The woman has a phd in this, which means, she is right. Next, I care about adoptees having equality and I am a proud member of Bastard Nation. Next, I care about the fact there is no psychological help out there for kept siblings who learn they have a sibling they weren’t raised with. Next, I care about the fact adoptees are seen as dirty little secrets and commodity by some members of society (like this anonymous sender of my mails to my own house). I care about the fact that around 25,000 adoptees each year are resold, according to a 2013 Reuters, investigation sometimes to paedophiles. I care about the fact adoptees don’t get biological health information including in life or death situations. Next, I care that the adoption industry is a multibillion dollar, loosely regulated uncredentialed industry and that we have more laws in place for buying and selling a home than we do for adopting kids. Next, I care about the adoptees who have been raped and murdered, or murdered by their adoptive parents. Next, I care about animals. Next, I care about the fact we need to raise funds to help police solve cold case crimes. Next, I care about our police. Next, I care about our veterans. Next I care about the elderly being abused, especially financially abused. There’s a lot of nexts. The fact this person audaciouslly calls me egocentric when I spent ten years volunteering with abused children speaks volumes. *

You no longer want other peoples comments on your blog or anything you write then not sure what you write is really true because you seem to be able to say what you want but no way do you want someone to disagree with you. If you are a genius just go to work and be thankful you were adopted and stop complaining. Right now you can’t change the way things were done 30 yrs ago. Stop blaming adoption for your anxiety. If your biological mom doesn’t want contact with you then you have to accept that because has her reasons along with her own privacy. All you care about is “YOU” and what you want.

 

*How many times do I have to write that birthparent privacy is a myth? It is a myth because the original birth certificate is not sealed into the adoption is finalized. So, if a baby is given away for adoption and ends up being raised in foster care he or she keeps his or her original birth making privacy null and void. There is no such thing as privacy. Birth certificates of adoptees were not sealed in New York State until Senator Lehman bought 2 children from the human trafficker Georgia Tann which can be read about in The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond. No, I am never going to stop complaining because I am a voice for equality and I am a voice for the voiceless. This is equivalent to having told people like Susan B Anthony and Rosa Parks to be quiet. Yes, I will blame adoption for my anxiety. Adoption took me away from my original family, it took me away from my numerous siblings, it nearly killed me when I was nine years old because we didn’t have health information, it made me look through the crowds when I was in Rochester trying to find people who look like me. No, the reason I don’t like comments on my blog- but people can still leave comments- is because of ignorant nonsense and drivel like what has been sent to my home. People can argue on things like whether or not hunting is right or whether or not abortion is right on moral grounds, but everything presented in this blog is researched through data and interviews through sixteen years of research. Everything I present is fact, not opinion. You do not move on from losing a child to adoption, this has been psychologically proven. No, I will not accept my biological mom refusing to have contact and this goes right back to what the sociologist in Brooklyn has said about hiding. I know why she is hiding. I know why she’s asking others to pretend I don’t exist, you -anonymous person who won’t even put your name on letters and creepily finds out where I live- do not know why. No, she does not get privacy nor does any other first parent. No biological parent gets privacy and anonymity. It does not exist on the law books, and it does not exist at a psychological stand point. I know what is best for everyone involved, and that is not hiding in one’s closet of shame, fear, guilt, hurt because of what happened 30 yrs ago by blaming the adoptee- ME!- by asking me to pretend not to exist to anyone and asking others to pretend not to exist to me. All I care about is true healing, and true healing does not come in the form of asking my adult siblings to not talk to me. True healing does not come in the form of keeping my existence a secret to my siblings as they grew up. My biological family on my maternal side was middle to upper middle class, ginormous, with plenty of married people- there was zero reason for me to be given away for adoption other than the same of unwedlock pregnancy. ¬†Healing does not come from lying and saying she was going to tell ¬†and that I didn’t give her time, as indicated from a certain letter, when she wrote me saying she never plans on telling. Healing does not come from telling my cousin, who was writing me and who did want to get to know me, to block me. Healing does not come from hiding. Healing comes from accepting your adopted out child is back -because she did leave a letter asking to be found and it does not matter if she hadn’t. Healing comes from not sabotaging relationships with others. Healing comes from working with a certified counselor to deal with adoption loss, not punishing your adopted out niece, cousin, sister, and daughter by asking her to disappear which is subconsciously blaming an adoptee for their conception.”

Other resources:

firstmotherforum.com

adoptionbirthmothers.com

mirahriben.blogspot.com

A Hole In My Heart by Lorraine Dusky which should be read by anyone from New York State, especially Rochester.

The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond

The Stork Market by Mirah Riben

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Origins Canada – although in Canada, the vast majority of things associated with what they write applies to Americans.

Bottom line is I love my biological family even though they are very mean and hurtful to me. I will not stop fighting for what is right. I will not stop fighting to them to see I am not the bad guy in this, as much as some think I am. My biological family needs therapy, not an uneducated person trying to stand up for them. I’ve interviewed over 600 first (biological) mothers who have informed me everything going on is completely unnecessary in the respect that there is no reason I should be treated like this.

I will make this very clear to the person who is sending me this mail to my house. Do not contact me again. Do not write me. Do not send mail to my house. ¬†I have sent this copy to every police department in Rochester and they have been notified that I do not want you writing to me. Do not write me again. Do not send anything to my house. This is the second time you have wasted police officers’ time and mine.

Police officers, I ask you do not show up to my house. You are welcome to email me. I also thank you for your service in protecting our communities. The second letter and the article about the Holocaust has been sent to Lietenant Michael Jones of the Rochester, NY police department with a comment on there that this anonymous person who is reading my blog is not to write me again. I will not put up with people trying to argue law and facts, nor will I put up with the anxiety it causes getting this mail.

Congratulations on wasting my time and that of our hard working police force.

Please note I am aware of grammar and spelling mistakes on here. I work from home and am far too busy to carefully comb through and check for grammatical and spelling accuracy.

I love my bio mother and I will not stop fighting until she learns hiding from me and asking others to hide from me will never let her heal. I love my bio siblings immensely, and I will never stop fighting for them. Never write me again and never demand I be happy about the discrimination I and ten million other people across the States and Canada face, along with millions in Australia, Ireland, the UK, Spain, Greece, and more.

 

 

Lies My Adoption Agency Told Me

First, they brought you Lies My Teacher Told Me, an excellent book about the major gaps in our traditional look at the board education curriculum (because teachers’ hands are tied from doing what they want and need to do in their own damn classrooms) and may I just say I always wanted to be homeschooled or unschooled, I begged for years growing up, so when I learned my kept siblings were or are taught at home, it’s the first time in my life I ever felt a twinge of jealousy with a sprouting geyser of sadness over what should have been how I learned as a kid.

Now, comes the sequel Lies My Adoption Agency Told Me. Actually, that sounds quite catchy. Maybe I’m onto something. Anyway, here we go. I won’t name names but through simple process of elimination I will say I was born in the 1980s in Rochester, NY and my agency wasn’t Hillside. Although if you want to read the shady dealings they did pick up your copy of A Hole in my Heart by Lorraine Dusky. Trust me anyone from the Rochester region who reads that book will stop donating to them. Anyone who opens their eyes to the diabolical ways of how the adoption industry works, and it is a lucrative business with no credentials, no oversight, and loose regulations, will stop supporting this business altogether. Again, not saying that truly orphaned children or abused kids don’t deserve a good home, but we don’t need an industry to help those kids.

So, it may seem like nothing but it’s taking me months of courage to write this article. Man oh man did my adoption agency pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, or at least they tried to because since I was a kid I wasn’t buying their games. I’m going to break this down into parts.

Part A. Lies My Adoption Agency Told My First Mother and First Father.

  1. That closed adoption allows you to move on. Nobody moves on from losing a child to adoption. I have plenty of proof for my own adoption story/nightmare.
  2. That closed adoption is equilavent to birthparent privacy (a sugarcoated term for asking your adopted out child to be your dirty secret). It’s not and it’s a huge myth to keep the state and provincial governments from hiding human trafficking deals that happened in the past. Oh, have I got stories for days.
  3. Telling my first mother her option of keeping me, but then telling her that adoption is in the best interests of all because a baby deserves a two parent household and she deserves to finish college. The only interest they have is in lining their pocketbooks.
  4. Telling my first mother she was supplying an infertile couple with a gift. How much more proof do you need that I am a commodity?
  5. Telling my first mother that finishing college was more important than her own child. Like wtf. That’s just beyond sadistic. She didn’t even use her college degree.
  6. That she was just the vessel. They objectified my first mother and made her feel that she wasn’t even human but a ship that was going to torpedo out “just some baby” and give the baby (me) to her rightful owners. She was not a vessel she was a pregnant mother.
  7. Told her I was better off in a two parent household. Well, let’s see here. On my first father’s side there was no way I would be living on that side because of child abuse ¬†and the people being children still or way too elderly to care for a baby (in their eighties). However, on my first mother’s side we see a ginormous, non-abusive, middle to upper middle class suburban family with plenty of married relatives. Oh no we couldn’t have them take baby in, the agency wouldn’t turn a profit. Tell the biological grandparents to get over the fact their daughter got pregnant? Pshh. Where’s the money in that? The serious note here folks is this children need a two parent household lie. No, they don’t. Many children benefit from a one parent household. A child needs their biological connections. That isn’t up for debate when it comes from someone who is adopted. Oh and adopted parents can and do divorce at around 50% of couples in the US and Canada thrown out of the window like 15th century loo waste.
  8. Telling my first mother to write a letter and sign it as the birthmother. Nothing more than brainwashing a victimized young mother into “we’re going to reiterate you’re just the vessel”. Pearl S. Buck coined the term “birthmother” to make first mothers “know their place” and that was not coined for nice reasons.
  9. Having my first mother pick out “the right family” pretty soon after she walked in the door. ¬†That finding me a sibling (and the white picket fence) would make the family complete. Let’s see, young, student, second trimester, in a frenzy and a rush of what to do oh the agencies just love this. You’re right where they want you. I’m sorry mom of adoption loss, but it’s true, they played you and now you see why -at least I hope you see why- I hate them with an undying passion and I am learning to forgive them but I don’t think it’ll ever happen.
  10. There’s so much more to part A but at 2:26 am let’s keep going.

Part B. Lies My Adoption Agency Told My Adoptive Parents.

  1. That babies are blank slates.
  2. That it’s a cure for their infertility.
  3. That I’m a replacement for the baby they never biologically had.
  4. That I would likely only ask questions on my birthdays.
  5. That they can just inquire for biological medical information.
  6. That at 21 I would get all the information I need to track down my biological parents.
  7. That I didn’t need to know my original name.
  8. That I didn’t need to have a connection to my biological family.
  9. That I didn’t need to know my heritage.
  10. That they would just contact my biological parents if updated medical information was needed. This is such a huge lie that you must read A Whole in my Heart because it applies to all adoption agencies and the epilepsy and extreme danger Hillside, another Rochester agency, put a child in.
  11. That my first mother was poor.
  12. One lie they told was so ghastly I won’t even write it. About my first mother. I know it isn’t true because she mentioned in the goodbye letter to me that I had my first father’s cleft chin. I’m not trying to exaggerate how bad this agency is, ¬†I am saying it’s one I heard at nineteen and there are certain things even I won’t speak out to the world.
  13. That they would reach out to my first mother to try and get her to let me make contact with my biological half siblings (to use the technical term). They legally can’t do that so I called their bluff, which I wrote about in the article below.
  14. All they need is to provide a nurturing and loving home. They never were prepared at all to deal with a daughter who has such severe trauma from adoption.

Part C. Lies They Told Me.

  1. That my first mother loved me so much she gave me away. Well, if you love someone you don’t give them away. If someone is desperate, is victimized, bullied, shamed, objectified, and then is taught their baby, instead of their circumstances, is the source of a lot of their problems, then they give that little baby girl or boy of theirs away.
  2. Lied and said my first mother felt it was best she finished college. No person in their right mind puts their child second to anything. Oh, and she never even used her degree. Nope, months of ritualistically evil brainwashing of “you are just the vessel” “you are just the vessel” (hum the Twilight Zone tune, hey Rod Serling was also from Rochester) “you’re providing a wonderful gift” makes mothers and fathers put their kids last.
  3. Told me in one story she was in college for special education. Then tells me in another piece of paper she was not in college.
  4. Tells me on one hand my biological father threatened to sue for custody and keep me. Tells me on the other hand he thought adoption was a great idea. Well, which one is it Paco?
  5. Has my first mother write me a letter of goodbye, forced with the signature “you’re birthmother” and has her lie on it and say I was named Mary after the Virgin Mother. The Virgin Mother tells me she weeps for your sins and to leave God out of your lucrative, defiled, and sinful industry. She weeps for the pain you have caused.

 

Up yours adoption agency of mine! I’m going to bed.

Peaceful and pleasant dreams everyone, and it’s time all first mothers and first fathers come out of the closet of shame, guilt, and denial. I refused to let mine stay in the closet, and it’s only going to make her stronger if she accepts it and learns I’m not the bad guy in this, but the people involved in making her lose thirty plus years with her child (me). Her child, her child, her child, her ¬†! (clap hands) child.

 

My Adoptive Parents Strongly Support Family Preservation and Now Hate the Adoption Industry.

I’m not saying my adoptive parents are perfect. Sometimes they can be snobby or rude. I can say though that they love me and I love them. I’m definitely spoiled, but I appreciate everything I am given and try to do what I can in return. They put up with a lot considering I have severe anxiety disorder half from dealing with a sociopath for seven years and half due to adoption trauma especially with my mother (as my adoptive mom does not use an prefix for first mothers) sabotaging my relationship with a cousin and telling others in our family, especially my sisters, not to talk to me. My adoptive mom has explained to me that my biological grandparents kicked her out of the house for getting pregnant and deeply shamed her, and that is why a great uncle of mine was present at the hospital.

I’m going to use the terms first mother and adoptive mother just so readers don’t get confused.

My first mother had been viciously emotionally abused and told that a closed adoption would let her move on. She was lied to and told getting married and having more children would let her move on. Nobody moves on from losing a child, including losing a child to adoption. My first mother was objectified by the adoption agency and told she was just a vessel to provide a gift (me). I’ve explained this before, and this is my story to tell as much as it is hers. She was told, maybe by my biological grandparents or maybe by the agency workers or maybe all, that she could keep me a dirty secret.

My adoptive parents did not want a closed adoption. They initially had wanted an open adoption, which they would have kept open. They were told back in 1984 to “respect the desires of the birthmother” but only came to learn those were not desires, but a strong amount of persuasion and propaganda used on vulnerable young mothers.

My adoptive parents were lied to and told that my first mother could not afford a child. They were never informed about why my biological father was living with his grandparents. I would come to discover why just this year. For safety reasons, there is no way I could have lived with my paternal side. They, and I, were lied to and told two completely different stories about my biological father. Both of these vastly different stories I have on paper from the agency from different years.

When I found my biological maternal family, through a miracle (and a paternal biological aunt found me through a miracle, and I grew up with miracles related to my biological maternal family as in scientifically inexplainable miracles you can read about in my There Are Angels Among Us article) the response I received from my first mother was, and still is, very cold. There is an extremely dark energy separating us, and I do believe that the devil or some form of evil spirit is trying to keep us apart (us being her and I, other family members and I) and this evil spirit is absolutely tormenting her soul, and not allowing her the freedom and happiness that she deserves, that would come with healthy relationships between my first mother and I and myself and other biological relatives. My adoptive parents were absolutely dismayed, and my adoptive mom crushed to learn that my first mother did not grow up in poverty. She was not same young woman living in the ghetto of Rochester. She came from a middle class to upper middle class suburban household, whose father went to a prestigious college. While it may be hard for my kept siblings who had a loving grandfather to know the truth, my adoptive mom refuses to budge on her story about the fact he and my biological grandmother deeply shamed our mother for getting pregnant with me. As that was the story, according to my adoptive Mom, that she was told. My mom was further devastated when she learned how many siblings I have. Numerous siblings. My adoptive Mom says I am being punished for being born.

Then there’s what we grew up with. My adoptive parents were lied to and told so long as they provide a happy home I’ll never consider asking about my adoption story. Maybe just a few questions on my birthday and that’s it. What the adoption agency didn’t plan on is a child being given away for adoption (or taken) who is an autistic prodigy and thinks way outside the box and decades ahead of society on a multitude of things. They were not prepared for the lifelong separation anxiety and fear of being left behind caused by adoption which we still struggle with as a family today.

They were told they could call up the agency and just get biological family medical information. I can still remember the day when I was nine years old and I ended up in my adoptive Mom’s arms and she was screaming to my Dad to call an ambulance. She learned the hard way she would not get biological family medical information and would not get updated information. Later, she would learn from Lorraine Dusky’s book (Lorraine had gone through another Rochester, NY adoption agency) that adoption agencies don’t have to pass along life saving medical information even if the first parents ask them to.

My adoptive father is beyond pissed off at my biological maternal uncles who think it’s okay to pretend I don’t exist. My adoptive parents are pissed off that they were told I was a baby who needed a home. My adoptive parents have told me many times they love me very much, but have mentioned my adoption was completely unnecessary. They wanted to adopt a baby or toddler, including a sibling group, using an open adoption (that was their preference but were willing to do closed adoption if the first mother went that route) of a baby or toddler who came from very dire circumstances. Through their learning they now believe that closed adoption has only wreaked havoc on families, both adoptive and biological, and is the direct correlation to the ADHD, depression, rage, anxiety, PTSD, dissociation, and addiction rates of closed adoptees. They want it abolished.

At the same time though they are happy to have me. That’s just where it’s complex.

The last time my adoptive Mom ever spoke to our evil adoption agency was December 2016 when she called after we met with a close biological cousin of mine -because my mom was really pissed off about a lot of things she learned- and asked the agency what they could do to help. The agency lied to my adoptive Mom and told her they’d write a letter to my first mother and try to remedy the situation and let me talk to my siblings and to my cousin again. An agency cannot write anyone. People have to write into the agency. The very agency that tore a family apart wanted to play hero. Not on my fucking watch. When I explained the legalities of this to my adoptive Mom she called them back. Let’s just say that was a fun conversation. Almost as fun as email my adoptive Dad wrote to a certain politician (not in NY) who wants to deny adoptees their original birth certificates. An email that would make pretty much anyone shit their pants.

My adoptive parents are flabbergasted as am I how the vast majority of my immediate biological family remains in the adoption fog. I’m flabbergasted life turned out this way. Shouldn’t it be the other way around like it usually is? With the adoptive parents praising adoption and the first parents being mad about adoption? My parents write into politicians like Weprin and demand unsealed original birth certificates with no redactions. My adoptive Mom bitched out a NY politician when he was more interested in hearing what she has to say because she’s an adoptive Mom than what I had to say as an adoptee, and oh boy did she make him feel uncomfortable.

My parents begged, that’s about the right word to use, begged my brother and I to search. ¬†He still hasn’t. They wish he would. They now understand the damage that was done. They are slowly learning the “adoption fees” are a bunch of bullshit and that expenses go well beyond medical fees in the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry.

Every October my adoptive Dad plops down a huge sum of money to family preservation facilities through our Church. It gives him great satisfaction knowing women-of any age, economic background, capability, race- are being able to keep their children.

They pray that adoption can be only for those who truly need it in life or death situations, that we end closed adoptions, that people learn it does not erase the pain of infertility and an adoptive baby is not the substitute for the biological child never born, that we keep original birth certificates, and that far, far more accountability is put on adoption agencies and private adoption lawyers.

….and my adoptive mom turned to me not too long ago and said, I want you to become a lobbyist for adoptee rights.

The Adoptee Rights #1 Goal is the Wrong #1 Goal.

Let’s see how well I throw down an article when I’m already tired. I was planning on writing three in a row, but it’ll be bedtime after this one.

 

The number one goal in the adoptee rights community; a group of intelligent, progressive people is unsealing original birth certificates. 

Look, don’t get me wrong. This is a very valid goal to have. I’ve written many an article on why sealing original birth certificates was just to cover the asses of some people, how it’s a Federal crime done by most states, and how birthparent privacy¬†does not exist.

I’m 100% for unsealing original birth certificates for all adoptees. That means not when they turn eighteen, but even as children. That means unsealing without a fee. That means absolutely no redactions. None. An adoptee is not responsible for their conception and circumstances surrounding it, and a sealed original birth certificate only says otherwise. If you think some women should get to have redactions for “privacy reasons” then you hate adoptees and you have no empathy, as you have therefore pushed the belief that adoptees are commodity, which technically, we are, albeight legally.

So, what should be the number one goal be for the adoptee rights movement?

Psychology!

Say it with me folks. Psychology! Psychology! Psychology! 

We’re all the adoption industry’s bitch. If you’re an adoptive parent of an infant adoption, most of you fell for the lie that it would end your pain of infertility (unless you are fertile and still adopted). You fell for the lie that all would be well and had no preparation for lack of your child’s first family medical information or adoptee trauma or adoptee anger. You may grieve the death of your adopted child over suicide or a preventable disease or allergic reaction that was kept hidden from you.

If you’re an adoptee, you were taken away from your family against your will, given an amended birth certificate, looked for faces in the crowd who looked like you, hoped you weren’t dating your cousin, wondered your heritage, wonder why your first parent is telling people to pretend you don’t exist and ruining your relationships while another adoptee whose first mother had a much, much rougher conception story gets welcomed by all. Depression rates, anxiety rates, and suicide rates are extremely high amongst adoptees. You might be one of those “happy” adoptees who have until you fell upon this blog ¬†were completely unaware of the discrimination you face or it never even occured to you that first mothers back in the 1970s and prior were called whores, handcuffed to hospital beds and other atrocities for getting pregnant in many countries (Israel, Canada, Australia, the US, Spain, and Ireland just to name a few).

If you’re a kept sibling of a sibling that was adopted out, you either grow up in the adoption fog totally blinded by what adoption truly is or you know you had an adopted out sibling and you miss them terribly. Not all adoptees are the first born. Sometimes in a rut, a mother of say already five children, loses her last baby to adoption and the other siblings are aware and are left to suffer for it because most open adoptions close. Siblings might find out as adults about an older sibling that was given away for adoption (or taken away) and now it becomes this traumatic process as they were raised thinking adoption is this wonderful thing, and their own parent is refusing to cope with the fact the adopted out son or daughter is back which just wreaks havoc on a family, which is then blamed on the adoptee when the blame really needs to be pointed at the adoption agency because there agenda is always, always to make a pregnant mother think adoption is the best solution and for those in the first parents’ families who refused to help out so family preservation occurred instead. There are no therapies out there to help kept siblings deal with their emotions. There are no books for kept siblings to help them face their emotions and sort out their emotions of discovering a new sibling. Sadly, in some circumstances, the kept siblings are told to pretend the newly discovered sibling does not exist, which is one of the worst things they can do as it only encourages the mother or father of adoption losses problems of dealing with the trauma in a healthy manner.

First mothers and first mothers were lied to in so many ways I have articles on it such as First Mothers Don’t Get Time to Think It Over, The Adoption Industry Strips First Fathers of Their Rights, and You Were Very Likely Subtly Coerced Out of Your Baby. ¬†I recommend to read them all, and even then I only scratch the surface of lies and subtle coercion and psychological torment of first parents.

Those in society who aren’t personally affected by adoption are left in the adoption fog thinking adoption is only a win win situation because the the multibillion dollar adoption industry spends a vast amount on propaganda to make itself look like perfect. Society, at large, remains ignorant to the fact they could very easily have an adopted out relative come back into their life or they themselves could be a late discovery adoptee. Society still has a love/hate relationship with first mothers. They are either whores who tried to abort and the adoptive parents came and rescued the baby or they are self sacrificing “birthmom strong” women who automatically gave their child a better life because according to them, all adoptions go well.

We have so many people even within the adoption community that are either ignorant of the truth, in denial of the truth, or know the truth and are so emotionally scarred from it because their voices are being drowned out by everyone around them going yaaay adoption! Now, don’t get me wrong a stepparent adopting their stepchild because the original parent is a deadbeat is great, the great aunt who adopts her niece’s children because the niece died and the kids’ fathers aren’t around, the couple who adopt three teenage brothers who have been abused in so many foster homes should be applauded if they provide safe and loving homes where their new children can better themselves. These are just some examples of necessary adoptions. Even in these cases it is time to stop sealing the original birth certificate.

If you’re a first father you’re the adoption industry’s bitch in the sense that they have made society think all first fathers are deadbeats or not in the picture. They continue to do all they can to remove his rights and make sure he doesn’t know that adoption is about to happen to his own baby. The blogger (who is a first mother) of http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com recently just outed social workers of an adoption agency for publically stating they will basically scare off the father of the baby (for lack of a better phrase, you can go there and read the article and I recommend reading a lot of her articles). You were told the same lies that a mother of adoption loss is told.

If you’re a first mother you were told to think about finishing school (because according to them a piece of paper is more important than your own child), that you’d be giving an infertile couple a great gift, that a baby needs a two parent home (because adoptive parents never divorce *sarcasm*), that you sinned very greatly for having sex and shame on you, that you can keep your child a dirty secret, that you can have more babies when married and it’ll make you move on, and other lies my adoption agency of Rochester, NY told my first mother. I hope one day she walks out of the adoption fog and understands how many people screwed her over, and to stop painting me as the bad guy in this because I will not let her stay stuck in her closet. She needs a lot of prayers. She needs to understand freedom will never be achieved by hiding and asking others to hide from me. Let us prayer for her and encourage her to start defogging and start being nicer to me, and for my uncles to start acting like real men. See this is the problem the adoption industry has caused with society. I’m not the only adoptee dealing with this unnecessary emotional abuse and that is because the adoption industry has made society love adopted babies and adopted kids, but loathe adopted adults who demand equality, adopted adults who refuse to be a dirty secret, adopted adults who refuse to be blamed for circumstances surrounding their conception, and adopted adults who out the adoption industry for their multibillion dollar propaganda bullshit which I can link directly to Nazism and I will.

The fact remains that the vast majority of adoptions being done are unnecessary and that is because the industry is a multi billion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed industry that has caused psychological problems to literally tens of millions of people. I don’t think in a Hague convention it would stand ground, maybe in the future, and for sure as shit wouldn’t stand ground in the US or Canada, but adoptee suicide rates are four times higher than that of the general population, first mothers have the highest rate of secondary infertility, some first mothers try to replace their baby they lost to adoption with six or more children (often named after them or born in the same month), adoptees have staggeringly high depression and anxiety rates, all mothers of adoption loss suffer PTSD because physiologically it is not natural to the human body to not be able to nurture your own child. (If you want links, I recommend going back to adoptionbirthmothers.com or scrolling articles around here because I have some of these states here and there).

Look, I’m tired. I’m tired because I need sleep and I am tired because it’s been eighty years here in New York when this nonsense started because of a psychopath named Georgia Tann and a possible psychopath named Senator Lehman.

Our number one goal needs to be in defogging people, starting first with those most closely affected by adoption, and being open -even if society gets pissed off- about the detrimental psychological problems that adoption has caused and rebutting the “most adoptees are happy” myth. Once we get people to become their own educated voice, and see that people like me aren’t radicals, but merely the ones who noticed something isn’t right, more and more will then be on board for getting original birth certificates unsealed, more will want closed adoptions banned as they should be, more will be for legalising open adoptions, more will be for voting out people like Kemp Hannon, Donna Campbell, and Helene Weinstein, more women and men will come forward and say I had a child I lost to adoption, more will get therapy for themselves, and this will be studied in women’s rights and psychology classes (and I thank Stanford for putting some of my work into their classes). The adoption community needs a coming out movement for first mothers, first fathers, and adoptees still in the closet just like the LGBTP community has.

If you want to start a peaceful revolution of equality, and of true healing for all, then start with psychology, not trying to unseal original birth certificates.

Don’t get me wrong though. Once again, I’m all for unsealing all original birth certificates with no redactions, but I hope the adoptee hating losers putting down redactions or advocating for them know that is all circumvented now with DNA testing. The unsealing with no redactions of original birth certificates across the US, Canada, United Kingdom, Italy, Greece, Spain, etc will happen when we get people the psychological help they need and deserve and awaken them to the truth.

For a support group for first parents and adoptees I recommend Concerned United Birthparents. A support group for kept siblings is so badly needed.

 

 

Children of Adoptees

I’m not sure if I can write this article. It may or may not stay up. I am trying to be empathetic and see adoption through the eyes of a biological child, born and raised by their parent who is an adoptee. This article though may need to be written by such a person. All I can say is I will try my best here, and mean no harm.

Society overlooks a lot of things in adoption. There are next to no studies on first fathers, first fathers are always seen as never around, no psychological programs out there tailored to helping siblings who learn they have an adopted out brother or sister, and no support group, psychological tailored program, self-help book (you get the picture) for children of adoptees. The voice of a child-be they still a child or an adult- of that of an adoptee is completely mute not because they chose that, but because society has and that permeates societies the world over.

Closed adoption is cruel. Closed adoption is abuse in the hearts and minds of adoptees who endure it, and I do believe one day society will catch up to progressive people like myself and consider it child abuse and abolish it. I will write an article on closed adoption soon. There was a time, not too long ago, when closed adoption was the only method of adoption (and open adoptions are 75% of the time adoptions that end up being closed by kindergarten age) and closed adoptions were brutally forced.

Closed adoption does not allow an adoptee to know their original name, original family names, their biological family medical information, and their heritages. It baffles the mind that people can still find any of this acceptable. Stop believing going to court is going to solve anything, it never has, and adoptees have died.

This discrimination doesn’t just stop at that of the closed adoptee unless they die having no children. It passes onto their children, grand children, great grandchildren. Many adoptees want to search and do. However, many adoptees don’t search for the following reasons and only the following reason:

1. Brainwashed and told if they search it means they don’t love their adoptive parents.

2. Brainwashed and told God doesn’t approve of them searching.

3. Fear of being rejected.

4. Fear of finding severe health issues in their natural family.

5. Brainwashed and told they’d ruin their first mother’s life.¬†

6. Lied to and told their first parents were super horrible for whatever reason.

7. Lied to and told their first parent died.

8. Pressured by adoptive family and/or society that adoptees are happy and content with “what they got”.¬†

9. Have special needs and searching is too hard for them.

10. They do not know they are adopted.

Yet it is only the adoptee who can search. It is only the adoptee who can actively search and discover if they have siblings, who their first parents are, who their natural aunts, uncles, and cousins are and other extended family. It’s only the adoptee that can try their best to get a medical record or to know which countries their ancestors came from. If an adoptee doesn’t, it leaves their children in the dark. The children of the adoptee may want to know. They may want to know that medical history for their own peace of mind or for that of their children. They may want to know what lands do their people come from. The children of adoptees lose their identities too (albeight to a lesser degree the negative impact is still there and still profound) because of the evils of closed adoption. A child or grandchild or even great grand child of an adoptee may actually want to find and make contact with biological family, and they too can fear being rejected and treated sinisterly by a great aunt or a second cousin.

Adoption isn’t ruining just one person. It’s ruining families for generations, and the problem is after reading this some people will still put the blame for all of this on the adoptee; the last person it should be put on.

His Name is Jorge: Respecting Your Adoptive Child’s Culture.

It’s National Adoption Month. I’ve been speaking up through various media on the problems of adoption. There is no doubt I have respect for step -parents who adopt their wife or husband’s child when the biological parent is a deadbeat. I have respect to those who adopt older, abused kids. Even in these circumstances we need to move from sealing the original birth certificate to giving the adoptive parent(s) a certificate of adoption.

This blog is mainly about the problems in adoption, and there are more cons than pros (that’s fact not opinion, my dears) and promoting family preservation. However, some have already adopted and what advice I should give to adoptive parents.

It was my adoptive mom who asked me to do this article. 

I’m currently tutoring a student. I’m happy to say the student’s grade has greatly improved. The student I am tutoring is also adopted, although she doesn’t know I am adopted as I stick to just teaching her what she needs to learn, with a few off shoot extra projects I give her. Being an international adoptee her adoptive mom, a very nice lady, learned the language of her child’s native land and kept her child’s original name whom she adopted as a toddler. This is a wonderful thing and needs to be done more often. At least keep your adopted child’s original name as their middle name, but preferably leave their name as is.

The mother of the student I tutor said, “why change their name? They are born with a name. No need to change it.”

My parents decided to give me a new first name and keep my original name as my middle name, in order to show me my new beginnings, but to remember my past. My biological mother named me after her, but after finding her I’ve learned she purposely chose a closed adoption and wants nobody to talk to me, and has been very cold, so it’s clear she has no heart for me and so when I have the money I’ll legally change my middle name to that of my adoptive grandmother who tragically died young. My adoptive parents kept my original name as my middle name as a sign of respect to my biological mother. They have been thoroughly disappointed in her actions and that of my uncles, sisters, and cousins but especially of the elders (mother and uncles) who should know better, and devastated to learn I came from a ginorous family with plenty of money that could have and should have taken me in. Moral people do not choose to love only some of their children or only some of their nieces. I could go on, but I’m getting way off topic.

Let’s get back on track here. Names. The vast majority of people who adopt are White. Yet you see a White washing of children of colour’s names who are adopted internationally, or the case of Anglicising children adopted from Eastern Europe. Of course, there are countries where English is the native language, such as Kenya, so the names James or Anne is suitable, or countries where Christianity is predominant and Christian names are used, such as Ethiopia, so a name like Elijah or Ruth is just fine. Most people adopt a child and then completely White wash or Anglicise the name. It’s time to stop this. It’s remnant of European colonialism. I can understand the concern of you wanting your child to fit in in school, but there comes a point when other students just need to learn diversity. A name holds power. A name tells a story of your people, your land, your ancestors, what your parents think of you, and more I’m just at a loss for words right now. Sure, a name is just a label, but oh what an important label it is. If you don’t think names are important ask any First Nations/Native American person the extreme dedication that goes into naming a newborn. Let’s respect the child’s name by keeping it as is, or doing no more than making it the middle name.

Respecting your adopted child’s culture goes well beyond that of name preservation. As a closed adoptee, a sinister practice that needs to be abolished, one of the many ways I am discriminated is I was not allowed to know my own heritage(s). Imagine not knowing what your heritage and when people asked you had to say, “I don’t know. I’m not allowed to. I’m adopted.” It’s very degrading. One might say, “well, I am not adopted and I don’t know my heritage.” Unless your own parents were adopted too in a closed adoption, then yes you do. You may not know all of it, but you have some of it, and because your own family history isn’t hidden from you you have much, ¬†much, much, much easier access to it through hospital records, church records, the Mormons who do genealogy for people, and other sources.

It wasn’t until Bennett Greenspan created Family Tree DNA, the very first (and best) ancestry DNA testing site that adoptees could figure out who we are. I had the honour of interviewing Mr. Greenspan January of this year. He created his genetic genealogy program purposely for adoptees as a big up yours to the discrimination of state governments that keep original birth certificates sealed, and deny closed adoptees the right to know their heritages. Mr. Greenspan believes all people deserve to know their biological family and their heritages, regardless. I am forever grateful for the technology we have today, spurred by Bennett, so that millions and millions of people like me can figure out who we are, our origins, and other positives. What makes Family Tree DNA the best is that people, unlike with ancestry.com, can’t make pretend profile names. They must use their own actual names. Another plus is that with FamilyTreeDNA the actual emails of people are given, you don’t have to use the company’s email. If you have tested with an ancestry DNA site, even ¬†if it wasn’t Family Tree DNA, thank the man because it’s he that made this possible for all us.

I grew up with Polish traditions as my adoptive mom is Polish and very proud of her heritage. I love Polish culture. Poland is my favourite country and I wish my health were better so I could return. It’s been over a decade. I speak Polish. I love Polish food (in fact, I just had goŇāambki yesterday). Yet, even then, my adoptive mom has brought up her feelings over and over,¬†I wish we had known the traditions of your natural families so we could have done them here¬†and¬†what heritages are you again? Oh yes, I can definitely see you being German.¬†I am 100% European, and if you know something about Europeans it is true about different cultures. The Germans are very much one way and the Finns are very much another way, to give you an example. My German side shows the most, and I am blessed with extended biological cousins who are German and wonderful, including some from Germany.

Adopted children and adoptee adults as well need to be met halfway. Whether we are international adoptions or domestic adoptions we are all bicultural or multicultural beings, and in the case of most international adoptees bilingual.

I understand you want your child to fit in with American culture or British culture or Dutch culture or wherever you may live, and that’s great and is important, but equally important is exploring and celebrating their own culture, both the positive aspects and when they’re older, the negative aspects as no country or culture is perfect. When a child’s culture is not explored and celebrated, such as an adopted child from China celebrating New Years Eve or attending Mandarin language classes, the child because to think something is wrong with his or her culture, people, and country of origin. The child ¬†or adult adoptee begins to view their country of origin only through the lens of the problems of that country, and not the positives or the good people within it.

Yeah, but my internationally adopted child was adopted as a baby. He’s only known Canadian culture, and the English language.¬†Why? If your child was adopted from Poland, for example, why doesn’t he/she know Polish. Why doesn’t your child know how to cook or be introduced to Polish food (like goŇāambki)? Why erase her identity?

And why haven’t you traveled back to your child’s country of origin so long as it’s not a warzone? Or do you plan to when they are older? This is a part of respect.

What have you done, like the mom of the teenager I tutor, to learn your child’s native language? My adoptive mom told me around a month ago that in order to adopt internationally that the potential adoptive parents should have to take language courses and learn the language of the child they’re adopting to a near fluency level. At the same time, my mom is becoming educated about how some countries have terrible, terrible practices when it comes to getting babies and children into orphanages, such as Guatemala, Colombia, Malaysia, and Cambodia, that at the same time my adoptive Mom says international adoption should be banned from less than stellar countries and asks why isn’t it possible to find people within these countries to adopt the child. Keep in mind my Mom is still learning.

 

 

It’s National Adoption Month- Let’s Cut the Crap and Talk About Everything Wrong With Adoption. 100 Things That Are Wrong With Adoption.

Well, it’s National Adoption Month which means us who know better that adoption is not the awesome thing that everyone is making it out to be has to put up with the bullshit, stupidly excited people who just managed to get their hands on a wet womb infant or the happy bee mommies praising their open adoption because it’s only been a year and they still have on the brainwashed rose coloured glasses that it’ll stay open.

I’d be a lot more excited about National Adoption Month if it were about truly orphaned children finding loving homes, or if it were about older abused kids finding safe and loving homes, or if open adoptions were legally enforceable and only used if kinship care was out of the question. If this was about stepparents adopting their stepchildren, with the child’s permission, because the biological parent is a deadbeat. If adoptions were about giving the adoptive parents a certificate of adoption instead of sealing the original birth certificate, then I’d be rejoicing. Right now I’m not, and I’m not because I know personally the problems with adoption, and because I’m smart, really, really freaking smart.

I think in lists. Here are 100 Things That Are Wrong With Adoption. Very long, but very much worth the read.

  1. Adoption does not put the child first in nearly all cases. Now, my brother’s girlfriend’s brother is adopted. He is a great example of someone who absolutely needed to be adopted. Rescued as a teenager from a severely abusive household (gee where was CPS for the first 13 years?) her parents took legal guardianship of him for two years. Two years later he was very happy to be adopted by them. In the vast majority of adoption cases, the adoptee gets no say in their adoption, and the adoption was not necessary. Yes, not necessary. If we were to take the money out of adoption like Australia did, 95% of infant adoptions would not happen in the US. (Source: Mirah Riben’s The Stork Market, Australian infant adoptions that dropped 95%).
  2. According to Unicef and Lumos, 80% of “orphans” in this world are not actually orphans. The 20% left over often have extended family. Having been into the slums of third world countries I am well aware that these kids’ families are almost always incredibly dysfunctional but adoption has a catch 22 here. Yes, you can save a child’s life through adoption, yes there are still millions of orphans that need loving homes, but “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and you do far, far more good giving $38,000 to a poor village than to an agency to take one child home. Adoption is a bandaid solution. I’m not knocking people who did the adoption route, I’m only saying in hindsight you would have done far more good for the children of that country by investing in something like clean sanitation and girls’ education (and I didn’t mean to rhyme there, but oh look at my rapper skills).
  3. Closed adoption is child abuse. Sure, not on the law books, but it eventually will be. In the hearts and minds of all closed adoptees, it is child abuse; at least to the ones who have actually sat back and thought about it. What closed adoption entails. I will be very soon writing an article on the three ways people end up with closed adoption, and how each of them is abusive. Closed adoption is highly discriminatory to the adopted out son or daughter. Closed adoption happens for three reasons (which I will get into in more detail in another article) 1. Force- many women were forced to put their babies into closed adoptions from Ireland to Australia (sources: Some of many. Philomena, The Magdalene Sisters, birthtraumacanada.org) 2. Lied to- Many women were lied to and told a closed adoption will let them move on. Nobody moves on. If they say so, they’re lying. 3. Psychological Problems- some women chose closed adoption because they blame their own baby for their conception. Closed adoption puts adoptees’ lives and adoptees’ children’s lives at risk, they are four times more likely to kill themselves, they have exceedingly high rates of anxiety and depression, they are denied their heritage (this has changed thanks to Bennett Greenspan with his creation of Family Tree DNA), society and sometimes their own biological family feels it’s okay to treat them as an object instead of a person by being a dirty secret, they spend their lives wondering if they passed any family members, and more I’ll delve into in another article.
  4. There is no such thing as a forever family. According to Reuters, 25,000 adopted children every year most of them who are not accustomed to American culture and the English language, are resold to new adoptive families. Some of these children are resold online to paedophiles. For those resold through the bullshit term of rehoming by an adoption lawyer, the adoption industry turns a profit.
  5. The adoption industry is a multibillion dollar industry. It pumped out $12 billion in 2015. (Source: The Stork Market, Mirah Riben).
  6. The adoption industry is less regulated than the real estate industry in both Canada and the States. (Source: The Stork Market, Mirah Riben).
  7. The adoption industry is an uncredentialed industry. (The Stork Market)
  8. The adoption industry has no oversight. (The Stork Market. There are other sources, but it’s easier to source 1 book).
  9. The adoption industry is loosely regulated. (The Stork Market).
  10. Society never stops and thinks what the words “birthparent privacy” mean, but it means asking someone to be someone else’s dirty secret. It shows a clear lack of empathy from a vast chunk of society.
  11. The adoption industry has perpatrated the myth of birthparent privacy. Birthparent privacy does not exist anywhere because the original birth certificate is not sealed until the adoption is finalized, so if a baby is given away for adoption but ends up growing up in foster care he or she keeps his or her original birth certificate making privacy null and void. If it were about privacy, the obc would not have been made in the first place. (Source: Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption by E. Wayne Carp along with legal scholar Elizabeth J.Samuels).
  12. CPS is full of corruption. While it has saved children’s lives, many children have been abrupted from their homes for ridiculous reasons.
  13. CPS has taken children from their homes for being homeschooled or unschooled or as I call it “learning at home” because some families don’t replicate school at home. (Source: case in the city of Buffalo, NY. WGRZ Channel 2 News Buffalo).
  14. CPS has taken children from their homes for not being vaccinated (I think you’re nuts to not vaccinate but you don’t deserve to have your kids taken from you).
  15. CPS has taken children from their homes because the parents used to do drugs even though they’ve been sober and remained sober since before they even got pregnant. ¬†(Source: I can’t say but I know it personally).
  16. CPS has taken children from their homes because their moms couldn’t pay the electric bill. (Source: A former student of mine, well not mine, but in one of the schools where I worked, who is now an adult, where does the time go? ).
  17. The adoption industry has perpetrated this myth that all adoptive families are safe. In 2015, at least 102 adopted children in America were horrifically murdered or worse raped and murdered by their adoptive parents. Do not tell me, well they do a pretty good job of finding good homes. One child is one child too many, so in my eyes and the eyes of anyone with good morals, they fail. This fall 2017 another adopted child from India was tortured to death by her adoptive father. (For sources just google the tragic words “adopted child killed” and multiple articles come up. I sometimes really hate this research).
  18. Adoption means you’re not allowed your original birth certificate, with your real name and original family’s (or families”) name/s simply because you’re adopted yet non-adopted violent criminals are allowed theirs.
  19. Majority of states are committing a Federal crime. Amendment 14, Section I – there shall be no special treatment of a group of people within a group (I’m paraphrasing) . Since adoptees in Kansas, Alaska, and Alabama get to keep their original birth certificate and some states allow some adoptees to get their original birth certificate as adults, this creates special treatment of some adoptees but discriminates most and thus is a Federal crime. I explained this in an article way below.
  20. Adoption is not the answer to abortion. Why does nobody bring up family preservation?
  21. Majority of first mothers are not from the ghetto. Majority of first mothers are from middle class suburbs and were so when pregnant.
  22. As recently as the 1980s, Salvation Army of Canada was involved in the kidnapping and black market adoptions of babies. They have yet to bring this up, apologise, or give reparations, or advocate for unsealing original birth certificates.
  23. The adoption industry uses a lot of persuasive, brainwashing language to get pregnant vulnerable girls and young women to give away their babies. Being a linguistic genius, I pick this up, and it amazes me how it swoops over the heads of most people. “The birthmother” “the baby” “adoption plan” these are all coercive language practices. There are many more but let’s look at these three. “The birthmother” – no longer a mommy, she has now been objectified to the position of giving birth, she is no longer a human, simply a birther; an object. “The baby-” the article is used instead of the possessive pronoun “her baby” to psychologically separate mommy and baby from each other. “Adoption plan”- because it sounds so much nicer than the truth “giving your baby away”.
  24. Open adoption is not legally enforceable. I once had a woman try to tell me it was in some states only to have some friends do some research on her and find out she resold a few of her own adopted kids and had adoption agencies of her own that were shut down. In no US state or US territory and in no Canadian territory or province is open adoption legally enforceable. They can and do close. In about 75% of cases, conservatively, they close within five years and nearly all of those are by the adoptive parents and not because the first parents are doing drugs or endangering the welfare of their adopted out child. (Source: Talk to the thousands of women whose open adoptions closed on them like I have. Talk also to the adoptive parents who wanted an open adoption and the natural parents closed it, although I only know one case and it was so the natural parents could party more. Disgusting people).
  25. Post-adoption, first mothers are the highest demographic of women for secondary infertility. (Source: 1991 L.H. Stiffler. Dr. E. Deykin, 1982. Yes, I am writing these sources wrong. Secondary Infertility and Birthmothers, Psychanalytic Inquiry, I. Andrews, 2010.)
  26. Closed adoptees spend their lives looking for people who look like them and wonder if they ever passed family by. (Source: My life and that of nearly all closed adoptees.)
  27. Closed adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide.
  28. Closed adoptees have astronomically high rates of depression and anxiety.
  29. Adoptees don’t always get the support they need and deserve when they search whether by society and/or their adoptive families. Searching for roots and for biological family does not mean you love your adoptive parents any less, but many who adopt are unable to comprehend this or refuse to.
  30. The adoption industry paints infant adoption as the cure to people’s infertility. Infant adoption does not erase the pain of infertility. The adoptee then is expected to play the role of the adoptive couple’s biologically missing child, while that same adoptee is literally the missing child of his or her first parents. (My own adoptive mom has stated I am not a fill in, but sadly many do treat their adopted kids this way).
  31. Under no other circumstances is secrecy seen as healthy, yet closed adoption and to some regard, semi open adoption, along with anonymous sperm and egg donation are all seen as perfectly acceptable by society and in each of those cases (closed, semi open, anonymous sperm and donor) involves secrecy. Secrecy created out of shame in the cases of adoption or force, or profit in the case of sperm and egg donation.
  32. Adoption agencies are never not for profit. They make a fortune on their tax returns if they are not-for profit.
  33. The vast majority of first mothers were not drug addicts when pregnant with their babies.
  34. Stop and ask yourself why people are adopting the babies of girls in foster care, but leaving the teen girls in foster care and not adopting them as well.
  35. Stop and ask yourself why people are raising funds to take someone’s baby away via adoption (gofundme) instead of raising the money for the parent/s to keep their own baby.
  36. 100% of first mothers suffer PTSD and/or depression after losing their baby to adoption. 100%. Especially if it is a closed adoption.
  37. While first mothers have the highest rate of secondary infertility, other first mothers who lose a baby to adoption try to overcome the loss by having many children afterward upwards of 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 children. Often one or more will be named in some way after the lost children and be born in the same month as the lost child. The mother of adoption loss is psychologically keeping herself in baby mode.
  38. First parents are demanded to act like adoption is awesome and there is nothing wrong with it, so when they are found many lash out and expect their adopted out child to be their dirty secret.
  39. Stop and think why adoption agencies and private adopting couples want to take the baby of a woman in an abusive situation, but do nothing to help her find a safe place for her and her baby to go.
  40. Adoption agencies have been known to fly a girl or young woman out to another state, including from Canada into the States, and leave her there with no transportation and no money if she does not go through with giving away her baby.
  41. A child as young as 14 years old can legally give away her baby to adoption without any trusted adult in her life knowing.
  42. In Utah and South Carolina, a girl or young woman can give away her baby to adoption against the desire of the baby’s father to keep his baby even if he is a law abiding citizen who signed the birth certificate. This is why many are flown out to Utah.
  43. Some politicians, priests, and judges demand the original birth certificates stay sealed because they don’t want anyone to know they got an underaged girl pregnant, a nun pregnant who “decided to leave the convent”, or got a woman pregnant through an affair, or someone they know did. I really can’t say much more on this.
  44. Adoption agencies, such as in Arizona, have lied to vulnerable pregnant women and told them if they didn’t pay the hospital bill they could not bring their babies home. This was a lie.
  45. Closed adoptees are denied their heritage. Until Bennett Greenspan created Family Tree DNA, they were not allowed to know if they are Irish-American, etc.
  46. There is not a single book out there, not a single psychological course in university that goes over how kept children be they children or adults, can handle finding out they have a sibling they never knew existed.
  47. ¬†Infant adoption never happens by choice unless there was a choice to find a way to legally abandon your child. Infant adoption happens because of the following reasons: in abusive situation and family won’t help, homeless and family won’t help, in foster care and no family to help, kicked out of the house by your own parents, kidnapping, raped and lied to and told to give away your baby therefore blaming your baby for the cruel occurrence therefore creating two life long pains, young and poor and your family won’t help even if they are situated with the means to.
  48. Closed adoptees are denied their biological medical information even in life or death situations.
  49. The idea that God puts a ¬†baby in the wrong woman’s uterus so it must be given to the right woman because mankind apparently knows more than God.
  50. The whitewashing of adopted children of colour’s names and the Anglicising of Eastern European adopted children’s names.
  51. The fact people think that being adopted by God is the equivalent of being an adoptee.
  52. Kept siblings who feel they are doing the right thing by pretending their adopted out sibling doesn’t exist because their mother or father is full of shame, fear, bitterness, etc about the adoption and thus in turn subconsciously blames their own adopted out child for being born in the first place. Yeah, you’re not doing the right thing.
  53. Kept siblings who pretend their adopted out brother or sister doesn’t exist at the psychologically damaged, discriminatory, bullshit “wishes” of their parent yet never fathom the idea that if their sibling hadn’t been given away they would never exist because their mother or father would have not gone on to meet the person they did and create them. Yep, I hope my sisters are reading this- you guys would not be alive if I had never been given away. My pain and discrimination helped to create your lives, so think on that.
  54. The adoption industry has created a myth that young parents and poor parents make bad parents. In my years in education, and life in general, I have seen really, really shitty married, older, upper class parents. I have also seen excellent teenage including single teenage dad parents.
  55. If you look at the long term lives of those who have babies young (between ages 15 and 23) most of them in the long run end up having good lives if they keep their child or children. This is something the adoption industry does not want you to figure out.
  56. Closed adoptees lose literally at least 87,600 hours of their lives searching for biological family. Fortunately, with DNA sites these hours are going to drastically drop.
  57. In some instances, adoptees are not allowed a passport simply for being adopted.
  58. There is no true, genuine psychological care for first mothers and first fathers. First fathers are seen as not even existing. First mothers receive bullshit psychological care through “you’re a strong birthmomma” and “adoption is love” which never address their depression and/or PTSD symptoms.
  59. Many first parents and adoptees are in total denial of their feelings.
  60. Adoption agencies in the US don’t have to pass along biological medical information even if the first parents ask them to. I’m sure many of these you want proof, my answer is, read my blog in its entirety. The answers are there, if not, they’ll come up soon enough.
  61. Majority of states have no way for information to be updated and sent to the adoptee if need be.
  62. An amended birth certificate instead of a certificate of adoption is just silly. If a teenager, for example, is adopted his or her original birth certificate is sealed (so obviously it’s not about privacy because he or she knows where their first parents are) and the amended birth certificate is rewritten as if the adoptive mother gave birth. I don’t know about you but I never plan on having to give birth to a thirteen year old child. I’m pretty sure that defies the laws of physics. I may have gotten a D in physics (yes, I suck at some things) but Momma didn’t raise no fool. Also, who is supposed to be the “mother that gave birth” on the amended birth certificate when it’s two gay guys who adopted?
  63. State governments sometimes hire first parents who feel ashamed for getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant to work in records, the people who can see your original birth certificate but you’re not allowed to see your own- even if you reunite. How is this even legal?
  64. There are no nationwide surveys or statistics in Canada, the States, Greece, Italy, Israel, France, Japan, etc done on first fathers. The adoption industry really tries their best to act like they don’t exist or that none of them cared.
  65. In the first half of the twentieth century, Jewish women were heavily drugged and told their babies  were stillborn, only to be adopted out to Christian couples who had no idea these babies were kidnapped.
  66. Georgia Tann, psychopath and baby/child kidnaper, played a leading role in getting states to seal original birth certificates. Why is nobody looking into this?
  67. Birthparent privacy, as explained before, is a myth yet now provinces like Manitoba, and states that have open access (for some), like New Jersey, are creating privacy laws by allowing first mothers to veto the original birth certifcate being sent to their adopted out child. This is why I tell everyone go the DNA route. There are numerous problems with allowing first mothers to veto: first fathers get no say, majority of first mothers never got genuine psychological care for their loss, the first mother may have Alzheimers and her jealous kept children might be the ones vetoing it, there was a time when first mothers were abused so badly including ¬†given a slash as a reminder for “being a whore”, handcuffed to the hospital bed, and told they’ll go to hell if they tell anyone in Ireland, the US, and other countries- these women still live in deep shame and guilt and they need to be given help not the opportunity to keep living in secrecy and shame.
  68. Many poor parents in the continent of Africa use orphanages to shelter, feed, and educate their children yet due to being uneducated and cultural differences they do not understand what adoption actually entails. In some circumstances (I do not know the rate), they are lied to and told their child will return from Europe or North America with a great education, lots of money, etc to help his or her poor village which in 99% of cases is a lie. I really recommend watching Journeyman’s Pictures Ethiopian Adoptions on youtube.
  69. Guatemalan babies sent to orphanages for the profit of international adoption have come from murdered women and murdered girls. The legal age of marriage in Guatemala is only fourteen years old, leaving many Guatemalan girls married to much older men. They psychologically cannot handle being in a relationship- always abusive when the age gap is that large- and often neglect or abuse their babies. The babies are given away but no care is given to these severely at-risk girls. Since the law is not imposed in this wartorn country, some girls are even younger than 14 when they are forcefully married and become pregnant. Rape rates in Guatemale are very high, such as in the DRC and other developing nations, and these girls and their rape conceived babies are seen as social outcasts (ie Ethiopia) but there’s a profit to be made in finding the babies homes, not a profit in finding these young women, teenage girls, and at times as young as 10, 11, 12 years old girls permanent, safe, and loving homes with their babies.
  70. An infertile couple mourns their invisible child, their child never created. The first parents mourn their created child, their born child, and then are expected to be happy about it.
  71. Since the 1970s, due to the One Child Act of China, at least 77 million Chinese women were forced into abortion and adoption. Some as late as seven months pregnant. I won’t deny the fact in rural China some girls were left to die and I won’t deny the fact China, and other Asian nations, have severe sexism issues towards girls ( a Chinese female friend of mine got into Harvard and her parents told her they still wish she had been born a boy) but the idea that there are millions of unwanted, lying on the mountaintop baby girls in China is a hoax. Until 2016, the Han Chinese were allowed one child. Only the rich could afford the exuberant price of more children. It was one year’s salary if you had more than one child. Minority Chinese could have two children. This has been bumped up to two children for the Han and three children for minority (if twins, triplets happen that is fine). This discriminatory family size law forced mothers- and fathers- into giving away their babies. Being unmarried, having a child under age 21, are also grounds for having your children taken away from you in China. Children born after the allotted number are forced into orphanages through the lack of a huzou. A huzou grants a child permission to an education and to medical care. Chinese children born after the governmental allowance of baby making are not given a huzou unless their parents are well off and can afford to pay off the Chinese government. This is one of those times when yes international adoption has saved lives, but no it’s not the best solution nor should it be the only solution nor should it be the first solution.
  72. Babies conceived in rape were not submitted to police departments. Meaning these horrible occurrences were not told to police departments. Unsealing original birth certificates would clear up a lot of cold case files.
  73. Closed adoption puts the adoptee’s life in danger. When they go searching and introducing themselves to newly found family members they have no idea if that person is safe or not.
  74. In my random study of serial killers (because someone asked me to do a study) I randomly picked 114 serial killers. Out of the 114 randomly picked, 92 were in some way adopted. 92/114.
  75. Closed adoptees (I don’t know about semi open adoptees) often deal with life long abandonment issues.
  76. Adoption nearly always equivalates to cultural genocide. Be it closed adoptees who were denied to know their heritage to interracial and international adoptees who do not have their language, customs, etc perserved. I thank all who do all they can to keep their adopted child’s language and culture.
  77. Black babies are sold at lower prices than White babies. But wait I can’t say sold I have to say adopt even though we are talking pricing here and even though the industry makes around $12 billion a year.
  78. Too many people think with their ego and get snappy when you try to mention the problems with adoption or try to counteract it with the good. Shut up for once and just learn. I’m well aware that adoption has saved the lives of some children. I’m also aware adoption has killed other children.
  79. Adoption agencies in Asia and the US (so far, maybe there are more) have separated twins to gain a higher profit without telling the adoptive parents their adopted child has a twin. This happened as recently as 1991 in New York.
  80. As adopted children grow up and do not know their biological family members there is a chance for them to unknowingly have a sexual relationship with someone they are related to. Not all biological family members look alike. Earlier this year, a couple went to a fertility specialist to ask why they weren’t getting pregnant. They discovered that the two of them are twins. Yes, you read that right. Long lost twins who were having sex together. Yes, this was from legitimate news sources like CBS.
  81. Some Black girls were forced to give their babies away because the fathers were not Black and some White girls were forced to give their babies away because the fathers were not White, and -you get the picture. Stop and ask why the adoption agency workers never stopped and told the parents of the girl to get over the fact they’d have a mix race grandchild.
  82. The adoption industry has said and done nothing over the fact that in 14 states a convicted rapist can get visitation rights to his children, including those he created via rape of a minor, forcing girls and women to go the abortion and adoption routes. Yet in one of these states, Utah, as mentioned, a law abiding, good man can lose his child to adoption if the pregnant mother deems so.
  83. Because adopted people have to pay for documents that come free to non adopted people.
  84. Because adoptive parents worry about the health concerns of their child because they have no, very little, or no updated biological family medical history.
  85. Because adoptive parents mourn the loss of their children who committed suicide because of adoption issues no matter how loving they were.
  86. 15,000 Korean adoptees-and those of other nations- did not have their adoptive parents naturalize them so they are at risk of deportation, and some have been under Obama. Why they can’t naturalize themselves I don’t know. Some of their adoptive parents were never told they needed to, others purposely did not so they could make them slaves in America.
  87. People say the word “adoption” and society automatically thinks everything is okay. No, there is nothing okay with kidnapping and then trying to call it adoption when a baby is forcefully and illegally taken such as James Elliott Rossler. Society has this idea of “but they’re the only parents they know” which apparently makes it okay to kidnap people’s children and call it adoption? No. I don’t care if the child spends 14 years in an illegal adoption, they absolutely should go home to the real parents.
  88. Prebirth consent allows your baby to become property of the state – an object- before your baby is even born and before you even get a chance to really find help.
  89. State laws are purposely confusing because the bigger the mess of adoption, the harder it is for people to track the bullshit that goes on. Sucks for them I have a genius level IQ. For example, in some states you have to be born before a certain year to get your original birth certificate. In other states, you have to be born after a certain year to get your original birth certificate. (*This pertains only to the semi accessibly and fully accessibly 9 states).
  90. Wow! I made it to 90! Look at that! Are you still reading? I wish I could give a nice prize at the end but your prize will be self satisfaction that you learned new things. Anyone care to give me a nice hand massage or neck massage at this point? Any takers? No. Happy bee mommies are forced to be happy bee mommies so that their open adoptions remain open. I do have respect for adoptive parents who keep it open.
  91. Pregnant mothers do not get time to think it over. The laws widely range from state to state and in some states allow the first father to bail on the mother when she’s pregnant. I really recommend my article on this.
  92. Adoptees have higher incarceration rates.
  93. Adoptees have to put up with idiots who think it’s okay for them to be a dirty secret. Am I repeating myself? Oh, sounds like you needed to hear it again.
  94. Society has this idea that adoption is a win win in the cases of rape. Since when did being given away, denied to grow up with blood siblings, denied your true identity, denied to know people who look like you, denied your family medical history be justification for the crimes of your biological father? Since when was there proof this at all erases the pain for the mother?
  95. The adoption industry has created this myth that children need a two parent home. Never once did they advocate that two parent household be extended biological family. Never once did they mention that adoptive parents can and do divorce.
  96. Late discovery adoption is very real and very common. This year alone, I personally have known 4 adults in their fifties and sixties who learned they are adopted.
  97. Adoption agencies push for pregnant mothers to look at profiles of those wanting a baby, they may tell them about keeping their baby, but it’s always done with a negative connotation of “but you won’t be able to finish school in time” as if one’s college diploma is worth more than their child.
  98. Because adoption agencies, like Catholic Family Center, tell a lot of lies.
  99. Because while some transracial adoptees don’t mind being a different colour, I have talked to many who really wanted to live with a family of the same race so that it wasn’t blatantly obvious they were adopted every where they go. Some have had no problem not looking like their adoptive parents, while others have. As to why, interview many interracial adoptees. I’m sure there are many answers to this from both sides of the spectrum.
  100. Because one of the reasons original birth certificates remain sealed in most of the US and Canada, is because babies and young children from Ireland from post WWII-1996 were trafficked over from Ireland and provincial and state governments don’t want people to know they, or their deceased parents, were actually black market and grey market adopted babies and wee children from Ireland -although with the DNA testing sites they won’t have much hope in keeping these shenanigans much longer. Ireland has unsealed original birth certificates but put a law in place saying adoptees can’t go looking for their first mothers. The way around this is to go the DNA route (joining a DNA testing site, having a mirror tree made, then asking extended biological family) and Ireland is doing that not for the benefit of first mothers-including those still living in shame- but to cover the ass of the Catholic Church in Ireland who was involved in the human trafficking of infants.

Look at that you finished! Thanks for reading.

It’s National Adoption Month- The Right Kinds of Adoptions.

It’s November and that means it’s National Adoption Month. We’ll see a lot of “make me vomit” adoption propaganda out there. This is basically the month when the uncredentialed, multibillion dollar adoption industry spends a bulk of its money that its made on convincing young mothers they’re not qualified enough to raise their own kids on rainbows farting out of the butts of unicorns adoption is perfect memes.

So, some might come on here and say there is no right kind of adoption. All adoptions are bad because they seal the original birth certificate. I’m no fan of this, and I admit it needs to stop. A certificate of adoption is one idea in lieu of sealing the obc. Others would say it’s pretty brassy of me to claim what is and isn’t a right kind of adoption. I’m not cocky, I’m confident so let’s get started here, folks.

Closed adoption needs to be labelled as child abuse on the law books. I know there will come a day and time when closed adoptions are considered abuse. A time when people will look back and say, my God, we thought that was a good idea? Closed adoptions must be banned. Before anyone gets confused, exchanging letters between the adoptive mother and first mother and leaving your adopted out child a photo of you, but no communication with the child/the adoptee is not a closed adoption, that is a semi open adoption and no I don’t agree with it either, but it’s better than a closed. Anyone who chooses a closed adoption, a truly closed (no contact, no photos, no family medical history and the list goes on) is selfish. Pure selfish. Of course, there was a time when closed was the only option, but I’m not discussing women of that era.

Am I saying open adoptions are the right kind of adoptions? Yes, and no. Let’s start with the no. No because the vast majority of adoptions are completely unnecessary. You heard me. There’s an Army of happy bee mommys out there who will fight me tooth and nail over this and the reason why is because they must keep pretending that adoption is rainbows being farted out of the butts of unicorns because open adoption is not legally enforceable. Open adoption is not legally enforceable and therefore it can and does close approximately 75% of the time, and most not because the first mother is doing drugs, etc. ¬†The vast majority of adoptions are utterly unnecessary. Ask yourself why people are spending tens of thousands to adopt someone’s baby instead of giving him or her the money so they can raise their own baby. Ask yourself why selfish people are adopting a foster teen’s baby, but leaving the teen in the foster system. It’s the very definition of selfishness.

So when am I saying yes? I am saying yes when someone adopts a baby or older kid from ¬†abuse, neglect, or utter dysfunction of some sort. I am saying yes when even if the adoption wasn’t actually necessary (as around 97% are done for financial reasons and/or because the girl’s parents got mad she got pregnant) that it’s a fully open adoption and the adoptive parents have honoured this, or if the first parents are not safe the adoptive parents then make sure their adopted child has a relationship with biological cousins, great grandma, etc. I am saying yes when people adopt a child for the sake of the child, because the child would have had a chance of dying or later on doing drugs and ending up in prison because of the squalor of their home life. I am saying yes when those kids when they come from abroad or from a different background right in the US or Canada have their languages and cultures respected, that they are not whitewashed (as the vast majority of interracial and international adoptions are kids of colour adopted by White people). ¬†The adoptions done when all other methods have been exhausted.

So thank you to those who said they’d foster first to try and give the first parents a chance to get their life on track.

Thank you to those who adopted a sibling set from a bad home and kept them together.

Thank you to those who insisted on only a fully open adoption. Although it’s very, very, very likely your baby never needed to be adopted out you chose the most loving method, unlike the cold and selfish closed adoption method.

Thank you to those who adopted an abused or neglected child, especially those who adopted a teenager.

Thank you to those who preserved their adopted children’s roots in every way, shape and form. Although I do recommend reading my article on the orphan myth.

If only all adoptions were like this, and if only no adoptee had their original birth certificate sealed.

 

No, We Don’t Need Permission.

I’m strapped for cash, and I am at the point that I really wish I could be paid for my articles, my research, and my ability to reconnect families because I’ve been able to do it better than those who people pay thousands of dollars to to search for them when they mentally can’t take it anymore. I’d post more direct sources on these articles instead of telling readers to scroll down and read articles if I were paid (yes, were you use the subjunctive if you want things to be so, but they aren’t so).

Some states demand adult adoptees get written proof from their adoptive parents to search for their natural families. ¬†I’m the type of person where I really do not care who you are. I will tell it like it is. Unless it’s a position where I could be killed. Certainly, if I lived in the time of the Soviet Union and the gulags, where tens of millions of Eastern Europeans were tortured, starved, and killed -or the lack of freedom of press and freedom of speech in China today- I would not be so bold as I am. Society far too long, be they Canadian or American, is so used to comfortable lies. Sorry, if I just happen to be “the bitch” who let’s you know what’s really happening.

I will go toe to toe with any person, powerful politician or not, who thinks it’s acceptable for adults to have to ask permission from their adoptive parents to search for their blood kin. It’s discrimination and degrading. Let’s also consider all of the massive problems asking for permission brings. My own adoptive father stated to me a year ago, September 2016, that most adoptive parents are self- centered. I know people whose adoptive parents don’t want them to search, not because they are protecting them from say a serial killer biological father, but because they have feelings of jealousy, of possessiveness, or of feeling the adoptee will leave them even if they did a good job parenting. Notions founded in fear or in selfishness. The loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry, that has no oversight and profits $12 billion annually in the United States, paints an image of adoptive families always working out. In 2015, at least one hundred two to one hundred five adopted children were raped and murdered and/or murdered by their adoptive parents. Approximately, according to Reuters, twenty five thousand adopted children each year, most who don’t speak English and don’t know American culture, are resold in the United States, some on the black market to paedophiles. It happens in Canada too, but I have not found the statistics just yet. Many adopted children, and then adopted adults, end up being raised in abusive homes. Many grow up with a narcissistic parent. Many. I can’t emphasize this enough. Many. There’s also the pressure from society that says to the adoptive parents, “why allow your son or daughter to search. If they loved you, they wouldn’t search.” Searching and loving your good adoptive parents do go hand in hand. One can search, even form relationships with natural family members, and still love their adoptive parents very much.

Degrading adults to asking permission from their adoptive parents is something that every American should be aware of and appalled by. Not only is it discrimination and degradation to demand adults ask permission, but the fact they have to search in the first place is discrimination. Birthparent privacy is a myth. I’ve explained how far too many times, and at this point, I don’t want to repeat myself. There are articles far below explaining it. Sealed original birth certificates are pure discrimination and the automatic treatment of turning ten million, and counting, Americans and Canadians into second class citizens (and Brits, and French, and Greeks, and Italians). The fact, society is not ready to accept the fact that biological mothers are not helped by allowing them to stay in the closet, and that they need genuine help.

Ask yourself, why do you think adoptees deserve to be treated this way? Why do you feel adoptees should have to ask permission to do something that any other adult doesn’t need to ask permission for or the fact that non adopted adults always know their roots from day one. Limiting the freedom of adults and making them beg for permission in order to show they are at a lower level is called bullying.

As for begging in court, it’s still discrimination, degradation, and bullying. I have yet to see any court grant permission to unseal an original birth certificate in the United States. In fact, adoptees have died due to this denial. Currently, one adoptee is dying, her thirteen year old daughter is watching her own mother die a slow and terrible death, and the courts are denying her access to her true roots and her biological family when they could likely hold the answers to what would save her life.

No, we don’t need permission.