Subtle Coercive Language Propaganda of the Multibillion Dollar Adoption Industry.

(Please ignore the Got Milk part of the picture, although cow’s milk is not needed for human consumption). I don’t like to toot my own horn. There are things I absolutely suck at, such as comprehending physics even after reading a simple learn physics book. However, when it comes to languages and linguistics I am no fool. In November 2013, I was tested as a genius in languages and linguistics in a seven hour long exam by a doctor who received her PhD from Dartmouth University. I wish people could see the adoption industry for what it is, and not have the subtle coercive language fly over their heads. I’ve been saying for probably a year, or longer, that I will get around to writing an article on the subtle coercive language propaganda of the adoption industry. Some of what you will read below was said more so in the past, some of what you will read is said today, some of what you will read is said in the past and today, and wording can alternate between adoption agencies. Regardless, this is about using language as a propaganda tool to coerce women and girls out of their babies, and then make them think they came up with the decision on their own. I will delve into the “but I really did choose adoption on my own” later. So, without further ado, let’s begin.  These terms are also used in private adoptions.

1. The baby- You will hear or read some agency use “a baby” or “the baby” instead of “your baby”. This is to try to emotionally separate the mother and child.
2. Birthmother– Coined by Pearl S. Buck, this term is to objectify mothers of adoption loss into believing that their only use is in giving birth. This is even more coercive when pregnant mothers are called birthmothers. By calling them birthmothers they are psychologically coercing them into thinking they will not keep their babies.
3. Placing/Put up for– The adoption industry uses the phrasing placed for adoption or put up for adoption. This is no more than an attempt to soften the blow of the fact a mother will lose her child and a child will lose his or her mother, which goes against biological needs. It is also objectification of a child to claim you can place a child somewhere else without any psychological repercussions. To use the word “up” indicates the child would literally have to go up to something. By using the word “up”, the multibillion dollar, loosely regulated, uncredentialed adoption industry is subtly trying to claim that adoption is above that of what a pregnant mother can give, or even that of the child’s natural family, or that of the father and/or his family.
4. Loving Home- An adoption agency psychologically is saying that the pregnant mother cannot provide a home as loving as what an adoptive parents’ home will provide. To pregnant mothers it’s “love isn’t enough”, but to adoptive parents it’s “love is all you need” and “love builds a family.” The adoption agencies can never be sure of a loving home. Tens of thousands of adoptees have dealt with abuse within their adoptive households, and some have been murdered. No adoption agency worker or adoption lawyer has ever been brought to justice for these crimes. In the case of Hana Elesu, forced name Hana Williams, her adoption agency continued to have excellent reviews from the Hague until their closing in 2016, even after she was murdered and her brother was abused, and continued to operate between 2011 in the time of her death and 2016. Hana is one of many tragic cases.
5. Their Baby- The adoption industry starts having vulnerable pregnant mothers and mothers of newborns say “their baby” referencing that her own son or daughter belongs only to the adoptive parents. This objectifies the child, and forever the adoptee if the adoption goes through, by claiming the child belongs to someone who had to pay an adoption lawyer or adoption agency. It objectifies, once again, the child’s mother in claiming that she is a mere object to bring her child into the world.
6. Adoption- the word in itself is coercive. Here, I am explaining infant adoption. However, a response I could likely receive (because people are too lazy to read before responding) is “what about stepparent adoption, infamily adoption, and adoption of a teenager who doesn’t care that his original birth certificate is sealed?” There are many different kinds of adoptions, and because of this it makes it much harder for people to see the coercive language that is used. There needs to be a different word for each type of adoption instead of using the word adoption. Adoption in the United States and Canada is also the legalised buying and selling of children, no matter how good the intentions are, and will continue to be until the money is taken out of adoption.
7. Vessel- One of the most emotionally abusive words said by the adoption industry, “vessel” “carrier” and “transporter” are all objectifying terms to use to a pregnant mother, and then a mother of adoption loss.
8. Loving placed/lovingly put up for- The adoption industry uses the term “lovingly” to make a vulnerable pregnant mother or mother of a newborn believe that if she gives her child away or loses her child to adoption (and I use both terms depending on the situation) that she is doing a loving thing by giving her child a life of discrimination and a much higher rate of anxiety, depression, and chance of suicide. To a lesser degree, it is saying she is selfish if she does the natural thing, that nature and God intended, and keeps her child. It is detrimental to the natural development of infants, who are in their fourth trimester, to be separated from their mothers. This perpetrates the blank slate myth that has already been debunked by scientists. A person who is discriminatorily put into a closed adoption is being told “I don’t want anything to do with you” and therefore is being blamed for their own conception. It leaves a lifelong psychological impact, whether acknowledged or denied, that for some reason or other a mother gave away her child even if that was done by coercion, lies, manipulation, and deceit which is nearly 100% of the time the case in infant adoptions.
9. Open adoption- The adoption industry claims that with open adoption a child receives the best of two families. The adoption industry can make no claim that a child will have a better life, yet it falsely claims constantly. Open adoption is used to have vulnerable mothers believe they can have the best of both worlds, and have all the visits and letters and photographs they want. The truth of the matter is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable, and on a national scale they close (conservatively) 75% of the time before the mother of adoption loss’ child is five years old, and almost always because of the adoptive parents and nothing bad that the mother of adoption loss has done.
10. Birthfather- A father cannot give birth. Therefore to use the term birthfather is illogical.
11. Have Your Own Children- Adoption agency workers during their manipulation strategies have told pregnant mothers that this “isn’t their child” and that “they can marry and have children of their own.” The adoption industry continues to denounce simple biological facts by not advocating to unseal adoption records, unseal original birth certificates, allow closed adoptions, not legally enforce open adoptions, not apologize for the kidnapping, coercion, abuse, and homicides it has engaged in, and not acknowledge the rate of psychological problems of mothers of adoption loss such as PTSD, which every mother of adoption loss has unless she has anti social personality disorder, and secondary infertility. Other mothers of adoption loss have had multiple children (6+) after the loss of their first born to try and replicate their lost child and show others, and themselves, that they would have been a great parent to their first.
12. A Better Life- The adoption industry claims that more finances or an upper middle class to upper class lifestyle will bring utmost satisfaction and happiness to the adoptee, and that with a wealthier life everything they want and need will be at their fingertips. First, I must debunk the myth that most mothers of adoption loss come from poverty. The abortion industry operates more so in low income areas. Adoptees more often come from middle class, suburban homes to wealthy homes. Upper middle class and wealthy girls and women who conceived out of wedlock were forced, subtly and non-subtly, to lose their babies to adoption in order to maintain an image around town. This did not exist just in the 1950s and 1960s, but well into the 1990s and some could argue continues. My own (biological) family is ginormous and middle class to upper middle class. There had been many extended family members who were married, middle class, and of reasonable age who knew about me, who could have taken me in, but did not in order to protect an image. That image being “Catholics do not have babies out of wedlock”. No amount of riches can take away the trauma of infant and mother loss, the loss of siblings, cousins, and other relatives, and the discriminatory acts states and provinces place upon adoptees (nearly always for life) even with great and progressive adoptive parents. Having grown up in communities with upper middle class to wealthy people, with friends or my (adoptive) brother’s friends whose parents own $3 million dollar summer homes, I can attest to the fact that whilst some wealthy people are exceptionally nice, and happy, many are utterly miserable and share that misery with others. The adoption industry continues this belief that money brings happiness. Nor does the adoption industry by stating “a better life” ever mention that adoptive parents can and do lose their jobs, can and do go through divorces that cost a fortune, that they as a multibillion dollar industry could just give away their money to pregnant mothers in need or that financial struggles can change. Financial struggle is 97% of the reason why domestic infant adoption occurs in the United States since the late 1970s/early 1980s depending on the state.
13. Privacy/Confidentiality- Adoption agencies will falsely claim a parent of adoption loss, or parent who gave away their child, such as an irresponsible father or rapist who was known to have raped the mother of adoption loss, known by agency workers and never reported, is granted privacy or confidentiality. Neither is granted. Birthparent privacy and birthparent confidentiality is the abusive practice of asking someone’s son or daughter to pretend they don’t exist in order to maintain a false image. Nowhere else but in adoption would we allow this abusive thinking to occur. It is emotional manipulation and psychological abuse, most often started by the mother of adoption loss’ parents (the child of adoption loss’ grandparents), and/or adoption agency workers, and society depending on the times. Birthparent privacy does not exist because the original birth certificate is not sealed until the adoption is finalized, so if a baby is lost to adoption or given away, and ends up growing up in foster care then he or she keeps his or her original birth certificate making privacy null and void. By allowing parents to think they have “privacy” or “confidentiality” they (agencies) are in essence, allowing them to escape from their problems and not take responsibility.
14. Adoption builds a family- Adoption cannot happen without the destruction of the first family. That destruction will continue for generations unless a reunion occurs and the children of the adoptee, if the adoptee has children, carry the name of their biological family on their birth certificate. Adoptees should consider having their children have one of the surnames on their birth certificate, even if it’s not the last name.
15. Profiles of Waiting Parents- Immediately, adoption agency workers will slap profiles of potential adoptive people and potential adopters, into the hands and eyes of vulnerable mothers. This is subtle coercion to have them in hook, line, and sinker from the beginning. “Here, here look at our pretty pictures of amazing people. These people need the baby to be their baby. See, see what they can provide and you can’t? Take a look at this one it already comes with a big brother and two dogs.”
16. Adopted Children are Well Adjusted- This is one agencies claim. The truth is out there if you are willing to dig for it, and ask a multitude of adoptees. The fact remains adoptees are: more likely to commit suicide, more likely to engage in drugs, more likely to end up spending time in prison, end up in an in patient psychiatric ward as an adolescent, much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, anxiety, and/or depression.
17. Adoption is a Selfless Sacrifice on the Part of the Birthmother- this is what agencies claim. This is what agencies drill into the heads of mothers of adoption loss. Nowhere do adoption agencies tell fathers to man up and raise their children. Adoption agencies disregard the fact that some mothers are truly psychopaths and do abandon their children. While this is exceedingly rare, the question must be asked is a mother selfish and not sacrificing if she keeps her child and sacrifices her free time to work two jobs to support her child or children as a single mother? This is precisely what the multibillion dollar adoption industry is indicating. It goes back to the false claim that a richer life is a better life. It ignores the fact that all adoption begins in lies, deceit, manipulation, and coercion on the mother’s part except in cases of child abuse and child neglect.
18. Your child will know about his or her adoption- Agencies claim this, but they cannot support it. Late discovery adoption is very common and with the use of anonymous donation, more and more IVF conceived people raised in hetereosexual two parent households will not know until adulthood that they are not the biological child or their parents or aren’t fully. There was a time when it was shameful to tell your child that he or she is adopted, and many self centered adoptresses continue to adopt today, and do not tell their children they are adopted. They find out as adults, often through DNA tests or someone else.
19. Adoption is a brave love- By giving away your child to people who you can’t fully know if they will be loving parents or not, by giving life long psychological trauma to your child (whether it is acknowledge or denied by the adoptee), and by allowing the province or state to discriminate them (some more than others, such as New York State and North Dakota) you are being brave. The word “brave” is more manipulation used to hurt pregnant mothers and then mothers of adoption loss, and to shut them up from saying that they need psychological help for the irreversible damage of child loss. Please note, this is an attack on adoption agency workers, adopters doing all they can to get their vile hands on a baby through deceit like this, and adoption attorneys. It is not an attack on mothers.
20. Leaving a gift or letter- A letter can be empty words. A child cannot be loved completely if the mother does not want to know her child she lost to adoption. This isn’t to say love isn’t there, but that love cannot be in its full form unless it flows freely through communication and connection. Anything less than that is blocked love, blocked by shame, guilt, and manipulation caused by others who did not support the mother and her child to remain an unit or at least keep the child within the family (this is irrelevant to entire biological families that are abusive). Letters were often forcibly written to guilt trip the mother of adoption loss and drive the nail in the coffin that she is not deserving to raise her own baby. It is more abuse. A gift indicates that something bought at the hospital’s gift store can accomodate for the tragic loss. That all is made well by a nice figurine of an angel, for example, and that that angel figurine makes up for the separation of mother and child, child and her family, original birth certificate, family medical history, and heritage, and then throughout the generations in some cases.
21. Adoption will cure your pain of infertility-subtle coercive language propaganda of the adoption industry is not geared only to mothers of adoption loss, and adoptees, but to people looking to adopt as well. It’s falsely claimed that once a person, mainly a woman, adopts a newborn (or infant) that her infertility pain will cease to exist. First, this is not the responsibility of some other woman’s child to play the role of invisible child (baby never created and born due to infertility). Second, adopting does not take away the pain of infertility. There will always be that wound of the biological child who could not be created.
22. Semi open- the words semi open are false because this too can close at any time, but what I want to mention here is that semi open adoptions are commonly used because the pregnant mother then mother of adoption loss is told she shouldn’t get in the way too much. This is separation of mother and child, and goes against the intentions of nature and God. It is emotional abuse to tell a mother she is getting in the way too much.
23. Adoption plan- by using the word “plan” the adoption industry almost pretends this is a fun activity. If not that, they pretend to give the pregnant mother control as they guide her along into thinking adoption is her best solution. Remember, without babies to legally sell they wouldn’t have recently profitted $12 billion dollars in one year and that doesn’t even include other forms of adoption.
24. Gender specific adoption plan- Now, people looking to raise someone else’s child can legally shop for a boy or a girl. Would someone care to tell me how this differs from the time of trans Atlantic slavery or Irish slavery when a slave child was picked primarily based on their sex? This also unnecessarily puts pressure on a child to be “in love with sports like his adoptive father” or “in love with sewing and make up like her adoptive mother”. Children are mixture of genes and environment, and cases like this can often have a child being forced to vicariously live through their adopters’ dreams. It also takes a child away from his or her family in order to bring to realisation someone’s dreams of playing house with the perfect set up; whatever perfect is to them. Basically, it’s greed. With the loose regulations in adoption, because home studies are basically bogus, it can also disgustingly be preferred sex of a child by that of a vile, repulsive paedophile.
25. Birthfamily- An entirely family cannot give birth. Only females of maturation without infertility problems can give birth, and they all cannot give birth to me; the adoptee.
26. Free Loan- Mothers of adoption loss are not being financially supported to keep their babies, yet GoFundMe pages are being created for those wanting to adopt and free loans given such as Hebrew Free Loan.
27. Magically Become Jewish- In regards to Jewish adoptions, anyone can practice the Jewish faith and even a Chinese child born in China, can be adopted into a Jewish family. However, there is a difference between practicing Judaism and being ethnically Jewish. Adoption claims that through adoption your child will be Jewish. Even if the adoptive mother is Jewish, the adopted child is not Jewish. They can only be Jewish if the mother of adoption loss is Jewish. Otherwise, they are a person who practices Judaism.
28. Find a Family- This indicates that the infant, who already has a family, has no family and that people you don’t even know must be interviewed to magically create the family the infant does not have. Even in cases of child abuse and child neglect, the child still has a family albeight one they should not be around.
29. Breastfeed Your Adopted Baby- This is manipulation towards the adoptive mother in the sense it makes her think that this new child is her biological child, and ignores her infertility. It is manipulation of the infant to be used as a decoy. It is manipulation of the natural mother to be denied to breastfeed her own baby, and call her own baby her baby, as God and nature intended. Agencies are claiming adoptive mothers breastfeeding their babies is beneficial to the baby. While some mothers, as in biological mothers just to be clear, cannot breastfeed due to a multitude of medical reasons, this is not what I am discussing here. I am well aware of the benefits of donated breastmilk to premies. The point to make her is the mother, the child’s natural mother, should be supported and should be raising her child and breastfeeding her own child unless unsafe to do so or medically impossible. Breastmilk is made by a mother specifically for her baby at that time and changes throughout the day and as her baby grows. Breastmilk is very much needed through the toddler years as well. An adoptive mother’s breastmilk is not the breastmilk that was meant for that baby. By denying a mother of adoption loss the chance to breastfeed her own baby you further her PTSD and psychologically abuse her by making her think she is just a vessel and undeserving of breastfeeding her own baby.
30. Most adoptees are happy- you hear this, and you hear this from adoptees, so why is it not true? Besides the psychological notes I gave up which are backed up by research. Adoption is not a normal practice to the human body. Adopted babies do behave differently than non adopted babies such as unusually quiet or constant, inconsolable crying.
31. Fathers- Look through adoption agency websites and see how biological fathers are conveniently not mentioned.
32. While a few agencies mention the grief and loss that adoption causes for life, throughout multiple family members and generations, it continues to allow adoptions to occur. More often than not, it does not want to bring this up, and when it does it brushes it under the wrong saying just seek counseling and love them. Neither will make up for the damage done.
33. Was adopted- The idea that adoption for adoptees and for mothers of adoption loss (and caring first fathers) is a one time ordeal they will never think about again. The truth is for any reasonable and moral parent, it will be on their minds for life, and is on the minds of adoptees for life whether or not they acknowledge it.
34. Pictures of Infants and Young Children- Adoption websites contain photos of babies and young children smiling. This is a propaganda tool because young children cannot verbalise their feelings towards losing their mothers, and then adult adoptees are ignored about their needs for equality and need to connect with siblings and cousins they are biologically related to.
35. Telling older kept siblings you love them and the baby you are placing for adoption- I’ve already been through how “lovingly” is coercion, “the” baby is coercion, and “placing for” is coercion. This emotionally manipulative approach done by the adoption industry is claiming that older siblings, and younger siblings who find out years later, will not be psychologically distraught and scarred by the fact they have lost a sibling to adoption, and then are told to praise the very system that took away their brother or sister and the people within the family (grandparents, etc) that did not support their mother in keeping her child at least within the family in some manner. The reason, the only reason, why (biological) siblings of an adoptee under eighteen are not permitted to know they have an older brother or sister lost to adoption unless told by the first mother or first father is because they will be afraid they too will be given away. This is nothing more than to reassure children that if they lie, break something, are naughty in some aspect they won’t be given away either. It comes down to abuse of the adoptee and the mother, and to a certain degree; the kept siblings.

 

It’s Okay to Grieve.

So many adoptees along with first mothers, first fathers, kept siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins of an adopted out member of their family are either unaware that they are allowed to grieve the loss of their family member or are afraid to.

It is various westernized societies along with the multibillion dollar, uncredentialed, loosely regulated adoption industry that has set this up. You hear it from the “happy adoptees”. You hear it from first mothers. You hear it from the brothers. Excuse after excuse given because people either haven’t been woken up to the truth or the truth terrifies them.

Adoption starts in loss. It doesn’t matter how or why the adoption comes about. The adoptee loses her ability to live among her own people. If it’s in family adoption, which is a million times better and something that needs to be supported (family preservation is key), the child may have lost a parent to prison or death. The kept siblings and kept cousins lose the chance to grow up with their brother/sister/cousin. The mother and father lose the chance to parent their child and see their milestones. This does not mean they ever stop being their parent (noun) only that they do not get to the chance to parent (verb). Of course, this is much, much, much worse when it is closed adoption and open adoptions that close. Closed adoption must be considered child abuse. Closed adoption has only detrimental affects upon the adoptee, the adoptees’ blood family members, and to adoptive parent who wake up and see the light of the abusive practices of it.

Today, first mothers are made to dance and sing happily like the slaves in Gone With the Wind, those happy bee mommies who praise open adoption. Why? Two reasons. Either because they are clueless that open adoptions can and do close because, thankfully, theirs has remained open (and I have profound respect for adoptive parents who choose only an open adoption and keep it open) or because they know the risk and must defend adoption at all cost so that they get continual contact with their child.

The subtle coercive language practices, brainwashes, and outright abuse in the adoption industry is so extremely prevalent. Although harsh abuse of unmarried pregnant women is a thing of the past (as far as I know) the remnants of those very dark times remain with older first mothers who are so deep in the adoption fog still destroys themselves, their adopted out children, and the entire family to this day. This isn’t rare. This effects tens of millions of people across the US, and that’s just the US alone.

Unmarried women, including rape survivors, from Australia to Ireland to Canada to France to Spain to Italy to South Korea to the United States to Great Britain to the Netherlands and so many other countries were bullied, shamed, and brainwashed and told their “child was not their child” “they were just the vessel” “they can marry later and have children of their own” “a child needs a two parent family” (but conveniently never a two parent household in the extended family). These are just some brainwashing techniques used by my own revolting adoption agency.

If you watch reunion videos, where the adoptee reunites with the biological family which should happen in every single case (as that’s what moral people do) you can outwardly see this complete lack of allowing the biological family, especially the first mother, grieve the decades lost. Comments from “I would love to meet her. I gave her away at 16, got married at 26 and had two children of my own.” Of their own? No, they had three children all along. This is just one example of many I can give. Mothers and fathers of adoption loss are made to feel they weren’t good enough. It’s in a man’s DNA to provide for his offspring. A man who isn’t given the help to do that feels incomplete and carries this shame, only to, sadly quite often, blame his ex or worse yet, blame his own child or children. Mothers of adoption loss, and first fathers, even if they do the right thing and reunite (without keeping their adopted out child a secret) are made to think that adoption was the only way, that there was no other way, and so they must be happy about it. I can guarantee you that unless an entire family was on drugs or abusive, there is always another way. Always. So many mothers across the world were literally forced into adoptions. If you get pregnant not married, you had to give your child away. If your wife died in childbirth you had to give your child away. Closed adoption is nothing more than pretending a living person is already dead. If that doesn’t fuck with people’s minds I don’t know what will.

Kept siblings are not even thought of by the adoption industry. Older children born before their baby brother or sister is given away are left grieving without any real outlet out there to help them. Either they are brainwashed under the mother’s or father’s pain and told to “not talk to their adopted out sibling” or “forget they even exist” such as in my  tragic case, and maybe one day my siblings will wake up and learn so much of what they’re learning about me are complete lies, and maybe they and a friend of mine will begin to learn ignoring their adopted out sibling is not respecting the parent, but the parents’ shame, guilt, and fear. Some kept siblings may feel their adopted out sibling “exposed” the family when what was exposed was the shame the family kept, shame that should have never existed in the first place, shame brought on by elders in the family, religion, society, being attacked (women and mothers unnecessarily feeling shame of something they had no prevention over especially those who were told the attack was their fault), fill in the blank. Kept siblings who learn about a sibling they didn’t know exist go through immense shock and trauma, if they say any different they have not yet faced their emotions and started their healing.

Next, we hear from those happy adoptees. Look, people -especially some adoptees- get this part very confused. They think because you speak about the elephant in the room (psychological problems and adoption), and the numerous problems with how adoption operates, that that means you hate your adoptive parents, adoptive family, being adopted etc. The matters are split. You can love and enjoy growing up in your adoptive family and still grieve for the family God originally intended you to have, your biological family.  You can know that being adopted makes you the person you are today, but still grieve over a mean first parent who isn’t letting you talk to your siblings and is telling God knows what about you, your conception, and your adoption. The happy adoptees who harp on about how adoption is awesome and anyone who thinks differently is a moron. The problem here is that their thinking is utterly false, and not because that’s my opinion but that is fact. These are the adoptees who are blind to the facts or too afraid to face the facts that:

*Up until the late 1970s or earlier 1980s in Canada and the States, and as recently as 1996 in Ireland, that unmarried women and girls who were pregnant were forced to give their babies away.

*Are unaware that prior to abortion (and I am prolife, not pro birth, and adoption is not the answer to abortion) unmarried girls and women, including rape survivors, were forced to give their babies away. Yet these happy adoptees are the ones who get so mad at the truthspeakers who mention that their first mother did not choose adoption out of love, but out of force. In fact, in the 1960s in some US states, a father could lose his job if his unmarried daughter got pregnant (I don’t have the source in front of me so I can’t name which states).

*Their mothers of adoption loss were extremely shamed and bullied due to their religious upbringing, rich economic upbringing, culture, society, what have you for getting pregnant.

Many adoptees today are not members of the adoptee rights movement because their adoptive parents are mad that the baby they spent $38,000 on (we’ll get into “adoption fees” bullshit another time) wants to know their roots. September 2016 walking back from the end of the driveway to pick up the recycling bins, my adoptive dad said to me and I quote “most people who adopt are self centered.” I was told to search by both of my adoptive parents. My adoptive parents are very aware now of how bad the adoption industry operates and how therapy is so badly needed for all affected by adoption.

It’s true a lot of people who adopt are self centered. I remember trying to inform an adoptee from Britain, who was special needs, that she has every right to search for her biological family. Her adoptive mother told her “only nasty adoptees do that.” That doesn’t make someone their child. It makes someone their coveted possession. A lot of people who adopt have psychological problems and expect their adopted child to fill in the blank for them. A lot of adoptees are made to feel that the people and culture they come from is inferior. Does this mean I hate adoptive parents? Not entirely. There are many good adoptive parents out there. Don’t automatically assume I automatically hate all adoptive parents. Some children need to be adopted in order to save their lives, of course, like I keep saying without sealing the original birth certificate.

An adoptee looking for their biological family and their roots, and wanting connections, isn’t a bad person. They aren’t an ungrateful adoptee. The people who are ungrateful are those who disrespect the adoptee by making him or her forget about an entire part of their own identity. Imagine, if you aren’t adopted, if you suddenly learnt that you are Irish and that you have some family still in Ireland, but now everyone around you is telling you that you must pretend that you are only Serbian and that you are never allowed to travel to Ireland, contact your Irish relatives, listen to Irish music, or say anything else but “my parents are Serbian and so am I.” If this sounds ridiculous, welcome to the life of many adoptees. Fortunately, not all households are this nuts, but yes some are.

The children of adoptees grieve the loss of not knowing their biological grandparents, their much older cousins, and their aunts and uncles.

The bottom line here folks is that whether you are a first parent, an adoptee, or another blood relative of the adoptee be it a sister or cousin or aunt or uncle, you have every right to grieve the loss of your family member

 

just like you have every right to say hello to them or send them a card in the mail even if the mother or father of adoption loss doesn’t want you to because they’re unwilling to accept truth and reality (in which we must pray for them). Mothers and fathers of adoption loss, without a single doubt, must grieve the loss of their adopted out child. The fact first parents have been bullied not to is evident in the aftermath of high post adoption drug addiction rates, having a surplus of kids to try and replace the lost son or daughter, secondary infertility, PTSD, and more I may not be aware of.

 

There Are Angels Among Us. Miracles Throughout My Life.

If we pause, we can know that there are angels among us. We may not feel like it, but angels are often with us during our most troubling times. In fact, the songwriter There Are Angels Among Us, later performed by the band Alabama, wrote the song after living a miracle. She had a dream and in her dream a deep male voice told her this might be her last birthday, and in that dream she had a dream of a specific location. Later on, her and her boyfriend or husband were driving and came to that actual location in rural California. She screamed for him to stop, and he slammed the brakes. A few second later a semi came roaring by that would have killed them. She went home and wrote the song. Her story can be viewed on It’s a Miracle, a show from the 1990s.

They say small children can see angels. I remember when my family friend’s daughter was one (she’s almost seventeen now where does the time go) -who thankfully was not given away for adoption, but nearly was- and she started talking to her great grandma in the corner of their old house. She had never been told about her great grandmother before or that she died in the rocking chair and spot where she was talking to her.

It’s not only small children that can see or feel angels. I’ve never seen one, but I definitely can feel their presence. It has always been angels keeping me connected to my biological family on a spiritual level. I’m sure it makes the angels sad, like it does me, that they are pretending I don’t exist and being told to not talk to me simply because I exist. We must pray for things to change for the better and for the devil to free everyone from the fear, shame, and any other negative feelings. Nevertheless, the angels are there and I think they will never give up. I and the angels will never let the devil win. Love is strongest and I love my biological family regardless, I just really need to them be in my life. We must all pray things improve. God’s plan was never for us to separate (please see my note on God Has Nothing to Do With Out of Family Infant Adoption).

Well, what have these angels done for me? What has God done for me?  These goes well beyond scientific reasoning. Now, to protect the identity of my half siblings I am changing their names on here (I am using pseudonyms).

1. I was never into dolls when I was young. However, when I was 5 years old for Mother’s Day I wanted a dolly of my own. I picked one with blonde hair and green eyes and named her Elena. I didn’t have any friends or cousins who looked like that when I was five. At age 30, I would discover I have a sister Elena (pseudonym), born in the month of May when I was 5 1/2 years old with blonde hair and green eyes. Keep in mind I have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes.
2. When I was adopted I was nearly given the name Shannon (pseudonym). My adoptive parents decided to give me the name I have. My mom strongly felt that Shannon was not meant to be yet, Shannon would come later. Shannon is my youngest half sister.
3. In the year 2000 through the year 2002 I was instructed, by angels, to say “I love you, Matthew (pseudonuym)” every night before bed. I said it in English and in Italian. I kept to this strictly. I would learn at age 31 I have a half brother named Matthew born in 2000.
4. In March 2015 I would have a dream. In that dream, I would get the entire story to write and be told to dedicate it to someone named Ruth (pseudonym). I would learn October 2015 I have a sister named Ruth who is born the same month as me. That story has turned into an eighteen chapter novel I am polishing up to send out to the publishers. The angels also instruct she gets a percentage of every book sold if it ever sells.
5. In the late summer and early Fall 2015 I would be instructed to do anything I could to take a trip to Quebec City with my adoptive parents and at the Beaupré shrine a miracle would be performed for me, and that miracle would be St. Anne would find my first mother very quickly. After a thirteen year search, I found my first mother right after returning home from Quebec. Unfortunately, the reception of me back into the family has not been kind. Remember it’s important to forgive when I start being treated me better. I believe in love and the power of prayer and knowing that they could, especially my first mother, do the loving thing that Jesus would want and accept me back. The devil and his lies of shame, fear, guilt, rage cannot win!
6. The night before my sister Rylie (pseudonym) wrote me earlier this year, I had a dream she was  holding my hand at a family chicken bbq and grinning ear to ear.
7. The Virgin Mary in 2016 told me to pray the Rosary for 50 days and on the 50th day my sister would write me. My sister Rylie (pseudonym) wrote me on the 50th day even though I put no mention of it online. There was simply no way she could have known whatsoever. I didn’t even do the Rosary 50 days in a row although I did try and did come close.
8. On August 1st God told me when I was in prayer that I am too pray starting that day for five days in a row walking around the trees in the road in front of my house (I live on a dead end road) and not to miss a day, and He would give me a miracle. I obeyed, including the last day when it took 7 hours for my adoptive parents and I to get home. We drove from the Adirondacks back to our small rural town in western New York and hit a very severe storm in central New York. We also had stopped for an unexpected dinner in Seneca Falls. The following weekend we went to the Syracuse suburbs to see our family friends. I sat in the back of the SUV and when we got to Batavia I volunteered to drive, but was told no because it was raining and my adoptive mom didn’t want to get out and get wet. So, I decided to check my email. There it was, an email from my bio paternal aunt. It was 24 hours later we confirmed we are aunt and niece. She had no idea I existed and I had no idea she existed. She tested with ancestry.com only because she came to find out that she is a half adoptee, meaning my bio paternal grandmother (who was a child abuser I’ve been told) was her biological mother who she was raised by, but her father is not her biological father. Late discovery adoption is actually quite common, and it was because of this we reconnected. She has been thrilled to get to know me.
9. When I was three years old I had an imaginary friend named Mitchell (pseudonym). At age 30, I would come to learn Mitchell is one of my uncle’s (who sadly pretends I don’t exist. We must pray for him to learn this isn’t helping anyone.)

There are more angelic connections my adoptive mom remembers from when I was very little. I know there are unexplainable connections of the spirit between my first mother and I, the most sacred bond in the world is between biological mother and child, but I am having trouble remembering now because it’s after midnight and I falling asleep. I’ll add them in when I remember after some sleep. My adoptive mom says I was a special blessed child because of my autism and deep faith. Remember the angels are working hard to bring my first mother, myself, and other family members to healing from the damage the adoption industry has caused.

Do I have any  spiritual connection stories to my biological father? No.

Do I have any spiritual connection stories to other people on my paternal side? Not sure if she is on my paternal side but I keep having recurring strong themes and thoughts in prayer of a woman in her twenties who is the mother to a toddler aged daughter.

I also have strong recurring thoughts in prayer one day I will have a special needs son. I sometimes can close my eyes and see people I’ve never met before crying, smiling, pointing at something. People I’ve never crossed paths with, never seen in a magazine etc. We’ll see.

 

Blood Does Make a Family

I hear and read too often the erroneous phrase “blood doesn’t make a family.” Blood does make a family. We cannot erase logic and biology for the simple subtle coercive push of the adoption industry. Blood makes a family and adoption makes a family. Both make a family. For too long we have believed that when an infant or child is adopted that the adoptee’s natural family is utterly erased which is why amended birth certificates exist when they should not as they are discriminatory. While I wish my natural family (aside from extended cousins who talk to me already) would talk to me because it’s hurtful that they don’t and because I love them unconditionally, we do have much in common. I’ve been separated from them for over thirty years yet our mutual interests and talents is astounding. Blood makes a family and this can be seen not only in biology; shared facial features and body shapes, but also in interests and talents. Sure if it were a few things one could chalk it up to being raised in the same country. However, when the list is exhaustive as mine you see DNA shares more than just the same eyes or the same nose. Remember you are the love of a thousand ancestors, adoptees deserve to know and participate in that love too. Let’s take a look at the similarities between myself and my natural family members:

*Boating

*Sailing

*Love of cars

*Costumes

*Sewing

*Unicorns/other magical creatures

*Fantasy genre

*Nontraditional schooling

*Same interests in occupations (except engineering)

*History

*Playing card games

*Psychology
*Pro-life

*Religion

*Interest in European cultures

*Interest in visiting and living in Europe

*Languages, knowing European languages

*Sense of Humor

*Sculptures

*Cooking

The list goes on and on. The only differences I could find, and maybe it is no difference aside from engineering is my love for martial arts; something I strongly recommend all girls and women to do. God plays a role in bringing us back together and me finding them after a thirteen year, $3000 search. It is my prayer one day I can go sailing with them or teach them one of the many European languages I know or some basic martial arts skills or learn an European language from one of them I have yet to learn or create a sculpture together or improve my sewing skills. It would be nice if my immediate biological family was kind to me, and didn’t literally act like I don’t exist. There’s absolutely no reason for that nonsense.