Adoptions I 100% Support and So Should You. #AdoptDon’tShop

My blog is a blog on adoption, so why not talk about animal adoption? This is an adoption that we need 100% of people to get behind whether they want to adopt a cat or dog or just support the belief. Every year 2.7 million cats and dogs are euthanised in the USA, mostly because they couldn’t find homes for them or because in the past much of the training to retrain aggressive dogs, such as pitbulls rescued from fighting, was not the best form of retraining even though it was done by loving and well meaning people. Victoria Stillwell, British woman and hostess of It’s Me or the Dog, gives the best advice on retraining dogs. Cesar Milan is also a great person to learn from.

Every time you buy a dog or cat from a breeder, a potential beloved pet loses its chance to join your family. Please adopt, don’t shop.

When adopting a beloved new pet here are things to consider:

  1. Does everyone in the home agree on a pet?
  2. What kind of pet?
  3. Okay, you have decided to go with a dog. What type of breed?
  4. Research the type of breed or breeds or mixed breeds you are willing to adopt. Look at temperment, training time, medical disabilities, how often they need to be walked, and more.
  5. Research thoroughly the shelter you are adopting from.
  6. Remember adopting a dog or cat means adopting a dog or cat who possibly has a traumatic past. Old dogs can learn new tricks, but it’s important to know you need to have a lot of patience. Work closely with the veterinarian, and if behaviour does not improve consider calling someone like Victoria Stillwell or Cesar Milan, maybe not them literally but those who use their methods, but please do not pass on a problem behaviour dog to another house.

Enjoy your new beloved, adopted cat or dog. If cared for properly, your new pet brings so  joy.

Now, I need to get into some problems that I am seeing in comparing dog adoptions to infant and child adoptions.

  1. Gotcha Day- first of all, this new trend is creepy. Gotcha, it just has a connotation of grab ya. As if the adoptive parents snuck up and yelled gotcha!, grabbed the infant, and fled. I know that’s not most adoptive parents intentions (I say most because there are abusive adoptive parents) but from an adoptee’s perspective this is how it seems. In a recent poll I read, 95% of adoptees (with about 280 adoptees voting) said they find the term gotcha day and the practice of it unsettling. The reason I bring it up now is because people are using the term and celebrating Gotcha Day not just for adopted children but adopted dogs, and it comes across as treating children and animals as the same. No matter how much it pisses off people, and this is coming from someone who loves dogs, your pets are not your children. Parenting a child is extremely much harder than caring for a dog, even a dog that comes with neurological problems that an animal behaviourist needs to help you with and possibly put the dog on medication (such as a sexually abused dog). Treating your dog like a child makes a dog not function to his or her best doggy capability.
  2. Reselling children, cats, and dogs- It is legal to resell adopted children. I can’t think of anything more disgusting, but it happens. Obviously, if the adoptive parents are abusive, and it does happen, the adopted child or children need to be removed from their home but 95 to 97% of the time, that child didn’t need to be removed from their biological family in the first place as an infant. It’s understandable, albeit tearful, when someone has to give away their cat or dog, but it’s competely outrageous that we are putting children, children!, on the same level as animals and allowing people to resell adopted children. With the loose regulations, some of these children are going to paedophiles. For those with a lawyer, the multibillion dollar adoption agency makes a profit on reselling. The adoption industry has turned into a money making foster system. It adds further trauma to a child who already has the trauma from losing his or her first family, and quite often told to not even consider them or that trauma. It’s completely unacceptable. I understand quite often orphanages don’t tell the full truth, but would people give away their biological children because of behaviour problems or would they pay a child psychiatrist and work with the school counsellor? I would think the latter. People have rehomed because “we learnt parenting isn’t for us” and “he gets in the way of our careers.” Literal sickening explanations from horrible people who damn well shouldn’t have ever been allowed to parent a child for even a day, let alone even owning a pet!
  3. Advertising- It’s unbelievably appalling that people are allowed to advertise in newspapers and online for babies. How do people not see this as treating babies as buying a commodity when it’s being posted online and in newspapers and the adoption industry is worth multibillions? Yet I was told “it would be inappropriate for us to publish this” and “we can’t publish this” when I told a newspaper company about Saving Our Sisters, discrimination of adoptees, and the lie of birthparent privacy created by Georgia Tann in the Rochester, NY area. However, it’s important to keep in mind many newspapers have generously allowed me to have facts on adoption published. It’s great to know that most newspaper companies are on board with sharing important information about the need to reform adoption and give equality to adoptees, and I understand they have to advertise for people trying to adopt babies, but it’s the very fact my truths were considered inappropriate or told “we can’t publish this.” So, you can publish advertising for babies but you can’t advertise for a family preservation group and the common sense reasoning to address the fact that those affected by adoption need counselling and all original birth certificates need to be unsealed? It’s unsettling to see advertisements for both babies and dogs. It’s appalling to type the word adoption into Google and see adoptions of both babies and animals, and when we look at the fact all have a price tag on their heads, even more so. It’s time to pass laws in each state, no more advertising for babies and children.

Stop treating children like dogs and stop treating dogs like children.

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The History of France and French People.

It has been awhile since I started writing about my nine European heritages, some of them minute and some of them I have a lot of percentage of. Closed adoptees, like myself, are denied their heritage. It wasn’t until Bennett Greenspan, whom I interviewed in January 2017, created the very first ancestral DNA testing site that closed adoptees could find and know their heritages; Family Tree DNA. As I mentioned before, some non-adoptees might not know all of their heritage or have incorrect information. For example, my adoptive mum was told she was 100% Polish, she took the test and learnt she’s not. The difference here, besides the fact my great great grandmother told her they were part French which was true amongst other European nationalities, is that closed adoptees are denied knowing their heritages simply for being adopted. This is no different than a woman being denied the right to vote prior to 1919 in the United States or Asians being denied the right to immigrate to the United States during the Chinese Exclusion Act. Discrimination is discrimination. Sometimes, adoption agencies knew of a closed adoptee’s heritage and paired them with a family of the same heritage. Whilst this is great for preserving cultural heritage, and is mandatory for all Native Americans, the agencies do it thinking that the replacement means you can just as easily replace the family, which is impossible. No two Polish families, no two Greek families, no two Italian families, etc. are the same. Biological roots are connected through epigenetics, stories, roots, and yes, this matters. Nevertheless, for most closed adoptees (7 million in the US, 3 million in Canada and that’s a very conservative estimate) they do not know their heritages or have incorrect information either because the biological father was unknown, a biological parent was an adoptee themself, or most likely because the agency completely lied.

Without further ado….France.

Neaderthals lived in France from around 400,000 bc to 30,000 years ago. Although most White people (as in their descendants come from modern day Europe) today have Neanderthal DNA. The Carnac stones of France also date around 43,000 years ago. The Neaderthals did practice cannibalism.  The first recording of France is from the Iron Age starting about 800 bc, although is certainly wasn’t called France until over a millennia later. The Ice Age humans of France were called the Cro-Magnons. They lived in caves and hunted reindeer and mammoths, which required immense skill, agility, unbelievable strength, and bravery. They were artistic making cave paintings and figures carved from iron. The Neaderthals created the Venus figurines over thousands and thousands of years; little statues with exaggerated female anatomy. Neanderthal is a loose term. There were many, many tribes and cultures throughout Europe during the pre-written history that went on for hundreds of thousands of years with different languages, cultures, beliefs, practices. They battled with each other, invaded each other’s lands, and intermingled both in amicable trade and in making babies.

After the Iron Age, they continued to hunt for several centuries but around 6000 bc farming came to France. In 4,500 bc in came the Stone Age. The ancient people of France’s Stone Age had a sophisticated civilisation. In 2,000 bc bronze came to France. Both bronze and farming, although thousands of years apart in their invention, both came from the Middle East.

The ancient Romans referred to France as Gaul. Gaul had three primary ethno linguistic groups: the Aquitani, the Belgae, and the Gauls. The Gauls were the most populated and were Celtic. They spoke Gaulish. Nobody at this time spoke French or anything similar to it who was a native of Gaul. Over a long period in the 1st millenium bc the Greeks, Carthaginians, and Romans established settlements. The Roman Republic annexed southern Gaul in the last 2nd century bc, and Julius Caesar, with his troops, conquered the remainder of Gaul in 58 to 51 bc. After that, a Gallo-Roman culture formed and Gaul integrated over time into the Roman Empire, which also means a change from one polytheistic religion to another; the much more well known belief of the Roman gods and goddesses such as Zeus, Hera, Herucles, and Hades.

In 600 bc the Greeks founded Massalia, making it France’s oldest city. Today, we know that city as Marseillas. At the same time, Celtic tribes penetrated eastern regions of France from the 5th to 3rd century bc.

Gaul was much bigger than modern day France and covered also Belgium, northwest Germany, and nothern Italy. The Greeks were in France long before the Romans and settled in Provence. The Greeks also founded Nikaia, what we now know as Nice. There were many wars and battles between the different ethnic groups. The tribes of Gaul were no match for the military technology of the Roman Empire and they were defeated in the third century bc. Hannibal Barca, a Carthaginian (modern day Tunisian) worked with Gauls to annex Provence in 122 bc, but later on Julius Caesar won it back. Vercingetorix got the Gauls to come together, but they were no match for Caesar. The Romans founded Lyon, Carbonne, and Grenoble with the famous Cicero being one of the men to form Grenoble.

Under Roman control, Gaul was sliced up and populations were displaced to prevent a revolt. Many were made slaves and forced to move out of Gaul. The biggest change was the language. Out went Gaulish, Aquitani, and Belgae, and in came Vulgar Latin, which was different from classical Latin which was for writing and reading. Emperors like Claudius were born in Gaul.

From the 200s through the 400s (we are now into AD) were multiple clashes with what the Romans referred to as the barbarians; various tribal groups from mainly modern day Germanic countries.

The Roman Empire fell in the late 400s, and in came the early medaieval period. At the end of Antiquity, Gaul was divided into many Germanic kingdoms and a Gallo-Roman kingdom called Syagrius. The Celtic Britons settled America, near modern day Brittany. Celtic culture and small, independent kingdoms thrived in Brittany.

The pagan Franks took over northern Gaul, and under Clovis I (all from modern day Germany) took over the kingdoms of northern and central Gaul. In 498 AD, Clovis I converted to Catholicism and France was given the title eldest daughter of the Church.

Over a period of a few hundred years the language changed to Romance languages which in France eventually became French, Catalan, and Occitan. Clovis I made Paris the capital. Clovis I through his four sons started the Merovingian dynasty, and land was divided up amongst the four sons and then continously to their male descendants. The last Merovingian king, Childeric III, was deposed in 751 and sent to a monastery by the manager of the household, Pepin the Short. Even long before this, the manager of mayor of the household, had a lot of power. Pepin founded the Carolingian  dynasty and his son, Charlemagne, is one of the most famous rulers of France. Charlemagne is stilled learnt about today and is referenced in the 1989 film Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark. Charlemagne reunited the Frankish kingdoms. The Carolingian dynasty did not last long, ending with Charlemagne’s son Emperor Louis I. In 843, the kingdom was divided into three parts for Pepin’s three great grandsons. It’s important to remember a good chunk of this was in modern day Germany.

In 721, the Muslims were stopped in the Battle of Toulouse. The Muslims tried and failed again in 732. However, in 759 the Islamic Army from modern day north Africa was able to take Septimania, modern day northeast France. Charles Martel lead the Frankish troops in defeating the Muslim invaders.

During the 800s and 900s, Vikings from modern day Norway and Denmark invaded France repeatedly, thus greatly changing the culture as kings were constantly challenged by noblemen. This is how and why feudalism came about. Some of these noblemen got too big for their britches. For example, in 1066, the only time England has ever successfully been invaded, nobleman Guillaume the Conqueror put himself down as King of France, although Guillaume (William) did become the King of England.

During the 1100s the Crusades were fought in the Holy Land, modern day Israel and Palestine. The majority of Christian Crusaders were French. As they travelled across Europe, French became the main language amongst Crusaders and traders. In fact, most of the Knights Templar, the men legends were made of, were French. The French crusaders didn’t only fight against Muslims in the Holy Land, they also completely eradicated a small minority group of Christians called Cathars living in France who practiced a form of Christianity more ancient than Roman Catholicism. Only 10% of the Knights Templars were extremely skilled fighters. The other 90% were extremely well off bankers. It was all fun and games for the Knights Templar until 1307 when King Phillip IV thought they were too powerful and had them burnt at the stake.

During the 1300s royal rule became more assertive and very hierarchial. In 1328, King Charles IV (or Roi Charles IV) died without an heir. He only had one infant daughter. Salic Law, written into French law in the 500s, stated the crown could not pass to a woman nor could the line of kingship pass through a female line, so the crown was awarded to Philip of Valois, Charles IV’s cousin. During Philip’s reign, France reached its height of the medaieval power, but it entered into the Hundred Years War with England, and endured the horrible Bubonic Plague. The Hundred Years War was actually four separate wars with short and long periods of peace in between. The goal of that was was England felt they deserved to rule France. The Bubonic Plague, the second one (the first global spread of the awful bubonic plague was inthe 500s) started in Mongolia. It entered Europe by way of Italy because of sea faring explorers and traders. In the 1300s, 1/3rd of Europeans died from this ghastly disease. Although Poland was practically unscathed in comparison. My guess is because Poland had a large Jewish population. In France, 50% or 8.5 million people succumned to the black death. King Philip of Valois was extremely anti-Semitic, and expelled the Jews from France blaming the plague on them. The truth was the Jews just kept to better hygiene, and yes some Jews did die of the plague.

During the Hundred Years War, at the later end of it, who could arguably be France’s most famous person was born. Joan of Arc, or in French, Jeanne D’Arc was born in Orleans (accent on the e). Originally, her father wanted the infant Jeanne to be left out to die, as sons were more useful in those days. She was born 6 January 1412. France was in disarray during Jeanne’s childhood as the King Charles VI was severely mentally ill and so the king’s brother and cousin fought over who got to rule France and who got guardianship of the royal children. Jeanne was born to a middle class family, unlike most ancient and medaieval female saints who were born royal or to nobility. At 13 years old, Jeanne started to hear the voice of God and see visions of saints Catherine, Michael, and Margaret. Call it divine intervention, a brain disorder, or both. In 2016, two Italian neurologists concluded they believe the teenage girl suffered from a type of epilepsy that includes auditory and visual hallucinations. Her real name was Jehanne as this is how she signed it. At 13, she had visions that the saints told her to remove the English out of France and bring the dauphin to Reims for his coronation. At 16 she petitioned the garrison commander Robert de Baudricourt for an armed escort to take her to the French royal court in Chinon. He refused, but the following January Joan or Jeanne or Johanne or Jehanne came back. She even stated she would rather be home with her maman spinning wool, but God commands she go. Two men, Metz and Poulengy, said yes and so Johanne made a prediction about the Battle of Rouvray. She was spot on with her prediction. After that, Boudricourt changed his mind about her and her plans. She was taken to Chinon disguised as a man for precaution. The people gave her the men’s clothing so she would stay alive. She was 17. It was in her meeting with King Charles VII thats he asked to engage in combat and be in full armour. France at the time was in humiliating defeat, and had tried every logical possibility to make a comeback prior to a 17 year old girl with no training asking to go to war. The Dauphin ordered exams on her to make sure she wasn’t a witch. The French found her to be an amazing Christian. Johanne D’Arc was eventually kidnapped by the British and charged by both Brits and Burgundian clergy (Burgundy is a province in France). She was falsely accused of heresy for simply wearing men’s clothing, something she was ordered to do to stay alive. She was murdered via being burnt at the stake at 19 on May 30, 1431. Her executioner Geoffrey Therage (accent on the first e in Therage) stated he “greatly feared to be damned”. Her family petitioned Pope Callixtus III and in 1455 a retrial found her not guilty. She became a saint in 1901. Whilst she was an amazing and holy person, a French military leader, Gilles de Rais, who fought alongside Jeanne was a disgusting psychopathic child serial killer who murdered these children in horrifically ghastly ways I will not write here. He was hanged along with his involved cousin and servant. Most of his victims were peasant boys. Some of their murders were so despicable that the judges omitted the evidence from the books because it was too disgusting to write. You can look it up for yourself if you want, I am definitely not posting it here.

Next came better times under the French Renaissance. I didn’t say great, I said better. The French Renaissance saw enormous cultural expansion. French became the official language of France and the elites of Europe. France saw huge improvements in architecture, the arts, humanism, printing, the sciences, etiquette, and literature. It was not all roses and rainbows though. Most French were peasants. Many wars were fought with Italy, Spain, and the Holy Roman Empire which wasn’t holy nor Roman. This was during the 1500s, 1600s, and most of the 1700s. In 1572, the St. Bartholomew’s Day massacre murdered thousands of Huguenots; French Protestants by Catholics. The war between France and Spain lasted twenty-four years until 1659. Under Louis XIV feudal lords rebelled to rise to kingship as it meant total power. Those caught trying to despose of the king were pulled apart by horses. Louis XIV turned the feudal lords into courtiers so his power was unchallenged. In the 1600s, because of the king, France became the wealthiest and most populated European country, and education greatly rose.

Under the French Renaissance, France colonised countries around the world. This wasn’t necessarily always a good thing for the native people of those lands, but not all French explorers were terrible and over all they were much better than the Spaniards. Samuel de Champlain, Jean Nicolet, and Jacques Cartier were some of the explorers. French explorers were the first to settle an European ethnic town in Canada, modern day Quebec City.

In the late 1700s, Louis XVI supported the Americans separating from Great Britain. The French Navy was vital in giving the United States our independence. Meanwhile, during the 1700s French men were creating great scientific advances. In fact, the French have discovered things and not been given credit for it, same goes for women throughout history. Madame Curie is an exception. Seen as French, she was actually Polish married to a Frenchman. Some of the biggest scientific advances were in chemistry and maritime, which is how they came to have such a powerful Navy during the American Revolution.

After bringing America onto the map, the French spent the next 10 years (1789-1799) fighting to overthrow the monarchy and create a democratic France. July 14th is France’s independence day because it’s the day the Bastille in Paris was stormed. The Bastille was a prison, a somewhat lavish prison for the rich. The peasants and middle class had had enough. In the summer of 1789, the National Constituent Assembly abolished exclusive hunting rights and serfdom. In the fall of 1789, the Assembly sold all the property of the Roman Catholic Church, which owned the most land in France. The following summer they took away the Church’s power of controlling taxes. In 1792, they went to war with Austria and gave every Frenchmen the right to vote. One wonders why they didn’t do this 200 years earlier. In January 1793 the ex Roi Louis XVI was convicted and beheaded; October Marie Antoinette, originally from Austria, lost her head. Louis XVI had Polish ancestry as well as French. Marie and Louis were second cousins once removed. At his former majesty’s execution he stated he was innocent and forgave those who brought him to his death. He wanted to say more, but was cutt off (pun not intended) with a drum roll, and quickly beheaded. Some accounts say the blade didn’t cut through his neck the first time (he was fat). Before his death, he told a friend he must train himself not to cry. The executioner’s personal diary was interesting, and he felt there should be fewer executions. He also supported swift executions. Monsieur Guillotine (not the executioner), in fact, strongly opposed torturous executions, botched beheadings, and believed in ending capital punishment.

Following independence was the French civil war that cost maybe 450,000 lives.

I’m skipping Napoleon. He was from Corsica, he was full of himself, he was a dictator he was exiled, he died of stomach cancer. He made the dumb choice of going into freezing Russia. The Nazis a century later would make the same dumb choice, not that I’m complaining.

France was involved in both WWI and WWII against Germany. In WWII, France was overtaken by Nazi Germany as the French Army surrendered, but there were French civilians, including children, who resisted the Nazis to the point of being shot and killed.

France originally had francs as currency, but joined the EU early on and switched to euros. Many French hated and still hate the EU believing it destroys the individual cultures in Europe (an initial concern) or that the global economy is a bad idea.

The 60s in France saw a wave of secularism and sexual revolution. In the 1970s came a wave of hundreds of thousands of Muslim men with very high rates of being on the dole. France allows immigrants to maintain their cultures, traditions, and beliefs but since 2004 France has abolished religious symbols in public schools. France had let in many immigrants, and has the highest Muslim population in Europe. Most of these immigrants are nice, law abiding people but since the wave of immigration France has been subjected to many Islamic terrorism from the 1990s through the 21st century. The French have maintained a connection to travelling to Muslim countries as exotic travel such as Morocco and Iran. One hundred thousand ethnic French have converted to Islam, usually from Catholicism or atheism. Many French footballers are from immigrant Muslim families. Most French are Catholic, followed by atheist. France does not consider a baby born to two illegals or two non-French on holiday to be a French citizen.

France has some of the most amazing architecture, most notably the Notre Dame de Paris. France is also extremely well known for its fashion and cuisine.

All children in France are mandated to go to school. Homeschooling is illegal. They start at age 3. Children go to school on Saturday mornings, but they have off on Wednesdays. A typical French breakfast is very small usually a croissant with chocolate and a coffee. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day. The French really range in their lifestyle, likes, dislikes, traditional foods, and more because of the geographic diversity of France and how big France is. Dialects also range. Unfortunately, many French people still smoke.

There is so much more to beautiful France. I hope you have enjoyed what you have read here.

Picture is of a town in the French Pyrenees. (accent on the second e).

 

 

Houston, We Have a Problem.

Well, somebody has to be the bitch who says it. Mine as well be me. I know some people will thank me for this post. Others will continue to talk behind my back. It doesn’t bother me in the least, and I really mean that. People who talk behind your back are behind your back for a reason, and I got that New York state of mind.

So, two things that need to be brought up.

  1. Adoptees who find it acceptable to reject their first mothers simply to show control. “We were made controlless. This gives us back a small amount of control.” Now, that fact is no arguement. You were made controlless, and it does give you back control. However, who is it helping? Is it helping yourself? No. The multibillion dollar adoption industry that made a profit off of separating the two of you are the only people who win. The biological grandparents who kicked their daughter, your first mother, out of the house for getting pregnant are the only people who win. It’s a stupid way to exercise control. This is different than simply saying, “I’m not ready. I need time to get used to this. Can you give me a year?” So please do not twist my words around and start discussing things like “well, my child had cancer and I couldn’t take on any more stress” (because yes, reunion is stressful. It’s dealing with wounds you never knew were there and trauma, but in the long run if you stay with it the reunion brings healing) or “I did try to get to know my first mother, but she is a kleptomaniac (or whatever) that kept stealing from me and refused therapy.” That’s not what I’m discussing here, and you know it.
  2. Open adoptees who think that their open adoptions are as bad as closed adoptions or worse. Unless you were in an open adoption where you endured child abuse, shut up and sit down. It’s offensive, arrogant, and flat out wrong to think that your open adoption that remained open and had good and loving adoptive parents (or even so so, but still non abusive adoptive parents) can compare in any way, shape, or form to a closed adoption. Now, open adoption surely still comes with some discrimination and with its own problems, but to compare it to closed adoption and say it’s equally bad or worse is appalling. We have adoptees from open adoptions that remain open who actually think closed adoptees have more power and control over their lives. Pardon my strong language but, the fuck? What the fuck did you just say? Never in a million years did I think I’d have to give a lesson to adoptees, but here we are. So, what do closed adoptees endure that open adoptees don’t (from  open adoptions that stay open)?

A. No idea what their original name is.

B. No idea if they have any siblings or cousins.

C. No idea the names of their first/biological parents.

D. No idea why they were given away or lost to adoption.

E. No idea what their heritages are.

F. No idea their biological family medical information or updated information.

G. The first mother has no idea where her child is.

H. The first mother has no idea who is raising her child.

I. The first mother has no idea if her adopted away child is alive.

J. The adoptee has no idea if his or her first mother is alive.

K. The closed adoptee has to spend several years, sometimes decades, sometimes many decades to locate family.

L. The closed adoptee is at far more of a risk of being cruelly and unkindly rejected because closed adoption and decades apart (or at least 18 years) allow for a festering of psychological problems to occur in the first mother (and other biological family members) because she never got the proper treatment she needed and deserved, and was forced to put on the brave smiling face and say everything is all right. She may have even been forced by her family to keep her own child a dirty secret.

So, yes whilst we are all in this together. Whilst there are challenges no doubt to say the two are equal, or that closed is better is wrong. That isn’t an opinion. It’s just wrong. Trying to compare and say, “well, you don’t know how it felt watching your first mother leave after the visits.” So, you’re trying to compare a child who lives just like tens of millions of divorced children live to closed adoptees who have to search? Just be quiet.

And for those saying what if the biological parents are dangerous? Well, you can still keep a child safe without using either open or closed adoption. There is no reason to be sealing original birth certificates, keeping them from safe family members, lying to them, and treating people -well closed adoptees- like we are part of the witness protection program.

Open adoptees and first mothers in open adoptions that remain open have my sympathy, but it’s only to a certain point and that point is mostly when adopters make it harder and harder for you to see your child and start reducing contact. You are not closed adoptees. You are not closed first mothers. Try to be grateful for the fact you actually get to see each other, know each other is alive, know where each other lives, can give updated bio medical information directly, and have siblings keep in contact.

 

Stop Blaming First Mothers.

Over the weekend, yesterday, and today I read absolutely appalling responses from adoptees on Facebook. Complete and utter attacks on first mothers, as in mothers who lost their babies to adoption. Messages that demand they grovel on their knees for giving their babies away, choosing abandonment, telling me that all bio mothers should burn in hell if they try for contact when an adoptee doesn’t want it, that they have no business coming back into the adoptee’s life when the adoptive mother/real mother did all the hard work, comparing first mothers to rapists, and other outrageously stupid shit. Now, I understand that some adoptees are ignorant. They were unaware of the facts about things like the Baby Scoop Era, domestic violence and no support system for women back in the day (and still much progress needing to be made, but some has been made), being lied to about open adoption that still goes on, and more. I have no problem with adoptees who didn’t know any better. But terrible to think that some adoptees who already are aware of factors that push a mother to lose her baby to adoption would even think for a second it’s appropriate to attack first mothers.

Yes, there are some adoptees who do have abusive, horrible, psychopathic first mothers (and I hate even using the term first mother on them) who did literally abandon them, such as right on the sidewalk. However, look at the case of the girl who was abandoned by her first mother in a Burger King. She searched for her and found her. She’s thrilled to bits she came back and is introducing her to her whole family, the young lady’s bio family. She was a scared teenager at the time, stupid, and completely oblivious to what she was doing. I’m not going to negate the fact there are some terrible first mothers. I know a man who was abandoned on a sidewalk, and later when he found her she was just as horrible. 1 in 25 people are a psychopath, and yes some women are bitches. But the rate of a first mother being a psychopathic bitch is so extremely tiny.

No, let me tell each and every one of you the truth of how pregnant mothers and mothers of newborns turn into first mothers.

  • Manipulation.
  • Coercion.
  • Being a young minor and in their country the decision to force them to give away their baby and whether or  not to keep the adoption open or I should say “open” (if adoptive parents keep their end of the bargain) is done by their parents. It’s flat out human trafficking in smart countries, but it’s allowed in dumb ones. I actually just learned this despicable truth tonight.
  • Their boyfriends leaving them. In fact, in some states the “sperm donor” has every right to up and leave his pregnant girlfriend and sign adoption papers before she can. Leaving her high and dry and more likely to go the adoption route. However, in other states (South Carolina, Utah) rights for biological fathers are next to none.
  • Lied to about open adoption. Furthermore, I am aghast that any adoptee would think that closed adoption is not worse, or idiotically, think it’s better than open adoption. I could not believe what I was reading when some adoptees from open adoptions that remained open stated it was better to have a closed adoption. The ignorance is astounding. And keeping an adopted child away from abusive bio family members can still be done without closing the adoption. That isn’t where the appalling ignorance came from (the idea that you must close an adoption to keep a child safe from abusive bio family), but this monstrous idea that a child is better off to not know their: heritages, lineage, original name, and to not have any contact with any safe and loving biological family members, and to even think for a moment that seeing their first mother leave after visits is anywhere near as traumatizing as first mothers and adoptees who don’t even know if each other is alive or where each other is or a first mother even knowing if her baby she lost to adoption is in a safe home after seeing yet again on the news of adopted children being murdered. Open adoptions are not legally enforceable in the States or in Canada, and around 75% close by the time the child is in kindergarten (senior kindergarten for Canadians).
  • The Baby Scoop Era. Please do not use wikipedia as a source. It is not reliable with the Baby Scoop Era.
  • Their ex boyfriend or corrupt agency workers made trumped up charges so they could kidnap their baby, child, or children.
  • The immense level the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated uncredentialed adoption industry goes (in the US and Canada) goes into adoption propaganda and subtle coercive adoption language. I have a genius level IQ in languages and linguistics. I was tested for it in November 2013.
  • The fact the adoption agency or private adopters will pay for a lawyer and then trick the naive pregnant mother into thinking he or she is representing her. A lawyer cannot represent someone he or she is not being paid by, unless he or she works pro bono, which is not the case when the adopters or the adoption agency are paying.
  • Living in a warzone where human trafficking is high and is closely correlated to international adoption due to loose international regulations.
  • 1 in 4 British homes and 1 in 4 American homes are domestically violent. In many countries even today women and children living in abuse have no help. In the UK, Canada, Britain, Australia, New Zealand, and Ireland support for women and children in domestically violent situations has definitely improved but it has not improved enough. More laws need to be passed. More importantly, more enforcement needs to be done. While I strongly support police, more awareness to domestic violence where the husband is a law enforcement officer must be addressed (whom I don’t support). Women and teenage girls lost their babies to adoption literally in order to keep them alive. Teenage girls living under the roofs of abusive fathers lost their babies to adoption because they saw no other way out, because there was no other way out. Don’t blame the first mothers, don’t even blame the adoptive mothers, blame the abusive man- or the abusive woman- there are domestically violent homes because of the woman. It might be the pregnant girl’s mother that is abusive. Blame the adoption agency workers who did nothing to safely remove the mother and her baby together to a safe location and to remain together. For First Nations women in Canada, that rate of domestic violence is even higher. First Nations women and Native American women are the most likely race of women in North America to experience domestic violence. It must be addressed.
  • Kicked out of their parents’ house for getting pregnant.
  • Blamed for being raped.
  • Evicted from their flats/apartments. Oh yes, there was a time when you were kicked out by your landlord for being pregnant unmarried.
  • Fired from their jobs for being pregnant.
  • Not hired anywhere because they were pregnant.
  • Completely ignored by their entire family for getting pregnant.
  • Told they were too young to parent and then told how wonderful adoption is.
  • Too poor to parent and then told how wonderful adoption is (and not told adoption is a permanent solution to their temporary financial woes).
  • Had an affair with a man of power, often influenced by him to have the affair, who then posed threats if she didn’t abort or give her baby away to adoption. This is partly why some politicians today don’t want to unseal original birth certificates.
  • In foster care 88% of girls and young women in foster care get pregnant by the age of 21. Notice how the adopters take the baby, but don’t give the mother a permanent home (well, maybe permanent. 25,000 adopted children in the US every year are resold, sometimes to paedophiles. It’s disgusting).
  • They passed away or knew they were going to pass away. Again, where was the father? Why are we not putting more responsibility on him if he was aware? Where was the rest of her family if they could have at least made it work?
  • They didn’t understand, because they were pushed to not understand, that their financial woes were only temporary.
  • They live or still live in a state where the convicted rapist sperm donor can get partial custody of her child conceived through rape. Yeah, North Dakota, Utah, Maryland, and more you’re beyond fucked up. Currently, it’s 6 states still doing this. I know a mother raising her child she conceived in rape after surviving a rape and attempted murder (that serial killer was fortunately murdered by a child victim’s brother so he cannot harm any more women and children) who has been at the forefront of making sure all 50 states stop allowing this.
  • They chose drugs over their baby or child. I won’t lie, like I said, there are some like that. However, this is not most first mothers.
  • They have severe personality disorders and put themselves first. Again, I won’t lie. However, this is only an extremely small amount of first mothers.
  • They come from a poor family that says they don’t have the means to raise another child. You need to ask yourself then why the adopters don’t give the money to the poor family to keep the baby in the family instead of using tens of thousands of dollars to take the baby away from his or her mother. For the adoptive parents it comes down to either greed or ignorance. Most first mothers, however, come from suburban middle class families and some from rich ones.
  • They are from a country where handicap children, girls, Deaf children, and rape conceived children are treated terribly. Ask yourself why the adoption industries haven’t inspired grassroots efforts to change this.
  • They were told by their parents to “get rid of it.”
  • They were lied to and told they’ll forget all about it. This lie still permeates. I bitched out an adoption agency worker from California for telling this to a 14 year old who lost her baby to adoption this year.
  • They were extremely young and scared, afraid what their parents would say. In the US, girls as young as 14 (and 12 in Alaska) can meet with these vile (and they all are vile) adoption agency workers without any trusted adult knowing. This must be seen as child abuse, and it must be put to an end. The human brain is not fully developed until about ages 24 to 26. They are not going to make rational decisions, and furthermore when they are still minors.
  • Everyone turned her back on her when she got pregnant.
  • Forced to give away her baby to adoption because the baby would be biracial.

So, what about the first mothers who don’t want contact? What about the first mothers who even more disparingly tell others in the biological family not to have contact with their adopted away relative or not to until after they (the first mother) is deceased? Well, let me tell you even they didn’t willingly give away their babies. They just have not admitted the truth yet from one of the above. They have been forced from family, society, the times, the bullshit lies of the adoption agency, whoever it may be to pretend it never happen, pretend they never lost a child or pretend to be happy about it and have moved on. No mother moves on from losing a child. They have been bullied and used into thinking they didn’t lose their own baby to adoption. They have been bullied and shamed into believing they weren’t good enough to parent their own child. They feel guilty for not parenting their own child, and it helps none when I have read abyssal comments from adoptees saying they should grovel and feel ashamed (unless it’s one of the rare bad reasons given above, I repeat rare).

So please, stop blaming first mothers. At least stop blaming almost 100% of them. Start blaming those who did what they did so she couldn’t raise her own baby, her own child. Start supporting first mothers by:

*Telling them about support groups like Concerned United Birthparents

*Telling them about this blog.

*Befriending them if you are a first mother who has made contact yourself or is looking.

*Letting them know they can let the shame go.

*Going after the real culprits in a legal way.

*Sharing your story as fellow first mothers (and first fathers) how reconnecting with your child was worth it, even if there were struggles and arguements if any.

It has been first mothers at the forefront of progression and change to unseal original birth certificates without redactions, to stop the sealing of original birth certificates, to abolish closed adoption, to support family preservation within a biological family, and to start support groups.

 

Subtle Coercive Language Propaganda of the Multibillion Dollar Adoption Industry Part I.

(Please ignore the Got Milk part of the picture, although cow’s milk is not needed for human consumption). I don’t like to toot my own horn. There are things I absolutely suck at, such as comprehending physics even after reading a simple learn physics book. However, when it comes to languages and linguistics I am no fool. In November 2013, I was tested as a genius in languages and linguistics in a seven hour long exam by a doctor who received her PhD from Dartmouth University. I wish people could see the adoption industry for what it is, and not have the subtle coercive language fly over their heads. I’ve been saying for probably a year, or longer, that I will get around to writing an article on the subtle coercive language propaganda of the adoption industry. Some of what you will read below was said more so in the past, some of what you will read is said today, some of what you will read is said in the past and today, and wording can alternate between adoption agencies. Regardless, this is about using language as a propaganda tool to coerce women and girls out of their babies, and then make them think they came up with the decision on their own. I will delve into the “but I really did choose adoption on my own” later. So, without further ado, let’s begin.  These terms are also used in private adoptions.

  1. The baby- You will hear or read some agency use “a baby” or “the baby” instead of “your baby”. This is to try to emotionally separate the mother and child.
  2. Birthmother– Coined by Pearl S. Buck, this term is to objectify mothers of adoption loss into believing that their only use is in giving birth. This is even more coercive when pregnant mothers are called birthmothers. By calling them birthmothers they are psychologically coercing them into thinking they will not keep their babies.
  3. Placing/Put up for– The adoption industry uses the phrasing placed for adoption or put up for adoption. This is no more than an attempt to soften the blow of the fact a mother will lose her child and a child will lose his or her mother, which goes against biological needs. It is also objectification of a child to claim you can place a child somewhere else without any psychological repercussions. To use the word “up” indicates the child would literally have to go up to something. By using the word “up”, the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry is subtly trying to claim that adoption is above that of what a pregnant mother can give, or even that of the child’s natural family, or that of the father and/or his family.
  4. Loving Home- An adoption agency psychologically is saying that the pregnant mother cannot provide a home as loving as what an adoptive parents’ home will provide. To pregnant mothers it’s “love isn’t enough”, but to adoptive parents it’s “love is all you need” and “love builds a family.” The adoption agencies can never be sure of a loving home. Tens of thousands of adoptees have dealt with abuse within their adoptive households, and some have been murdered. No adoption agency worker or adoption lawyer has ever been brought to justice for these crimes. In the case of Hana Elesu, forced name Hana Williams, her adoption agency continued to have excellent reviews from the Hague until their closing in 2016, even after she was murdered and her brother was abused, and continued to operate between 2011 in the time of her death and 2016. Hana is one of many tragic cases.
  5. Their Baby- The adoption industry starts having vulnerable pregnant mothers and mothers of newborns say “their baby” referencing that her own son or daughter belongs only to the adoptive parents. This objectifies the child, and forever the adoptee if the adoption goes through, by claiming the child belongs to someone who had to pay an adoption lawyer or adoption agency. It objectifies, once again, the child’s mother in claiming that she is a mere object to bring her child into the world.
  6. Adoption- the word in itself is coercive. Here, I am explaining infant adoption. However, a response I could likely receive (because people are too lazy to read before responding) is “what about stepparent adoption, infamily adoption, and adoption of a teenager who doesn’t care that his original birth certificate is sealed?” There are many different kinds of adoptions, and because of this it makes it much harder for people to see the coercive language that is used. There needs to be a different word for each type of adoption instead of using the word adoption. Adoption in the United States and Canada is also the legalised buying and selling of children, no matter how good the intentions are, and will continue to be until the money is taken out of adoption.
  7. Vessel- One of the most emotionally abusive words said by the adoption industry, “vessel” “carrier” and “transporter” are all objectifying terms to use to a pregnant mother, and then a mother of adoption loss.
  8. Loving placed/lovingly put up for- The adoption industry uses the term “lovingly” to make a vulnerable pregnant mother or mother of a newborn believe that if she gives her child away or loses her child to adoption (and I use both terms depending on the situation) that she is doing a loving thing by giving her child a life of discrimination and a much higher rate of anxiety, depression, and chance of suicide. To a lesser degree, it is saying she is selfish if she does the natural thing, that nature and God intended, and keeps her child. It is detrimental to the natural development of infants, who are in their fourth trimester, to be separated from their mothers. This perpetrates the blank slate myth that has already been debunked by scientists. A person who is discriminatorily put into a closed adoption is being told “I don’t want anything to do with you” and therefore is being blamed for their own conception. It leaves a lifelong psychological impact, whether acknowledged or denied, that for some reason or other a mother gave away her child even if that was done by coercion, lies, manipulation, and deceit which is nearly 100% of the time the case in infant adoptions.
  9. Open adoption- The adoption industry claims that with open adoption a child receives the best of two families. The adoption industry can make no claim that a child will have a better life, yet it falsely claims constantly. Open adoption is used to have vulnerable mothers believe they can have the best of both worlds, and have all the visits and letters and photographs they want. The truth of the matter is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable, and on a national scale they close (conservatively) 75% of the time before the mother of adoption loss’ child is five years old, and almost always because of the adoptive parents and nothing bad that the mother of adoption loss has done.
  10. Birthfather- A father cannot give birth. Therefore to use the term birthfather is illogical.
  11. Have Your Own Children- Adoption agency workers during their manipulation strategies have told pregnant mothers that this “isn’t their child” and that “they can marry and have children of their own.” The adoption industry continues to denounce simple biological facts by not advocating to unseal adoption records, unseal original birth certificates, allow closed adoptions, not legally enforce open adoptions, not apologize for the kidnapping, coercion, abuse, and homicides it has engaged in, and not acknowledge the rate of psychological problems of mothers of adoption loss such as PTSD, which every mother of adoption loss has unless she has anti social personality disorder, and secondary infertility. Other mothers of adoption loss have had multiple children (6+) after the loss of their first born to try and replicate their lost child and show others, and themselves, that they would have been a great parent to their first.
  12. A Better Life- The adoption industry claims that more finances or an upper middle class to upper class lifestyle will bring utmost satisfaction and happiness to the adoptee, and that with a wealthier life everything they want and need will be at their fingertips. First, I must debunk the myth that most mothers of adoption loss come from poverty. The abortion industry operates more so in low income areas. Adoptees more often come from middle class, suburban homes to wealthy homes. Upper middle class and wealthy girls and women who conceived out of wedlock were forced, subtly and non-subtly, to lose their babies to adoption in order to maintain an image around town. This did not exist just in the 1950s and 1960s, but well into the 1990s and some could argue continues. My own (biological) family is ginormous and middle class to upper middle class. There had been many extended family members who were married, middle class, and of reasonable age who knew about me, who could have taken me in, but did not in order to protect an image. That image being “Catholics do not have babies out of wedlock”. No amount of riches can take away the trauma of infant and mother loss, the loss of siblings, cousins, and other relatives, and the discriminatory acts states and provinces place upon adoptees (nearly always for life) even with great and progressive adoptive parents. Having grown up in communities with upper middle class to wealthy people, with friends or my (adoptive) brother’s friends whose parents own $3 million dollar summer homes, I can attest to the fact that whilst some wealthy people are exceptionally nice, and happy, many are utterly miserable and share that misery with others. The adoption industry continues this belief that money brings happiness. Nor does the adoption industry by stating “a better life” ever mention that adoptive parents can and do lose their jobs, can and do go through divorces that cost a fortune, that they as a multibillion dollar industry could just give away their money to pregnant mothers in need or that financial struggles can change. Financial struggle is 97% of the reason why domestic infant adoption occurs in the United States since the late 1970s/early 1980s depending on the state.
  13. Privacy/Confidentiality- Adoption agencies will falsely claim a parent of adoption loss, or parent who gave away their child, such as an irresponsible father or rapist who was known to have raped the mother of adoption loss, known by agency workers and never reported, is granted privacy or confidentiality. Neither is granted. Birthparent privacy and birthparent confidentiality is the abusive practice of asking someone’s son or daughter to pretend they don’t exist in order to maintain a false image. Nowhere else but in adoption would we allow this abusive thinking to occur. It is emotional manipulation and psychological abuse, most often started by the mother of adoption loss’ parents (the child of adoption loss’ grandparents), and/or adoption agency workers, and society depending on the times. Birthparent privacy does not exist because the original birth certificate is not sealed until the adoption is finalized, so if a baby is lost to adoption or given away, and ends up growing up in foster care then he or she keeps his or her original birth certificate making privacy null and void. By allowing parents to think they have “privacy” or “confidentiality” they (agencies) are in essence, allowing them to escape from their problems and not take responsibility.
  14. Adoption builds a family- Adoption cannot happen without the destruction of the first family. That destruction will continue for generations unless a reunion occurs and the children of the adoptee, if the adoptee has children, carry the name of their biological family on their birth certificate. Adoptees should consider having their children have one of the surnames on their birth certificate, even if it’s not the last name.
  15. Profiles of Waiting Parents- Immediately, adoption agency workers will slap profiles of potential adoptive people and potential adopters, into the hands and eyes of vulnerable mothers. This is subtle coercion to have them in hook, line, and sinker from the beginning. “Here, here look at our pretty pictures of amazing people. These people need the baby to be their baby. See, see what they can provide and you can’t? Take a look at this one it already comes with a big brother and two dogs.”
  16. Adopted Children are Well Adjusted- This is one agencies claim. The truth is out there if you are willing to dig for it, and ask a multitude of adoptees. The fact remains adoptees are: more likely to commit suicide, more likely to engage in drugs, more likely to end up spending time in prison, end up in an in patient psychiatric ward as an adolescent, much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, anxiety, and/or depression.
  17. Adoption is a Selfless Sacrifice on the Part of the Birthmother- this is what agencies claim. This is what agencies drill into the heads of mothers of adoption loss. Nowhere do adoption agencies tell fathers to man up and raise their children. Adoption agencies disregard the fact that some mothers are truly psychopaths and do abandon their children. While this is exceedingly rare, the question must be asked is a mother selfish and not sacrificing if she keeps her child and sacrifices her free time to work two jobs to support her child or children as a single mother? This is precisely what the multibillion dollar adoption industry is indicating. It goes back to the false claim that a richer life is a better life. It ignores the fact that all adoption begins in lies, deceit, manipulation, and coercion on the mother’s part except in cases of child abuse and child neglect.
  18. Your child will know about his or her adoption- Agencies claim this, but they cannot support it. Late discovery adoption is very common and with the use of anonymous donation, more and more IVF conceived people raised in hetereosexual two parent households will not know until adulthood that they are not the biological child or their parents or aren’t fully. There was a time when it was shameful to tell your child that he or she is adopted, and many self centered adoptresses continue to adopt today, and do not tell their children they are adopted. They find out as adults, often through DNA tests or someone else.
  19. Adoption is a brave love- By giving away your child to people who you can’t fully know if they will be loving parents or not, by giving life long psychological trauma to your child (whether it is acknowledge or denied by the adoptee), and by allowing the province or state to discriminate them (some more than others, such as New York State and North Dakota) you are being brave. The word “brave” is more manipulation used to hurt pregnant mothers and then mothers of adoption loss, and to shut them up from saying that they need psychological help for the irreversible damage of child loss. Please note, this is an attack on adoption agency workers, adopters doing all they can to get their vile hands on a baby through deceit like this, and adoption attorneys. It is not an attack on mothers.
  20. Leaving a gift or letter- A letter can be empty words. A child cannot be loved completely if the mother does not want to know her child she lost to adoption. This isn’t to say love isn’t there, but that love cannot be in its full form unless it flows freely through communication and connection. Anything less than that is blocked love, blocked by shame, guilt, and manipulation caused by others who did not support the mother and her child to remain an unit or at least keep the child within the family (this is irrelevant to entire biological families that are abusive). Letters were often forcibly written to guilt trip the mother of adoption loss and drive the nail in the coffin that she is not deserving to raise her own baby. It is more abuse. A gift indicates that something bought at the hospital’s gift store can accomodate for the tragic loss. That all is made well by a nice figurine of an angel, for example, and that that angel figurine makes up for the separation of mother and child, child and her family, original birth certificate, family medical history, and heritage, and then throughout the generations in some cases.
  21. Adoption will cure your pain of infertility-subtle coercive language propaganda of the adoption industry is not geared only to mothers of adoption loss, and adoptees, but to people looking to adopt as well. It’s falsely claimed that once a person, mainly a woman, adopts a newborn (or infant) that her infertility pain will cease to exist. First, this is not the responsibility of some other woman’s child to play the role of invisible child (baby never created and born due to infertility). Second, adopting does not take away the pain of infertility. There will always be that wound of the biological child who could not be created.
  22. Semi open- the words semi open are false because this too can close at any time, but what I want to mention here is that semi open adoptions are commonly used because the pregnant mother then mother of adoption loss is told she shouldn’t get in the way too much. This is separation of mother and child, and goes against the intentions of nature and God. It is emotional abuse to tell a mother she is getting in the way too much.
  23. Adoption plan- by using the word “plan” the adoption industry almost pretends this is a fun activity. If not that, they pretend to give the pregnant mother control as they guide her along into thinking adoption is her best solution. Remember, without babies to legally sell they wouldn’t have recently profitted $12 billion dollars in one year and that doesn’t even include other forms of adoption.
  24. Gender specific adoption plan- Now, people looking to raise someone else’s child can legally shop for a boy or a girl. Would someone care to tell me how this differs from the time of trans Atlantic slavery or Irish slavery when a slave child was picked primarily based on their sex? This also unnecessarily puts pressure on a child to be “in love with sports like his adoptive father” or “in love with sewing and make up like her adoptive mother”. Children are mixture of genes and environment, and cases like this can often have a child being forced to vicariously live through their adopters’ dreams. It also takes a child away from his or her family in order to bring to realisation someone’s dreams of playing house with the perfect set up; whatever perfect is to them. Basically, it’s greed. With the loose regulations in adoption, because home studies are basically bogus, it can also disgustingly be preferred sex of a child by that of a vile, repulsive paedophile.
  25. Birthfamily- An entirely family cannot give birth. Only females of maturation without infertility problems can give birth, and they all cannot give birth to me; the adoptee.
  26. Free Loan- Mothers of adoption loss are not being financially supported to keep their babies, yet GoFundMe pages are being created for those wanting to adopt and free loans given such as Hebrew Free Loan.
  27. Magically Become Jewish- In regards to Jewish adoptions, anyone can practice the Jewish faith and even a Chinese child born in China, can be adopted into a Jewish family. However, there is a difference between practicing Judaism and being ethnically Jewish. Adoption claims that through adoption your child will be Jewish. Even if the adoptive mother is Jewish, the adopted child is not Jewish. They can only be Jewish if the mother of adoption loss is Jewish. Otherwise, they are a person who practices Judaism.
  28. Find a Family- This indicates that the infant, who already has a family, has no family and that people you don’t even know must be interviewed to magically create the family the infant does not have. Even in cases of child abuse and child neglect, the child still has a family albeight one they should not be around.
  29. Breastfeed Your Adopted Baby- This is manipulation towards the adoptive mother in the sense it makes her think that this new child is her biological child, and ignores her infertility. It is manipulation of the infant to be used as a decoy. It is manipulation of the natural mother to be denied to breastfeed her own baby, and call her own baby her baby, as God and nature intended. Agencies are claiming adoptive mothers breastfeeding their babies is beneficial to the baby. While some mothers, as in biological mothers just to be clear, cannot breastfeed due to a multitude of medical reasons, this is not what I am discussing here. I am well aware of the benefits of donated breastmilk to premies. The point to make her is the mother, the child’s natural mother, should be supported and should be raising her child and breastfeeding her own child unless unsafe to do so or medically impossible. Breastmilk is made by a mother specifically for her baby at that time and changes throughout the day and as her baby grows. Breastmilk is very much needed through the toddler years as well. An adoptive mother’s breastmilk is not the breastmilk that was meant for that baby. By denying a mother of adoption loss the chance to breastfeed her own baby you further her PTSD and psychologically abuse her by making her think she is just a vessel and undeserving of breastfeeding her own baby.
  30. Most adoptees are happy- you hear this, and you hear this from adoptees, so why is it not true? Besides the psychological notes I gave up which are backed up by research. Adoption is not a normal practice to the human body. Adopted babies do behave differently than non adopted babies such as unusually quiet or constant, inconsolable crying.
  31. Fathers- Look through adoption agency websites and see how biological fathers are conveniently not mentioned.
  32. While a few agencies mention the grief and loss that adoption causes for life, throughout multiple family members and generations, it continues to allow adoptions to occur. More often than not, it does not want to bring this up, and when it does it brushes it under the wrong saying just seek counseling and love them. Neither will make up for the damage done.
  33. Was adopted- The idea that adoption for adoptees and for mothers of adoption loss (and caring first fathers) is a one time ordeal they will never think about again. The truth is for any reasonable and moral parent, it will be on their minds for life, and is on the minds of adoptees for life whether or not they acknowledge it.
  34. Pictures of Infants and Young Children- Adoption websites contain photos of babies and young children smiling. This is a propaganda tool because young children cannot verbalise their feelings towards losing their mothers, and then adult adoptees are ignored about their needs for equality and need to connect with siblings and cousins they are biologically related to.
  35. Telling older kept siblings you love them and the baby you are placing for adoption- I’ve already been through how “lovingly” is coercion, “the” baby is coercion, and “placing for” is coercion. This emotionally manipulative approach done by the adoption industry is claiming that older siblings, and younger siblings who find out years later, will not be psychologically distraught and scarred by the fact they have lost a sibling to adoption, and then are told to praise the very system that took away their brother or sister and the people within the family (grandparents, etc) that did not support their mother in keeping her child at least within the family in some manner. The reason, the only reason, why (biological) siblings of an adoptee under eighteen are not permitted to know they have an older brother or sister lost to adoption unless told by the first mother or first father is because they will be afraid they too will be given away. This is nothing more than to reassure children that if they lie, break something, are naughty in some aspect they won’t be given away either. It comes down to abuse of the adoptee and the mother, and to a certain degree; the kept siblings.

More language propaganda to come.

How Adoption Endangers Children, Adults’ Lives, and Prevents Some Criminal Cases From Being Solved.

I’m writing this article specifically for every police department in the United States and Canada. At the end you’ll see how police can help right now. I’m aware police have a slew of things to do, so I do not want to take up much of your time. I’m aware that public defenders cannot advocate for anything. Ask for references if you want. Raising awareness to police departments is key, because police are voters and they do uphold the law and are there to protect citizens, especially children. Some police departments have heard from me numerous times, some have never.

A quick background. I am adopted in a completely unnecessary adoption out of Rochester, NY. I am 33 and for the past 17 years have researched and exposed the manipulation, corruption, deceit, lies, and more done in America’s and Canada’s (and Ireland’s) adoption industry without getting paid. How does adoption endanger the lives of children and prevents some criminal cases from being solved? I’m going to be as quick as I can.  I was nominated early 2018 to audition for Ted Talks. I did not make the cut into the next round but according to a professor to even be asked to audition is astronomical. I would have discussed how international adoption between the US and Asian countries is allowing paedophiles to adopt, and the psychological impact of adoption on first mothers, adoptees, and kept siblings. My goal here is not to waste your time and mine, but to teach you what is going on so that you can ask those running for office their views on adoption so we can have a more ethical and safe system. A lot of evil things that are going on you may not be aware of. In your off duty time perhaps you can advocate for change in order to make police work easier.

  1. Closed adoption means that there is no information passed between the biological family and the adoptive family and the adoptee. This should be considered child abuse in America and already is in the hearts and minds of adoptees. It’s already considered child abuse in some European countries. Adoption agencies lie to pregnant mothers and tell them that a closed adoption will make them forget about ever being pregnant and having a child. Adoption agencies and abortion clinics also lie to women who conceive in rape and tell them the baby will be an awful reminder. A friend of mine can attest to the severe pressure she faced from society when deciding to keep her rape conceived son. She survived a rape and attempted murder by a serial killer on a business trip to North Carolina. Today, that three year old boy receives weekly death threats that have to be reported to various police departments because she chose to keep him. She strongly emphasis her son is no reminder of the rape, but her now six surgeries are. Closed adoption results in astronomically high rates of anxiety and depression in adoptees. Closed adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide. Adoptees also have higher incarceration rates but are not all from closed adoptions. It is legal in most states for an adoption lawyer or adoption agency worker to convince a minor as young as age 14 to give away her baby to adoption without any trusted adult knowing such as a parent, legal guardian, foster parent, aunt, teacher, or police officer knowing and then lie to a child as young as 14 that she won’t even remember it. Closed adoption also means that in the past biological family members and adoption agency workers knew about rapes but did not report them. As to whether or not they know about rapes today and are not reporting them I’d have to figure that out. A closed adoption means that a law abiding American citizen is denied to know their heritage (only changed thanks to Family Tree DNA, and then ancestry.com), their real name, their family medical history,  their real birth certificate, and contact with family members who may want to know them. It allows men to hide the fact they got their girlfriends pregnant, underaged girls, and women they cheated with. Because of closed adoption, I lost 32 years with my paternal aunt, until she miraculously found me last year August 2017. We had no idea each other existed. Imagine waking up tomorrow in a different town, with a different name, with a new family, with no idea where your old family is, with no medical background, with no real birth certificate as yours has been sealed, possibly with no passport depending on when you were born and adopted as some adoptees are not permitted to leave the country simply for being adopted, and looking in the mirror not knowing whose nose and eyes you have. Welcome to the reality of closed adoptions and the terrible adoption industry.
  2. Adoption agencies do not have to pass along life saving medical information even if the biological parents ask them to. This can be read about in A Hole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky and is a must for every New York State citizen. Although published decades ago, the facts in the book remain the same in 2018.
  3. Open adoptions are not legally enforceable. Nationwide about 75% of open adoptions close by the time the child is in kindergarten for both the US and Canada. This almost always is not because the biological parent is unsafe. Adoption agencies lie to vulnerable girls and women and tell them it’ll stay open. Then we have closed adoptions that are closed to begin with. In 2015, 102 or 105 adopted children in the United States were murdered or raped and murdered by their adopters. The same happens in Canada and the UK. Why? Because the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, completely uncredentialed adoption industry has nobody checking on these kids. Tens of thousands of adopted kids are abused every year if we include verbal abuse.  Yet the agencies that put these children into these abusive homes have never been brought to justice or been closed down. When Sadie Rone, who survived torture for 15 years from her adopters, called the agency they told her and I quote “that’s too bad”. So why are they still in business? Why are the agencies that were involved in the 1960s and 1970s Baby Scoop Era where women were forced to give away their babies, even handcuffed to the hospital beds when giving birth, and sent to abusive maternity homes still in business? We need a system where closed adoptions are abolished, open adoptions are legally enforced,  all adopted children are fingerprinted at their local police station, and all adopted children are checked on annually by their local police department without the adoptive parents knowing.
  4. It is legal to resell your adopted kid. With such loose regulations in international adoption some kids are being adopted by evil paedophiles directly from Asian countries into Canada and the US. Some children in African countries and Albania are being adopted (usually not by North Americans) to be murdered and their organs harvested. Typically Albania to Greece. But back to Canada and the US, it is legal to resell your adopted child. The adoption industry calls it rehoming. I’ve seen these pitiful cases on facebook. Before being blocked from a site where adopted kids were being resold for things like “he gets in the way of our careers” and “there’s nothing wrong with her. She has no special needs or behavior problems, nothing wrong at all just after 10 years we don’t want to parent her anymore” and “after 8 weeks we decided parenting isn’t for us.” Even when an adoption lawyer is used this has turned adoption into a money making foster system. Non profit adoption agencies make a slew of money on tax returns. Besty DeVos’s brother is the director of Bethany Christian Services which has a very spotted background, and it rakes in millions a year. Reselling a child teaches him that he is commodity as does taking a child away from his biological family that is middle class and has the means like mine did. It also shows the agency failed in finding a good home. These children have a lot of problems from it, and already had problems being ripped from their home life.
  5. 97% of infant domestic adoptions in the US are preventable. The system is set up to give biological parents next to no time to ask for their children back, but when they do agencies commonly ignore the emails and calls. I know of biological parents who were ignored, asked for their child back, refused and child psychologists paid good money by agencies said it’s better for the child to stay with the adopters, adopters who have a record when the biological parents do not, because “he’s used to them”. Should we start using that for kidnapped victims too? Oh, they have Stockholm Syndrome and are used to them? Most assuredly no! When an infant is not returned to the biological parents when they asked for their child back within the legal time frame and that request goes ignored, that is kidnapping. So why do we allow it to continue? My article Natural Mothers Do Not Get Time to Look It Over is recommended.
  6. Closed adoptions, and open adoptions that close, mean the adoptee has to search for family. It took me 13 years with no information to go on and I am actually more successful at finding people than some private detectives (not police detectives mind you), not to toot my horn, but it’s true. The adoption agencies do not mention to the adoptee any unsafe biological family members that they know about. You have adoptees right here and now finding out their biological fathers were rapists, or that their biological grandfather was a paedophile. Even if the adoption agency didn’t know it’s the mere fact that had the adoptee not had their own information sealed on them they would know who is safe to reach out to and who is not. We are setting up 10 million (easily) North Americans to put themselves at risk for contacting family members who are not safe versus the ones who are.
  7.  How does adoption prevent cases from being solved ? If the body has not been found then that blood needs to be analysed. If the blood analysed is not in the database then we move onto familial DNA to see if there’s a match between the murder victim and their family. For an adoptee, this comes down to millions of people of people not having this access and therefore police and forensics not having this access either. The adoption industry is trying to claim birthparent privacy is the reason for this. Birthparent privacy a lie. The original birth certificate is not sealed until the adoption is finalized, so if a baby is given away for adoption but ends up in foster care he or she keeps his or her original birth certificate making privacy null and void. In fact, KS, AK, and AL are the 3 states not to seal, so once again privacy is null and void. No, privacy stays on the book to hide the fact a judge in TN was involved in human trafficking with Georgia Tann, and that senators in MN and NY bought children illegally from Georgia Tann, the illegal trafficking of Irish babies into Canada and the States (see Philomena movie), the bigshots who got their mistresses pregnant, and more. By not unsealing original birth certificates, by not abolishing closed adoptions, by not legally enforcing open adoptions, and by not helping the 3 million Canadian women and 7 million American women (a very conservative estimate) who lost their babies to adoption we are hindering the progress of so many criminal cases. How many? I have no idea. I will say that women and girls have been told things like “shame on you for getting pregnant” “tell your husband and he’ll leave you” “whore” “you’ll go to hell if anyone knows” and more. I’ve interviewed about 600 biological mothers.  These women need help, not remaining in their shame. I can also 100% guarantee that some of you reading this if you took the tests with both Family Tree DNA and ancestry.com would find out you have a relative given away for adoption or are adopted yourself (whole or half, a half adoptee being say your dad isn’t your biological dad), and it will completely change your world and that of your children. Late discovery adoption is common, and is sometimes the reason why an adult endured child abuse or cold indifference during his childhood. 

I hope learning new things you can keep your eye out, tell others when off duty, and ask politicians what their stance is. Remember groups like the National Council for Adoption are only pro adoption lobbyists. They have no, as far as my research shows, anyone on their board who is adopted or a biological parent. Nor has the adoption industry advocated for the 15,000 illegally adopted (aka kidnapped) Korean born people from the 1950s through 1980s who today cannot legally vote, marry, or work and can’t legally naturalize themselves in the US. Until the system is reformed, children will continue to go to bad homes, babies will continue to be taken away when not needed, kidnappings under the false pretenses of adoption will continue, coercion, lies, and pressure will remain legal, suicide and incarceration rates will remain much higher among adoptees, and the progression of solving crimes when the body cannot be located will be slowed. 

So, how can police help right now? When (does the sign of the cross because of how dangerous domestic violence is for police officers) you are called to a domestic violence call, a child abuse call, or worst of all (cringing) a homicide of a child  investigate if the child was in foster care or was adopted. Find out who the CPS worker or adoption agency worker and adoption agency was, or adoption attorney or any of the above, and publicize their names in the report. The public needs to know who was responsible for putting these kids into bad homes, and then firing them. If the children are rescued and happen to be in foster care or were adopted try to locate biological family. In my 17 years of research I’ve come to find more than half the time the child can be returned to a biological family member such as a grandmother or aunt. Remember, they don’t go looking for extended family to raise these kids because that would take away money from the multibillion dollar adoption industry. 

Thank you for your time.

(*Note child in photo is an adopted murder victim. Child abuse and child homicide by adopters).

 

No, I Certainly Don’t Hate All Adoptive Parents and Neither Should You.

I felt like this needed to be written because lately I’ve come across people assuming that adoptees should all be grateful for the adoptive parents who raised them. It’s a gross, but understandable, assumption that society makes because they don’t realize that not all adoptive parents are good parents. I’m sure there has to be some people out there who assume that I personally hate all adoptive parents with what I write about adoption. Don’t be silly, of course I don’t hate all adoptive parents. In fact, I like the vast majority of them. Well, maybe not the vast majority as my own adoptive dad said once upon a time “most adopters are self centered” when he was talking about how so many adopters have this mine attitude, and discourage their adopted children from search and reunion.

That being said, maybe my dad is wrong. I sure hope so, and  I sure hope most adoptive parents are encouraging of search and reunion. Also, it doesn’t matter if they are or not. It’s sad to know, at least in the not too distant past, that some states (or at least one state) demand adult adoptees have permission from their adoptive parents to search for biological family. This perpetrates an adult to be treated like a child, no different than not releasing sealed original birth certificates. But alas, let’s get to the point.

It’d be silly for me, and for you, to hate all adoptive parents or say even most. For the most part, it is not the adoptive parents that are the problem (some are), but it’s the adoption agency workers, lawyers (nearly all), judges (some), and the adoption industry itself (basically the CEOs and directors on top making a slew of money such as Betsy DeVos’s brother, director of Bethany Christian Services). Now, you may say yes the adoptive parents are the problem since they are the ones wanting the babies to begin with. I say no they are not. Here is why. Because, when we are discussing adoptive parents we have so many kinds. We have step parent adoptions, adopting older children from foster care, adopting from orphanages, and infant domestic adoptions with the last two being the biggest. Within these last three can we honestly blame adoptive parents when they too are bamboozled and lied to by the adoption industry? Yes, lied. Lied and told that this child has no family or no family that can properly care for them, when entire countries’ agencies and international adoptions have been shut down because some of these kids came from middle class families. Can we honestly blame adoptive parents when they are lied to and told adopting a baby will cure their pain of infertility? Certainly not.

We also need to look at the fact that yes, some of these kids had they remained within their families would have died, or they would have languished away in an orphanage. Now, I do realize for some adoptees who are grown they had better experiences in their orphanage than in their adoptive homes, and I do recognize that abuse that took place or lack of happiness.

The problem here folks isn’t the adoptive parents, in most scenarios, but in the system itself. I discussed this in my article called The Right Kinds of Adoptions if you’d like to look it up.

There’s a lack of education out there. A lack of education to adoptive couples and potential adoptive couples that does not teach them about legal guardianship, does not teach them that the adoption industry has done nothing to help many illegally adopted Korean born adoptees (15,000 between the 1950s and 1980s) obtain their naturalization because as of right now they can’t legally vote, marry, or work, does not advocate to unseal original birth certificates and covers up the human trafficking involved in some of these states such as Minnesota and New York through the human trafficker Georgia Tann, does not tell adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents that babies are not blank slates, does not tell adoptive parents or potential adoptive parents the problems of sealed original birth certificates which mounts to stealing one’s identity, discrimination, and in some cases denying adoptees a passport meaning there are adoptees right here and now who cannot travel outside of the country simply for being adopted. You know who else can’t? Those who have committed a Federal crime. So, adoptive parents ask yourself why some adoptees in our great land are being treated like criminals. The industry does not tell adoptive parents a lot, but most importantly they don’t tell adoptive parents that adoption could be so much better in this country. I wrote two articles if you want to look them up. One is 100 Things Wrong with Adoption and the other is How to Fix Adoption. You see, it’s not normally about the adoptive parents that ruffles my feathers, but the simple fact that we could have ethical, non discriminatory adoptions in this country by doing three simple things:

  1. Giving a certificate of adoption instead of sealing the original birth certificate.
  2. Abolishing closed adoptions and legally enforcing open adoptions.
  3. Demanding those who adopt a baby of a teen in foster care must adopt the teen as well, and all extended family members in the biological families are interviewed first to see if they can and should take the baby or child.

Just three basic things could make a world of difference. So what adoptive parents are bad.

  1. Abusive ones.
  2. Ones who murder their adopted children.
  3. Ones who close an open adoption for no good reason.
  4. One who discourage searching.
  5. Ones who used every trickery and manipulation in the book to get their hands on a baby.

I would like to believe most adoptive parents went into the idea of adoption to help a child. Infant adoption is held up with this  false belief perpatrated by the adoption industry, that a baby was in need. Adoptive couples are have information withheld from them that at least in the US, 97% of infant adoptions are preventable. This isn’t to say all, as some are well aware the natural mother or extended family could raise the child but put their egocentrism ahead of civility. Of course, once again, not all as I’ve come across adoptive parents who strongly believe if a pregnant mother can find help, then by all means do what she can to keep her own child. Nor does the adoption industry when it comes to domestic infant adoptions explain that the money they are using to adopt could instead by given to the pregnant mother in need in order for her to keep her baby. It just doesn’t cross the minds of most because the idea is never mentioned. Nor will I deny that some adoptions have saved lives (and no I do not mean that it saved babies from abortion) such as abused children and special needs children born in countries where they are terribly seen as curses, the only difference is that they never needed to occur with a sealed original birth certificate.

I sometimes come across fellow adoptees who are so angry that they think no mother should lose her child to adoption. I agree that nobody should have a closed adoption, because it is abuse, and nobody should have their identity stolen through sealed original birth certificates, but to claim infants and children should never go live with someone else; a new family is absolutely ludicrous when the parents are drug addicts or the biological family is abusive and does not further our cause for adoptee equality and adoption reformation.

I will always question adoptive parents as to their intentions for adoption and what kind of adoption they have. As a child rights advocate and adoptee rights advocate it is my business to know if this was a necessary adoption or not (minus the fact none should ever seal).

So, to sum it up yes there are great adoptive parents out there. Ones who had an adoption failed but were happy to see the child raised by his mother, ones who encourage to search, ones who do an open adoption and keep it open, ones who travel back with their child to his or her country of origin, ones who gave a child a home who literally did not have one, and more.

America’s Involvement in Forced Family Separation is Nothing New. How and Why to Keep Children Out of Orphanages, Foster Care, and Adoption Agencies and How You Can Help.

According to UNICEF (and yes I am well aware the CEO makes way too much money)  80% of children in orphanages today are not orphans. What this means is that they have one living parent. Of the 20%, many have an extended relatives such as much older cousins and an aunt. This isn’t to say that their living parent is capable of caring for them. A very well known celebrity, who I won’t give his or her name, has adopted twins. Originally this celebrity removed these twins from the orphanage, used their own money to financially help their living parent, and do whatever possible to reunite the family. The parent of the twins ended up drinking up the money, had no intention of improving their condition, or being a good parent. Having been to Brazil and seeing first hand parents care more for their bottle than their kids, I know keeping children with their parents is not always safe and healthy for the children. Seeing eight year olds in rags up and down the freeway in Brazil selling candy is an eye opener to the economic divide in developing nations. However, I am not here to talk about Brazilian domestic adoptions. I’m here to discuss the idea of keeping children out of orphanages and how we, as adults, all need to play a role in it. It’s also crucial to know many international adoption agencies will claim all orphanages are bad and overseas adoptions are better or the best solution. No way am I promoting that ludicrous idea.

When we think of orphanages many of us think of children with two dead parents. That isn’t the case and it’s really never been the case for most kids. They are stuck in there, although I hate to use the word stuck for some cases as many children in orphanages would be  starving, beaten, raped, sleeping on park benches, or other terrible ordeals and not all orphanages are the abyssmal ones that come to mind like the ones in Romania. You see, this isn’t a good/bad issue. You can’t cut it evenly down the line. This isn’t to knock the well run orphanages and the good careworkers working in them who provide education, a bed, love, nurturing, discipline, play, and nutritious food. The problem is a) the orphanages that are not well run b) the fact most kids in orphanages do not need to be there in the first place and c) that international adoption is being used as a first plan solution for these kids and that many lies are being told to the parents of these children, or their extended family members. For example, many African mothers are told their child will become very successful and come back to xyz country to help her or his people.

If you have not had the opportunity to watch Journeyman Pictures Ethiopian Adoption on youtube, I recommend it. As I’ve mentioned before, due to the lack of regulations in adoption, and especially in international adoptions, we have too many children horrifically going to child abusers along with around 25,000 adopted kids every year in the US (most international, ELL students) being resold, sometimes, “thanks” in part again to loose regulations, to disgusting paedophiles. One must ask themselves if they can’t be rehabilitated why are they being let out? Yet, the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry won’t come forward and fix this calamity, let alone offer solutions.

Nor is this post a knock on adoptive parents who have adopted internationally. I want to make that incredibly clear, unless they are abusive (which includes downplaying their children’s desire to search for family and purposely not keeping in contact or going overseas so it’d be even harder to find, although trust me search and find in domestic closed adoption decades at least a decade of hard work, sometimes several decades). The vast majority of adoptive parents who adopted internationally did so because they wanted to help a child. Some of these parents are capable of having biological children. Some of these parents spent extensive time working in these countries or were born in them themselves, and know if these girls age out they end up as prostitutes. Some of them have met the child’s other mother, spoke face to face with her, and keep in touch. So, no this is not to knock adoptive parents through international adoption, except those who are abusive.

It’s the fact that so many children who are in orphanages do not need to be, and that international adoption is not the best solution and should no longer be used as the number one solution for helping these children, which too often, is the worst thing for these children, and can be prove unfortunately and horrifically, fatal for them (just look up adopted kids killed by their adopters in the US, Canada, and UK). The multibillion dollar adoption industry doesn’t want you to know that, and a whole lot more, because it would mean they wouldn’t be making their billions ($15 billion in the US alone for 2017), just like how they don’t want you to know that if we made adoption agency workers do their professions purely as volunteer work we would see domestic infant adoption drop by 95% in the U.S. as explained in a previous article.

So, let’s finally get to it. Let’s discuss why and what solutions. In much of the world women lack equal rights far worse than inequalities women face in countries like Canada and the United States (and let’s keep in mind that in countries like the US and the UK quite often the fathers who should receive full time custody of their kids do not, whilst abusive, narcissistic mothers get to keep them and cut off contact with the child’s father out of asinine spite. Let’s also keep in mind that abortion should not fall under women’s rights as many women, like myself, are prolife; yes even in rape cases). In many countries throughout the world, children born to single mothers, deceased or dying fathers, prostitutes and other street women (who were street kids themselves or had escaped forced child marriages), born female, born with a disability,  have a deceased mom, or have a breadwinner parent with a disability end up in orphanages. The adoption agencies then swoop in like the vultures they are.  Now, ask yourself. Looking at the list of these babies, toddlers, children, and adolescents how many truly need to be adopted internationally and taken away from their people, language, culture, land, everyone they knew, and more? Over ten years ago my adoptive parents tried to adopt a thirteen year old girl from Brazil. It didn’t work out because of my dad’s health (which ended up, thankfully, being false) and I am now, being a lot more educated, grateful for it. Erika, as that is her name, would have had multiple trips back to Brazil with us or just me and I speak fluent Brazilian Portuguese. Brazil is different though as kids who land up in orphanages have to be abandoned to the orphanage. The problem with this is that millions upon millions of Brazilian parents in the favelas refuse to give up rights, but instead let their kids walk in rags along the freeway selling candy at eight years old and being in gangs by eleven years old sleeping on park benches and huffing glue. Of course, this isn’t to say Brazil has a perfect track record; not all who abandon their babies or children to orphanages did so willingly. Today that orphanage/international adoption agency we tried going through no longer does international adoption. That’s the thing. They now believe living in a well run orphanage or trying to reunite them with their families is much better. I am glad they found their moral compass because during one of my times to Brazil I saw a Dutch couple at the orphanage working with an agency worker planning to adopt the infant but not his 3 year old brother cos he had cognitive delay and deformities. I did say something when I was there but was basically pushed out of the room. I was very young. Too naive at the time to know don’t get a child from these people. I was amazed to read they felt it best to completely end adoption for the kids they help. My adoptive mom was saying this last year to me “with millions of people in a country why does a child need to be internationally adopted?” unless of course one of those parents living abroad is actually from that country. The reason why is because there needs to be a change within that country to accept that child. Take, for example, Bulgaria. Bulgaria is one of many countries where special needs children are seen as a curse or punishment for their parents’ sins (right Bulgaria, the same country that ties dogs’ legs together and spins them around high up in the air; fucking sick). So, this goes back to adoptive parents through international adoption wanting to help and love a child who would grow up stigmatised in his own country. Yet, the question has to be asked, why isn’t the multibillion dollar adoption industry (and that’s $15 billion in the US alone for both domestic and international adoptions, think about how much more if we tack on other countries) laying down grassroot programs and educating local people on why a child with say spina bifida is not a punishment for their parents’ sin or any other ludicrous idea. Why? Because they would be making less money. Ask yourself why the adoption industry isn’t helping to fund women led businesses. Ask yourself why the adoption industry isn’t trying to improve the lives of battered women, both in the US, Canada, Ireland, and the UK and poor nations, but would rather help themselves to her baby than provide family preservation and assistance. Ask yourself why the adoption industry has done nothing in regards to teaming up with people like Medicins Sans Frontiers who provide quick, easy, and inexpensive surgeries so that parents can get back to work, or in many cases, work for the first time.

This is where your part comes in. This is where you learn precisely what you can do to help.

  1. Educate people on the problems with international adoption. Tell them that some of these kids are even being murdered. People need to hear the truth.
  2. Watch Ethiopian Adoptions Journeyman Pictures and share the video.
  3. If you live in a developing nation, have a spouse from there, or travel there a lot and know the culture very well find a way to make a grass roots organization that educated the people (often poor people) on how and why female children and children with disabilities are not curses.
  4. Understand that the money you spend to adopt one child internationally can do heaps more good to help an entire village of children by investing in local village needs. Instead of adopting Erika, we ended up being able to support children throughout Venezuela, Sierra Leone, and Brazil (we did look at ways to help Appalachian American children and Eastern European children but there weren’t any programs at the time) through better farming equiptment, irrigation, and schooling. Your money will help so many more kids. This needs to be about helping children, not helping yourself. Again, this is no knock on international adoptive parents (most of you). This is to say, okay now I know better and can do better. Now, I know the huge amount of money we spent on adopting our son, daughter, we can now instead of adopting another international child we can know invest that money into an entire village.
  5. Sponsor a Native American child living in poverty. Advocate for the end of violence towards Native and First Nations women and donate to their causes.
  6. Watch Journeyman Picture’s Albania’s Child Organ Farms. Poor Albanian children who are kidnapped and sold for adoption or worse, their organs. Again where is the adoption industry out of the UK or US demanding this ends?
  7. Make a donation to a worthwhile organization that is helping women from poverty, and often from minority groups, work in fair trade conditions. Our neighbors to the south, Mexico, have many women living in extreme poverty whose children end up in orphanages. By helping to support these women’s businesses, we help their children.
  8. Be understanding to refugees. In order to seek asylum in the US, people have to show up here. The separation of parents and children at the border is nothing new. America has been separating families for profit for generations (Georgia Tann, Native American children, poor White children, Irish children, African American children, mothers of adoption loss today lied to and told their child deserves richer, married parents or that oh yeah the open adoption will totally stay open). I understand that illegals from Guatemala who go to Mexico are deported. I also understand that Mexico is a lot poorer, a lot more corrupt, and a lot more violent overall than the United States. These people are trying to escape drug cartels that literally behead people. No, they are not here to try and take your jobs away or are “a bunch of jerks because they came here illegally” these are people who are trying to not get their fucking heads cut off!!!!!! That is how bad it is in the countries below us like Guatemala. Do what you can to pass legislation that allows asylum for people who need it, and yes in countries where women lack rights (and abortion, again, is not a right as in deliberate intentional killing of an unborn baby, not as a side effect of the necessity to save a mother’s life) domestic violence is a reasonable means for needing asylum in the United States or Canada whether or not all (cough male) politicians agree.
  9. Donate to cureblindness.org Cure Blindness.org is run by a Nepalese surgeon and an American surgeon. They operate, literally, in 14 Asian countries where they remove cataracts from adults. Going blind in many extremely impoverished Asian countries or regions of Asian countries such as western China, Nepal, Tibet, and Laos is seen as normal aging. With only $20 US dollars per surgery, including hygienic surgical equipment these people’s lives are completely changes allowing them to work and not lose their children to orphanages and thus international adoption. Even a donation of a mere $20 could save multiple children in one family from entering an orphanage.
  10. Donate to Medicins Sans Frontiers.
  11. Educate people on how rape conceived children are not bad reminders to their mothers. This is not just an international problem but a domestic problem. It is a myth that they are bad reminders, a myth too many women fell for as victim to having an abortion or losing their baby to adoption. Having a friend who survived the rape and attempted murder by a serial killer in the United States (serial killer now thankfully dead) she can tell you firsthand her son is not a reminder, nor is any other mother in her scenario thinking of their child as a bad reminder, and that 100% of women and girls like her are pressured upon learning they conceive pushed, persuaded, lied to, and even threatened to get rid of it. In some countries, like Ethiopia, the mother and child are both ostracized, basically the mom is blamed for the rape. It is up to women to help women to understand that they have done nothing wrong in conceiving, that their child is not the seed of evil or devil’s spawn, and changing a culture’s belief system to be more accepting of children conceived in violence and give support to mother and child together; as a unite. That strongly goes for the United States as well.
  12. Many children right here in America are unnecessarily taken by CPS. While medical kidnapping and other forms of corruption do occur something as simple as becoming a literacy volunteer allows a parent to become literate, find a much higher paying job or a job in the first place, and be able to support his or her child or children. America has an illiteracy problem. Educate yourselves on medical kidnapping through CPS, other corrupt and unnecessary taking of children, and cases like the Kimberly Rossler of Alabama case, and demand major reform in America’s CPS industry and adoption industry.
  13. Children in many poor parts of the world and/or their parents are being separated because of poverty. Consider sponsoring a child such as one from Moldova or Albania. Fathers in these countries are literally selling their kidney in order to feed their families.
  14. Too many children are institutionalized and not sent to school simply because of a minor handicap or because they can’t afford the uniform or because their parents can’t afford vaccines. Cureblindness.org helps cure blindness in Asia. Medicins Sans Frontiers helps with vaccines. You can also find organizations that provide uniforms to kids throughout African countries. You can donate to a sanitary pad company that educates impoverished people in African countries on menstruation and provides sanitary pads to poor girls so they don’t miss school. In some countries, like Nepal, China, Uganda, and Ethiopia Deaf children and hard of hearing are being denied an education and the right to learn sign language. If you know sign language or American sign language be willing to teach upper class people in these countries SL or ASL (two different languages entirely) so that they can then teach others, including children. Consider working with an organization that provides simple solutions such as reading glasses and hearing aids to adults and children.
  15. Make  a donation to Operation Smile can help children born with a cleft palate.
  16. Become a volunteer with Saving Our Sisters.
  17. Donate to Refugee Caravan.
  18. Contact the Immigration Justice Campaign.

 

All of these ways to help will actually improve a person’s life, increase a family’s economy, further education, and keep children out of orphanages, and keep families together. We need to be outraged about the separation of children and parents at the border, we also need to demand Guatemala, Mexico, and the US investigate how many of these children who are making the perilous journey alone are being murdered along the way. At the same time, we need to demand reform and do what we can to end the unnecessary family separations of domestic infant adoptions, children unnecessarily placed in orphanages, and forced separation through CPS just to name a few.

*Please note, I am well aware that some children taken away by CPS need to be because they are in a life or death situation. The problem is in so many cases they don’t need to be. So many times the extended family has to fight for custody of the child, and they shouldn’t. Too often an adoptive couple can adopt the child, but an extended family member is told they are too old, yet they are actually younger than the adopters.

It’s time to help all families, and it’s time to make amends to all of us who were affected by family separation.

History of Poland and the Polish People.

(Please note I will have to finish this in parts. I’m typing up what I have so far).

I have only 4% Polish blood, but I’m going to soak up every percentage of it as Poland is my favourite country in the entire world.

Three different types of human species inhabited Poland in the Stone Age that lasted about 800,000 years starting with early human species that died out to complex agricultural societies. Homo erectus was found in Poland that is about 500,000 years old. Neaderthals lived in the southern half of Poland from 300,000 bc to 40,000 bc. Archaeological evidence proves the Neaderthals had different cultures. These Neadenderthals worked as hunter gatherers and they were not stupid. They were incredibly skilled hunters.

Homo sapiens appeared in Poland in 40,000 bc. However, no humans lived in Poland during the coldest part of the Ice Age lasting 20,000 bc to 15,000 bc. Homo sapiens of Poland survived mainly on meat. The oldest boomerang, dating 30,000 years old, was found in Poland and here I was thinking they were native to Australia.

The Aurigracian culture which was a prominent Stone Age culture throughout Europe is known for their art, statues of women exaggerating the hips, breasts and other anatomy associated with female fertility have been found in Poland.

Poland’s possible oldest burial occurred 27,500 years ago. The burial of an eighteen month old child complete with decorative artifacts with a pendant made of teeth of a large hooved mammal.

In 14,500 bc the Magdalenian culture existed in Poland. People lived in units of twenty or thirty families. They had dugout posts, ornamented bone cutlery, a hearth, and evidence they traded as did earlier European tribes.

During the Mesolithic period, 9,000 bc to 5,500 bc new tribes came into Poland and slowly hunter gathering ended and gender roles were devised that would last multiple millenia. Dogs were also domesticated in Poland during this time.

In 5,000 bc a wave of newcomers came to Poland from south of Poland. One of these tribes brought pottery. Two of these tribes were the Polgár and Lengyel. The tribes of Poland in 5,000 bc lived in trapezoid shapes houses protected by beams, earth walls, moats, and other forms of protection. Princesses’ graves were filled with copper jewellery showing a hierarchy existed.

Poland’s Bronze Age occurred in 2,300 to 2,400 bc and Iron Age between 700 and 750 bc. A wave of far more tribes came into Poland during these epochs. The Lusatian culture was most dominate until the Scythian invasion in 6th century bc. The Scyths came originally all the way from modern day Iran.

During Antiquity, Celtic, Germanic tribes (depending on era) were in Poland along with minority tribes. The first of these were the Celts, originating from central Europe, who had a mighty empire. Next were the Germanic tribes who were then ruled under the Romans. The northeast of Poland remained controlled by the Baltic tribes.

Prior to Mieszko I’s baptism into Christianity (whose son Bolesław I became the first king of Poland) Polans (the west Slavic tribe) were pagans. Paganism is a broad term for polytheistic religions primarily in Europe. Christiaity came to Poland in 966 AD, but it by no means was a non-violent conversion. Uprising in the 1030s among peasant pagan Poles resulted in a substantial loss in Catholic churches being burnt and priests being murdered. The uprising also was a fight against feudalism brutally imposed on them by Catholic military, along with pagans in Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia, and Finland.

 

More to come at a later date.

Part 2 The Multibillion Dollar Loosely Regulated, Uncredentialed Adoption Industry: 2016 Total Assets of a Multitude of Adoption Agencies in the United States.

All figures are the total assets of each agency from 2016 unless states otherwise. I also want to know why some agency’s, like mine (I hate them), do not have their 990 forms listed on foundationcenter.org and where I could find them.

  1. A Bond of Love Adoption Agency- FL $140,818.00
  2. A Lifetime Adoption Foundation CA $15,754.00
  3. AAA Friends in Adoption Inc Fia Friends in Adoption VT $1,396,883.00
  4. AAA Partners in Adoption Inc GA $0.00
  5. Aba Adoption Services Inc FL (2011) $20,098.00
  6. Academy of Adoption Lawyers CA $64,029.00
  7. Adoption Advocates Inc FL $612,780.00
  8. Adoption Advocates Inc TX $714, 105.00
  9. Adoptio Advocates International WA  $0 (They closed).
  10. Adoption Alliance TX $2, 216,769.00
  11. Adoption Alliance CO (2011) $117, 498.00 (2012) $0. Can someone explain to me why the numbers jump so much year to year?
  12. Adoption Associates Inc MI $1, 954, 700.00
  13. Adoption at Adoption Circle Inc OH $306,276.00
  14. Adoption Avenues OR $294, 165.00
  15. Adoption Center for Family Building IL $172, 140.00
  16. Adoption Center of San Diego (2015) $143,033.00
  17. Adoption Connection PA $1,002,974.00
  18. Adoption Exchange Association Inc MD $1,174,607.00
  19. Adoption Guild of Southern Orange County CA $9,488.00
  20. Adoption Horizons CA  (2017) $111,962.00
  21. Adoption Information Center CA $1,315.00
  22. Adoption Learning Connection Inc FL (2010) $0
  23. Adoption Ministry of Youth With a Mission WA $0, but 2015 $110,883.00 and 2014 $431,955.00
  24. Adoption Options $382,454. CO
  25. Adoption Options Inc CA (2012) $91,030.
  26. Adoption Priorities Inc TX (2015) $4, 163.00 but 2013 was $66, 754.00
  27. Adoption Related Services of Pineallas Inc FL $306, 656.00
  28. Adoption Rhode Island $582, 490.00
  29. Adoption Star Inc NY (2015) $3,660,886.00
  30. Adoption Services Associates TX (2013) $92,208.00 and $545, 384.00
  31. Agape Adoption Agency of Arizona Inc $339,405.
  32. Amara Parenting and Adoption Services WA (2015) $9,295,080.

 

About another 30 agencies and their assets will be listed soon but I’ve had more than enough of being on the computer today.