Judy Blume, Exceptional Writing, Periods, and Adopted Girls.

Most of the blog entries I put on here are not personal or have only a very light personal touch to them. This one is going to be personal.

Judy Blume is an exceptional author who happened to have been in Niagara on the Lake when I lived there (yes, I’m American although I came to find out thanks to ancestry.com that I do have biological Canadian relatives) signing books. Prior to Are You There God It’s Me Margaret? there had been no books for girls about preparing for their periods and getting their periods. Sure there were videos. In fact, Disney had his staff make a video about getting your period because he had two daughters; one of whom was adopted. Although the video is laughable as it states things like “don’t complain. Nobody likes a complainer. Take some pain reliever and do some stretches.” Which, for most girls and women work, but some women have periods so bad it can put them on disability. The instructional documentary type videos were out there, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there had yet to be a character in a book that preteen and teen girls could relate to.

I remember my adoptive mum bought me Judy’s book when I was ten. I read it and thought “this is really weird”. I was the least bit excited ever to get my period and grow boobs. I used to sleep on my stomach thinking that the weight between my chest and the bed would prevent anything from growing, and yes I am laughing. It didn’t work. Trust me it didn’t work at all. If the milk ever runs dry in say Idaho, I think I’d be able to feed every Idahoan baby. Is that what they’re called Idahoan?

My one friend, who I am still friends with, got her period when she was ten. It was fifth grade and I remember the fifth grade wing of my middle school was upstairs. (Off topic fifth grade was hands down the best grade of my K-12th grade experience, and I can still remember making this gigantic map of Canada, and I went to school in central New York). We watched a video, just us girls, on puberty for girls.

Soon after I was at my friend’s house. I remember being upstairs in her bedroom, it was still daytime and it was a sunny day, and her mum came in and there was a conversation my friend started about “the period video”. I asked my friend’s mum, “when do you get your period?” or maybe she had just said it without me asking,

girls, although not always, typically get their periods when their mothers do.

I knew this meant biological mothers. Since I am a discriminated closed adoptee, “thanks” to the evil bitches of Catholic Family Center and the propaganda crap they told, I did not have my biological family medical history. Nor can closed adoptees get updated bio family medical history unless they find their original families.

So for the next few years I had terrible angst that interferred with being in the now, whether I was at Girl Scouts, basketball (one of the few sports I enjoyed playing), or Disney World. This went on through all of middle school along with the bullying.

It’s something those who aren’t adopted don’t have to think about. My friend Samantha, for example, a different friend, is not adopted. She knew the age to expect her first period, and even if it didn’t come say at that age she had more of a likelihood of it doing so, and at least had an age to focus on.

I would very much like to get insight from other women and teenage girls who are adoptees without biological family medical information to ask them if they were as worried as I was about when their periods would come. It was a huge wake up call to me not having my biological family medical information. I was worried not constantly, but still too often that I would be walking around and not know I was bleeding and it was all over the back of my pants. Sure, that would happen to any girl or women, adopted or not, and it does happen, but I just wish I had been given an age of when to probably expect it. I think there needs to be a novel about that too. It would have relieved an immense amount of anxiety off of my little middle school shoulders. I remember being thirteen at Disney World. I had a good time, although I was partially grumpy during that vacation/holiday (I remember Goofy annoying me, but then I lightened up) and part of it was because I was fearful that my trip was going to be ruined by getting my period.

It came when I was 14 and a half exactly, and I remember my adoptive mum yelling at me. The second month we were back at Disney World and I got it and ended up bleeding on Splash Mountain which made a mum unexpectedly give her young daughters a lesson in the human body of girls and what they can expect, and she was very easy going about it. So then we bought some pads and enjoyed the rest of the day at the happiest place in the world,

or at least as happy as you can make it being a teenager whose bleeding with slight cramps.

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A Two Parent Adoptive Family is Not a Guarantee.

Adoptive parents divorce at the same rate as parents who birth/father their children and raise them. That in the US and Canada is a little over 50%. Yet, adoption agencies such as the scumbags who work at the agency I was adopted from out of Rochester, NY spew the line “your baby will have a stable two parent family” and “your baby deserves a two parent family.” Look, I have no doubt that so long as there’s love in the house a two parent household is better, but adoption is not a guarantee of a two parent household remaining a two parent household. I also strongly, strongly, feel or rather know, that a baby born to a single parent deserves to stay with their parent unless that parent is a danger to them. I wish those babies, like myself, had been born to two married parents who were in love but that is not the case for a huge chunk of babies in America, and the single parent (be they the mom or the dad, usually the mom but I do know some single dads) and the baby should not be punished with the discrimination and cruelty of closed adoption, which again is not the fault of adoptive parents who often were kept in the dark about the truth.

I wrote an article back in 2016 about single parenthood. This article is on divorce.

Adoption can’t be used as a means of a permanent two parent family, yet this is what adoption agencies like Catholic Family Center, Catholic Charities, and other “religious” agencies trick scared pregnant moms into.

I see a problem when I look at potential adoptive parent profiles. Some of them have been married for such a short time I can’t help but think they could end in divorce. A first mother is told to choose a two parent family for stability only to see the adoptive couple divorce and her own self soon marry her boyfriend or find a new man to marry.

 

My Friend Katharine.

My friend Katharine and I grew up together. We attended school together from late elementary school through high school. You might be surprised to learn, with everything I post, that Katherine is my friend and is an adoptive mom. The truth is I find many adoptive parents to be great and loving people. It’s the system that is the problem, not most of the adoptive parents.

I feel this article is necessary to write because I see within adoptee only groups on Facebook a lot of hatred for all adoptive parents, every single one. This simply cannot be justified nor is it acceptable.

Yes, there are horrible, terrible, simply monstrous adopters out there.  I use the term adoptive parents for those I think of positively, and adopters for those I view negatively. I have friends who are first mothers through being victimised. Their children being raised by emotional abusers and they can’t do anything about it. There are nasty adopters out there who resell their adopted child because “he has MS” or “he gets in the way of our careers”, and even those who adopt children with severe behavioural problems still are not justified in reselling these adopted children because you wouldn’t give away your own biological child if they were severely disturbed. You would have them see a child psychiatrist, even if that means having them be in-patient. There are adopters out there who lie about keeping an adoption open, and then close it soon after.

So, why consider my friend Katharine to be the same? I hope adoptees can listen to my story about my friend Katharine and become more open-minded to not thinking of all adoptive parents badly. Yes, I would love for there to be adoptions that don’t seal the original birth certificates, for all adoptions to preserve and teach the cultural traditions of the child being adopted, and for the adoptive parents and adoptee to get all biological family medical information and updated information. I would love for twins to never be separated for profit like we have seen with many American (many Jewish) and Asian born adoptees. Yes, I want things to be different, to be better, but you know what? So do some adoptive parents.

Okay, so without further ado, Katharine’s story she’s been so nice to let me write. Katharine and her husband have two beautiful little girls. To me, it still feels like it was only last year when their second daughter was born. Katharine and her husband became pregnant with their two daughters. They are a devout Christian family. My friend felt she needed to adopt an orphan child who didn’t have a family or had been rejected from their family. You see, while most orphans are not actually orphans, the truth of the matter is some children in this world are abandoned because of: alcoholism in the family, addiction in the family, being albino, having special needs, being mentally ill, being conceived in rape, or being a girl. Yes, I definitely would like to see countries change their behaviours towards these innocent children who have done nothing wrong. I would much prefer to see grassroot efforts done to change how these children are perceived than to do international adoptions. However, in the here and now, these children are going to need homes, which means they are going to need loving adoptive parents, like my friend.

Setting off to China to adopt, Katharine brought home her beloved boy. I have no doubt that my friend would love to see all children in China have a huzou, so that all children get access to an education and health care. If every Chinese child got a huzou adoption rates would drastically decrease. You see, though, I, Katharine, and many others are aware that whilst implementing the huzou in China would be best, there are children who need to be adopted now from China. There are children now who need to be adopted now from Bulgaria, and other countries, because they are left abandoned because they have special needs. We cannot allow these children to linger in orphanages as we wait for their societies to become progressive like Finland and Germany.

Yes, you can spend $40,000 towards helping an entire village in an impoverished country  such as installing sanitation, and yes it’s going to help thousands of children instead of adopting one child at that cost, but at the same time, the children in the orphanage will remain in the orphanage. The thing is, Katharine prayed about it. She knew both options. You need to decide what God calls you to do between the two choices. My friend Katharine didn’t put herself first. This wasn’t about her praying to prey on some teenage pregnant girl, tell her she’ll do an open adoption and then close it. This is simply a love story between a mum and her boy from China who Katharine and her husband felt they needed to bring him into their family and make him their son instead of having to grow up in an orphanage without a family for whatever reason their son was put in that orphanage to begin with.

Does this make me pro adoption? No, this makes me pro finding families for children who absolutely need new families. I’ll become pro adoption when we start unsealing original birth certificates, abolishing closed adoptions, legally enforcing open adoptions, giving certificates of adoption instead of sealing original birth certificates, and more. However, until that wonderful, wonderful day comes I am still going to view the adoptive parents, like my friend, who do adopt orphans, abused children, and babies and children born to drug addicted families as loving people because they adopted out of love. I hope I have made the difference understandable because it’s hard for me to explain. I also view favourably upon some adoptive parents who adopted through an infant closed adoption if and only if they were, like my own adoptive parents, completely unaware of the discrimination their child would endure and were told lies such as “the birthmother will get over it.”

I sincerely hope now more adoptees can start to not view all adoptive parents as some loathesome creatures. I hope now more adoptive parents can start to advocate for improved adoption systems such as no longer sealing the original birth certificate and advocate for countries, including here in the US, to change how some children are looked upon. I hope more adoptees and first mothers understand there are adoptive parents out there advocating for improvement and those who, like Katharine, adopted not out of selfishness but out of love.

Photo of the Manlius Swan Pond.

Don’t Use My Friend’s Life Story, Her, or Her Son as an Excuse to Justify Your Reasoning for Abortion and Denial of Contact of Adoptees to Biological Family Members.

My friend Jennifer Christie, my hilarious, lovely, brave, incredibly brave, as brave as a NYPD or Chicago SWAT team member, has a story. She has quite a story, so I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing it. Trust me, it’s been shared plenty before with police departments because of the death threats sent to her and her four year old. Yes, four year old.

In January 2013 my friend went on a business trip to North Carolina as an ASL interpretator. On the last day, they got out early because of snow. A man followed her in the parking lot, but with her scarf around her she didn’t notice. Back to her hotel room he stood in her doorway. She asked him if he needed something and he punched her in the head.

She tried to fight back against a brutal rape and attempted murder, but learnt that if she continued to fight back he was more intent on murdering her. Thinking he did murder her, the serial killer dumped her nearly naked body in the snow. She suffered multiple broken ribs, severe head injury, trauma to the reproductive area, and more. He was a serial killer and was later murdered by the brother of a thirteen year old victim. Personally, I think that brother should be given a medal and a million tax free dollars.

Atheists mock her and say, where was your God? As Jennifer has explained in a video when she was interviewed, God was there when a housekeeper found her before it was too late. God was there when the serial killer thought she was already dead. God was there because it has snowed and the cold snow prevented her swelling brain from swelling to the point of death.

Jennifer was then sent to intensive care where a team of doctors worked on her. Because of the severe trauma she started to get seizures. She has tonic-clonic seizures to this day, each one potentially deadly.

Months later, her and her husband decided she would return to work to try and have some sense of normalcy in her life. She got sick when being an ASL translator overseas and had to make a stopover in Colombia. There, she discovered she was pregnant. She knew it could not be her husband’s because he had had a vasectomy. They already were the proud parents of a four other children, two of whom have now entered adulthood.

Then, her husband said the most important thing, “we love babies. This is something beautiful coming from something so terrible.”

Even before her husband said that Jen knew the moment she saw the sonogram in that Colombian hospital that this was her baby, and that she couldn’t protect herself but she could protect her baby. Her baby. Not the rapist’s baby, but her baby.

Society, family, medical professionals are pressured her into having an abortion. The last thing she needed was the intrusive instruments in her personal region after surviving such a horrible, horrible rape and attempted murder. Sadly, her father passed away refusing to ever talk to her again and get to know his grandson created from the rape. Medical professionals and others told her if she has an abortion she would forget all about it.

As Jennifer Christie has explained to people all over the internet and speaking to crowds, abortion only adds more trauma. It does not erase what happened. It’s only building trauma upon trauma.

Today, Jennifer is the momma to a beautiful four year old with the most magnificent blue eyes. On a weekly basis, she has to deal with people sending her and her son death threats. Those who are pro-choice, and those who are prolife except in the cases of rape making them actually not prolife. Yes, there are quite a number of schmucks out there who believe in being prochoice if it’s only their choice, which yes I realise makes them no different than those who are pro-life, but prolife people don’t email a momma and tell her, “you should have aborted that evil spawn of satan.” I honestly can’t think of any prolifers who email a woman and say, “shame on you for having an abortion.” I’m sure it happens, and it’s unnecessary commentary, but it cannot be compared to telling a mother that you wish her child was dead simply because of who his biological father is.

The truth is people write nasty comments, and violent comments, without doing any research. There is no such thing as a rape gene. I’m willing to bet these people have children of their own who are a lot, lot, lot less well-behaved than her youngest son. This is a little boy who is raised in a loving home with his momma, his sister, his three brothers, and his dad; her husband and the only real dad he has in his life. His siblings are extremely concerned about his welfare and love him immensely. They are there, along with her devoted and wonderful husband, every day. They see Jennifer have seizures. They have prayed for Jennifer during her six surgeries since the brutality. Not once have they ever blamed the baby.

Others often comment, what if she was raped? She wouldn’t want such a reminder around. The truth is Jennifer, nor any mother who conceived her child in rape who kept, has ever blamed their son or daughter for the horrific intrusion. My friend looks at her son and she only sees a little angel God sent into her arms. She looks at her son and sees only her little boy she loves so, so, so, so, so much. So much!

The truth is 100% of women and girls who conceive in rape in the United States are bullied and lied to into abortion, and if they don’t do that then into adoption because it’s a commonly held lie that the person created through the rape is only a bad reminder. An abortion and adoption put the blame of the rape on the baby or at least partially on them. The truth is 75% of mothers who conceive in rape keep their children.

This isn’t to say that those who lost their babies to adoption did so because they thought of their rape conceived babies as bad reminders. I say lost because if you look at the circumstances nobody actually chooses adoption, but a lack of resources choses them (obviously not discussing true orphans here). Only those who abuse their children or choose drugs over their children do so by their actions, but that is not who I am talking about her. I’m saying some of them were lied to, often by those who had their best interests in mind but were misinformed, and were told adoption would be better for them and their baby. Others did so because they live or lived in states where the convicted rapists would get visitation rights. Jennifer Christie has fought hard to eliminate convicted rapists from having access to children which is still legal in six states. Others, and I think this is the biggest reason why, did adoption because they didn’t have any family and financial support because, like Jen’s father, they blamed the baby but this doesn’t mean the mother herself blamed the baby. Jennifer has yet to meet anyone like her who has blamed their child.

To Jennifer and those like her, they do not consider their children to be bad reminders. This is why the question or belief or statement of “a rape conceived adoptee will only be a bad reminder to his biological mother when he makes contact” is false.

I got into a conversation with Jenn Christie about biological mothers who refuse contact and those who, even more sadly, ask other biological family members to refuse contact or refuse contact until they have passed away.

Told the two most important things in these situations that everyone needs to hear that my friend told me,

my son is not a bad reminder. Anyone who refuses contact when found by their child who was given up for adoption or asks others is doing only something hurtful to themselves and to their loved ones including the adoptee. No, it is not correct to deny contact just because of how someone was created. 

I don’t believe that the biological mothers who refuse contact are doing so because they initially considered their rape conceived babies to be bad reminders, but because over the decades they were told, inundated really, with this falsehood that their child was a part of the problem. This doesn’t equivalate to them as seeing their own children as bad reminders, but as women, mothers, who have been so severely emotionally harmed by others who are in need of therapy assistance. Who more so feel sadness and low self-esteem for their incapability to have found the resources and/or support.

That leads me to the last thing my wonderful friend has said over and over which is just as important as the other comment I bolded

Do not use me, and my son, and my story as an excuse for you justifying abortion. Stop saying, “what about the women and girls who are raped?” Stop saying “I wouldn’t want a demon baby squirming in me.” He is my son, my son, my son! 

 

My friend and I do differ on adoption. I’m trying to teach my lovely, lovely friend to advocate for legal guardianship until we stop sealing original birth certificates, end the no contact behaviour, give all adoptees bio family medical information, and take the money out of the multibillion dollar adoption industry. I hope my friend, and everyone else knows, that I think most adoptive parents, like my own and my friends, are great and loving parents and I will be writing soon about a very kind friend of mine who is an adoptive momma. I’d rather have children be alive and adopted than orphaned or dead, especially dead, but I cannot advocate a multibillion dollar industry that discriminates others. So until they do so I will promote legal guardianship, but at the same time appreciating the good and loving adoptive parents out there.

I chose the picture of love because she, like mommas like her, love their children.

 

 

 

 

If You are Pro Out of Family Adoption then You are Pro Discrimination: Don’t Worry, You’re Probably a Well-Meaning Person Who is Totally Unaware.

It’s automatic. Of course, there are varying degrees. I’m sure the first thing people are thinking as they read this is, “what if the child was abused by his biological family?” or “what if he was an orphan?” Wouldn’t adoption be the least discriminatory thing in both of those drastic scenes? Well, of course I and any other normal person has nothing wrong with a child being put into a new family after their first is abusive or they have been orphaned. However, adoption is not a guarantee for either of those children of a safe life and all adoptions in the United States and Canada are discrimination to varying degrees.

I’ve discussed before on here children who are abused and even murdered by their adopters. I wrote an article to my local newspaper that circulated to four hundred thousand people about children murdered by their adopters, how it’s more common than you think, and how we can fix this terrible problem, but the adoption industry won’t because they’d lose billions. The response I got, “how dare you. Adoption is love. My friends adopted.”

I wrote another article on how most orphans are not orphans, and recommended the documentary Ethiopian Adoptions by Journeyman Pictures. Of course, there are other documentaries out there about the shams behind orphanages in third world countries around the world.

However, yes, there definitely are actual orphans in this world who do need a new family to love them and care for them. There absolutely are abused children, from infancy through their teenage years, who need new and loving families. I think those who have taken in such children, adopted them, and love and care for them are great people. No doubt in my mind they are great people. I also think those who adopted orphans who didn’t know their children still had family members or a parent who could care for them are also great people. They too were lied to. I think adoptive parents who adopt a baby who were bamboozled into thinking this was the best thing for the infant and their biological mother are also great people. Why? Because they too were told lies.

Yet, even these adoptive parents are pro-discrimination. Of course, they are the least pro-discrimination because and only because they didn’t know better. The thing is many people, even great and loving people, are pro-discrimination because they don’t know any better or didn’t know any better because the multibillion dollar adoption industry has made adoption to seem like the most heroic and altruistic thing you can do, and completely leaves out the important part about discrimination.

All adoptions within the United States and Canada, and several other countries, are pro discrimination because they seal the original birth certificate and the adoption records.

There’s a lot more to the discrimination of adopted people. There are many things believed and said about and to adoptees that nobody dare would say to someone who is not. The United States and Canada have made profound changes over the centuries on how: Native Americans, First Nations, Asian Americans, African Americans, Mexican Americans, LGBT, the mentally disabled, the physically disabled, Catholics, Germans, Irish, Polish, Italians, Jews, and women are treated. Yet in the past things said to and believed about these specific groups of people were atrocious. Today, it’s adopted people who are told nasty things.

Not by me you say? Well, take a look at this list and see if you agree with any of the discrimination on here. Yes, it is all discrimination because if an adoptee says it is then it is. You as a non-adopted person have no say in what is discrimination or not discrimination to a demographic that you are not involved in. Just like how I am not First Nations, I have no say in what is discrimination and not discrimination to people who are First Nations.

You discriminate adopted people if you believe any of the following making you no different than those who have discriminated other groups in the past such as women fighting for the right to vote, own their own property and divorce abusive husbands, and Asian Americans who were denied entry into the United States and those who could come before and after the Chinese Exclusion Act were allowed onto certain jobs that were sometimes incredibly dangerous.

1. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family if their adoptive parents don’t want them to.

2. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family. You tell adoptees that their only true family is their adoptive family. Unless this is said in a friendly term for adoptees from abusive biological families, don’t say it. 

3. You believe adoptees should not search for biological family until their adoptive parents are deceased.’

4. You believe that there is nothing wrong with sealing an original birth certificate and giving an adoptee an amended birth certificate. Upon learning about this practice you do nothing to advocate for unsealing original birth certificates for all adoptees and stopping the practice of sealing original birth certificates for future adoptions. 

5. You believe adoptees should not have access to their adoption records and do not advocate for unsealing adoption records.

6. You have been made aware that birthparent privacy is a lie, as explained many times in this blog, and that adoption records and original birth certificates only started being sealed because Senator Lehman of New York State bought two kidnapped children from Georgia Tann and wanted to hide what he did as Tann created the birthparent privacy lie, yet you continue to believe that adoptees do not deserve their adoption records, original birth certificates, and that their biological parents deserve privacy from them. 

7. You believe that a biological parent should be allowed to deny contact. Even in the cases of rape and incest this is discrimination. Asking questions like “what if she was raped?” or saying “the circumstances of her pregnancy with you were horrible” puts the blame of the conception and circumstances on the adopted person. Having a friend who conceived her son in a brutal rape and attempted murder she explains that rape conceived children are not bad reminders. Her little boy is not a bad reminder. Every mother who conceived a child in rape she knows admits the same truth. The truth is most who deny contact did not conceive in rape, but the more important truth is that it doesn’t matter. Being fine with denying contact is being fine with putting the blame on the adoptee, someone who doesn’t deserve it. The blame belongs on those who did not support the first mother during her pregnancy so she could keep her baby or the first father who was told he must give away his child to adoption because he’s a widower or whatever other lies. You continue to compare denial of contact between biological family and an adoptee as nothing more than “two strangers where one doesn’t want to get to know the other”. Even decades a part, this stranger analogy is not an accurate comparison because of the bond formed between mother and unborn infant during pregnancy nor can one compare denial of contact between family as no different than not wanting to be friends with someone from your class. 

8. You believe a biological parent should be allowed to tell other biological family members to deny contact with their adoptee relative. I don’t mean a relative who was adopted into the family, but a relative that searched and found them, or a biological family member found them. You believe it’s fine for a biological parent to deny other biological family members contact until they (biological parent) is deceased. You believe it’s fine for the governments to deny adoptees contact with biological family members under the age of 18. Currently, in the United States adoptees can serve lengthy prison sentences for contacting biological family members under 18 without permission from the biological family member parent. Yet people who commit violent offenses serve less prison time. 

9. You refuse to listen to adoptees who tell you the truth, basically, such as this blog. 

10. You unintentionally discriminate adoptees by not being aware of sealed adoption records.

11. You unintentially discriminate adoptees by not being aware of sealed original birth certificates.

12. You are aware adoptees are denied their biological family medical information or updated information and that adoption agencies can deny them this information, and to adoptive parents of adoptees who are children, yet you continue to promote adoption.

13. You unintentionally discriminate adoptees by not being aware of the discrimination explained in number 12. 

14. You promote adoption after you have been told it’s not the answer to abortion.

15. You refuse to listen to adoptees.

16. You make mocking comments after adoptees explain to you the problems involved in adoption.

17. You tell adoptees who speak about reforming or abolishing the industry, who speak about the discrimination, and especially speak about the adopted children and adults abused, murdered, or driven to suicide by their adopters as ungrateful. 

18. You gaslight adoptees who speak up about the problems and need for change as crazy. When an adoptee talks about the vast majority of unnecessary out of family infant adoptions, meaning all adoptions that were the not done because the biological family was abusive to the baby, you answer with, “well, what about abused children? What about those who tried to have an abortion but it failed? What about adopting older kids? What about orphans?” Replying with a question that has nothing to do with the type of adoption the adoptee was talking about is discrimination. Even in the cases of a child needing to be be removed from their biological family, sealing the original birth certificate and adoption record, denying medical information and denying contact with safe biological family is still discrimination and still unnecessary. 

19. You reply with comments such as ” adoptions are best for baby” and “adoptions are brave choices.” 

 

Discrimination is discrimination. Decide for yourself what level of discrimination you are, and then figure out how to go about improving your belief system and how you treat  those who are adopted.

The Civil Rights Movement is not over. It is time to incorporate into all social studies high school curriculums the need to discuss these discriminatory practices and the need for them to change. What if it offends adoptive parents of students? Too bad. Honestly, too dang bad. This is not about what one likes or doesn’t like to hear. This is not about their feelings. This is about putting adoptees first for once, adoptees who have no voice and no choice in their own adoption. Whether they are glad to be adopted or not is irrelevant. This is about discussing how a demographic of people, especially closed adoptees, are  discriminated. This is about exposing truths, exposing adoption, and the outrageously intertwined correlation it has to PTSD, anxiety, and suicide.

Ask yourself, what side of history do you want to be on?

I chose the picture I did to show the Suffragette Movement wasn’t just in the US or UK, but all over the world. The adoptee rights movement and need to reform or abolish the adoption industry is also a global concept with some countries, like Finland, being a lot more progressive than other countries, like the United States.

Resources:

A Hole In My Heart by Lorraine Dusky

To Prison With Love by Sandy Musser

The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond

The Traffick in Babies by Dr. Karen Balcomb

The Child Catchers by Kathryn Joyce

 

Adoptees and Those Created by Anonymous Donors: Don’t be Afraid to Search.

 

 

Millions of people are adopted in the US. Tens of thousands more don’t even know it, which is why everyone should test with all three companies Family Tree DNA, ancesry.com, and 23andme not only because you, personally, might discover you are adopted but because you might not find that out, but might find a relative such as a first cousin or great aunt or even a brother.

This article though is really going to be for those who are already aware they are adopted or created through anonymous donors.

I don’t have the percentage on how many adoptees search and how many don’t search. I can tell you don’t believe anything an adoption agency says. They’ll give you an outrageosly low amount on purpose or will try to tell you something like “only 30% of adoptees want their adoption record to be unsealed.” This is not an equivalent to an adoptee searching. Finding out how many search is something I will have to learn. However, I doubt that percentage whether it’s within a state, province, county, territory, or country can ever be found as some never mention they are searching, some sadly pass away during their search, and some are found whilst they are searching.

So, this article is for those who haven’t searched. I’m not forcing you to search. I am not saying you’re some bad person for not searching lol, but I am bringing to you truths I have come across in my seventeen years of research. This isn’t about searching to just get biological family medical information or your heritage. This is about actually making connections with original family members.

  1. Understand that 1 in 25 Americans are sociopaths and many work in the adoption industry.  This might sound crazy, but these are people using false information and propaganda to get you to give away your baby and who, in turn, make money on their tax returns. For some agencies, that’s multimillions and millions a year. Talk to first mothers like Sandy Musser, Linda Gale, Shyanne Klupp, Joyce Bahr, Mirah Riben,  Denise Glasner, and Lorraine Dusky and they will provide you examples. Adoption agency workers and workers who work for adoption agencies but not directly with adoption will often gaslight you. This personally happened to me. Gaslighting is only one example.
  2. Understand adoption agencies have said things like “you’re not the real mother” “you’re just the vessel” “if you tell anyone you’ll burn in hell” “don’t search for your child and disturb their life” “don’t search for your birthmother and disturb her life” “birthparent privacy” (it’s false, it does not exist) “you’ll have your real children when you marry” “you’re not good adoptive parents if your child searches”  “you’re just a bad reminder” “your child is just a bad reminder” “if you love and care for your adopted child enough he or she will never want to search” “searching means you don’t love your adoptive parents” (some agencies support searching, but remember these false heros and heroines caused the separation) and I’m sure more. These lies are told to keep people apart so that the adoptee, adoptive parents, and the biological family members do not understand they were lied to, and do not register the full extent of the discrimination endured and decades lost.
  3. Knowing the truth now allows you to accept these truths. This is something important I need to teach everyone. Don’t listen to people who say “you need to prepare for rejection”. The line needs to be changed to “prepare to be found” whether you are an adoptee, a first mother, a biological father, a biological aunt, a biological sibling, etc. you need to be prepared to be found. I’ll get to rejection. I strongly, strongly, strongly recommend to do the search in this precise order. A. Heritage. B. Reading. C. Family Search.

A. Heritage- Learn more about yourself before you search for family. It’s important to remember that the adoption workers took away a lot from you, not just your original family. I know, I know you might be thinking “I’m Polish like my adoptive parents” or “I’m Canadian/I’m American and that’s all that matters.” If you are truly Polish like your adoptive parents or Greek like your adoptive parents then great your heritage was not stolen from you. However, do you have other heritages? If you aren’t actually ethnically Polish or Greek or whatever like your adoptive parents it’s great to know those cultures. Personally, I am only 4% Polish, and my adoptive mum has a huge chunk of Polish heritage. I love the Polish culture and traditions. Poland is the best country I’ve ever been to, but at the same time we as adoptees have a heritage or heritages of our own. Thanks to Bennett Greenspan, who I interviewed in January 2017, we adoptees have the capability to know our heritages. Mr. Greenspan created the first ancestral heritage site, Family Tree DNA. I personally like it the most and wish everyone used it. Currently, it’s not extremely popular like ancestry.com and 23andme so if you are not ready to search for close biological family members then I recommend using Family Tree DNA to know your heritages. Now, please stay with me here. Even if you’re not on board yet, please just stay with me here and read to the end before making your decision. Yes, you are Canadian, yes you are American but different ethnic groups brought great changes to the countries they immigrated to. PBS has an excellent, excellent three part documentary on Italians and Italian Americans and the incredible contribution Italian immigrants and Italian American immigrants made to the States. Learning your heritage and how your ethnic group of people contributed to where you live now is only beneficial for you to learn because it increases your knowledge of the country you are so patriotic to be from, but also let’s you know the contributions your people personally made, along with any hardships and discrimination your people endured such as the Native American groups, various Asian American groups in the Chinese Exclusion Act, Italian Americans, Irish Americans, and the German Americans during WWI.

B. Reading- Knowledge is power. There’s a lot of information out there. You don’t need to read it all, but I would recommend to do one year of reading before you start to search for biological family. How much? Whatever is a comfortable amount for you to read in a year. Canadian adoptees will likely want to read things more Canadian based, international/transracial adoptees will likely want to read things geared more towards them. The Baby Thief by Barbara Raymond is an absolute must. A Hole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky discusses the medical discrimination of closed adoptees, the lies told by a Rochester, NY agency and how what is explained in the book is still appalently allowed. The Child Catchers. To Prison With Love by Sandy Musser. Blogs like mine, firstmotherforum.com, http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com, Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, Stork Market by Mirah Riben is a great book but you have to personally email her for a copy, The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler, A Man and His Mother by Tim Green (who is from Cuse where I lived for 19 years), Second Choice by Dr. Robert Andersen, The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild, The Butterbox Babies (Canadian), You Don’t Look Adopted by Anne Heffron, Lethal Secrets by Annette Baran (for those conceived through anonymous donors), Split at the Root by Catana Tully (for transracial adoptees), and The Cries of the Soul by Khara Nine (for adoptees who are transracial and/or endured child abuse and/or racism by their adoptive family). If you are not a book person that’s okay. Here are some movies I recommend for you to watch over the next twelve months. Not all will directly be something directly related to your adoption, but I still strongly recommend you give them a try  because one day it’s possible there might be something from one of these movies that directly is related to your adoption nobody ever told you about.

Philomena. The Magdalene Sisters. News interviews of twins separated by adoption. This is still ongoing and done in both Asian countries (especially China) and in the United States, twins separated so the agency makes more profit, so yes there’s always a slim possibility you have a twin or triplet you’re not even aware of nor your adoptive parents. Do you see why I despise adoption agency workers? More movies and documentaries, Ethiopian Adoptions by Journeyman Pictures on Youtube, Twinsters, A Girl Like Her, Loggerheads, Spain’s Stolen Babies (documentary), The Baby Sellers, Whose Child is This? The War for Baby Jessica, Other Mother True Story, Three Identical Strangers, and a lot more documentaries out there. There definitely is a lack of American movies, not documentaries, but movies that expose the problems and discrimination in adoption.

C. Searching- Remember we must change the adage from “expect to be rejected” to “expect to be found”. You can be found at any time. It’s important to know the time and money your family member spent trying to find you and that they searched for you because they love you. For many, especially because DNA technology for searching is pretty new, that has been decades anywhere from two decades to an outrageous seven decades. As you go through your search I cannot emphasis this enough. Ready? Please listen. Do not search just for your first mother. Search for your entire biological family. You have every legal right and every moral right to have a relationship with any biological family member that is eighteen years old or older, and they have every right to have a relationship with you without anyone interfering with that through lies, manipulation (ex: don’t get to know them until the biological mother has died), and force to keep you apart. People who know me, including my biological paternal aunt, ask, “are you content that you searched for your original family even though some are terrible to you?” My answer is yes, absolutely yes. Through searching I found two sides. I found people I am related to who still need to learn to stand up for themselves and learn better morals, I found people I am related to who need to release the comforting and uncomfortable lies adoption agency workers and elder family members told them, I found people I am related to that are just not kind (this is not just minor disagreements but to the point police have been appalled), but I also found fantastic people I am related to that are completely down to Earth, generous, loving, and kind including my biological paternal aunts and many extended cousins. I have no doubt that if I ever have a child in the future I will want his or her middle name to include the surname Schichler which is the surname of many of my cousins both here in the United States and in Germany. I know I will want another of their middle names to be Lawson after my biological paternal aunt, my biological paternal cousins who are closely related, and my beloved late great uncle who I only got a year to know along with Schichler being after my cousin Ben who I only got to know for a year. For those adoptees not wanting to search, the choice is entirely up to you but I say you potentially miss out on amazing opportunities. Understand the psychological damage done. We can pray for them, we can try to get them to change, if we want, if we want to spend the time, but if you don’t want to you can enjoy the great family members you do get to know, and regardless, enjoy the great family members you do get to know. Be as excited to meet a third cousin as you are to meet a half brother. You might learn you have a personality a lot more similar to your third cousin or more in common such as finding out you both went to the same high school because crazy things like that do definitely happen lol.

Searching does not mean you disrespect or don’t love your adoptive parents, provided they were great parents (like mine). In fact, searching can bring you closer to your adoptive parents. Some states treat adult adoptees as children and demand they get written permission from their adoptive parents to search. This is ridiculous. Honestly, if you go the DNA route that I explained at the beginning of this article, your adoptive parents nor the state can do anything about you talking to adult biological family members. I mean what are the police going to say if you reach out to say a great uncle, great aunt, and second cousin who are so excited to get to know you? If you live in a state where you need written permission do you really think the police are going to say “well, all of you have to stop talking to each other cos the adoptee is property of the adopters and they don’t want to let their adult son or daughter know their original family?” I mean get real. It becomes not only discrimination on you, but discrimination on your biological family members. Just remember, this behaviour of your adoptive parents is not necessarily meaning they are bad people they too were told things like “love is all you need” (whilst the pregnant mother was told “love isn’t enough”) and “if you love and care for your child, he won’t ever want to search.” Reassure them, regardless of whether or not your state has this stupid law, that searching has nothing to do with their excellent parenting.

Anti Choice Is Pro Woman.

This article, without a doubt, will be the most controversial article I ever write pissing off pro-lifers, pro-lifers who are really pro-birthers, pro-infant adopters, and anti-adopters and the reason why will be because too many people don’t listen. That’s the problem with a lot of people. They just think of how to reply. They don’t actually read. They don’t actually listen. They read something that is new to them, different to their own ideas and as they read it they say, “yeah, but, yeah but….” You could say by claiming this fact I am pushing people away. No, I’m just making the obvious obvious.

So, for anyone who does care to really read and reflect on this you’ll see in this article what I am really getting out. It’s a very think outside the box type of article.

When we think of pro-choice we think of adoption, keeping, or abortion. The unborn has no choice in abortion, and the born has no choice in adoption. One kills, the other discriminates especially in the case of closed adoption. Keeping is the least often given option because there is a false rumour that an unexpected pregnancy, especially in the horrible scenario of rape, is an unwanted pregnancy. I wrote a previous article on the dangers of saying “unwanted pregnancy.”

95% to 97% of women and teenage girls don’t keep their babies because they don’t have the finances. This is proven when Australia decided to take the money out of infant adoption. So, why don’t we just have the billion dollar abortion industry and the multibillion dollar adoption industry give all of their money to women and girls in a crisis pregnancy? There, 95% to 97% of women and adolescent girls will now be able to keep their children, along with any upstanding men and teenage boys (fathers) so long as they are safe for baby to be around.

Why are we promoting the death of a living being by abortion? I won’t get into the controversial evidence. Pro-lifers (some called pro birthers) say psychological evidence proves most of these mothers who kill their unborn through abortion suffer greatly, the pro-choice says differently. Too many of the pro-lifers are pro-birthers because they are ignorant to the trauma caused upon a mother and child (adoptee) of adoption loss or refuse to believe it, and also believe in the death penalty and/or euthanasia. Yes, I say this being pro-life.

Both the abortion industry and the adoption industry tell lies to further their agenda. I previously wrote articles on lies told by the adoption industry. I will write an article on lies told by the abortion industry. The thing is we need to ask ourselves, why are these industries making so much money?

However, let’s really think outside of the box here. How can we save lives? How can we give every person a non-discriminatory life?

First, we can stop the abortion industry’s false ideals they pass around that having an abortion is nothing but a relief to a woman having an unexpected pregnancy or the false claims of comments like “any normal woman would want to abort the demon spawn put in her by a rapist.” We can stop claiming the word abortion when it was not an abortion but a loss of an unborn baby due to medical complications.

Second, we can continue to change how adoption is done in the United States, Canada, Ireland, South Korea, China, Vietnam, and elsewhere in the world. We can keep telling people the facts about discrimination, recommending them books like The Baby Thief, and emphasising the importance of adoptees, first mothers, and other biological family members getting therapy because of the adoption. This can also include adoptive parents who learn the truth as well. We can continue in places like the United States and Canada to demand to abolish all closed adoptions, legally enforce open adoptions and stop sealing original birth certificates.

But one and two are not going to stop the abortions and adoptions of today. The thing is there are more options, as I speak, that are available to a pregnant mother. If she truly, truly cannot keep her infant, and that truly can’t is exceptionally small as in if she did she would pose a danger to her child, the nondiscriminatory options are:

Kinship care and legal guardianship. In family adoption is alright so long as there is open and honest communication, and whilst the original birth certificate will be sealed which is unacceptable, the child will very likely keep or know their original surname for life. An in family adoption does not take a person away from their culture, language, original family, heritage, and bio family medical information; it will take away from some if there is any dishonesty but it’s no comparison to out of family adoption.

Kinship care and legal guardianship both allow a person to live and not be discriminated. Adoption discriminates by making the adoptee the source of their bio mother’s problem, sealing their original birth certificate, denying them their heritage, denying them connections to biological siblings, and more in many cases and even one is one too many.

Anyone who promotes out of family infant adoption is promoting discrimination knowingly or unknowingly because of sealed adoption records, sealed original birth certificates, denial of heritage, denial of original family contact in most adoptions, and denial of a lack of or no bio family medical information. Discrimination is discrimination, no different than those who have discriminated women from voting in the past or owning their own property or divorcing abusive husbands. It’s one thing if you weren’t aware of this, if you weren’t then it’s time to support only keeping, kinship care, or legal guardianship or in family adoption if honest, it’s quite another if you continue to support out of family infant adoption after knowing the facts.

Finally, I need to make this very clear to three different demographics.

  1. Mothers who lost babies to abortion- in no way is this article trying to bully you. I believe many women do suffer in silence who had an abortion, and I hope you know there are support groups out there like Project Rachel. To those who had an abortion and feel no suffering, please ask yourself if you are being honest with yourself and if you are, again, this article is not trying to bully you. This article is simply about giving everyone life, including those who may have terrible fathers (I often hear that women and teenage girls who conceive in rape should abort, but interestingly never hear women who are married to a rapist should abort or women married to a husband who beats them should abort or women married to another type of violent felon should abort) and giving them a life that doesn’t include discrimination.
  2. Adoptive parents- Yes, there are some terrible adoptive parents out there such as those who abuse their adopted children and the more common those who lie and say they’ll do an open adoption and then close it. However, speaking to adoptive parents who adopted infants not from your family or older children who actually never needed to be taken from their biological family (foster care, cash for kids) again, you did not know. You didn’t know the extend to which these agencies lie, you didn’t know that mental health counsellors in adoption agencies tell first mothers and adoptees they are crazy, weird, bad if they want equality, a connection, and grieve for their loss, you didn’t know that adoption wasn’t going to take away the pain of your infertility, you too didn’t know.
  3. First mothers, most biological fathers, and other biological family members- you too were duped and, like all of us, continue to be duped by the loosely regulated, uncredentialed, multibillion dollar adoption industry’s propaganda. For more information check out previous articles on here.

 

So, please whilst this will cause controversy pass this around. Share with everyone. If someone is having an unexpected pregnancy tell them.

  1. Keeping- you can rescue pregnant mothers and mothers of newborns considering adoption by telling them about Saving Our Sisters (for Americans only).
  2. You can share this blog with them http://www.exposingadoption.wordpress.com
  3. You can tell them about kinship care.
  4. You can tell them about legal guardianship.
  5. You can tell them about in family adoption with any safe, well trusted family member if for some reason legal guardianship will not work or your child won’t lose his or her original surname, family connection, heritage, and medical info.

These are the real prochoice answers.

Adoptions I 100% Support and So Should You. #AdoptDon’tShop

My blog is a blog on adoption, so why not talk about animal adoption? This is an adoption that we need 100% of people to get behind whether they want to adopt a cat or dog or just support the belief. Every year 2.7 million cats and dogs are euthanised in the USA, mostly because they couldn’t find homes for them or because in the past much of the training to retrain aggressive dogs, such as pitbulls rescued from fighting, was not the best form of retraining even though it was done by loving and well meaning people. Victoria Stillwell, British woman and hostess of It’s Me or the Dog, gives the best advice on retraining dogs. Update: Sadly, I just learnt from Victoria Stillwell’s Facebook page that Cesar Millan is an animal abuser.

Every time you buy a dog or cat from a breeder, a potential beloved pet loses its chance to join your family. Please adopt, don’t shop.

When adopting a beloved new pet here are things to consider:

  1. Does everyone in the home agree on a pet?
  2. What kind of pet?
  3. Okay, you have decided to go with a dog. What type of breed?
  4. Research the type of breed or breeds or mixed breeds you are willing to adopt. Look at temperment, training time, medical disabilities, how often they need to be walked, and more.
  5. Research thoroughly the shelter you are adopting from.
  6. Remember adopting a dog or cat means adopting a dog or cat who possibly has a traumatic past. Old dogs can learn new tricks, but it’s important to know you need to have a lot of patience. Work closely with the veterinarian, and if behaviour does not improve consider calling someone like Victoria Stillwell or Cesar Milan, maybe not them literally but those who use their methods, but please do not pass on a problem behaviour dog to another house.

Enjoy your new beloved, adopted cat or dog. If cared for properly, your new pet brings so  joy.

Now, I need to get into some problems that I am seeing in comparing dog adoptions to infant and child adoptions.

  1. Gotcha Day- first of all, this new trend is creepy. Gotcha, it just has a connotation of grab ya. As if the adoptive parents snuck up and yelled gotcha!, grabbed the infant, and fled. I know that’s not most adoptive parents intentions (I say most because there are abusive adoptive parents) but from an adoptee’s perspective this is how it seems. In a recent poll I read, 95% of adoptees (with about 280 adoptees voting) said they find the term gotcha day and the practice of it unsettling. The reason I bring it up now is because people are using the term and celebrating Gotcha Day not just for adopted children but adopted dogs, and it comes across as treating children and animals as the same. No matter how much it pisses off people, and this is coming from someone who loves dogs, your pets are not your children. Parenting a child is extremely much harder than caring for a dog, even a dog that comes with neurological problems that an animal behaviourist needs to help you with and possibly put the dog on medication (such as a sexually abused dog). Treating your dog like a child makes a dog not function to his or her best doggy capability.
  2. Reselling children, cats, and dogs- It is legal to resell adopted children. I can’t think of anything more disgusting, but it happens. Obviously, if the adoptive parents are abusive, and it does happen, the adopted child or children need to be removed from their home but 95 to 97% of the time, that child didn’t need to be removed from their biological family in the first place as an infant. It’s understandable, albeit tearful, when someone has to give away their cat or dog, but it’s competely outrageous that we are putting children, children!, on the same level as animals and allowing people to resell adopted children. With the loose regulations, some of these children are going to paedophiles. For those with a lawyer, the multibillion dollar adoption agency makes a profit on reselling. The adoption industry has turned into a money making foster system. It adds further trauma to a child who already has the trauma from losing his or her first family, and quite often told to not even consider them or that trauma. It’s completely unacceptable. I understand quite often orphanages don’t tell the full truth, but would people give away their biological children because of behaviour problems or would they pay a child psychiatrist and work with the school counsellor? I would think the latter. People have rehomed because “we learnt parenting isn’t for us” and “he gets in the way of our careers.” Literal sickening explanations from horrible people who damn well shouldn’t have ever been allowed to parent a child for even a day, let alone even owning a pet!
  3. Advertising- It’s unbelievably appalling that people are allowed to advertise in newspapers and online for babies. How do people not see this as treating babies as buying a commodity when it’s being posted online and in newspapers and the adoption industry is worth multibillions? Yet I was told “it would be inappropriate for us to publish this” and “we can’t publish this” when I told a newspaper company about Saving Our Sisters, discrimination of adoptees, and the lie of birthparent privacy created by Georgia Tann in the Rochester, NY area. However, it’s important to keep in mind many newspapers have generously allowed me to have facts on adoption published. It’s great to know that most newspaper companies are on board with sharing important information about the need to reform adoption and give equality to adoptees, and I understand they have to advertise for people trying to adopt babies, but it’s the very fact my truths were considered inappropriate or told “we can’t publish this.” So, you can publish advertising for babies but you can’t advertise for a family preservation group and the common sense reasoning to address the fact that those affected by adoption need counselling and all original birth certificates need to be unsealed? It’s unsettling to see advertisements for both babies and dogs. It’s appalling to type the word adoption into Google and see adoptions of both babies and animals, and when we look at the fact all have a price tag on their heads, even more so. It’s time to pass laws in each state, no more advertising for babies and children.

Stop treating children like dogs and stop treating dogs like children.

The History of France and French People.

It has been awhile since I started writing about my nine European heritages, some of them minute and some of them I have a lot of percentage of. Closed adoptees, like myself, are denied their heritage. It wasn’t until Bennett Greenspan, whom I interviewed in January 2017, created the very first ancestral DNA testing site that closed adoptees could find and know their heritages; Family Tree DNA. As I mentioned before, some non-adoptees might not know all of their heritage or have incorrect information. For example, my adoptive mum was told she was 100% Polish, she took the test and learnt she’s not. The difference here, besides the fact my great great grandmother told her they were part French which was true amongst other European nationalities, is that closed adoptees are denied knowing their heritages simply for being adopted. This is no different than a woman being denied the right to vote prior to 1919 in the United States or Asians being denied the right to immigrate to the United States during the Chinese Exclusion Act. Discrimination is discrimination. Sometimes, adoption agencies knew of a closed adoptee’s heritage and paired them with a family of the same heritage. Whilst this is great for preserving cultural heritage, and is mandatory for all Native Americans, the agencies do it thinking that the replacement means you can just as easily replace the family, which is impossible. No two Polish families, no two Greek families, no two Italian families, etc. are the same. Biological roots are connected through epigenetics, stories, roots, and yes, this matters. Nevertheless, for most closed adoptees (7 million in the US, 3 million in Canada and that’s a very conservative estimate) they do not know their heritages or have incorrect information either because the biological father was unknown, a biological parent was an adoptee themself, or most likely because the agency completely lied.

Without further ado….France.

Neaderthals lived in France from around 400,000 bc to 30,000 years ago. Although most White people (as in their descendants come from modern day Europe) today have Neanderthal DNA. The Carnac stones of France also date around 43,000 years ago. The Neaderthals did practice cannibalism.  The first recording of France is from the Iron Age starting about 800 bc, although is certainly wasn’t called France until over a millennia later. The Ice Age humans of France were called the Cro-Magnons. They lived in caves and hunted reindeer and mammoths, which required immense skill, agility, unbelievable strength, and bravery. They were artistic making cave paintings and figures carved from iron. The Neaderthals created the Venus figurines over thousands and thousands of years; little statues with exaggerated female anatomy. Neanderthal is a loose term. There were many, many tribes and cultures throughout Europe during the pre-written history that went on for hundreds of thousands of years with different languages, cultures, beliefs, practices. They battled with each other, invaded each other’s lands, and intermingled both in amicable trade and in making babies.

After the Iron Age, they continued to hunt for several centuries but around 6000 bc farming came to France. In 4,500 bc in came the Stone Age. The ancient people of France’s Stone Age had a sophisticated civilisation. In 2,000 bc bronze came to France. Both bronze and farming, although thousands of years apart in their invention, both came from the Middle East.

The ancient Romans referred to France as Gaul. Gaul had three primary ethno linguistic groups: the Aquitani, the Belgae, and the Gauls. The Gauls were the most populated and were Celtic. They spoke Gaulish. Nobody at this time spoke French or anything similar to it who was a native of Gaul. Over a long period in the 1st millenium bc the Greeks, Carthaginians, and Romans established settlements. The Roman Republic annexed southern Gaul in the last 2nd century bc, and Julius Caesar, with his troops, conquered the remainder of Gaul in 58 to 51 bc. After that, a Gallo-Roman culture formed and Gaul integrated over time into the Roman Empire, which also means a change from one polytheistic religion to another; the much more well known belief of the Roman gods and goddesses such as Zeus, Hera, Herucles, and Hades.

In 600 bc the Greeks founded Massalia, making it France’s oldest city. Today, we know that city as Marseillas. At the same time, Celtic tribes penetrated eastern regions of France from the 5th to 3rd century bc.

Gaul was much bigger than modern day France and covered also Belgium, northwest Germany, and nothern Italy. The Greeks were in France long before the Romans and settled in Provence. The Greeks also founded Nikaia, what we now know as Nice. There were many wars and battles between the different ethnic groups. The tribes of Gaul were no match for the military technology of the Roman Empire and they were defeated in the third century bc. Hannibal Barca, a Carthaginian (modern day Tunisian) worked with Gauls to annex Provence in 122 bc, but later on Julius Caesar won it back. Vercingetorix got the Gauls to come together, but they were no match for Caesar. The Romans founded Lyon, Carbonne, and Grenoble with the famous Cicero being one of the men to form Grenoble.

Under Roman control, Gaul was sliced up and populations were displaced to prevent a revolt. Many were made slaves and forced to move out of Gaul. The biggest change was the language. Out went Gaulish, Aquitani, and Belgae, and in came Vulgar Latin, which was different from classical Latin which was for writing and reading. Emperors like Claudius were born in Gaul.

From the 200s through the 400s (we are now into AD) were multiple clashes with what the Romans referred to as the barbarians; various tribal groups from mainly modern day Germanic countries.

The Roman Empire fell in the late 400s, and in came the early medaieval period. At the end of Antiquity, Gaul was divided into many Germanic kingdoms and a Gallo-Roman kingdom called Syagrius. The Celtic Britons settled America, near modern day Brittany. Celtic culture and small, independent kingdoms thrived in Brittany.

The pagan Franks took over northern Gaul, and under Clovis I (all from modern day Germany) took over the kingdoms of northern and central Gaul. In 498 AD, Clovis I converted to Catholicism and France was given the title eldest daughter of the Church.

Over a period of a few hundred years the language changed to Romance languages which in France eventually became French, Catalan, and Occitan. Clovis I made Paris the capital. Clovis I through his four sons started the Merovingian dynasty, and land was divided up amongst the four sons and then continously to their male descendants. The last Merovingian king, Childeric III, was deposed in 751 and sent to a monastery by the manager of the household, Pepin the Short. Even long before this, the manager of mayor of the household, had a lot of power. Pepin founded the Carolingian  dynasty and his son, Charlemagne, is one of the most famous rulers of France. Charlemagne is stilled learnt about today and is referenced in the 1989 film Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark. Charlemagne reunited the Frankish kingdoms. The Carolingian dynasty did not last long, ending with Charlemagne’s son Emperor Louis I. In 843, the kingdom was divided into three parts for Pepin’s three great grandsons. It’s important to remember a good chunk of this was in modern day Germany.

In 721, the Muslims were stopped in the Battle of Toulouse. The Muslims tried and failed again in 732. However, in 759 the Islamic Army from modern day north Africa was able to take Septimania, modern day northeast France. Charles Martel lead the Frankish troops in defeating the Muslim invaders.

During the 800s and 900s, Vikings from modern day Norway and Denmark invaded France repeatedly, thus greatly changing the culture as kings were constantly challenged by noblemen. This is how and why feudalism came about. Some of these noblemen got too big for their britches. For example, in 1066, the only time England has ever successfully been invaded, nobleman Guillaume the Conqueror put himself down as King of France, although Guillaume (William) did become the King of England.

During the 1100s the Crusades were fought in the Holy Land, modern day Israel and Palestine. The majority of Christian Crusaders were French. As they travelled across Europe, French became the main language amongst Crusaders and traders. In fact, most of the Knights Templar, the men legends were made of, were French. The French crusaders didn’t only fight against Muslims in the Holy Land, they also completely eradicated a small minority group of Christians called Cathars living in France who practiced a form of Christianity more ancient than Roman Catholicism. Only 10% of the Knights Templars were extremely skilled fighters. The other 90% were extremely well off bankers. It was all fun and games for the Knights Templar until 1307 when King Phillip IV thought they were too powerful and had them burnt at the stake.

During the 1300s royal rule became more assertive and very hierarchial. In 1328, King Charles IV (or Roi Charles IV) died without an heir. He only had one infant daughter. Salic Law, written into French law in the 500s, stated the crown could not pass to a woman nor could the line of kingship pass through a female line, so the crown was awarded to Philip of Valois, Charles IV’s cousin. During Philip’s reign, France reached its height of the medaieval power, but it entered into the Hundred Years War with England, and endured the horrible Bubonic Plague. The Hundred Years War was actually four separate wars with short and long periods of peace in between. The goal of that was was England felt they deserved to rule France. The Bubonic Plague, the second one (the first global spread of the awful bubonic plague was inthe 500s) started in Mongolia. It entered Europe by way of Italy because of sea faring explorers and traders. In the 1300s, 1/3rd of Europeans died from this ghastly disease. Although Poland was practically unscathed in comparison. My guess is because Poland had a large Jewish population. In France, 50% or 8.5 million people succumned to the black death. King Philip of Valois was extremely anti-Semitic, and expelled the Jews from France blaming the plague on them. The truth was the Jews just kept to better hygiene, and yes some Jews did die of the plague.

During the Hundred Years War, at the later end of it, who could arguably be France’s most famous person was born. Joan of Arc, or in French, Jeanne D’Arc was born in Orleans (accent on the e). Originally, her father wanted the infant Jeanne to be left out to die, as sons were more useful in those days. She was born 6 January 1412. France was in disarray during Jeanne’s childhood as the King Charles VI was severely mentally ill and so the king’s brother and cousin fought over who got to rule France and who got guardianship of the royal children. Jeanne was born to a middle class family, unlike most ancient and medaieval female saints who were born royal or to nobility. At 13 years old, Jeanne started to hear the voice of God and see visions of saints Catherine, Michael, and Margaret. Call it divine intervention, a brain disorder, or both. In 2016, two Italian neurologists concluded they believe the teenage girl suffered from a type of epilepsy that includes auditory and visual hallucinations. Her real name was Jehanne as this is how she signed it. At 13, she had visions that the saints told her to remove the English out of France and bring the dauphin to Reims for his coronation. At 16 she petitioned the garrison commander Robert de Baudricourt for an armed escort to take her to the French royal court in Chinon. He refused, but the following January Joan or Jeanne or Johanne or Jehanne came back. She even stated she would rather be home with her maman spinning wool, but God commands she go. Two men, Metz and Poulengy, said yes and so Johanne made a prediction about the Battle of Rouvray. She was spot on with her prediction. After that, Boudricourt changed his mind about her and her plans. She was taken to Chinon disguised as a man for precaution. The people gave her the men’s clothing so she would stay alive. She was 17. It was in her meeting with King Charles VII thats he asked to engage in combat and be in full armour. France at the time was in humiliating defeat, and had tried every logical possibility to make a comeback prior to a 17 year old girl with no training asking to go to war. The Dauphin ordered exams on her to make sure she wasn’t a witch. The French found her to be an amazing Christian. Johanne D’Arc was eventually kidnapped by the British and charged by both Brits and Burgundian clergy (Burgundy is a province in France). She was falsely accused of heresy for simply wearing men’s clothing, something she was ordered to do to stay alive. She was murdered via being burnt at the stake at 19 on May 30, 1431. Her executioner Geoffrey Therage (accent on the first e in Therage) stated he “greatly feared to be damned”. Her family petitioned Pope Callixtus III and in 1455 a retrial found her not guilty. She became a saint in 1901. Whilst she was an amazing and holy person, a French military leader, Gilles de Rais, who fought alongside Jeanne was a disgusting psychopathic child serial killer who murdered these children in horrifically ghastly ways I will not write here. He was hanged along with his involved cousin and servant. Most of his victims were peasant boys. Some of their murders were so despicable that the judges omitted the evidence from the books because it was too disgusting to write. You can look it up for yourself if you want, I am definitely not posting it here.

Next came better times under the French Renaissance. I didn’t say great, I said better. The French Renaissance saw enormous cultural expansion. French became the official language of France and the elites of Europe. France saw huge improvements in architecture, the arts, humanism, printing, the sciences, etiquette, and literature. It was not all roses and rainbows though. Most French were peasants. Many wars were fought with Italy, Spain, and the Holy Roman Empire which wasn’t holy nor Roman. This was during the 1500s, 1600s, and most of the 1700s. In 1572, the St. Bartholomew’s Day massacre murdered thousands of Huguenots; French Protestants by Catholics. The war between France and Spain lasted twenty-four years until 1659. Under Louis XIV feudal lords rebelled to rise to kingship as it meant total power. Those caught trying to despose of the king were pulled apart by horses. Louis XIV turned the feudal lords into courtiers so his power was unchallenged. In the 1600s, because of the king, France became the wealthiest and most populated European country, and education greatly rose.

Under the French Renaissance, France colonised countries around the world. This wasn’t necessarily always a good thing for the native people of those lands, but not all French explorers were terrible and over all they were much better than the Spaniards. Samuel de Champlain, Jean Nicolet, and Jacques Cartier were some of the explorers. French explorers were the first to settle an European ethnic town in Canada, modern day Quebec City.

In the late 1700s, Louis XVI supported the Americans separating from Great Britain. The French Navy was vital in giving the United States our independence. Meanwhile, during the 1700s French men were creating great scientific advances. In fact, the French have discovered things and not been given credit for it, same goes for women throughout history. Madame Curie is an exception. Seen as French, she was actually Polish married to a Frenchman. Some of the biggest scientific advances were in chemistry and maritime, which is how they came to have such a powerful Navy during the American Revolution.

After bringing America onto the map, the French spent the next 10 years (1789-1799) fighting to overthrow the monarchy and create a democratic France. July 14th is France’s independence day because it’s the day the Bastille in Paris was stormed. The Bastille was a prison, a somewhat lavish prison for the rich. The peasants and middle class had had enough. In the summer of 1789, the National Constituent Assembly abolished exclusive hunting rights and serfdom. In the fall of 1789, the Assembly sold all the property of the Roman Catholic Church, which owned the most land in France. The following summer they took away the Church’s power of controlling taxes. In 1792, they went to war with Austria and gave every Frenchmen the right to vote. One wonders why they didn’t do this 200 years earlier. In January 1793 the ex Roi Louis XVI was convicted and beheaded; October Marie Antoinette, originally from Austria, lost her head. Louis XVI had Polish ancestry as well as French. Marie and Louis were second cousins once removed. At his former majesty’s execution he stated he was innocent and forgave those who brought him to his death. He wanted to say more, but was cutt off (pun not intended) with a drum roll, and quickly beheaded. Some accounts say the blade didn’t cut through his neck the first time (he was fat). Before his death, he told a friend he must train himself not to cry. The executioner’s personal diary was interesting, and he felt there should be fewer executions. He also supported swift executions. Monsieur Guillotine (not the executioner), in fact, strongly opposed torturous executions, botched beheadings, and believed in ending capital punishment.

Following independence was the French civil war that cost maybe 450,000 lives.

I’m skipping Napoleon. He was from Corsica, he was full of himself, he was a dictator he was exiled, he died of stomach cancer. He made the dumb choice of going into freezing Russia. The Nazis a century later would make the same dumb choice, not that I’m complaining.

France was involved in both WWI and WWII against Germany. In WWII, France was overtaken by Nazi Germany as the French Army surrendered, but there were French civilians, including children, who resisted the Nazis to the point of being shot and killed.

France originally had francs as currency, but joined the EU early on and switched to euros. Many French hated and still hate the EU believing it destroys the individual cultures in Europe (an initial concern) or that the global economy is a bad idea.

The 60s in France saw a wave of secularism and sexual revolution. In the 1970s came a wave of hundreds of thousands of Muslim men with very high rates of being on the dole. France allows immigrants to maintain their cultures, traditions, and beliefs but since 2004 France has abolished religious symbols in public schools. France had let in many immigrants, and has the highest Muslim population in Europe. Most of these immigrants are nice, law abiding people but since the wave of immigration France has been subjected to many Islamic terrorism from the 1990s through the 21st century. The French have maintained a connection to travelling to Muslim countries as exotic travel such as Morocco and Iran. One hundred thousand ethnic French have converted to Islam, usually from Catholicism or atheism. Many French footballers are from immigrant Muslim families. Most French are Catholic, followed by atheist. France does not consider a baby born to two illegals or two non-French on holiday to be a French citizen.

France has some of the most amazing architecture, most notably the Notre Dame de Paris. France is also extremely well known for its fashion and cuisine.

All children in France are mandated to go to school. Homeschooling is illegal. They start at age 3. Children go to school on Saturday mornings, but they have off on Wednesdays. A typical French breakfast is very small usually a croissant with chocolate and a coffee. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day. The French really range in their lifestyle, likes, dislikes, traditional foods, and more because of the geographic diversity of France and how big France is. Dialects also range. Unfortunately, many French people still smoke.

There is so much more to beautiful France. I hope you have enjoyed what you have read here.

Picture is of a town in the French Pyrenees. (accent on the second e).

 

 

Houston, We Have a Problem.

Well, somebody has to be the bitch who says it. Mine as well be me. I know some people will thank me for this post. Others will continue to talk behind my back. It doesn’t bother me in the least, and I really mean that. People who talk behind your back are behind your back for a reason, and I got that New York state of mind.

So, two things that need to be brought up.

  1. Adoptees who find it acceptable to reject their first mothers simply to show control. “We were made controlless. This gives us back a small amount of control.” Now, that fact is no arguement. You were made controlless, and it does give you back control. However, who is it helping? Is it helping yourself? No. The multibillion dollar adoption industry that made a profit off of separating the two of you are the only people who win. The biological grandparents who kicked their daughter, your first mother, out of the house for getting pregnant are the only people who win. It’s a stupid way to exercise control. This is different than simply saying, “I’m not ready. I need time to get used to this. Can you give me a year?” So please do not twist my words around and start discussing things like “well, my child had cancer and I couldn’t take on any more stress” (because yes, reunion is stressful. It’s dealing with wounds you never knew were there and trauma, but in the long run if you stay with it the reunion brings healing) or “I did try to get to know my first mother, but she is a kleptomaniac (or whatever) that kept stealing from me and refused therapy.” That’s not what I’m discussing here, and you know it.
  2. Open adoptees who think that their open adoptions are as bad as closed adoptions or worse. Unless you were in an open adoption where you endured child abuse, shut up and sit down. It’s offensive, arrogant, and flat out wrong to think that your open adoption that remained open and had good and loving adoptive parents (or even so so, but still non abusive adoptive parents) can compare in any way, shape, or form to a closed adoption. Now, open adoption surely still comes with some discrimination and with its own problems, but to compare it to closed adoption and say it’s equally bad or worse is appalling. We have adoptees from open adoptions that remain open who actually think closed adoptees have more power and control over their lives. Pardon my strong language but, the fuck? What the fuck did you just say? Never in a million years did I think I’d have to give a lesson to adoptees, but here we are. So, what do closed adoptees endure that open adoptees don’t (from  open adoptions that stay open)?

A. No idea what their original name is.

B. No idea if they have any siblings or cousins.

C. No idea the names of their first/biological parents.

D. No idea why they were given away or lost to adoption.

E. No idea what their heritages are.

F. No idea their biological family medical information or updated information.

G. The first mother has no idea where her child is.

H. The first mother has no idea who is raising her child.

I. The first mother has no idea if her adopted away child is alive.

J. The adoptee has no idea if his or her first mother is alive.

K. The closed adoptee has to spend several years, sometimes decades, sometimes many decades to locate family.

L. The closed adoptee is at far more of a risk of being cruelly and unkindly rejected because closed adoption and decades apart (or at least 18 years) allow for a festering of psychological problems to occur in the first mother (and other biological family members) because she never got the proper treatment she needed and deserved, and was forced to put on the brave smiling face and say everything is all right. She may have even been forced by her family to keep her own child a dirty secret.

So, yes whilst we are all in this together. Whilst there are challenges no doubt to say the two are equal, or that closed is better is wrong. That isn’t an opinion. It’s just wrong. Trying to compare and say, “well, you don’t know how it felt watching your first mother leave after the visits.” So, you’re trying to compare a child who lives just like tens of millions of divorced children live to closed adoptees who have to search? Just be quiet.

And for those saying what if the biological parents are dangerous? Well, you can still keep a child safe without using either open or closed adoption. There is no reason to be sealing original birth certificates, keeping them from safe family members, lying to them, and treating people -well closed adoptees- like we are part of the witness protection program.

Open adoptees and first mothers in open adoptions that remain open have my sympathy, but it’s only to a certain point and that point is mostly when adopters make it harder and harder for you to see your child and start reducing contact. You are not closed adoptees. You are not closed first mothers. Try to be grateful for the fact you actually get to see each other, know each other is alive, know where each other lives, can give updated bio medical information directly, and have siblings keep in contact.