Adopted Children Deserve Truth and Freedom to Express All Emotions.

Considering I am an adoptee what I write is fact simply because of the fact I am adopted. Yes, some things are opinions and some things are facts. Of course, too many in adoption land want to think their opinions are equivalent to facts. However, in this scenario if an adoptee tells you it’s happening, it’s happening. If an adoptee tells you things need to change, such as what I’m about to discuss here, then it damn well needs to change! Adoptees who have done their research, such as myself, are those you should be listening to and literally nobody else because not only do we have the research down we also live the experience. Yet, our voices are the ones most often muted because as I’ve stated before people prefer comfortable lies over uncomfortable truths. I’ve discussed before the problems with children’s books for adopted children but now I’m going to delve deeper.

Adopted children deserve the truth. What do I mean by this? Well, several things in fact. Adopted children of today, well most, are endangered. Their psychological well being and therefore their well-being altogether is very much at stake. This is because the vast majority of out of family adoptions occurring today are not by people who adopt to help a child but adopt a child to help themselves. This very fact can be seen by the fact that nationwide U.S. an approximate 75% of open adoptions close by the time the child is in kindergarten and nearly always by the adopters. I have explained in a previous article why closed adoptions are never necessary and why they do not protect children from unsafe biological family members, nor does an open adoption mean contact with unsafe biological family members. The multibillion dollar loosely regulated and uncredentialed adoption industry has tricked adoptive parents into thinking withholding the truth from their child is acceptable. Let me assure you, it is fucking not. Now, I’m not saying that you  need to tell your six year old PG-13/14A/R rated facts. However, what I am saying is, for example, if the first mother is in contact via letter writing and you communicate with her but don’t let your six year old read and write letters to her, or inform her she now, for example, has a baby brother who is her half brother this is barbaric and withholding the truth from your children. It becomes quite clear at this point that the adoption is about you, and that you do not care enough for your child. A hard pill to swallow, but swallow you must. I’m sure someone will come up for an excuse. You can sell your excuses with those who try to sell ocean view property in Arizona.

Adopted children deserve the truth in knowing that they are adopted. They deserve to know this without the nauseating lies of “your first mother loved you so much”. To a child, and to many adult adoptees, you don’t give something away you love. Also, do not lie to your child and tell them that they were adopted so they could have a better life. A life with more materialistic goods isn’t equivalent of a better life. Adoptees do not have better lives, they have different lives and often those in out of family adoptions have much higher rates of anxiety and depression, astronomically higher and four times higher suicide rates for White adoptees; six times higher for people of colour.

Adopted children in an age appropriate sense deserve to know the truth surrounding their adoption. My agency, Catholic Family Center, lied numerous times and stated that I was given away for adoption out of love. This is extremely untrue. My biological mother and biological father are vile, disgusting human beings; a mere faeces who used closed adoption as a legalized form of abandonment. They then proceeded, when found to invent lies about me, convince others to hate me and have nothing to do with me after I was incredibly nice,  not care whatsoever about adoptee inequality and my biological father to threaten me with prison time and invent legal lies about me. My agency made them out to be something they are not; good people. As a child I deserve to know the truth. You came from families made of money. Your biological paternal grandmother was a vicious child abuser who had children with various men. You have an enormous amount of royal blood in you.  You were given away because your out of wedlock status is a stain on a Catholic family. As a child I should have been told they were very bad people who show clear signs of narcissistic personality disorder.

Children deserve the truth no matter how ugly it is. They deserve to know if they have selfish, abusive, drug addicted biological parents. This is not to say all or even most biological parents are like this because most are not. Also, being a drug addict does not make someone a bad person, just someone with a problem. Children also deserve to know the truth if you did all you can to adopt them when you know in your heart you did all you can to bring them home when they could’ve stayed in their biological family. Did you encourgae and persuade them to give you their baby? Did you incessantly text and act like a best friend just to make sure they didn’t change their mind? Did you have plenty of money and instead of offering to help with baby goods offered to take their child instead? It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation but it needs to be discussed with your child whether they are young or a teen, and open and extremely frank conversations about adoption need to be discussed often over the years.

Adopted children deserve freedom to express all emotions. Do you know the problem with all children’s movies and children’s books on adoption? They do not allow adopted children to express their negative emotions and trust me they all have them. Various negative emotions that come now and then. There is no doubt in my mind, but the adoption media is made not for the children but for the adoptive parents and adopters in mind. I make a distinct difference between adoptive parents which are those who try to learn and try their best and adopters those who adopt for purely selfish reasons and do not care.  Why do I say this? Because the emotions of adoptive parents are so fragile, well most. Even my dad said this to me a few Septembers ago. That most adoptive parents can’t handle the truth about problems in the adoption industry and their adopted child’s trauma. Everything is written in the sense of “make the good biological family members disappear” and “adoption rescued you and you are loved so don’t care about anything else.” I have written children’s books for adopted children that will address their negative emotions and teach them how to handle them but not a single literary agent wants to pick it up because it doesn’t display adoption in the perfect light. This isn’t to say that adopted children never have positive emotions about adoption, it’s to say they all have negative emotions and these deserve to be acknowledged and respected.

What are some of the negative emotions adopted children will feel at some point or now and then? 

*Feeling like they can’t discuss the adoption with you.

*Knowing they were abandoned.

*Feeling they were abandoned.

*Not having contact with biological family members.

*Not knowing how they ended up in the orphanage.

*Being angry for being put in an orphanage because they are special needs.

*Being angry for being put in an orphanage for being female.

*Wondering where they get their eyes and nose from.

*Learning you withheld the truth from them.

*Missing the homeland or place where they were born even if they were adopted as infants.

*Having a very bad biological mother.

*Having a very bad biological father.

*Having to say goodbye and not being able to live in the house of their first mother after she visits. Although open adoptions with visitations are excellent when safe for the child or children. If applicable.

*Not looking like the rest of their adoptive family especially in transracial adoptions. For some this bothers them, for others it doesn’t.

*Ignoring the culture they come from. A problem often seen with White saviour complex. Please see my article about Asian and Black Children Adopted by White People it got great recognition from African Americans deeply rooted in their culture.

*Wondering if their biological family members especially their first mother is alive.

Will adopted children feel every single one of these emotions? No, but they will feel at least one and likely more.

In conclusion, society and adoptive parents owe it to adopted children to tell the real truth and to allow them the freedom to explore and express negative emotions. This will help eradicate, or at least lessen, the trauma that adopted children carry around when so many are unable to speak up because they have been inundated with be happy you’re adopted and say nothing bad. Explaining the truth when they are young, no matter how bad it is, prevents them from trauma in the future.

 

Joe Biden, Let Adoptees Help You Win.

Dear Mr. Biden:

I am writing this on behalf of every single American that is adopted whether we are adults or still minors. That’s at least ten million adults, plus adults who don’t know they’re adopted, plus millions of children. I am voting for you because I do not like Trump for a variety of reasons. I will be honest, Mr. Sanders was my initial decision prior to him dropping out.

I see on your official campaign page that you are writing what you will do for specific groups of Americans: veterans, military families, rural Americans, women, older people, LGBT people, Catholic, Latinos, Black people, students, and Asian and Pacific Islander people. Without a doubt a large majority of adoptees cross into those demographics as well. For example, I am an adoptee who is also bisexual, a woman, Catholic and I live in a rural town.

Nevertheless, you can win over even more people by the millions Mr. Biden if you gear your campaign as well to adoptees. It is time to have a president that acknowledges the dire problems of America’s multibillion dollar, uncredentialed loosely regulated adoption industry. It is time to have a president that acknowledges the discrimination of adopted people in the United States and how this has literally killed people and contributed to the high suicide rates and high incarceration rates amongst adoptees especially amongst adopted people of color and adopted LGBT members of society. Past presidents, including fellow Democrats Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, were given the opportunity to fix several of these issues and chose not to. Republicans fair no better as currently the largest money making producing adoption agency Bethany Christian Services is run by DeVos who works for the Trump administration. Trump will not listen to us, but then again Trump won’t listen to reason. Bethany Christian Services, like so many others, has been involved in unethical behavior, corruption, lies, exploitatation, and manipulation and has also profited off of the children being kept in camps at the border.

I’ve been an advocate for adoptee rights and adoption reform for the past twenty years. In late 2017 I was nominated out of thousands of US citizens to audition for Ted Talks edu to discuss psychological problems, the lie of birthparent privacy, and how to implement solutions. Unfortunately, I did not make it to the final round to be on the show.

Mr. Biden, we are requesting you to add adoptees to your campaign concerns and address our issues as well. By making a promise to us you will, without a doubt, can numerous support. You will also prove yourself to be progressive as well as caring about all second class citizens in this beautiful nation of ours and making us all become first class citizens during your presidency. The following information below is what we adoptees need you to add to your campaign and to promise us once you become president. You may fact check everything I say with various organizations such as: The American Academy of Pediatrics, The Donaldson Adoption Institute in which I can give you former President Adam Pertman’s email, Unsealed Initiative, New York State Adoptee Rights Coalition, Saving Our Sisters, and Concerned United Birthparents just to name a few. For economic research on the industry I would strongly advise reaching out to Mirah Riben.

We request you to implement the following in your presidential campaign and during your presidency if elected:

  1. Over fifteen thousand people in the United States are illegally adopted through international adoption many of them hailing from South Korea and mostly born in the 1950s through the early 1980s. Their adoptive parents either did not know they needed to naturalize them or purposely chose not to in order to keep them as modern day slaves. Now adults, they are unable to naturalize themselves as United States citizens. They are people without a country who face deportation, and some have been deported, nor are they allowed to legally work, vote, or marry. Both former President Obama and current President Trump have chosen to ignore this horrendous brutality that has led to suicides amongst Asian adoptees. Mr. Biden, we know you can do better by signing all illegally adoptees born outside of the United States as U.S. citizens with full rights. 
  2. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics adoptees are four times more likely to commit suicide compared to non-adoptees. This number is exacerbated to even higher dangerous levels if the adoptee is a person of color or a member of the LGBT community, and worse yet if all three. Psychological majors at most universities are not discussing this with psychology students. The traumatic effects of children living in orphanages prior to adoption is discussed, but not other types of adoptees. It is important that we have a stronger program nationwide to address the specific issues of adoption trauma. For decades the adoption industry has muted us adoptees by falsely claiming most adoptees are happy and have suffered no trauma using skewed statistics. Whether or not an adoptee is completely happy with adoption, millions of adoptees are not content with the discrimination and the adoption industry’s tactics and counselors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists need to become better prepared to work with the adoptee population dealing with adoptee trauma which includes but is not limited to: past abuse, current abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and separation anxiety. As president, you would make sure that all two and four year government funded higher learning institutions with psychology majors teach adoptee related material and use actual adoptees to either teach the courses or to verify what is taught is true. 
  3. Make the adoption industry credentialed.
  4. Currently, across the United States and U.S. territories open adoptions are not legally enforced. This has resulted in approximately seventy five percent of open adoptions closing by the time the child or children are age five, nearly always by the adopters and nearly always not because of safety reasons. In fact, closed adoption is never necessary and is not necessary to keep a child safe. We request that as president make all current and future open adoptions legally enforced so that safe biological family members can have contact with the adopted child which will include: letters, photos, emails, phone calls, school visits if they attend school, and at least four face to face visits per year. Psychological studies have proven that open adoptions are much healthier.
  5. Abolish closed adoptions. Any current closed adoptions will become open. Closed adoptions were created several decades ago at a time when unwed pregnancy was seen as horrendous. Mothers were forced to give their children away as punishment for having sex outside of marriage, and were fully blamed for the pregnancy even though it takes two to tango. Closed adoptees suffer enormously high rates of depression and anxiety. The discriminatory act of closed adoption forces people to not know who they get their features from, their heritage, their biological family medical information or updated information, and sometimes a passport.  Closed adoption does not allow an adoptee and biological family member to connect who want to and makes people lose decades together. Due to the inhumane practice of closed adoption I lost thirty two and thirty three years with two biological aunts of mine. Worse yet, many first mothers look for their child but die before they can find them or find their lost to adoption child died young due to suicide, cancer, etc. Closed adoption allows rapists to not be apprehended. It allows biological mothers and biological fathers to be held responsible for their actions. Case in point, closed adoption blames the adopted person for circumstances they did not control. Biological mothers and biological fathers who choose close adoption due so because they are either lied to and told it will make them forget they were ever pregnant or they do it as a means of legalized abandonment. My own biological mother has been referred to as the coldest mother ever by my local police department for her choice in discriminating me, inventing lies about me, and sabotaging my relationships with other biological family members and being pleased with getting rid of me through the legalized abandonment that is closed adoption. My biological father is equally vicious and has threatened me with imprisonment because of his inability to be ever be a responsible adult, and invented legal lies about me. The two were absolutely made for each other. Closed adoption discriminated me, took me away from two fantastic aunts, and supported deplorable behavior for too long not just in my case but in the case of several other closed adoptions. I came from a biological family that had both large amounts of children and money, so there was no excuse for my adoption other than the maintain a certain image within the Catholic church. Most closed adoptions, however, occurred due to force. Whether that is because the open adoption was closed or because the first mother lived in a time where her only option was a closed adoption even though she very much did not want to lose her child. It is falsely believed among the pro-birth population that abolishing closed adoptions and unsealing all original birth certificates will result in more abortions. Mr. Biden, nothing is further from the truth. States with high infant adoption rates already have high abortion rates. Sealing original birth certificates and using closed adoptions has done nothing to lower the rates of abortions in the United States. According to the Guttmacher Institute, the United States would need a very conservative estimate of a 5,400% increase in infant adoptions in order to eradicate abortion in the United States. This is but one reason why its comparing apples to oranges.
  6. Sign an executive order to unseal all original birth certificates without redactions. Previous explaination above discussed why a biological parent does not deserve privacy. Furthermore, there is no state or Federal law claiming birthparent privacy. The original birth certificate is not sealed, Mr. Biden, until the adoption is finalized so if a baby is given away or lost to adoption and he or she ends up growing up in the foster care system they keep their original birth certificate with the name of the first mother and possibly father making privacy nul and void. If it were about privacy, and it’s not, the original birth certificate would’ve either never been created or sealed at the time of birth. By signing an executive order you allow good people to reconnect. You will also be helping sheriff and police departments across the nation solve cold case homicides. For too long the multibillion dollar uncredentialed adoption industry has used to the lie of birthparent privacy to not only hide rapists, men who had affairs who possibly brought home a STD to their wives, and corrupt activities, but also has not allowed hard working forensic departments access to mitochondrial DNA when necessary to solve some cold case homicides devastating communities across our nation. Mr. Biden, people deserve what rightfully belongs to them, family deserves to find each other instead of finding a grave, and police ought to be allowed to do their job without a greedy industry being in the way. 
  7. There is no reason to be sealing original birth certificates. If a child is adopted as a teenager, for example, from the foster system her original birth certificate is then sealed even though she is well aware of who her abusive biological parents are. Children adopted by gay couples have a falsified amended birth certificate showing that nobody gave birth to them, but instead two dads on the birth certificate. Even if this are extremely loving gay couples, and most of these dads are, it does not make logical sense. Therefore, Mr. Biden, the adoptees of America request that during your presidency you sign an executive order that all adoptees will keep their original birth certificate regardless of age and that a legally binding certificate of adoption will instead be instituted to the adoptive parents. 
  8. Stricter regulations on the adoption industry. In 1984, for example, Pennsylvania decided to seal original birth certificates under the false assumption that it would stem the flow of abortions in the state. It has proven not to and now has become a struggle to unseal the original birth certificates with Pennsylavania adoptees caught in the middle and directly effected by someone else’s negligence.
  9. Currently, the adoption industry allows minors as young as fourteen years old, twelve in some states, to give their babies to the adoption industry or a private adoption attorney without a trusted adult in that child’s life knowing. Adoption agencies use only propaganda to make a claim that adoption is the best option for the child. Having read the propagandistic material myself pregnant children and pregnant young women are subjected to lies such as a more materialistic family is a better family, your family members aren’t responsible and you shouldn’t ask them to help, you’re being selfish if you keep, and other guilt tripping commentary. In fact, on e adoption agency in New York State in 2018 was so brazen to claim that a married pregnant woman facing possible divorce was better off giving her child away than getting a divorce. Preying on children and vulnerable young women cannot be allowed. Therefore, to enact safety measurements we demand that all pregnant women and girls aged twenty-one and younger who are in contact with an adoption agency must have a trusted adult of their own choice at the meetings whether they are face to face or online be it a parent, other family member, foster parent, or teacher for example. 
  10. Adoption agencies like to claim that the adoption attorney paid for by the agency is also representing the pregnant mother or mother of a newborn that has come to the adoption agency, or who has been dragged there by someone else. These vulnerable mothers are unaware a lawyer cannot represent two parties and this is how they are tricked into open adoptions that close or are lied to and told the closed adoption will make them forget. Please sign an executive order barring adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, and private potential adopting couples from doing so and that all biological mothers and biological fathers must have legal represenation of their own not paid for by any adoption agency. 
  11. A full FBI investigation into adoptions and foster care placements of children who were illegally obtained or obtained through lies, coercion, and manipulation such as drugging a new mother in the hospital and forcing her to sign relinquishment papers.
  12. Employees of the adoption industry, primarily people at the top, have never been brought to justice for putting a child into a home where he or she was murdered or suffered severe child abuse by the adopters. We ask you to bring these people to trial for placing a child in a dangerous home. It is also time that all adopted children until the age of eighteen have a once a year surprise visit by a teacher, police officer, or social worker to make sure the child or children are safe in the home. 
  13. Mr. Biden, we ask you to abolish the practice of flying pregnant girls and young women out to different states and leaving them stranded with a newborn and no finances if they change their minds and decide to keep the child, often without their parents or other trustworthy and helpful older adults in their being made aware. This clearly shows time and again that several people do not care about the well being of mom or baby.

These are just some easily obtainable changes you can make Mr. Biden that will guarantee a better life for tens of millions of people because it not only positively effects adoptees but our loved ones as well. Promising and acting upon these thirteen steps are a great way to not only win votes but be a truly excellent president who believes in an America for all. We too are tired of the malarkey, won’t you help us end it?

Sincerely,

Megan DePerro

and millions of others.

Liberal Hollywood Ignores Us Again: The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

I watched the entire series of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and am watching the first 3 episodes of season 1 because I missed them. True to the graphic novel version of Sabrina this one is far more dark, violent, bloody, and has multiple anti Christian comments and pro Satanic references. Still, as a Christian I do like the series but if you don’t have a strong faith in Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Wicca, whatever you believe I wouldn’t recommend this series. Wicca is not Satanism! I do have a problem with the series making Satanism out to be a good thing especially when this series is geared towards older adolescents and young adults; the impressionable age.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch has excellent set designs and decor, good and great actors, nice directing, nice costuming, good music, and the story is moved along at a baby bear’s pace; just right. It has some great adventure scenes and if there ever was an adventure game of this series/graphic novel to play on Xbox or PS4 I’d snatch it up right away unless maybe there already is and I’ve been living in a cardboard box.

Still, there are some problems when it comes to equality that I see with this series. Let’s start off with the first.

One, White males. Right off the bat, spider, zombie and other creepy things lurking in this show a female character has to randomly point out how White males are the problem to the lack of female equality. This is due to a female, who later becomes transistions to male identifying, character being sexually harassed by a group of jocks. Yet not once is the race of the jocks mentioned. Even if it was, and yes we do see they appear White, sexual harassment by males such as forcing a person’s shirt up to expose her boobs isn’t a barbaric act only performed by White males. Furthermore, once again liberal Hollywood has taken it upon themselves to purposely dose themselves with an elixir of dementia and amnesia and forget about the millions of straight, White males who do care about equality for women, gays, and people of colour, etc. Furthermore, be a male White, Asian, Latino or Jewish etc. liberal Hollywood once again such as in the series Sabrina doses themselves on that elixir to forget the fact that numerous boys and men are sexually harassed too in schools and in the workplace, and no contrary to popular belief not at much lower rates. Liberal media will never mention that. Liberal media and the liberal infiltration in public schools are making the young and the impressionable believe that White males have always had it easy in this country. The Catholics, the Italians, the Poles, the redheads, the left handers, the mentally ill, the disabled, would gladly beg to differ, and of course the numerous closeted White bi and gay males over the centuries who had to remain closeted or face severe persecution including imprisonment.

Two. Being bisexual I don’t mind the LGBT diversity. I can’t call myself liberal because liberal and liberalism today has become too synonymous with bullying behaviour but I do, at the end of the day, believe in human rights for all. My belief in human rights for all extends to the unborn. I am prolife unless the pregnant mum’s life is in danger and I’d a million times rather see taxes go to supporting struggling families and single parents than trillions on war as well as taxing billionaires more. Bezos is only the richest man in the world because he treats his employees like shit. You couldn’t pay me to work for or buy Amazon. I am also against the death penalty. Yet time and time again whether it’s Netflix or PBS (the intellectual channel for old people) the non mainstream liberal characters don’t seem natural but forced. The pansexual transgender character in Sabrina seems forced even though they’re played by a nonbinary teenager just like in Downton Abbey it seemed forced when the extremely rich White cousin starts dating the Black man. Even though, according to University of London, interracial relationships did happen and were out in the open amongst all classes in British society even in the Tudor era. In fact, a great something biological grandfather of mine had a mistress who was Black. He had children with her who, it was recorded, he dearly loved. Mind you he was a king of Germany, my great something grandma was queen and their marriage was arranged. Still, I want non mainstream characters to come on the stage naturally and not feel like “ok we ticked off all liberal boxes A+ for us” because that’s what Sabrina feels like and so many other movies and TV shows of today. Compare that to Thomas the villainous, but we so want to hug him totally would’ve been a Slytherin if he went to Hogwarts, character in Downton Abbey who -SPOILER ALERT- is gay in the 1920s in Britain. Ouch. Why was that bad? Watch The Imitation Game to see why and to understand the meaning of perfectly directed filming. The difference is Thomas’s homosexuality feels so natural to the character and to the storyline. It is not just simply and lazily “going through the motions” to try and make sure we got everybody mentioned.

The last Star Wars movie, that I missed thirty minutes of because I literally had to close my eyes because that movie gave me an actual headache; so not a friendly movie for us autistics, pulled the same garbage when at the end in front of the screen with everyone behind them a lesbian mixed race couple kissed. Okay? Who the heck are these people? It was nothing more than a liberal publicity stunt. I don’t know their names, their ranks, their jobs, so why should I give a shit?

Third and final you remember how I brought up the trans character Susie turned Theo in the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina through my babbling? There’s a scene is season 3 when Theo is with a boy goblin and explains they weren’t always a boy which is unbelievably apparent but aside from that the goblin boy mentions he’s adopted. In the first episode of season 1 a couple are looking into funeral arrangements for their teenage son who died and say, “we couldn’t have children of our own so we had to adopt him.”

We pause in silence at this moment to allow all adoptees to throw a dish against the wall, laugh, groan, give the finger, or answer E all of the above. Of our own? Unless an adoptee is abused by the adopters we like to consider our adoptive parents to be our parents. Some of us have two or even three sets of parents. Had to? We had to adopt? No. No, no, no. You didn’t have to adopt. You chose to adopt. Having a child or children is a luxury not a priority even if NYS wants to claim it so by passing surrogacy laws to support the rich and exploit the poor during a pandemic because it’s never a bad time for a few billions to be made. Time and time again The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina  mentions adoption, just like other shows, but does not mention adoptee rights.

Adoptee rights truly are the final frontier of equality in the eyes of liberals. If the writers and director of Sabrina had done their homework they could’ve mentioned adoptee discrimination, racism endured by transracial adoptees, the coercion, manipulation and lies involved in nearly every adoption, child abuse and child homicides by adopters, and how the multibillion dollar adoption industry isn’t credentialed and has never been brought to justice for putting children into homes where they were murdered. It sends a clear message over and over that adoptee rights and the serious problems with the adoption industry and foster industry are to be ignored, not unknown, but ignored in order not to rock the boat. It would be nice if just once multiple well-educated on adoption adoptee voices were used to write a script and direct and that is one of the reasons I want to be a writer and director. I start school in the Fall if Covid19 is gone and I’m writing a play now for The Irish Classical Theatre. Still, don’t make it forced. My play needn’t, and therefore doesn’t have, adopted characters. I ask for more representation of authentic adopted characters that bring to light common struggles of adoptees, liberal Hollywood, and that isn’t asking too much. I also ask for other diverse characters to be me accurately, authentically, and thoroughly represented rather than just checking off the boxes and going through the motions.

We Are Grateful.

You should be grateful your child found a loving home. You should be grateful you have great adoptive parents. You should be grateful you have such a nice family. You should be grateful adoption gave you such an amazing life. You should be grateful you were specially chosen…. and on and on and on. 

Let’s be honest here when it comes to these comments said, and others, they’re often said by people who A have no or little knowledge about adoption and B said by people who have no idea what your family is like. Nobody knows what your family is truly like unless they live in your home.

I feel like there is going to some day be a rebellion of a bunch of adoptees because too many adopted children now are growing up not in loving homes but in fake loving homes where they aren’t being told that their open adoptions are just that open adoptions, with self adopters closing off the adoption at the earliest chance after lying to the child’s real mom that they’ll keep it open. Please be advised I am not saying all adoptive parents are like that. I am explaining that some, too many nowadays are. I feel adopted children of today will rebel tomorrow after learning how much bamboozling is involved in adoption today, the murders of the adoption industry, the corruption and unethical practices and so on and so forth. I look forward with much gratitude to that day.

But back to now, back to today. So often both online and in the real world first mothers, and especially adoptees, and maybe first fathers too are told what they should be grateful for. One thing that commonly comes up is being told they should be grateful they chose adoption for their babies instead of “the evil practice of abortion” or that adoptees should be grateful they were “lovingly chosen by a family instead of abortion”. The problem with this is twofold, one adoption is not the answer to abortion which I explained in another article you can read in this blog. Most first mothers never contemplated abortion. Nobody stepped in and said, gee how can I help you keep your child? Oh and don’t believe that adoption agencies do this because they always follow it up with comments such as, “your child is not your family’s responsibility” and “why don’t you come and look at profiles of families.” Believe me I would know I got access to their propaganda bullshit. Adoptees don’t need to be grateful for not being aborted because one most were never at risk of being aborted, and two even if an adoptee is an adoptee because of a failed abortion or a first mother or biological mother who walked out of an abortion facility it’s not their responsibility to be grateful. Nobody tells the kept children of a mother, who is not a first mother, to be grateful they weren’t aborted when there’s an extremely high chance she has aborted one of more of their siblings. If an adoptee was aborted instead of adopted they wouldn’t know the difference; they’d be dead.

So now that I got that cleared up let’s explain that us first mothers and us adoptees and us first fathers and us biological aunts and us half adoptees and us who are connected to adoption are grateful for things. Sometimes some adoptees are grateful for being adopted and that’s okay but what is equally okay is for other adoptees to not be grateful for being adopted. First mothers and first fathers are not grateful their child was lost to adoption. Even if they claim they are because it apparently gave their child a better life, that’s not what they are grateful for especially since adoption is an extremely risky gamble that does not guarantee the outcome of a better life. When they say that what they mean is they are grateful that the false perception of adoption made their child’s life better and the false perception that they would’ve been some kind of terrible parent for XYZ reason; being unmarried, being poor, being uneducated to society’s liking. What if the adoption truly did make the adoptee’s life better? Can’t the first mother be grateful for that? The adoptee can but the first mother should understand whilst she can be grateful it gave her child a better life, only if the adoptee himself says so, she also remembers the devastating loss it brought upon her, her adopted out child and the whole family and was completely unnecessary if an out of family adoption as legal guardianship and kinship care are thee suitable options.

There are numerous things adoptees are grateful for. It’s good to have an attitude of gratitude, but it’s up to us adoptees as a collective and much more importantly individually to decide what we are grateful for. The more you can think of things to be thankful for the easier the list of ideas will come so without further ado here is my list of 100 things I am grateful for. Making such a list will rewire the brain to think more positively.

1. Fresh air 2. Clean water. 3. Access to sanitation. 4. A warm shower. 5. Soap. 6. Access to food. 7. The ability to know how to cook. 8. Having a great sense of humour. 9. Laughing. 10. Making people laugh. 11. My best friend who sadly is rightfully mad at me right now so I hope we can fix things. 12. My other best friend who is down in Georgia. 13. Clothes. 14. Great movies. 15. Cultures. 16. My intelligence. 17. Jesus. 18. All the types of sports out there. 19. My biological cousins who accept me. 20. My biological aunts who accept me. 21. My cousin Jillian. 22. My cousin Nick. 23. My creative writing abilities. 24. My dog who I’m glad is back. 25. My cat who I miss. 26. My new digs. 27. Getting into college into an extremely selective program. 28. My ambition. 29. My friend Lars and how helpful and kind he is and how much he has changed for the better in a year or two. 30. Doctors. 31. Nurses. 32. Excellent teachers. 33. Schools that are revolutionizing the way kids learn and teachers teach. 34. My ability to know how to read. 35. Living in a safe community. 36. Being a polyglot though I really need to stop being lazy and start using more than just Spanish. 37. Microwaves and quick food when I am starving lol. 38. $3 pizza from Tops. Don’t judge lol I get the thin crust though I haven’t had it in a long while. 39. My dad helping me out. 40. My friend and former boss cos I freaking love this lady. 41. My current boss now who seems very nice and I can’t wait to go to work and finally make money I so desperately need after this coronavirus is over. 42. The women who paved the way for other women to have equal rights. PS. Can the women’s rights movement please stop being hijacked by abortion? I am prolife one and two there is far far far far far more to deal with nationally and especially globally when it comes to women’s rights especially things like female genital mutilation, child marriage,  and domestic violence. 43. The knowledge and understanding that men too are discriminated in their own way. 44. Butterflies. 45. Puppies. 46. Giraffes. 47. Polar bears. 48. Environmentalists. 49. My dad’s frugalness cos it’s really paid off after all these decades during the virus. 50. Having lived and travelled the world. 51. Thunderstorms. 52. Rain. 53. Rainbows. 54. Colours. 55. Colour therapy. 56. Crystals. 57. Aromatherapy and aromas. 58. People with positive loving energy. 59. Books. 60. Unschooling. 61. Montessori schooling. 62. My own ideas on how to run a school. 63. Painting. 64. Pottery. 65. Glassblowing. 66. Sculptures. 67. Museums. 68. Science. 69. Knowing how to swim. 70. Knowing martial arts. 71. Forgiveness. 72. Having no problem apologizing. 73. The Gospels. 74. Love. 75. Humility which I need to work on at times. 76. Friends and acquaintances from so many different backgrounds even in the adoptee community. 77. My mom’s amazing cooking. 78. God’s miracles. 79. Every baby born. 80. Compliments. 81. Things that make me look or feel pretty. 82. When I make friends happy. 83.  Good health of myself and good health of others. 84. Veterinarians. 85. All essential workers and isn’t it interesting how we have learned who is truly essential. 86. Massages. 87. My absolutely fantastic chiropractor who is so on my list of things to do the week this ban gets lifted. 88. Family friends. 89. Being reunited with my kind biological family members so I can see the kids grow and learn. 90. All the things my best friend has done for me before, during and after we lived together. 91. Honesty. 92. Another chance. 93. Horses of courses. 94. Whales. 95. Dolphins. 96. The possum lady seriously look her up on Youtube. 97. Stones. 98. Country drives through farmland. 99. Heaven. 100. How much I’ve changed and grown for the better in six months because of my best friend. 

When Someone Says…. Part 2

This is part 2 of the last article I wrote on here. It’s really crucial you don’t change wording around from how I extremely strongly suggest how to answer people’s statements and questions about adoption because I’ve been doing this for decades, I’ve been an adoptee my whole life, and because even a small change in wording can really change the message. If you haven’t read part 1 yet please catch up on that first. The questions or statements will be in bold and the answers in regular text. Since 1 through 20 were done in part 1 this will be 21-40.

21. Moses was adopted. Moses’s adoption, if you can even call it that, was absolutely nothing like modern adoption especially the barbaric practice of closed adoption. Moses didn’t have his heritage taken away, Moses wasn’t deprived of knowing who is biological family was, Moses didn’t have an original birth certificate sealed on him, Moses didn’t have an adoption agency to tell him lies, and more. Forget Hollywood, read the book of Exodus from the Torah or Old Testament. Moses knew who his orignal family was, Moses knew he was Jewish. This would’ve been extremely apparent as well because the Egyptians and the Jewish people looked different. Moses wasn’t techically adopted but was raised by an Egyptian princess who cared for the child and was kind and wanted nothing to happen to him.  Some of Moses’s own biological family members were servants of the pharaoh.

22. Jesus was adopted. Same concept as I mentioned in #21, Jesus’s life is not a comparison to modern adoption. I wrote an article about this in this blog. Jesus’s life cannot be compared whatsoever to any modern adoption except and only except a stepparent adoption. Jesus knew both of his biological parents and was raised by His mom. Joseph was His earthly Father, His stepfather if you will. Jesus did not have anything or anyone taken away from Him as punishment like adoptees have. Jesus wasn’t deprived of knowing He’s Jewish, didn’t have to look in the mirror and wonder who He looks like, He wasn’t told He’s not being given biological family medical information or updated information. Of course, biological family medical information and original birth certificates didn’t exist in ancient times, but you get the point.

23. I/we/my children’s adoptive parents were in the birthing room and it was beautiful. No, this is not a beautiful tactic as argumentative or rude as my comment may be. The adoption industry purposely has the potential adoptive parents nowadays in the birthing room so that the bonding between the mom and baby or mom and dad if the newborn’s daddy is there and baby does not occur. It is only done to disrupt the natural bonding and to make sure the mom of the baby would feel guilty if she changed her mind. It is a manipulative ploy and nothing else.

24. My child was adopted. No, no, no. Your child is adopted. So much of the terminology you were taught by the adoption industry is to erase the feelings and needs of your adopted child. An adoptee is adopted for life. Being adopted is something that will alter the course of their life in both big, noticeable and small, subconscious ways. Adoption is never a one and done thing for your child. The proper phrase is my child is adopted. Do not allow any adoption agency employee to tell you what to say. Proper adoption language comes from us educated adoptees.

25. We adopted our child from X country, but they are American just like us and have been here since they were a baby so we see no need in them learning about their other culture and country of origin. Perhaps if they ask. I’m all for child led learning which is more popularly known as unschooling, but when you adopt a child from another country you send a message to your child that their original country and original culture isn’t valuable enough to learn about. They might internalize this message by being afraid to ask to explore it or they may, when older, feel like they need to explore it behind your back and feel you wouldn’t be interested in learning it with them. If you are an adoptive parent, yes definitely teach them the love for America, but teach them to have a sense of pride and respect in the country they come from. As an adoptive parent it is your responsibility if you adopted internationally to know some of your child’s native language and things about the country’s politics, geography, government, cuisine, traditional dance, and more. This, however, does not mean that I am advocating for international adoption. I’m not.

26. You weren’t abandoned you were adopted. Actually, some of us, like myself were in fact abandoned. Anybody who chooses a closed adoption, not forced but chooses a closed adoption, has chosen a legalized form of child abandonment. Just because it’s legal does not make it moral or right. Other babies and children are abandoned through illegal means and then adopted. Scientific evidence now proves that early separation of baby and mother has a profound traumatic effect on the baby’s brain and this forms lifelong mental health complications.

27. Your parents specially chose you. No, what adoption agencies do is they actually just have a list and call the next person on the list. For example, also if you adopt from China, and again I am not advocating for adoption because I’m not I realize though it happens, and you have one adopted child and then find out the child’s sister, for example, is in the orphanage they will not allow you to adopt the sister just because you adopted the other sister. Personally, I think this is ridiculous, child traumatizing, absurd, and every damn negative word I can think of. Absolutely siblings and cousins should be kept together. Adoptive parents do not specially choose their children.

28. Have you found your birthparents? How you answer depends on how you feel. Some ways to respond. I did, but I’m not in the mood to talk about it. I didn’t, but I’m not in the mood to talk about it. I did, and they are nice. I did, and they are horrible people. I found one, but I don’t want to talk about it. I found one, and he/she (whatever wording you want to use) is nice. I found one, and he/she (whatever wording you want to use) is horrible.

29. I’m so sorry you had a bad adoption experience. Keep it simple with this one. No, you’re not the least bit sorry. Your sorry that your fantasy dream of adoption being magical unicorns farting rainbows out of their butts has come to an end. You have trouble comprehending the complexity and difficulty that is adoption and would rather ignore the problems that adoption has caused for millions, yes millions, like myself such as high suicide rates, deportation of adoptees simply for being adopted, low self esteem problems and lies told by the adoption agency. There’s a time to be blunt and this is one of those times. For those who are Christian remember Jesus too tossed the gambling table s in His Father’s house and yelled at people. When this phrase is said every single time these people are not showing any remorse but are telling you that you are selfish for having your own experiences or want to ignore the negative experiences and demand you focus only on the positive experiences.

30. Were your parents drug addicts? A few ways you can respond to this. Wouldn’t it be nice if I knew? The state knows but refuses to let me know it. No, my first parents were not drug addicts. Yes, my first mother, first father, first parents were or are drug addicts but this doesn’t mean they were or are bad people. I’d rather not get into it.

31. But adoption is a choice. Yes, sometimes people do truly choose adoption after being well-informed and some do choose closed adoption as a form of legalized abandonment, but true choice can never be made after discussing it with an adoption agency or adoption attorney. This is because they lie, manipulate and withhold information. This isn’t a gross analogy but absolute truth. True choice can only happen after talking to a slew of first mothers who lost their children to adoption and to adoptees to hear about our experiences.

32. Made an adoption plan. This is adoption industry propaganda. The proper usage is, depending on what happened, either given away for adoption or lost to adoption.

33. Adoption gave you a better life. How? You make the assumption that my biological family was poor, abusive, had a drug addiction or all of the above but that may not necessarily be true. Or you can answer like this, yes after meeting my biological family and learning they are crazy, abusive, etc adoption did give me a better life, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t changes to the industry that need to be made such as never sealing original birth certificates ever again or denying adoptees and their adoptive parents biological family medical information or going after these lawyers and agency workers who lie and manipulate and even make girls feel inadequate to parent.

34. You’re saints for adopting. No, we are not saints for adopting and please don’t put us on a pedestal. We try our best but we make mistakes just like any other parent.

35. Happy birthday. Thank you, but sometimes we wish people would ask us about how we feel about this day. For us adopted as babies this is the day we lost our first mothers, whether that was because they abandoned us or because they lost us to adoption because of manipulation, a lack of support and more. And you know what, adoptees, for some of you birthdays are too painful so you don’t have to even say thank you and you don’t even have to say it’s your birthday and you don’t even have to celebrate it if you don’t want to.

36. We will decide what is best for our adopted child. If this is said to an adoptee who tries to give advice a response needs to be said. When you adopt a child you adopt an adoptee, you adopt someone from my people, my tribe and when an adoptee tells you something of value about the adoption experience or what an adoptee, including your child, will endure you need to be all ears. Only us adoptees know adoptees best.

37. I’m sure you’re happy with your choice or what a wonderful person you are for choosing adoption instead of abortion. This is said often to first mothers and society wants them to respond with yes, of course. You know what, screw that answer. Some types of responses. No, not really they closed the adoption on me and I have no idea how my child is doing. No, it really wasn’t my choice I was forced into it by my parents, my boyfriend, my abusive husband, my income circumstances. No, I was told it was a great thing for my child but they ended up being very psychologically damaged and or discriminated. No, I wish I had been given the support I deserve. No, my children were taken from me and I wasn’t given enough time to turn my life around. No, my children were taken from me through lies by the corrupt foster and adoption agency system. If you care to say something about the abortion comment you could say something such as I don’t judge women who have had an abortion.

38. Adoption is great. If adoption is great which of your children or grandchildren can I keep for myself?

39. Did your parents have any of their own kids after you? I am my parents own kid. This is to be said if you had a good relationship with your adoptive parents.

40. Oh you’re adopted, why didn’t you tell me? Answer this however you want.

When Someone Says….

That’s my title When Someone Says and today I’ll be saying common things said and asked about adoption and to adoptees and what to say. The problem with society is those who are seen as experts on adoption, such as adoptive parents, adoption attorneys, and adoption agency employees are in fact not the experts. It’s outrageously rare that an adoptive parent is, and I can only think of one. A woman whose child is unlike nearly all other adoptions out there. She adopted her niece, never sealed her obc, and never has kept her from other safe biological family members and took her in because her life depended on it. Her knowledge of the foster system corruption and unethical discriminatory practices of the multibillion dollar industry knows no bounds. In fact, I’ve learned from her. However, she is an extreme rare case as the very large majority of adoptive parents aren’t experts. That doesn’t make them all bad people, it makes them unaware that they too, to a certain degree, are lied to by the adoption industry. Adoption attorneys are not experts either. They are experts at lying. In my research of several adoption attorneys, mostly in New York State, I’ve never come across one that is honest in New York State and only two in the entire country; both female lawyers. Adoption attorneys will lie and claim things like they are representing the pregnant mother when the agency is paying them. The ignorant girl or woman, deprived of truth and her true own lawyer, is unaware of the fact the lawyer cannot represent her and be paid by the agency who wants to take her child to gain a profit. The all too common lie about open adoption remaining open, when 75% in the States and Canada do not, and the lie that they are legally binding or the lie by omittance by not mentioning that open adoptions are not legally binding are all too common practices of American and Canadian adoption attorneys as well as adoption agency employees. The other lies adoption agency employees tell are much too long to mention here and have been mentioned beforehand in this blog.

Those of us who are the experts are the ones who have done the research. Years and years, and years, and a few more years of research. Decades of research for some. If you’re getting your information from the adoption industry then you have been misled for years and have been taken down the wrong path. I won’t say that adoptees are the experts on adoption because some still are very much clueless.

So without further ado I am going to pose a phrase, comment, or question and in bold explain how best to answer it. I strongly advice to not rewrite it in your own words because doing so could change the facts. Wording is extremely crucial in this. Also, remember some people, many people in fact, don’t care to know the truth. They would rather live a comfortable lie than an uncomfortable truth.

  1. Adoption is love. Who is is adoption love for? Yes, adoption can be love for an adoptee rescued from a very bad home or an adoptee who had truly lost their parents and nobody else in the family could or should raise them because they either are dead too or are unsafe for the child, but this is usually not the case. Nearly all adoptions are preventable. Adoption also doesn’t guarantee a better home or a better life, and if you look at the suicide rates of adoptees, quite often it doesn’t. There are also far too many adopters who adopt not because they love a child and want to help a child but solely because they want to help themselves. 

 

2. Adoption not abortion.

There are 2 ways you can answer this depending on if you’re pro abortion or anti abortion. I’m prolife, which should not be confused with probirth which most prolifers actually are. Pro abortion answer: Just because a woman gets pregnant unexpectedly does not mean she owes anyone her child. If she wants to have an abortion that is her legal right. Anti abortion answer: Adoption does not save babies from abortion. According to the Guttmacher Institute the US would need an extremely conservative estimate of a 5,400% increase in infant adoptions in order to eradicate abortion. In fact, some of what is considered abortion is done on an unborn baby that is already deceased. There are other options out there, options that aren’t forced upon pregnant and new mothers, such as legal guardianship and kinship care but these are never mentioned because nobody profits from them. Promoting adoption is promoting discrimination, and sometimes child abandonment. 

3. I was raised in foster care. I was raised in an abusive home. I wish I had been adopted.

I’m sincere when I say I’m sorry you had shitty parents and I really, really hope they are in prison for what they did, but and this is not the take away from the pain you endured, adoption is not a guarantee of a better home or a safe and loving home no matter what you’ve heard. The adoption industry is a multibillion dollar, loosely regulated uncredentialed industry which has never been brought to justice for the kids it’s put into homes where they have been abused or worse murdered or raped and murdered. Not here in the US, not in Canada, not in the UK, not anywhere. I’m sorry to say these are also not rare cases, although I’m sure you’ll agree one is one too many. 

4. We want to build our family through adoption.

What kind of adoption? This is the problem with the word adoption. There are so many varities that a blanket word adoption does no good for adoptees or to fix the system as it just adds to the confusion and the multibillion dollar adoption industry loves people to be confused. When you say you want to build your family through adoption this quite often is going to mean you will take an infant or child from their natural family when it is unnecessary. Adoption agencies and adoption lawyers use manipulation, lies, deceit, and coercion both subtle and force to obtain the babies they use as legalized commodity. When you adopt a child or, build your family through adoption a child loses his family and a family loses his child. Now, if you’re talking about growing your family through adoption but strictly only want a child whose life would be endangered if he or she remained with his or her biological family that is different but even in these cases kinship care or legal guardianship can be used unless you are adopting out of the foster care system. If you’re talking about growing your family through adoption for an infant using an adoption agency   and you claim you will do only an open adoption and insist you will keep it open I’m sorry I have my doubts, my extremely strong doubts because most claim they’ll do this and then don’t. Even if you did, and it’s good for the child that you do have them keep in contact with safe biological family members you are still contributing tens of thousands of dollars to an industry that is not even credentialed, that allows the reselling of children for profit, that has told numerous lies, that has never been brought to justice for drugging mothers and taking their babies, and has never been brought to justice for the children it placed with murderers and that’s only the beginning. 

5. I know about adoption my brother was adopted.

You know one adoption case, one adoption story and if it’s a closed or semi closed adoption then neither you nor your brother know most of it. What was shared to you and to your parents by the adoption agency or private adoption attorney or whomever is likely incorrect, full of holes, a half truth, or in rare cases could be entirely true. 

6. You can’t be an expert. Where are your credentials? Are you an adoption consultant?

Adoption consultants are taught to promote adoption. Adoption consultants are also mislead into believing that adoption will take away or cure the pain of infertility. They can mean well when they recognize that adoptees endure trauma and with adoption comes some sort of and some level of adoption trauma in most cases, but at the end of the day adoption promotion is used. Being an expert on adoption doesn’t come with credentials. It comes with both living it and doing the research through websites, books, listening, interviews, observations, reviewing adoption agency brochures full of propaganda and more. 

7. A birthmother lovingly chooses adoption.

No woman or teenage girl lovingly chooses adoption. It happens through a variety of ways. Any of these are possibilities. She wanted to put all blame on her child and take no self responsibility and found a method of legalized abandonment via closed adoption. She was forced by her boyfriend, parents, husband, boss, society etc. She was told that adoption was the loving option and that keeping was selfish; this isn’t love this is victimizing a person for one’s own profitable gain. She had her child or children taken away from her for an unjust reason. She had her child or children taken away from her for a just reason. She did lovingly choose a fully open adoption but this was because she was lied to and not informed about the lie of open adoptions and was not informed about adoption trauma for her or her child or children. 

8. A child needs a two parent home.

A child doesn’t need a two parent home. It’s no guarantee of a financially more secure or better or happier life. About 50% of adoptive couples divorce so using that as a platform to promote adoption is of no use. A child needs a home where they are loved, fed, disciplined, cared for, taught, have clean clothes and age appropriate toys and access to a social life depending upon age is what a child needs. None of that requires two parents. If a child can have two parents who love him, great, but it cannot be and should not be a substitute for a child’s natural family unless the biological family is unsafe. 

9. I’m adopted and I don’t think of adoption like that.

Then perhaps you to need to inform yourself about issues like the high incarceration rates amongst adoptees and the high suicide rates and more. 

10. Do your adoptive parents mind if you search?

It doesn’t matter if they mind or don’t mind. It’s my God given right as an adult to search. It has no comparison upon how they raised me.

11. Why do you want to search for and bother strangers?

Because it was not a choice of mine for them to become strangers. If you were me would you want to search or to know learning you have kith and kin out there you have been made aware of? I think curiousity would get the better of you no matter what you say. Even if you choose not to, it is my legal right to do what I think is best for me. For my entire life I’ve been doing what is supposedly claim to be best for others, which is hardly ever the truth besides. By claiming I am bothering someone it puts the entire blame of the adoption and the circumstances of the adoption on the adoptee. People, like yourself, love adoptees when they are babies and little kids but hate them when we become adults. 

12. It is up to the birthmother if she wants the rest of the family to know.

Actually, it is not nor does she have any business keeping her own child to herself. Any adoptee, regardless of their conception including rape and incest, does not deserve to be kept hidden. It should be her responsibility to tell but if not the adoptee has the legal right, and the moral obligation, to tell biological family members he or she cares to try and get to know provided they are adults. 

13. Our agency was very ethical and they did ask the birthmother of our child if she wanted to keep the child.

How did they tell her? Because in my _____ years of research they follow up that comment with phrases like, “keeping is selfish” “but remember you must do what is right for your child, won’t you look at these profiles of these nice couples?” or something to that effect. There is no such thing as an ethical adoption agency because they paint adoption as a happy ending for all, ignore adoption trauma such as the high suicide rate, and promote and encourage adoptee discrimination.

14. I’m glad to be adopted, why can’t you be too?

One can be glad to be adopted and still fight for equality for adoptees. It isn’t so much about being glad or not glad, although it definitely will be for adoptees who have had terrible lives, it’s more about fixing injustices.

15. I just found out I have a XYZ, should I meet them or ask their biological parent if I can first?

Are you an adult? Are they an adult? Proceed and meet how you want if you’re both adults. Be that on the phone, face to face, via Skype. The biological parent plays no role in this. If the biological parent asks to be there then yes please let them be there. However, if they do not answer or don’t want to be there or don’t want you two to meet them fuck em and meet your kind and normal and nice relative who does want to meet. 

16. But you have great adoptive parents.

Unless you live in someone’s home you do not know what their parents are truly like. Even if I have great adoptive parents, it in no way takes away the adoption trauma or pain caused by adoption discrimination and/or an abusive biological family.

17. What about the orphans?

Most orphans in this world are not orphans and most who are actually have extended family to care for them. This has been the case for decades.

18. Well, I don’t care what you say I’m going to choose adoption for my child anyway.

Before making an extremely life altering decision for you and your child please contact Saving Our Sisters on Facebook. It will only take 5 minutes of your time.

19. Closed adoption keeps children safe from biological family.

Actually, an open adoption can be used and the child’s information, such as address and name of adoptive parents and child’s name not given to the abusive biological person. There is never a reason to promote or use the child abusive practice of closed adoption.

20. Aren’t you glad you were raised in Canada/American/Ireland/Australia rather than XYZ?

This answer will really vary depending on the person’s own life, but this question poses a racist ideology without meaning to that some countries, basically Black and brown countries, along with Eastern Europe are not as civilized. 

These are only some. We’ll commence with part 2 later.

 

 

What is Privilege? We Need to Have This Talk. Non Adoptee Privilege, Racial Privilege, Heterosexual Privilege, and Non Transgender Privilege.

I didn’t plan on coming back to this. When I wrote my final article on the Three Kings Day I had really planned for that to be the last one, but sitting on this for the past few days I know even if it’s stressing me out there is something that needs to be addressed, very strongly addressed.

If you remember I mentioned a lot of people in Rochester, NY have their heads in the sand about adoption and prefer for it to be there and practically enjoy being nasty to adoptees. My sick and demented biological family are for sure some of them. Now, on a positive note I am seeing a change in more and more Rochesterians as they are liking the fact that original birth certificates have been unsealed. Others, have not and that is what we’ll discuss now. Privilege. Let’s discuss four types of privilege. First, non-adoptee privilege since this is blog is about adoptees and other people and the problems of the adoption industry, followed by racial privilege,  heterosexual privilege, and ending it with non transgender privilege. Why discuss things not related to adoptees and adoption? Because this entire blog is about accessing equal rights which means for all, and because many adoptees overlap such as my acquaintance who is an adoptee and is a Black Puerto Rican or my other acquaintance who is an adoptee and is also Asian and transgender.

  1. Non -adoptee privilege. Non adoptee privilege are people who are not adopted who do not have to deal with the daily struggles and daily discrimination that adoptees, especially closed adoptees, endure. This discrimination varies in severity and all have been discussed over the years in this blog. This is not about step parent adoptions unless one parent has always been absent. Non adoptee privilege gives you the access to know your family medical history or easily ask family members for it, non adoptee privilege enables you to know your heritages or more easily ask and much more easily create a family tree. Non-adoptee privilege gives you access to a passport unless you are a felon, whereas some adoptees are denied simply for being adopted. Non adopted privilege gives you access to your real birth certificate instead of a fake one when your real one has been stolen by your state government. However, these are just some examples of many. I recently came across a horrible, delusional, and quite possibly psychopathic woman in Rochester, NY. Oddly enough she works as a journalist who believes in equality but her words on a local news Facebook page said otherwise. To her, and unfortunately to many others, and I am not paraphrasing here, adoptees ruin biological family members lives, are stalkers and bad people for wanting to search out answers and their original family members, are the problems of their biological mothers and it was good they were gotten rid of, do not deserve their original birth certificates, and do not deserve equality. Yes, there are evil and cruel people like this who exist. Non adoptee privilege enables you access to certain things we cannot get simply for being adopted, but alongside that it enables you the ability to live a life where you aren’t blamed for being born. Nobody would look at you and blame you for something you didn’t do. Yet, in an unhealthy society such as ours we see it perfectly acceptable to ignore an adoptee and deny them access rather than to achieve equality for all, demand everyone be honest because nowhere in psychology is it normal to hide your children, and believe it’s okay to shirk self responsibility just because you signed a piece of paper with the very unethical and often corrupt adoption industry and your discriminatory state government to enable legalized abandonment. I will make this adamently clear. Never tell an adoptee and as an adoptee never say “I don’t want to intrude” “I don’t want to ruin their lives”. You were never made to be someone’s dirty secret whether or not we finally achieve full equality. By exposing yourself and who you are does not ruin their lives. What ruins their lives is their own choice, again own choice, to not take self responsibility and to not tell the truth. Non-adoptee privilege gives you access to knowing whose features you have and while that may seem like nothing it’s little things you can take for granted. Non adoptee privilege allows you to never run the risk of being a person without a country and therefore unable to register yourself a citizen, marry, work, or vote because your adoptive parents fucked up your adoption either because the agency never told them what they need to do or because they didn’t on purpose because your adopters kept you as a slave. Non adoptee privilege allows you to never have to be hated for exposing someone’s secret, your own existence, because they didn’t do the morally good thing. It allows you to not have to educate society, even other adoptees, that people cannot get over their children unless they as parents are psychopaths or have narcisstic personality disorder.

2. Racial privilege. Racial privilege is the ability to do day to day living tasks without being judged, narrowly percevied, or negatively stereotyped based on the colour of your skin. This isn’t only a Black/White issue. In the Latino community, racial privilege absolutely exists where a White looking child would be seen as a good luck charm to their parents but the other Latino family down the road whose child has Black features would be seen as a bad luck charm. So, how is that not a Black/White issue? Well, it is except that even today in 2020 there are Latino people who will literally deny or strongly downplay their African heritage. I also understand the new word Latinx, or at least new for me, had become popular. I mean literally no offense but I don’t know where I stand with using Latinx. When I hear Latino or Latina I think of the person and use whatever they want to be considered. This probably should go in non transgender privilege so I’ll finish what I was saying there. Racial privilege can be shown in many examples. For example, a White child with an unique name and their parents being called “creative”. But a Black child with an unique name being referred to as “having a ghetto name” when the name could be an older Biblical name or a name from Louisiana Creole French. Racial privilege enables you to go into a store and shop and browse to your heart’s content because you are White but be yelled at, asked rudely, “well, are you going to buy anything?” or other comments by the Arab shopkeeper because you are Black. Typically, but not always amongst all the types of people in this world Black people or people of African heritage deal with racial inequality the most. It’s also important to note it is not always White people that are causing the problems. If you’ve ever lived in LA you know about the history of the gang violence and extreme hatred between Black people and Latino people to the point that disgustingly, and horrifically, even small children have been killed. You might be aware of the hatred or not so much hatred but negative beliefs that some East Asian people have about Black people. Simply put racial privilege, which mostly effects White people, allows you not be judged harshly based on the colour of your skin. Now, is every White person completely immuned and will never be negatively effected personally? Absolutely not. Having worked in a predominately Black school and having known White people who attended predominately Black inner city schools in rough neighbourhoods I know for a fact that some of them were harassed, even beat up badly, simply based on the colour of their skin. Here in Buffalo, a White boy was beat up for taking a Black girl to prom simply for the colour of his skin. I won’t deny it happens I will only state the fact that for southeast Asians, Blacks, Native Americans, and Latinos with noticeable Black ancestry some White people and lighter skinned Latinos view them negatively. For example, they might look at a Native American person and assume they live in a trailer and are an alcoholic and never finished high school. Of course, even if the person were all three of those things it certainly doesn’t mean we should value them less as a person.

3. Hetereosexual privilege. Hetereosexual privilege enables you safety and security based on being sexually aroused by someone of the opposite sex. Anytime a LGBT news article is posted on Facebook there’s always that one guy, and always a White guy, who posts “when is straight pride week?”. I blame our schools for only teaching about Black people during the Civil Rights Movement and not about other oppressed groups such as Mexican Americans, women, and LGBT people or the struggles these groups still endure. Heterosexual privilege allows you to not be fired from your job simply for coming out such as in Idaho. Heterosexual privilege allows you to remain in the home you rent instead of being evicted such as if you are gay and open about it in Tennessee. Heterosexual privilege allows you to get a great education or a not great but still good education at a private school where you won’t be kicked out for coming out or for your school thinking you came out because you’re a 16 year old girl who asked for a rainbow cake for your birthday. Hetereosexual privilege allows you to go out with whoopsie booopsie or lemon drop or whatever cutsie name you got for each other without weird stares, whispers of “that guy is too hot to be gay” or rude laughs because you’re holding hands as two women and especially, especially as two men. Hetereosexual privilege allows you to not be asked questions such as, “oh so you’re straight now?” because you’re bisexual who dated three other women but now you decided to marry a guy. Heterosexual privilege is being able to have people never consider you to be HIV positive when in fact anyone can be. Not having HIV is a privilege in its own, not only because you’re fortunate to not be battling a disease that will kill you unless you take medication with potentially serious side effects, but I mean more so not having HIV is a privilege that allows you to not be judged as “dirty” and “slutty”  or that you’re better than them when you’re not and able to easily infect and kill people with one drop of blood  because people are unaware about U=U or nontransferable due to medications available.

Currently, the website lifepetitons dot com, a website dedicated to oppressing women and non heterosexual people has a petition up to boycott the Disney movie Onward claiming it “shoves the LGBT agenda down people’s throats” and “sexualizes young children”. How does a children’s Disney movie do this? Well, according to them because one character in the movie is going to be openly lesbian by talking about her wife. Yet, in the numerous Disney movies out there that these people’s children already watch were there is a heterosexual couple, such as Mickey and Minnie, or Shrek and Fiona, or Snow White and the Prince, or Princess Aurora and the Prince, or you get the picture it’s perfectly fine and not sexualizing their children. Yet the moment a character is married to someone of the same sex as them it magically turns into sexualizing and ruining a child’s mind and innocence. Interesting said with a look of can people be that stupid. Well, that’s a good question can people be that stupid? They have a petition on there to ask others to ban the movie and the signatures are going up and up and up and up very fast. 41, 892 signatures and it wasn’t even at 40,000 when I started this article or was right on 40,000 when I did. Point is hatred spreads in this country like wildfire. Nowhere in American history, or British history, or any other history on the planet have LGBT people created an agenda to make other people gay, bisexual, lesbian or transgender. You don’t see these ignorant buffoons crying the heterosexual agenda when their kids watch movies with hetereosexual characters falling in love. They go around telling LGBT people they need to be hetereosexual and enjoy the gender they were born with and yet they have the audacity to say that we in the LGBT community, as I am bisexual, to say we are the ones with the agenda? That’s heterosexual privilege at its finest. Heterosexual privilege allows you better access to healthcare if you don’t live in or attend a healthcare facility in a city for the most part.

4. Non transgender privilege. Non transgender privilege is the ability to live safely. That is first and foremost the most important thing to mention in this privilege. Murder rates across North America of people who are transgender is incredibly high, and you all thought Canada was the land of niceness. Non transgender privilege gives you access to everything I described in heterosexual privilege but non transgender privilege allows you to be called how you want and dress how you want without being harshly judged. I don’t mean if you dress as a slob but people who dress in the clothes of the opposite gender are viewed negatively. I’ll admit even for myself I find it strange when I see someone who is biologically male who wears feminine clothes but it has become more normal for me and I think now is I saw my acquaintance who is born biologically male but is male to female transgender and enjoys dressing in skirt and dresses it would seem very strange to me to see her in pants. Plus her hair and makeup always look nice. For me , it wasn’t a feeling of this is wrong but that this is just unusual for me. I’m sure if I grew up in a society where say men wore tights and high heels, such as 16th century France, I would find that normal. Remember, women didn’t wear trousers at all until the 1920s and women, such as Jeanne D’Arc (known in English as Joan of Arc) would be brutally executed for dressing like a man. Seeing jeans on a woman or any type of pants/trousers seemed not only bizarre but morally wrong to many people even as late as the 1950s. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself, does it really matter if a person is wearing make up who typically wouldn’t in your society and/or your culture because they have a penis? I think we should focus more on whether or not that person is a good person. Non transgender privilege allows you to be called what you want. It allows you to not have people say stupid things like, “well I identity as a dinosaur” or “I identity as a ten year old kid so I’m not going into work today”. Some non transgender people do not understand that people who are transgender since they were small children do not feel like they were born in the right body. However, we need to also be extremely careful and not tell young children they are transgender based on their interests. A few years ago I nearly blew a gasket, I know what else is new, because this moronic woman was telling her three year old that he’s transgender because he likes to wear dresses. That doesn’t make a child transgender. To a three year old they enjoy playing dress up. A little boy being a princess, a little girl being a pirate it’s play to children and many of these children grow up to be non transgender and even heterosexual. Just becuase something is more geared for boys, such as monster truck rally and contact sports like hockey, doesn’t mean your daughter is necessarily transgender or a lesbian or even bisexual. Non transgender privilege means if your name is Tom you’re called Tom or if your name is Linda you’re called Linda, but if you’re transgender people might insist on still calling you Lyle when you prefer to be called Gwendolyn or you prefer to now be called Tom when people continue to call you Suzie. There are some things with wording I don’t agree with or don’t know where I stand with them but my arguement is one about equality for all. Let’s start with the don’t agree. The newly invented pronouns, mainly by hardcore left liberals on college campuses, zee, zem, they, etc. First of all, no you cannot use a plural pronoun in place of a singular pronoun. My English AP teachers cry. Next, inventing words such as zee or whatever invented pronouns are out there today doesn’t bring equality and to me only further ostracizes and already hated; violently hated, group of people. It isn’t that hard. If a person wants to be called he call that person he. If a person wants to be called she call them she. We define his or her pronoun not by their genitalia but by how they biologically feel. If a person is intersex, which means they biologically feel both male and female, then go by what they feel comfortable using. Where I’m not sure I stand is with the term Latinx. I can understand the problem with sexism in the Romance language. I speak Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, and French and know some Catalan. In these languages there is a huge amount of sexism built into the language. For example, let’s say there are 100 people in my house and all of them are Latina women. Hay 100 (cien) Latinas en mi casa. Now, let’s say there are 101 people in my house and 1 man just walked in. Hay 101 (cien y uno) Latinos en mi casa. All it takes is one male to change it to masculine. There could be 8 million females but the moment in French or Spanish or Catalan or Portuguese etc a male joins the group it has to be changed to masculine. I remember taking French and another form of sexism was how girls would get points off if we forgot to write the extra E in adjectives when describing ourselves that boys did not have to remember. Okay, a little bit of a tangent but it all ties in some way I guess. Maybe, maybe not. So, I get why people use Latinx they want transgender people who are Cuban or Dominican or Mexican or Puerto Rican or Ecuadorian or Chilean or Argentinian etc to feel included and that is great but this is how I consider it. Call someone Latina if they identity as Latina. Call someone Latino if they identity as Latino. It’s not based on whether or not they have a penis or a vagina, it’s based on their heritage or heritages and based on how they biologically feel. I can understand how the word Latinos may feel male dominantly based, and part of the strong patriarchy and machismo that created the Romance cultures and Romance languages but I’m just not a big fan of inventing new words. Sure, I’d like if the adjective used was based on what gender was more in the room, 100 women and 40 men means we’re going with Latinas but I cannot nor can you reinvent the structure of a language. If you’re going to argue that for eons words have been invented and added to the dictionaries of numerous languages, including English, I’ll argue yes because we decided to get lazy and allow that to happen. You can argue and say well then you can’t use any invented words such as computer, iphone. or sunglasses words that were not always in the English language. Again, I don’t know where I stand with Latinx. Right now, I don’t like it. People say they use it so transgender people are included but the thing is using the words Latinas and Latinos should already make transgender people feel included and again, be called what they want. Non transgender privilege allows you to use the bathroom of your choice, without people believing or writing fake news articles that you’re a sexual deviant and evil and a child paedophile and rapist because of which bathroom you’re using. Non transgender privilege allows you better access to healthcare.

Oh and that petition of hate now has 41, 925 signatures. Pro family unless your LGBT then we’ll kick you out.

My Adoption Story.

There comes a time to say goodbye, and this could be the very last article I write for my blog. It’s inspired many, and taught many, and of course, I have also learnt from many. It’s taken me four years to be prepared to write my story; my adoption story and decades to heal and to continue to heal from the trauma. I have come exceptionally far in the past few months thanks to my friend. Yes, that friend who originates from the South Bronx I mentioned before. So, this will be a very long, but I would gather to say, a very worthwhile article to read. It’ll make you feel uncomfortable and to that I say good! I’m sick of society being so set with comfortable lies rather than uncomfortable truths. There was a time when I wanted to expose evildoers; bad people and I did. So yes, some friends and acquaintances know the names of bad people I’m related to, but there is no point because you cannot turn bad people good, they will never show remorse for what they have done, they will twist things around to try and make you look bad. My biological paternal aunt, who you will come to know in this article, endured horrific child abuse and can attest to the fact that outing a bad person makes nothing better, and can, such as in her case, make things worse. Allow God to punish evil people because He will. My aunt  Jenni isn’t the only one who says this, so does my friend Manny, Snoop Dogg and a list of other people. Well, perhaps I should start telling my story.

Part I. Why Am I Telling My Adoption Story?

Nobody likes a clown who airs their dirty laundry. True. The point in me telling my story are a few reasons: to heal, to inspire other adoptees to share their stories because too often we are forced to be complacent, to share with the world that we need to stop glorifying biological mothers and considering them all to be saints, to educate. That’s basically it to heal and to educate. I’m telling it because I am ready and I think it needs to be shared and writing is therapeutic for me.

Part II. The Beginning and the Lies.

I already wrote an article a couple or a few years ago about the lies told by Catholic Family Center of Rochester, NY. Rochesterians have a serious problem in believing the truth about adoption a lot more than people in Syracuse, Buffalo, and Albany I have noticed. When the Democrat and Chronicle was given proof that birthparent privacy is a lie, and is not on the lawbooks, the editor in chief refused to believe it and refused to change an article that damages the achievement for equality for adoptees, which nevertheless we have now finally gained in New York State and I played a role in that but more on that later. I was told I was given away for adoption because my biological mother was a poor college girl but who chose to give me away because she loved me very much. I learnt when I was four I was adopted and to my four year old self it was a mixture of kidnapping and abandonment. The first part would prove false, the second part true. Of course, my adoption story is nowhere near as bad as say my acquaintances Jung Sook or Sadie Rone who grew up literally severely abused by their adopters, but there was definitely trauma and discrimination there because of being a closed adoptee. I never fell for the adoption fog perpertrated by the multibillion dollar adoption industry, not even at the age of four. Yes, I grew up privileged. However, I also grew up being disconnected from my culture, who I look like, my biological medical information, answers. To some adoptees or half adoptees they simply don’t care. However, once you learn you may learn that you cared all along. Not caring might be a coping mechanism. If someone truly doesn’t care the point is that access of God given information should be allowed. You don’t hide answers about someone’s life story, someone’s beginning, someone’s identity because they are Black, or Jewish, or adopted, or gay, or handicap or fill in the blank. That is my point. I moved around a lot, and grew up with an older also adopted brother who is very, very different from me. I was not an easy child to love and I am very different from my biological family although I do enjoy pool and westerns like my adoptive dad.

Part III. The Search.

I honestly tried searching before I was eighteen. Something in my gut told me that I had to search. Not just for answers, but to meet people. After all, Catholic Family Center told me and also lied to my adoptive parents that as an adult I would find some rather fabulous people. I requested non-identifying information; the only information permitted by New York State, twice and the paperwork provided to me by Catholic Family Center of Rochester, NY showed two completely different stories because I requested information in different years. This made me open my eyes to the fact that the adoption empire, a loosely regulated, uncredentialed multibillion dollar industry that has killed children and unnecessary misplaced tens of millions, cares only about money but not the well-being of human souls. I became an activist and learnt so much during and after my search such as the horrific reselling of children, children being brought here from Asian and African countries and then dumped, children being sold to paedophiles via adoption, the lies agencies tell such as the lie of open adoption, how they use actresses to lie to pretend they are biological mothers, the moles involved in adoption, how no agency or adoption attorney has ever been brought to justice for the murder of an adopted child by their adopters.

I had no information to go on for my search. I mean no real, damning evidence. Yet, I did it. I pulled it off. Only 2% of people I’ve been told can do it. It took thirteen years and tens of thousands of hours. Hours I lost meeting people, hanging out with people, writing more books, learning new crafts. However, I truly believe it was meant to be like this. I was meant to search, to find, to find a horrible family; mostly, and to become an activist.

Part IV. The Discovery- Biological Maternal Side.

I had been left with a letter asking to be found. What I found was a biological mother who lied. A biological mother who shows every shred of evidence of having narcissistic personality disorder. These people are as dangerous as psychopaths. My acquaintance Denise is both an adoptive mom to a son whose biological parents don’t give a shit about him, a first mother whose biological son was literally kidnapped by a priest, and a licensed therapist specialising in narcissistic personality disorder who can attest to the fact that my biological mother very, very likely has narcissistic personality disorder and has used other biological family members to be her flying monkeys. I spent four years praying for them intensely, having hundreds of others pray for them from Catholic to Jews, trying to kill them with kindness, not writing for months on end, and I was only meant with silence except for extremely few and far between nasty notes from them. My local police department referred to my biological mother as “the coldest mother ever” after reading her emails to me, and my biological maternal uncles, cousins, and sisters as having “shameful behaviour.” My police chief and former police lieutenant came to my house afraid I’d commit suicide because the emails were that nasty. No remorse was shown. I received an email from one biological sister telling me that people, such as themselves, can however they want to me because of how I was conceived. I have evidence I was not conceived in rape. I know two moms who conceived their children in rape and will adamently and extremely angrily testify to the fact that people don’t deserve to be treated like shit because of how they were conceived and because of the crimes of their parents. Sharing this knowledge with her did nothing because some people enjoy being ignorant and refuse to learn. Another biological half sister wrote me once only to nastily tell me how dare I not remain a dirty secret and that I didn’t give biological mother time to tell when she knew full well she was never planning to tell because she said so herself and I shared that information with her. A person, who just happens to be a high ranking official of the sheriff’s department where she is located, told me she is an idiot. I forgave them, you know I forgave them after almost four years and you know what they did? They as in biological cousins, spouses, uncles, sisters, and mother? They spread more lies and more hatred about me and got another biological cousin who I was in contact with and actually visited to stop talking to me.  I had one biological cousin out in Colorado I reached out to. We were talking. I told her the truth and she said, “how terrible. I’ll never treat you badly like that.” Soon after, her mother who she was estranged from for years because her mother had an affair went to her wedding. Her mother who is from the city where my evildoer biological mother is from. Literally the very next day after that wedding I never heard from her again.

It isn’t only my biological family, but it’s people through Rochester, NY are so so unwilling to discuss the problems with adoption. Even adoptees don’t want to discuss the discrimination, they don’t even want to admit it exists, but even more unsettling than these facts I’ve experienced and other activists have experienced is the fact that people in Rochester, and yes elsewhere too but it seems to pervasive in Rochester, is that people enjoy demonising adoptees. My biological mother, biological uncles, biological great aunts, etc enjoy demonising me that every problem my biological mother endured is my fault instead of her taking self-responsibility. What else do you expect from toxicity and evil? I’ve had too many people say and believe that adoptees should be the dirty secrets of their biological mothers. Adoptees are people, too often that is forgotten and as I’ve mentioned many times before we are not dirty secrets; do not expect us to behave or do things you would never ask non-adoptees to do regardless of what occurred. Simply put, do not blame us. I’ve let lifelong friends go, such as a friend of twelve years originally from Brooklyn and Buffalo and a friend then acquiantance from Australia because they believed in demonising me by thinking it’s alright I remain a dirty secret. There is a difference between giving someone time to tell they had you and lost you to adoption, it is quite another when someone not only chooses to give you away, but chooses the worse form of adoption. My biological mother and biological father chose closed adoption; they knew they were choosing the most discriminatory form and closed adoption is legalised abandonment.

We need to stop believing the lies that all biological mothers feel loss, or are all good people, or were tricked or are just too scarred for reunion. The truth is some biological mothers are cunts, and mine is a cunt. It’s time society allow adoptees to own this truth because it helps us heal.

For nearly four years I kept trying and thinking about my biological family for hours and hours on end daily because people, well-intentioned, kind people told me things like “it’s only been X amount of years give them time.” My friend Manny was a huge breakthrough for me when he said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “why allow bad people into your life? Why even have you allowed bad people this much time to change? Why have you let bad people occupy your mind and time for so long?” I was first offended slightly when he called them strangers. After all adoption makes strangers family and family strangers, but I came to realise they are strangers because they chose to not give me an opportunity. That is strictly and only why they are strangers. It was a complete healing breakthrough I learnt from my best friend Manny that blocking them will be freeing, giving up on them will be freeing because they never deserved me. An upper middle class and middle class gigantic biological family that had the money and people that to give me away to maintain their false image. No, bitches like that don’t deserve me.    No matter what I tried they wanted nothing to do with me. I came to learn that was a gift from God, an absolutely amazing gift from God. God took the trash out for me. I only wish I had known from the beginning that He did.

And no, there is no other side to the story. This is the only side.

Paternal V. The Biological Paternal Side.

I took a test with ancestry.com. A year later on August 1st, well you know I shared this story on here and don’t feel like retelling it detail by detail. August 2017 God granted me an actual miracle and I discovered my biological paternal aunt Melody. She is lovely! She didn’t know about me and if she had couldn’t have taken me because even though she’s extremely successful now, she was a very struggling young mom to three little children. Yet, the love is very strongly there now. I discovered through my aunt Melody her half sister, my aunt Jenni who is much younger and in fact is four years younger than I. The two don’t talk, and I hope that is okay to share on here, but they don’t talk because of differences as in they were together but had a falling out and it’s not my place to write how or why here. I love the both of them and the both of them love me. I’ve also discovered cousins who will talk to me except one. It’s her loss for the one who won’t but it honestly doesn’t bother me at all. Do I think or maybe she’ll come around? Like I said, I really don’t care. Send whatever image you want into the world, God knows the truth. I have other cousins I could contact on the biological paternal side but I haven’t. I had a biological paternal uncle who I got to know for one year before he died who loved me a lot say be careful contacting them, and so I decided best to heed his advice and not bother.

My biological father is a selfish coward. My biological aunt Melody told me to contact him even though I had no desire to. When I did he blocked me, then unblocked me to write false information about me that I had broken the law and threaten to put me in prison if I contact him again or any of his family members. I did not break any laws, no matter what he, the editor in chief at the Democrat and Chronicle, or anyone else wants to believe. I can contact anyone I want in my own biological family who is eighteen or older. My aunt Jenni has told me stories, I mean honest stories about how much of a loser and a douchebag he is. Trust me, you’re not missing anything. He chose closed adoption ie legalised abandonment because a degree at Cambridge University meant more. He is not a good person. I consider him to be a psychopath. My aunt Jenni says no but says he is a bad person. She barely knew her half brother. There is also my biological paternal uncle. He doesn’t know I exist. Apparently, he is very flamboyantly gay and maybe that is where I get my bisexuality from but according to both of my aunts he is severely mentally ill and does very nasty things like steal money from much older gay guys he’s dating and has had a streak of violence, and things a lot worse than say a fist fight in a bar; that that would be mild in comparison. So yeah, he’s not going to know about me. I asked my Aunt Jenni though what would his reaction be if he came to discover about me? She said she honestly doesn’t know, but would probably be pissed at my biological father and not me.

I used to get so hung up on labels. Because someone is this then you need to keep them in your life. This is just so not true. Everyone deserves a chance but if they prove they are a bad person it doesn’t matter what label they are.

I lost thirty-two and thirty-three with my aunts and paternal cousins and thirty years with my kind extended biological maternal cousins because of selfishness and New York State discrimination. At the same time, I am grateful I found them now. Some find a grave, others find people sixty years even seventy, eighty years later and have only a tiny bit of time with their original family.

Paternal VI. The Good that Came Out of It.

What good came out of all this? I learnt you can’t change bad people no matter what you do. I learnt God takes the trash out, don’t go diving you aint homeless. I became an activist and helped achieve equality for 600,000 people. I have met so many people in the adoptee community and adoption rights community many nice, quite a number of asshats too. I met many nice cousins and don’t care if they are first or fourth cousins.  I discovered aunts and it’s very cool having an aunt younger than me who is half Indian as I have been fascinated with Indian culture and Indian food is one of my favourites long before I met her. I discovered I come from a long line of royalty and that my third great grandmother to my thirty-eighth great grandmother were all queens. I look at my thirty-eighth great grandmother, the Queen and wife of Charlemagne, and even though she lived in the 800s I can see an uncanny resemblance between us. I truly believe it was my ancestors who wanted me to search to know I come from leaders because I’ve always felt like a leader and always was discouraged in being one. I learnt I came from strong women. I learnt what a thick skin I have.

I think I’m done. This is my story. I’m learning thanks to my friend I deserve so much more. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for loving me, and thank you for letting go of bad people so I could learn to do the same, and thank you to my biological cousin Lisa and my friend Jo, who adopted her niece; both intelligent women from rural Rochester, who were so proud of me when I did. To Jo, me letting go of toxicity was such a breath of fresh to her, and to me it has been as well and an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. There had been signs from the Heavens right before I found them and right after I made contact that they were not good people. Always listen to your gut and always listen to those in the spiritual realm.

 

Biological Mothers Do Not Deserve Praise.

I make a distinct difference between biological mothers and first mothers. Biological mothers I refer to as those who used closed adoption as a legalised form of abandonment. Not the ones that were persuaded or forced into closed adoption. I also refer to mothers as biological mothers if they refuse to contact upon being found and especially if they ask others to refuse contact.

Nevertheless, biological mothers and first mothers both do not deserve praise.

Why? Let’s break down the why into two groups.

First Mothers-

First mothers or mothers of adoption loss or mums who lost their babies to adoption, including closed adoptions, because they didn’t know any better and/or because they had no choice. Not that they really have choice today, very few mothers are abandoning bitches. First mothers might have lost their babies to adoption because of getting pregnant unmarried at a time when abortion wasn’t option; not that I support abortion unless medically necessary, at a time when being a single mom meant getting kicked out of your apartment and losing your job, or whatever reason. Too many pro life organisations and pro adoption organisations want to praise women for becoming victims of the adoption movement. But we shouldn’t be praising mothers for the loss of their child or children. We shouldn’t be praising them for their grief.

Biological Mothers-

Other women such as my biological mother Mary, and the reason why I am planning to legally change my middle name, are biological mothers. They abandon their child or children for their own selfish gain. They find no remorse and in fact enjoy tormenting their child or children by having others ignore them, make up lies about them, and show no remorse in discriminating their children and causing them emotional abuse and psychological harm. These mothers are psychopaths or have narcissistic personality disorder. They do exist. There are many biological mothers out there who are terrible mothers, terrible women, and just plain terrible human beings. We need to especially not praise them.

 

October is Pro Life Month. That Should Not Mean Pro Adoption Month.

Adoption agencies, churches, every day people, and organisations like the anti LGBT and anti adoptee rights Focus on the Family use October, the pro life month, as a pro adoption month. You often see the posters with the word ABORTION and the B and R crossed off to read ADOPTION. Yet, those of us educated on the problems with out of family adoption, and the unnecessarity of it, are muted by the pro birth movement. You see, I am pro life myself which goes well beyond that of being against abortions, and by abortions I mean the ones where the unborn baby is killed not as a side effect of necessary medication or surgery to save the mum’s life but as a direct action to cause death to the unborn. Pro birth is someone who wants the unborn baby to be born, but then cares nothing for their well being and for them not being discriminated against. Too many call themselves prolife when they are pro birth.

Adoption is not the answer to abortion. Just ask the Guttmacher Institute where studies have shown that an overwhelming majority, as in it’s 2:41am and I don’t have the statistics in front of me but you can look them up here in a previous article of mine from June,  the overwhelming number of women who either lost their babies to adoption or chose to abandon them via adoption never considered abortion. No, they should not be praised for aborting.

I’m sure you have a lot of questions reading this no matter what your beliefs are on abortion. So, why isn’t adoption the answer to abortion? First, it’s important to understand what I present to you are facts, not opinions. Too often, nearly always, people want to believe what I post is an opinion because calling it an opinion makes them feel more comfortable. I’m not here to hold your hand.

Out of family, keyword out of family, adoption is not the answer to abortion because:

1. Closed adoption has been proven to be psychologically damaging. The American Academy of Pediatrics has proven higher suicide rates amongst adoptees, even worse if they are gay and of colour. 

2. Adoption can be used as a legalised form of child abandonment when done with a closed adoption.

3. The multibillion dollar adoption industry uses propaganda and lies to promote and conduct its business.

4. The original birth certificate is sealed at any age the adoption occurs meaning the person does not exist before the adoption was finalised. 

5. The adoption industry has yet to be brought to justice for the murders and child abuse of adoptees put in terrible homes. 

So, what should be done if there’s no possibility of a mother raising her child?

1. See if the dad can and if it’s safe to do so. 

2. Look for someone within the biological family to care for the child. 

3. Final resort, look for someone outside of the family to take legal guardianship or do kinship care. 

Respecting life doesn’t mean just letting people live, it means letting people live well and societies have failed out of biological family adoptees, especially those who have been murdered or took their lives because of adoption trauma; trauma that is ignored and unrecognised by societies too uncomfortable to ever actually confront their own emotions on things that bother them and instead find ways to repress them.